Self Employed Spouses Marriage Falling Apart

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Beatitude

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Well here goes. My husband and I have a business together that is a constant drain on our relationship. My husband is the kind of man who is used to being in charge of everything. However, with the business he handles the customer service side and I handle all the financial matters. I have done my best to keep him informed on the financial status, but he really does not want to know. He is happy when he wants to spend money and I just say OK. But if I tell him we need to pay the taxes or something else he has a meltdown and we end up arguing about things that are not even on topic.

So...after trying some counseling a few years ago, we decided together to try and sell our company. Good Decision Right? Well the process is way beyond copable. We have a buyer that is just wanting us to give him a price. Easy right? Should be but last night we were trying to come to some kind of agreement and it turned into an argument. I have tried so many times to give him ideas of how finanacial reports work and such, but he does not understand and its frustrating to him. So he becomes very defensive and offensive.

I finally locked myself in the bathroom for two hours praying for God to take control and tell me what to do. His answer to me was to follow my christian duty as a wife, keep my head down and my mouth shut, sounds ugly but it works! None of this went over very well with him... even when I explained I was just trying to be supportive. That was my job, to be supportive and hold him up. He actually told me that I never supported him. I cannot tell you how much that hurt. I gave up my career of fifteen years, drained my retirement and stock plans to help him start up this company. I have worked just as hard and as dedicated as he to make this company something worth selling. But the thought that I had not been successful in his eyes to support him is devistating.

I tried to be very quiet and not cry, but the emotions just overflowed. He said I was treating him cruely by crying??? He then said he was taking another job and going on the road and I could run the company by myself. Which is impossible..I can handle finances but not the actual work.. Im not liscenced, Im not skilled! It is a team business. He got his clothes and left... slamming the door! I finally went to bed crying. He came back a couple of hours later and eventually He came to bed, slamming things around. I started crying all over and finally got up and cleaned the kitchen. I went back to bed around 4:00am and got up for work at 7:00.

Well, God took charge and this morning we were able to work through the communication gaps and got some numbers agreed upon for him to take to a meeting today. I believe he is going to leave me once we sell the company. I know God will take care of me, he always has. I only wish I could feel peace in my marriage.
 
Beatitude,

First allow me to say I sympathize with your situation. Often times, when spouses work at the same job it seems to cause more drama and thus more arguments. There was a time when my wife and I share a place of employment and it caused no end of drama for us so that now we agree that working at the same place is a bad idea for us.

To you husband's frustration over the finances, clearly he has a head for people but not for the numbers. While it may be too late have you considered drawing up a simple operating spending plan that shows the cost vs income with an expected layout for taxes? By doing this you can show him week by week where the money coming is is going out and he can get a perspective on what's going out and when.

Also, you can have a weekly set aside for your quarterly taxes that can go into a separate account that requires both signatures to pull money from. This way when tax time comes you have the money already saved and it can not be spent by accident.

I will be honest, most men don't really want to know about the bills, they just want them paid. The less time we can send thinking about them the better. What we really want to know is if we can buy the shiny new toy. Be it a new company vehicle or a new tool or whatever it is. Part of the spending plan will need to reflect a spending allowance. If we know in advance that we have $1000 a month we can spend on something we can improve the business with then we can make the choices about what to get and when and have a defined timeline for a purchase that cost $2000.

There was a time that my wife and I fought like cats and dogs over finances. so one day I sat down. Took my weekly income and made 4 boxes. In each box I had those expenses which had to be paid every week. Then I made a list of all remaining bills and their due dates. I would put a bill in a box based on when it was due. If I exceeded the weekly income I would check the "grace" period of the bill and see if I could shunt it till the next check. If not i would call the people i owed and found out if I could change the due date. This actually works because they just want to be paid and if moving the due date will make it easier for them to be paid they will usually do it.

Now I hate paying bills. My wife is very good at it, which is good because I don't even know how to write a check anymore. But I no longer need to. Because I took the time to draft a spending plan both my wife and i know what got to be paid and when and how much will be left at the end of the week. What I found out is that we actually had a fair amount of spare income, we were just managing it poorly. One thing my wife is really good about is asking me what has to be paid each week. This keeps me involved without having to actually do the paying. Result, no more fights about money.

Before you decide to go forward with the sale perhaps you can work up a spending plan for your husband to look at. Let him see in simple terms what is going on financially. Then ask him if he see's any changes he would like to make or where you can improve the plan. He may suggest some minor things but overall, it should be fine with him.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH
 
We have come to the decision to sale over a couple of years. It is not a last minute decision. We both know we will both be more happy not working together.

Things have been running pretty smoothly until this morning. Our sale price proposal was rejected a couple of days ago and the buyer said they would come up with a counter. ... my husband is the only one talking with these people (which I am ok with), but it makes it really hard to negotiate a sale. I put everything in a spreadsheet (like the buyer requested) and my husband and I went over it before it was e-mailed out. He is now blaming me that they are "offended" by our price because of the way it was presented. I am serious! He threw a temper-tantrum and stormed out telling me I could run the business. Which of course I can't without him.

We must be very careful about how this sale is structured or we will loose half of our investment to Capital Gains Tax. I asked him when we started down this road to visit with our CPA, but he refused. Now he is yelling at me to make him an appointment with the CPA? Which of course I will.

I truly believe he is going to leave me when this is done. He swears he isn't, but then he gets mad and says he is going his own way and I can go mine? He threw his phone at me and told me to call customers and discuss projects that are ongoing. I told him I don't have the education or training to do what he does. He said hire someone. This company was his dream and it has become my nightmare. I don't know what to do except keep putting one foot in front of the other and pray.
 
Good grief! You poor woman ! He sounds almost bipolar! Maybe there is something other than business that is bothering him? When my husband gets mad and starts shooting off about things and making wild accusations, it means that there is something he's not telling me and he's trying to carry the load by himself. I have to remind him that I am here to help him, not stand around and watch him carry the burden himself. Couples need to be one, a unit both relying on God to see them through storms.
 
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