The person above me was secretly raised by squirrels.
Their squirrel parents are actually disguised aliens that were sent to earth to moniter and study human behaviour; it was only supposed to be a three-year mission, but they ended up falling in love with this tiny, carbon-based life form. They cut off contact with their alien superiors, amd have been living a happy life as a human's squirrel parents.
The person above me does not know about their squirrel parents' secret. Sorry you had to find out this way.