Relationships are hard

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Jordache

Guest
#1
#1
I just need prayer because while my bf and I have a good relationship for the most part there are a few things that are concerning. I have a history of self-abuse. He didn't know me well then, so he doesn't really know what that looks like in me. In 4 months I have told him once that I felt like cutting. This wasnt because I was going to do it. It was because I've learned that if I confess it before it happens I'm less likely to do it. About 6 weeks before we started dating I told the pastor the same thing. No I didn't cut. It was simply a confession. Truth be told I have cut (or anything) in over 6 months, and I know how to prevent it from happening now. My bf and I have talked about marriage. We seem to be very compatible, but he's concerned about me hurting myself. In his words he's afraid 1) he's gonna come home and find me bleeding in the bathtub and have to rush me to the hospital, and 2) he wants to make sure the person he leaves in the morning is the same person he comes home to. I understand his concern, but I just don't know how I'm supposed to reassure him.
I'm on the search for another accountability partner. The last one and I didn't work out... Partly me and partly her. But I'm very nervous because I've been hurt to much by people who kick me to the wayside because they don't see how much I'm trying. I need someone who realizes I'm going to consider what they say and may or may not apply it. I will pray about their guidance. I also need someone who believes I can do it, and doesn't assume that she understands it all.
 
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Mammachickadee

Guest
#2
#2
You certainly came to a great hub for accountability partners. However, nothing can replace going to coffee with a woman strong in the Lord and baring your heart before her. We are instructed in the Bible to have a multitude of counselors and to be shepherded by older women in the church; you are doing the right thing. :)
Frustration and fear are very easy to dwell on if one has a disturbing back and very little encouragement at home. It is good that you are taking what measures you can to be accountable even if it means sharing something you find difficult to discuss. A good man will have a tender heart, strong faith, and leading hand. Will be praying for you, hon, as you work through the hurts and the fears.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#3
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#3
Relationships are so and I´m learning from your progress. Just imagine how happy your are making God and the Lord for being so strong.
 
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lockedrob

Guest
#4
#4
I think in time your boyfriend will see that you are committed to not returning to self abuse, will be praying for you that God brings a mature christian into your life that you can rely on and confide in. Will pray for your boyfriend that he may find the reassurance that he needs. Have you told him that confessing that you feel like cutting is a mechanism to prevent it from happening?
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#5
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#5
My sense is that your relationship is waaay too new, and the two of you are waaay too 'un-intimate' with each other to even be discussing marriage. You should know each other inside and out before that comes into play, and obviously at this point you don't. I was with my wife for 12 years before we discussed marriage, and then it wasn't a discussion of 'gee do you think we're right for each other', but an acknowlegement that time had proven us to be right for each other. Marriage is for life; if you're truly going to spend your lives together, then rushing to slip on the ring in an effort to make it so is wrong and unfruitful.

I will pray that you find the right accountability partner(s).
 
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Jordache

Guest
#6
#6
This is frustrating. The last 3 messages I've tried to post have not posted... 4th times a charm?

I hear you Ricky. My bf and I both view dating the same way. We do not date for fun and neither of us would date anyone if there was no chance we could be married. Thus, we have been discussing marriage since day one. Neither of us are in to wasting time. Don't take this to an extreme because I definitely don't mean it that way. We are not into dating for years and years. We discussed that if it takes that long to decide then something isn't right and we should break up.
We have known each other for quite some time. We've gone to the same kinship for over a year and the same church for about 7 years. We have seen each other in many circumstances: kinship, church, softball games where he was my coach, softball where he was playing with his friends, super bowl parties, and other events. So we are not strangers. Also, we are very honest people. While I know that certain things change as we become closer, thus far those things have been minimal and unsurprising. I hope that makes sense.
We are both divorced and have learned a lot from our previous relationships. We both are pretty about what we want and what we can handle. We both know what we are getting into. We also know that it will be difficult.
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#7
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#7
Hugs Jordache, adding all yu ask and you both to my prayers in Jesus's name.

God bless
pickles
 
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sheltooth

Guest
#8
#8
Stay Strong Jordache, while i was reading some of your messages, i find it that you have history but i also see that you are getting stronger and stronger, learning from experiences and I acknowledge the efforts you are making. Yes, relationship is hard because this involves another person but with God all things are possible. let the Lord guide you in your relationship. be the person God wants you to be.... the Strong Christan Jordache,
 
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