M
MissCris
Guest
This morning, I had the chance to sit alone on the porch (not mine, strangely enough- I keep having to remind myself it isn't mine anymore (that's a whole different story for a whole different day, maybe)), and consider a few things that have been floating around in the back of my mind without ever fully materializing.
God is real.
I know, that's sort of a "duh" thing for Christians. Sometimes, I need to focus on the obvious in order to get past it, get to the next level.
That's usually where I get hung up, on Stage 2 of most things, but today I felt almost like God was pulling me beyond it, in a way. Like a stubborn mule parked on its backside being goaded forward slowly by its master.
The duhness of God's reality being behind me, I started taking a closer look at where I personally am right now. And physically, that happens to be at my soon-to-be ex-husband's house while he's away on vacation (incidentally, a vacation I wouldn't have been a part of even without the impending divorce, but I digress. Again.). Mentally, I'm somewhere near some type of epic meltdown, and emotionally, my goodness I can't even begin to describe the anger and confusion going on up in here.
None of that was where I felt God was leading me. Sort of like He was saying, "No Cristen, you've had enough time to dwell on these things. It's not working for you. Move along, nothing to see here. Come with Me."
I had to take a look at where I stand spiritually. While I've never claimed to be particularly spiritual or religious or even all that great at living the Christian life, I have to admit it was more than a little painful as I realized how very far from the Lord I've drifted. Or run, rather. Like a little kid who knows they're in big trouble and so they run and hide in the closet, as though they're pretty sure if they can't see you, you can't see them, and if that's all true, then there will be no reckoning.
I've been found, so to speak.
I suppose this was bound to happen, since a few nights ago, I railed at God like an angry teenager and told Him how incredibly unfair He's been to me and then I proceeded to whine and complain about my lot in life and the consequences from decisions I've made. I should have been expecting that He would want to respond.
He didn't speak to me.
He didn't zap me with lightning.
He didn't do anything tangible at all except place on my heart a desire to change. To come back to Him and once again allow myself to be His precious daughter.
I've gotta say, I got off pretty easy after basically slamming the door in His face. Er, at least as far as not being smited. Smote. That sentence isn't going to get any better.
I might have to open myself up to the possibility that God can direct my life better than I can.
I'll probably have to release my death-grip on control.
I'll definitely have to undergo a serious attitude adjustment.
I also suspect I'll have to give up my plans to spray-paint my ex's car, or harass innocent people with giant metal chickens.
I guess those are small prices to pay in order to be a little closer to the Lord.
God is real.
I know, that's sort of a "duh" thing for Christians. Sometimes, I need to focus on the obvious in order to get past it, get to the next level.
That's usually where I get hung up, on Stage 2 of most things, but today I felt almost like God was pulling me beyond it, in a way. Like a stubborn mule parked on its backside being goaded forward slowly by its master.
The duhness of God's reality being behind me, I started taking a closer look at where I personally am right now. And physically, that happens to be at my soon-to-be ex-husband's house while he's away on vacation (incidentally, a vacation I wouldn't have been a part of even without the impending divorce, but I digress. Again.). Mentally, I'm somewhere near some type of epic meltdown, and emotionally, my goodness I can't even begin to describe the anger and confusion going on up in here.
None of that was where I felt God was leading me. Sort of like He was saying, "No Cristen, you've had enough time to dwell on these things. It's not working for you. Move along, nothing to see here. Come with Me."
I had to take a look at where I stand spiritually. While I've never claimed to be particularly spiritual or religious or even all that great at living the Christian life, I have to admit it was more than a little painful as I realized how very far from the Lord I've drifted. Or run, rather. Like a little kid who knows they're in big trouble and so they run and hide in the closet, as though they're pretty sure if they can't see you, you can't see them, and if that's all true, then there will be no reckoning.
I've been found, so to speak.
I suppose this was bound to happen, since a few nights ago, I railed at God like an angry teenager and told Him how incredibly unfair He's been to me and then I proceeded to whine and complain about my lot in life and the consequences from decisions I've made. I should have been expecting that He would want to respond.
He didn't speak to me.
He didn't zap me with lightning.
He didn't do anything tangible at all except place on my heart a desire to change. To come back to Him and once again allow myself to be His precious daughter.
I've gotta say, I got off pretty easy after basically slamming the door in His face. Er, at least as far as not being smited. Smote. That sentence isn't going to get any better.
I might have to open myself up to the possibility that God can direct my life better than I can.
I'll probably have to release my death-grip on control.
I'll definitely have to undergo a serious attitude adjustment.
I also suspect I'll have to give up my plans to spray-paint my ex's car, or harass innocent people with giant metal chickens.
I guess those are small prices to pay in order to be a little closer to the Lord.
.