Relationship Struggles

[SpiritualChild]

I need some spiritual wisdom to help me in my relationship. My boyfriend and I are both Christians we started as best friends 8 yrs ago and our love for each other has grown very deep. He is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with I now know what being in love feels like. I don’t want to lose him I cherish who he is in my life and I want our relationship to honor God because if it doesn’t I have a feeling that God will remove us from each other’s lives. I say that because I have made a promise to God that I will save myself until marriage I am now 21 and have been true to my word. However, my boyfriend has told me that he is not a virgin which shocked me because when we first met he was (to make it clear we were just friends at the time). He told me that during his teenage years he stumbled and lost his way in God. He became curious about sex and once he experienced it his body longed for it so he has had more than one sexual partner. I was hurt that he waited until we were dating to tell me because as best friends we were open about every topic however, I realized that I could not hold that against him because it is his past he has asked God for forgiveness and learned from it. My problem is that I am starting to see how sex before marriage can really cause one to struggle. It is causing my boyfriend to have another side to him that I never seen before especially since he is staying celibate. I know in our relationship we started off innocent because he still felt like my best friend but that all changed the first time he kissed me. I was satisfied with just kisses however he started wanting more which lead to touching and some sexual actions that I am not proud of. I kept telling myself that I’m showing my love to him by doing this that maybe this will calm his sexual urges. But I was just fooling myself I realize now that I’m not helping him in that area I’m only harming him. Even though we have not had sex I know that what we are doing can lead to sex. I know that I am making him desire me even more and causing his struggle to become more difficult. I want to help him be delivered not fall into it with him because then we will both be stuck. He told me that he masturbates almost every day to relax and to keep his mind off of sex. He wants to wait until we are married as well but he stated that he is tempted when we are together. I feel bad sometimes because I think I am one of the reasons he struggle so much with this. I really don’t know what to do to help him I know God can do all things I just don’t want to get in God’s way which I feel like I am.

 

[shemaiah]

I think the best you can do is pray for him and lead him in doing activities focused on building a relationship with God. Ask God to show you the way and to lead you. God bless

 

[Gabriel777]

Tell him to stop masturbating everyday because his brain is gonna get addicted. Telling him to workout to change his focus doesn't work either because muscle = testosterone. His only way is to set goals, encourage him to repent and fear God but he also needs to want to change, he needs to recognize the stronghold. Both of you practice self control. As Jesus said, "If your hand causes you to sin cut it off, it is better for you to enter heaven with one hand..."
Remember that you guys are a team and you need to work as so. Encourage and lift each other up. If one of you falls lift them up again and persevere till the end.

Pray for God to give you wisdom regarding this situation and shortly you will receive revelation. Be alert and persevere.

 

[Calmador]

Stay away from him.... the other day I heard a sermon and God thinks its terrible that we lead others to sin... its one thing to sin but its WORSE if you then lead others to sin. Unfortunately I think both of you are guilty of that.

Both of you stay away from each other, I think its ok to text, phone calls but stay away from each other... and both of you get stronger in the lord... and next tme you meet... make rules..

Heres some recommendations by me, think I made some rules myself... so here

1. No Kissing
2. No being alone, always in public
3. Have someone around, if your dating... maybe get a christian friend, better yet two, to tag along so the two friends have each other to talk too.. so these two trusted friends can watch over you both... and not let you be alone.
4. NO TOUCHING (adding this rule) for extra protection

Honestly, both of you are not good right now, RUN TOWARDS God okay... doesnt matter what your intentions of your heart are... WHAT DOES matter is Gods intentions. No sinning, this could kill you and strangle you to death... lust is one of the things Ive struggled with the most in my life, run towards God ok.

God Loves you and I think sinning is the worst thing you can do to him ok, gotta avoid it. your bf masterbating everyday is a huge red flag... I advice you especially SpiritualChild.... to stay away from him. You need God in your life, not him.

 

[TheAristocat]

I kept telling myself that I’m showing my love to him by doing this that maybe this will calm his sexual urges. But I was just fooling myself I realize now that I’m not helping him in that area I’m only harming him.

