Seperate churches?

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syborg

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Hi I am married and my wife and I attend the same church. we have 3 children, 2 are my step children which she had before becoming saved and 1 child we have together. My wife (as the pastor puts it) has a militant feminism as she does not like the submit to your husband text. . this is due to previous experiences.
Whilst at church my wife does not really engage in the worship, whether this is a confidence issue or some other issue I cannot say, but also she dopes not tend to sit in for the teaching that follows but takes the youngest child to the creche when the older ones go out for kids study. She does not pray with me at home and complains that I am 'too christian' and she is not wanting to be as full on as she wants fun being 27!!

Now I have been feeling outside looking in at our church for some time. . not getting fed and not settled. .I feel called to a new church. . it is an established church but has moved close to us recently on purchasing a new building. . I have been and feel fed, comfortable and led there. . I have approached the subject with my wife who has flately refused to leave where we are. . her main argument is that she runs a toddler group for pre school children on a wed morn!! In fact vwhen I mentioned moving she said right of the bat. . "but what about the baby group"

This suprised me (not much but a little) as this then seems her focus for the current church.. not the teaching, worship, fellowship with other believers. . but this baby group. .

I have had a meeting with our pastor today who tells me that he does not know the answer and I should not leave without her being on board and that he does not feel it is right to pressure or lead her to follow me to this new church and that he has spoken to the pastor of the potential new church and he would not want to accept me into that fellowship without my wife being on board. . although my pastor realises that i could not stay where I am feeling as I do??

So the question is .. what, in the opinion of those here, should we do?
Should our Pastor be encouraging her to follow me as I am supposed to be spiritual head? He admits he has no word of the Lord himself on the issue. . should he in the absence of a word.. accept my feeling and encourage my wife to follow?
Can a couple attending seperate churches survive?

My wife does not read the bible except for home group once a week, never prays with the family, and thinks that she is called to the church we are in and believes that if I am being called to a seperate church then maybe God is leading us apart. . pffft. ..to that idea. .

to me it speaks volumes that she would say such a thing and the first issue she is concerned with is this group.

Should I buckle and go to a place I am not happy and not being fed against what I feel in order to satisfy her own deal?
What if the pastor of the potential church will not accept me in now without her?

Thoughts. . objections?

Thanks in advance
 
You got some deep mess in your hands man....ummm well you cant force her to follow you or submit to you if she doesnt want to even though she should...all i can say is leave this situation to God. Pray and fast
 
That's a tough spot to be in but isn't uncommon.

I find it hard to believe that a pastor would say you couldn't come to his church without your wife. I doubt that would really happen.

Personally, I think you should attend the church that feeds you. Maybe not make a big issue out of it but visit occasionally; don't talk about it to everyone just attend some services. Actually, you may not like you find anyway, so visiting is a good idea.

I've never liked the feeling that you get from some churches that 'they own you'. That is not a Christ-like quality to have.

My brother-in-law has the same issues with his wife. She's really just there for the children...but, hey, at least she's there and she cares about the children. If she feels that her needs are met at that particular church, I don't think you should try to make her go somewhere else.

It is nice for a family to worship together- but actually, you're all split up anyway into separate classes, so although you go to the same church, technically, you're not worshiping together.
 
I have been visiting the church I feel I should be in. .feels good there. . I like the worship, and have felt much more free to express myself and more open, the teaching is sound and the people really friendly. .

not sure what to do for the best.
 
Dear Syborg,

My advice would be to thoroughly examine your motives for wanting to attend the new church. Remember, Satan is always out there, and he would like nothing more than to drive a wedge between you and your wife. (He is the originator of "no fault divorce".) If you come to the conclusion that God is truly leading you to this church, then I would say that you should attend the church that you feel that you are being led to. But you should do so while showing love and respect for your wife.

