Hi there. I need some advice. I used to think that praying, confessing my sins, being nice was enough to get me to heaven , and that only the 'baddies' would go to hell. I was child at that time , and over the years i just became so engrossed with the world , and becoming like other kids , i hardly even thought about God at times. I was supposed to be born again in the year 2017 when i 'gave' my life to Jesus and become 'born again'. I was only like 9 or 10 and i didn't really worry about being born again, but i was aware that i was still doing things i wasn't supposed to be doing. I only met God last year, 2020, and this was by accident (Well not an accident, but i didn't intentionally find him.) I wanted to lose weight and i was beginning to show interest in God again, so i thought to myself ' Hey, why don't i ask God to help me lose weight!'. This lead to me doing research, and one website told me to ask The Holy Spirit for help, and i did more research, and i found the whole salvation story.
But instead of me finding my way to God, i ended up running the other way, because I started having blasphemous thoughts pop into my head, and soon i was just cursing and letting vile thoughts crowd my head. I began to become metally unstable . The thoughts would go about in my head and i wouldn't care, the next minute I'd be on my knees begging God to forgive me. This went on and on till i lost my feelings completely, and i felt numb inside. This went on for a few months, and the thoughts just got worse, i was even thinking ill against my family . I wanted to fix my life , so I went behind my parents backs , to speak to online mentors. I still think they were helping me. But my dad didnt agree when he found out. His wife invaded my privacy and read my diary, and i had to leave my mentors. I begged my dad for months to let me fond someone else to talk to, but he was concerned about safety and we argued till we agreed I'd find a counselor this year. This was in June last year , and with this virus, lets be honest, it wony happen. Or maybe ut will, but anyways
Im on and off ,i know we are sabed by grace, but the things that go through my head, the way i act isnt ..it just screams not saved. These days I've been obsessed about dying, and ending up in hell. I need to read my bible i know, ill try harder, but i just need someone to advice me , because i can't do this on my own. I feel sick , and i saw a message speaking about how a girl died after reading a message saying she'd die. Im okay quth dying, as long as im saved, but whatever i do , i keep slipping, and i just keep on daydreaming . Im that lonely. I have family and friends, but they can't help.Maybe i dont trust God enough, maybe I'm overthinking, maybe im too lazy( but i actually read my bible. Not as much as most people , but i do) i ... wish i had a friend who understood what was going on, and could encourage me, because I'm on a ledge praying o donr fall off. Im in the darkness, you cant tell me anything. I need a miracle
But instead of me finding my way to God, i ended up running the other way, because I started having blasphemous thoughts pop into my head, and soon i was just cursing and letting vile thoughts crowd my head. I began to become metally unstable . The thoughts would go about in my head and i wouldn't care, the next minute I'd be on my knees begging God to forgive me. This went on and on till i lost my feelings completely, and i felt numb inside. This went on for a few months, and the thoughts just got worse, i was even thinking ill against my family . I wanted to fix my life , so I went behind my parents backs , to speak to online mentors. I still think they were helping me. But my dad didnt agree when he found out. His wife invaded my privacy and read my diary, and i had to leave my mentors. I begged my dad for months to let me fond someone else to talk to, but he was concerned about safety and we argued till we agreed I'd find a counselor this year. This was in June last year , and with this virus, lets be honest, it wony happen. Or maybe ut will, but anyways
Im on and off ,i know we are sabed by grace, but the things that go through my head, the way i act isnt ..it just screams not saved. These days I've been obsessed about dying, and ending up in hell. I need to read my bible i know, ill try harder, but i just need someone to advice me , because i can't do this on my own. I feel sick , and i saw a message speaking about how a girl died after reading a message saying she'd die. Im okay quth dying, as long as im saved, but whatever i do , i keep slipping, and i just keep on daydreaming . Im that lonely. I have family and friends, but they can't help.Maybe i dont trust God enough, maybe I'm overthinking, maybe im too lazy( but i actually read my bible. Not as much as most people , but i do) i ... wish i had a friend who understood what was going on, and could encourage me, because I'm on a ledge praying o donr fall off. Im in the darkness, you cant tell me anything. I need a miracle