Exactly. You reap what you sew. If you make a habit of satiating lust then lust will continue to build up inside of you and become stronger. You'll reap the same things that you sew. One of the most well-known teachings of the Bible but perhaps the most overlooked.

Anyway, the guy has a problem, but you're not helping. He still hasn't gotten his lusts controlled. I'd advise not having a really serious relationship with him till he does. The devil has a way of preying on our weaknesses. His is sexual lust. In a relationship that leads to cheating and years of sorrow and regret. So right now this guy is a red flag. He may not be a player (something tells me he is), but he's obviously not in control of his passions yet. You should at least come to terms with that if you still want to date him. A relationship with him is not secure. Date him at your own risk. And right now that risk seems high.

Sorry to be blunt. It's late. I hope you guys can step back and take a breather. Be more like good friends rather than intimately close. Enjoy all of the good things that life has to offer. Take it easy for a while. Maybe for 4-5 months, but don't tell him how long. I agree with some of Calmador's advice. If he hangs around afterwards then he's not a total loser. Be patient with his problems and support him in a godly way. If he pressures you for intimacy, becomes moody all the time if you don't give it to him, suddenly becomes disinterested in you or threatens to break up with you then he's not a keeper. Just my opinion.

 

[FirePanther]

I need some spiritual wisdom to help me in my relationship. My boyfriend and I are both Christians we started as best friends 8 yrs ago and our love for each other has grown very deep. He is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with I now know what being in love feels like. I don’t want to lose him I cherish who he is in my life and I want our relationship to honor God because if it doesn’t I have a feeling that God will remove us from each other’s lives. I say that because I have made a promise to God that I will save myself until marriage I am now 21 and have been true to my word. However, my boyfriend has told me that he is not a virgin which shocked me because when we first met he was (to make it clear we were just friends at the time). He told me that during his teenage years he stumbled and lost his way in God. He became curious about sex and once he experienced it his body longed for it so he has had more than one sexual partner. I was hurt that he waited until we were dating to tell me because as best friends we were open about every topic however, I realized that I could not hold that against him because it is his past he has asked God for forgiveness and learned from it. My problem is that I am starting to see how sex before marriage can really cause one to struggle. It is causing my boyfriend to have another side to him that I never seen before especially since he is staying celibate. I know in our relationship we started off innocent because he still felt like my best friend but that all changed the first time he kissed me. I was satisfied with just kisses however he started wanting more which lead to touching and some sexual actions that I am not proud of. I kept telling myself that I’m showing my love to him by doing this that maybe this will calm his sexual urges. But I was just fooling myself I realize now that I’m not helping him in that area I’m only harming him. Even though we have not had sex I know that what we are doing can lead to sex. I know that I am making him desire me even more and causing his struggle to become more difficult. I want to help him be delivered not fall into it with him because then we will both be stuck. He told me that he masturbates almost every day to relax and to keep his mind off of sex. He wants to wait until we are married as well but he stated that he is tempted when we are together. I feel bad sometimes because I think I am one of the reasons he struggle so much with this. I really don’t know what to do to help him I know God can do all things I just don’t want to get in God’s way which I feel like I am.

Dear SpiritualChild..As a children of God I trully believe prayer is the stronger weapon in our possess... His behaviour is not spiritually mature and can lead you both to a sinful life away from God which you would regret in your future. Think that untill now, he already lost his virginity, but you still didn't. You are still in time to make the right choice, so now it's the moment to do it before it's too late.
I know for you it's not easy.. But try to take distance from him.. You don't want a bad end for your future.. Remember that God has the best for us.. So God will provide for you if he is not the right person. Also ,if he already had sex with more than one girl and if he is still giving signs of wanting it also with you, it's a bad thing.. The most, because he looks like fall in to this thing too easily, like it has not much to do with feelings but he tend to treat girls like objects and he has no repentance at all.. Tell him that untill he doesn't solve this you can't have a relationship with him.. I know this is not easy.. But protect your self, don't ruin your future. This is my advice, hard one, but the only thing you can do to save your future.. Hope to be helpfull for you.