I wrote this many years ago for a professional forum I was on. I thought it might be interesting here.
Far too often we assume the sanctimonious position of martyr or saintly benefactor in that we graciously offer "a second chance". We do this as though we have somehow done a great thing, and this lowly person we have so "honored" with an outpouring of our magnanimous generosity should fall on their knees in gratitude.
I may be in the minority here, but... I've made mistakes in my time. And I still do. Just ask my wife or anyone who knows me.
What does that mean? It means I was not simply given a "second chance" somewhere along the line, and that wonderful opportunity forever eliminated any tendency to screw up. Nope, it's still with me. And I do still manage to foul up things quite royally from time to time.
We need to understand that this famous "second chance" is highly over rated. It is basically a decision we have made to appease something we may be feeling inside. Of course the desperate recipient is going to often jump right on it as a means of making a few woefully needed bucks. Who can blame them? Just because we put some sort of grand worth on this "second chance" we are handing them, doesn't mean they have yet reached the point of understanding what it means or how to effectively accept and utilize it.
It may well be that they honestly DO intend and hope to do better. And perhaps they actually TRY... for as long as they can hold out. So how are we to respond to that? To their failed attempt?
We too often take the attitude that "I tried to help the bum... and look how I got burned!"
Well, you didn't get burned at all. (That is not if you were smart and didn't give him a high position of responsibility in your company.) You simply experienced some disappointment in yet another worker who didn't rise to your expectations. If the truth were known, your pride probably was wounded more than anything. The one who REALLY got burned was the guy who fell back into the mire of his addictions... AGAIN.
Don't you think these guys have the same basic feelings deep down inside that any of the rest of the human race does? Of course they do. They feel. They hurt. They just don't know how to beat it.
I think we just might find it within ourselves to view this whole thing in a little different light if we could remember to consider this one thing.
You and I have no idea how many times this sorry guy standing in front of us has tried and tried and tried before. We know nothing of his inward feelings of humiliation and shame. And, above all, we can't begin to imagine how far (and through what possible lifetime of pains and tragedies) this person may have struggled to reach the point where we see him today.
Some of you know that I deal with these kinds of guys on a daily basis. And the one thing it has taught me is to never forget the words I have posted right above my computer monitor...
"There, but for the grace of God, go I."
None of us are "better"......... Just more fortunate.
The monkey comes in many guises. As an 'enlightened' society, we accept some, shun others, deny many even exist. Yet there lives within each of us, our own personal demon. A struggle that we sometimes fail to recognize as even real, let alone dangerous.
It matters little what the monster we fear looks like. What counts is that we learn to understand and survive.
And that we are not alone in the fight, nor that we leave another alone on their battlefield.
Stand shoulder to shoulder with someone - either helping or being helped - and you will never again wonder at that Biblical passage about giving another a drink of water... or clothing their nakedness... or visiting them in prison. You will understand the soul's thirst, our frightening nakedness, and the many kinds of personal prisons.
Far too often we assume the sanctimonious position of martyr or saintly benefactor in that we graciously offer "a second chance". We do this as though we have somehow done a great thing, and this lowly person we have so "honored" with an outpouring of our magnanimous generosity should fall on their knees in gratitude.
I may be in the minority here, but... I've made mistakes in my time. And I still do. Just ask my wife or anyone who knows me.
What does that mean? It means I was not simply given a "second chance" somewhere along the line, and that wonderful opportunity forever eliminated any tendency to screw up. Nope, it's still with me. And I do still manage to foul up things quite royally from time to time.
We need to understand that this famous "second chance" is highly over rated. It is basically a decision we have made to appease something we may be feeling inside. Of course the desperate recipient is going to often jump right on it as a means of making a few woefully needed bucks. Who can blame them? Just because we put some sort of grand worth on this "second chance" we are handing them, doesn't mean they have yet reached the point of understanding what it means or how to effectively accept and utilize it.
It may well be that they honestly DO intend and hope to do better. And perhaps they actually TRY... for as long as they can hold out. So how are we to respond to that? To their failed attempt?
We too often take the attitude that "I tried to help the bum... and look how I got burned!"
Well, you didn't get burned at all. (That is not if you were smart and didn't give him a high position of responsibility in your company.) You simply experienced some disappointment in yet another worker who didn't rise to your expectations. If the truth were known, your pride probably was wounded more than anything. The one who REALLY got burned was the guy who fell back into the mire of his addictions... AGAIN.
Don't you think these guys have the same basic feelings deep down inside that any of the rest of the human race does? Of course they do. They feel. They hurt. They just don't know how to beat it.
I think we just might find it within ourselves to view this whole thing in a little different light if we could remember to consider this one thing.
You and I have no idea how many times this sorry guy standing in front of us has tried and tried and tried before. We know nothing of his inward feelings of humiliation and shame. And, above all, we can't begin to imagine how far (and through what possible lifetime of pains and tragedies) this person may have struggled to reach the point where we see him today.
Some of you know that I deal with these kinds of guys on a daily basis. And the one thing it has taught me is to never forget the words I have posted right above my computer monitor...
"There, but for the grace of God, go I."
None of us are "better"......... Just more fortunate.
The monkey comes in many guises. As an 'enlightened' society, we accept some, shun others, deny many even exist. Yet there lives within each of us, our own personal demon. A struggle that we sometimes fail to recognize as even real, let alone dangerous.
It matters little what the monster we fear looks like. What counts is that we learn to understand and survive.
And that we are not alone in the fight, nor that we leave another alone on their battlefield.
Stand shoulder to shoulder with someone - either helping or being helped - and you will never again wonder at that Biblical passage about giving another a drink of water... or clothing their nakedness... or visiting them in prison. You will understand the soul's thirst, our frightening nakedness, and the many kinds of personal prisons.