It sounds to me as though your wife might (and I emphasis might ) not be a true believer in the same sense as you. This would certainly explain her actions at your current church. If you went to a different church for a few weeks, this would test the strength of her own commitment. If she continued to attend church every Sunday, then you would know that her reasons for not wanting to change churches are sincere. Then you could address this problem in a reasonable and compassionate manner.

I know that here may be many logistical problems to the solution which I propose; transportation, children, etc.. It would be up to you to solve these problems in a fashion that put no strain on your wife or your relationship. However, I am a firm believer that we should always answer God's (sincere) call, no matter where it leads us.
 
dmdave17 said:
Dear Syborg,

My advice would be to thoroughly examine your motives for wanting to attend the new church. Remember, Satan is always out there, and he would like nothing more than to drive a wedge between you and your wife. (He is the originator of "no fault divorce".) If you come to the conclusion that God is truly leading you to this church, then I would say that you should attend the church that you feel that you are being led to. But you should do so while showing love and respect for your wife.

It sounds to me as though your wife might (and I emphasis might ) not be a true believer in the same sense as you. This would certainly explain her actions at your current church. If you went to a different church for a few weeks, this would test the strength of her own commitment. If she continued to attend church every Sunday, then you would know that her reasons for not wanting to change churches are sincere. Then you could address this problem in a reasonable and compassionate manner.

I know that here may be many logistical problems to the solution which I propose; transportation, children, etc.. It would be up to you to solve these problems in a fashion that put no strain on your wife or your relationship. However, I am a firm believer that we should always answer God's (sincere) call, no matter where it leads us.
Click to expand...


Superb answer. . then this is what i will do. thank you very much indeed :)
 
syborg said:
Hi I am married and my wife and I attend the same church. we have 3 children, 2 are my step children which she had before becoming saved and 1 child we have together. My wife (as the pastor puts it) has a militant feminism as she does not like the submit to your husband text. . this is due to previous experiences.
Whilst at church my wife does not really engage in the worship, whether this is a confidence issue or some other issue I cannot say, but also she dopes not tend to sit in for the teaching that follows but takes the youngest child to the creche when the older ones go out for kids study. She does not pray with me at home and complains that I am 'too christian' and she is not wanting to be as full on as she wants fun being 27!!

Now I have been feeling outside looking in at our church for some time. . not getting fed and not settled. .I feel called to a new church. . it is an established church but has moved close to us recently on purchasing a new building. . I have been and feel fed, comfortable and led there. . I have approached the subject with my wife who has flately refused to leave where we are. . her main argument is that she runs a toddler group for pre school children on a wed morn!! In fact vwhen I mentioned moving she said right of the bat. . "but what about the baby group"

This suprised me (not much but a little) as this then seems her focus for the current church.. not the teaching, worship, fellowship with other believers. . but this baby group. .

I have had a meeting with our pastor today who tells me that he does not know the answer and I should not leave without her being on board and that he does not feel it is right to pressure or lead her to follow me to this new church and that he has spoken to the pastor of the potential new church and he would not want to accept me into that fellowship without my wife being on board. . although my pastor realises that i could not stay where I am feeling as I do??

So the question is .. what, in the opinion of those here, should we do?
Should our Pastor be encouraging her to follow me as I am supposed to be spiritual head? He admits he has no word of the Lord himself on the issue. . should he in the absence of a word.. accept my feeling and encourage my wife to follow?
Can a couple attending seperate churches survive?

My wife does not read the bible except for home group once a week, never prays with the family, and thinks that she is called to the church we are in and believes that if I am being called to a seperate church then maybe God is leading us apart. . pffft. ..to that idea. .

to me it speaks volumes that she would say such a thing and the first issue she is concerned with is this group.

Should I buckle and go to a place I am not happy and not being fed against what I feel in order to satisfy her own deal?
What if the pastor of the potential church will not accept me in now without her?

Thoughts. . objections?

Thanks in advance
Click to expand...

Don't go to different churches. It's never a good thing. My parents went to different churches one summer and yeah......
 
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