Severe self hatred

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Aw man, I wish I could help, but let's just say I'm not exactly the best counselor in the world...so I'll just hope that you find peace :)

And here is a free complimentary meme from me:

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Fubar said:
I turn to God all the time. Now I'm turning to whoever reads this. Thank you for your prayers. I thank you for the opportunity to vent. I just can't figure out what good I am to the rest of humanity. I've hurt a lot of people. And I've been hurt. I'd rather be hurt a million times if I could take away the hurt I've caused. I can't forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, but I especially can't for the mistakes I didn't make. So many missed opportunities. So much regret. And to top it off I can't forgive myself. I can forgive others, but not myself. I'm supposed to treat other how I wish to be treated. To love others as myself. That would not be good in my case. I can't stop hating myself.
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Hi Fubar,

Thanks for the added information so that we understand what you're going through. I do remember now that you've posted in the past. I'm glad you're here and reaching out for help. :)

With my health issues and limitations, I wonder similar things sometimes. When the pain is severe, I allow my situation to attack my mind and my emotions ......they sometimes hit the charts to record highs. I ask of what value am I to the rest of humanity?

But that's an attack from the enemy, because every soul is of value to God. I have hurt others ....... I wish I could undo those hurts as well. What I can do is to say I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness.

I remembered when I became a Christian that as a teenager I stole money from someone ...... I paid the money back and then some. I felt good about doing that. But even with that, sometimes we can't pay back. The person may be deceased or it may have been such a long time ago that you don't even remember the person's name. Or you might have stolen from a stranger and can't pay it back.

One things for sure, I can't take back anything like words or actions, they've done their damage and there's no undoing those words or those actions .......... but they can be forgiven.

That makes it a little more difficult when all we can do is trust God to heal the pain and hurts we've caused others.

So we've all experienced the same things you're mentioning. We can't turn the clock back, but God is our redeemer.

God is our redeemer! Meditate on that for a while and let it sink into your soul. Before you were even born, God had it planned that He would redeem your soul. When you were in the process of causing pain and hurt for others, God had it planned to redeem your soul. When Jesus died on the cross, you were on His mind when He redeemed and forgave the sins of the world.

God atones for and redeems all the evil you've done to others. No matter how dirty you are, God washes you completely clean. Romans 8:1 says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

Take all the negative thoughts captive. When you have a thought that's opposite to God's word. 2 Corinthians 10:5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,

It's time to take those thoughts captive. God's knowledge doesn't include speculations and negative thoughts that you're having. Where are your thoughts coming from? We have an enemy that wants to kill steal and destroy. Resist the lies and refuse to allow him to speak to you with evil thoughts that are against God's truth.

When the enemy comes to me with negative thoughts like my life is of no value here's what I do. I open God's word that says the opposite and I pray out loud so that my own ears will hear that truth. And I thank and praise God. We're told to draw near to God and He'll draw near to us. And then we resist the enemy and he flees.

I have found that reading out loud what God says about the enemies lies is a great way to resist him. Listening to verses with an audio bible is really helpful as well.

For the most part, I now simply begin to thank God for His love, His mercy and grace to help me through the negative thoughts because they become less and less the more I'm in the word, in study, in prayer. I'm more quick to be aware when the enemy attacks and he doesn't get very far with me anymore because greater is He that's in me than He who's in the world. The Lord makes me more aware of the enemies schemes as I grow in Him.

Let me ask you a question. Let's consider that I have committed sins against other people. What should I do now ....... shall I stay in the agony of not forgiving myself. Shall I hate myself for the rest of my days. Do I keep harming myself, torturing myself inflicting the same pain on myself that I caused others? Is that how the bible reads? Is that what God says? Is that how you would counsel others?

Let's say a person comes to you and tells you their story. And let's say the story is so alike to yours, almost the exact same only his are even worse. His story doubles yours. All the things you've done, he's done twice as much as you? All his broken dreams and missed opportunities are tripled yours. How would you counsel this person who says he's been born again and yet he doesn't forgive himself. Or how would you counsel a person who doesn't know the Lord, but shares their story with you. He's weeping and in agony over everything he's ever done. He's reaching out for a life rope. What will your response be?
 
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Fubar said:
I turn to God all the time. Now I'm turning to whoever reads this. Thank you for your prayers. I thank you for the opportunity to vent. I just can't figure out what good I am to the rest of humanity. I've hurt a lot of people. And I've been hurt. I'd rather be hurt a million times if I could take away the hurt I've caused. I can't forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, but I especially can't for the mistakes I didn't make. So many missed opportunities. So much regret. And to top it off I can't forgive myself. I can forgive others, but not myself. I'm supposed to treat other how I wish to be treated. To love others as myself. That would not be good in my case. I can't stop hating myself.
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its not so much about you forgiving you, its about understanding that God is willing to forgive you and cast away your sins to the depths never to be remembered again.
 
Well dude, you gotta forgive yourself. I know it's easy to judge ourselves but that is really playing God once ya think about it. Even if we are in messed up things or addictions or whatever , we are saved through the finished work of Christ. I like listening to Joseph Prince ministries. I agree with where he is coming from ..maybe it would help you too.
 
My life's work and profession is helping others. I easily but my own life at risk to save others. But I can't figure out how to help myself. I cry out to God for help. But my head is constantly filled with negative thoughts about myself. I can't get away from it. I've only gotten this far by God's good grace. But how much longer do I have to go through this? Why can't I just accept the misery? Wouldn't I get along better if I did? I am thankful every day for the blessings God has bestowed on me. I ask, and lately, beg for his help to fix what goes though my head. I just keep sinking deeper and deeper into darkness.
 
You shouldn't just accept misery.. that's exactly why your conflicting.. Jesus came to free us and give us life
 
Huckleberry said:
Did you do something really bad to somebody?
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Fubar said:
Yes. Seems like I do things to hurt people all the time.
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Huckleberry said:
Are you in fear of going to hell when you die?
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Fubar said:
If hell is feeling miserable all the time, then maybe I'm there already
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No, hell is a place of punishment for the unforgiven.
If you're interested in having a serious dialogue, I'll participate.
If all you want to do is have a pity party, I'm out.
 
Fubar said:
If hell is feeling miserable all the time, then maybe I'm there already
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This is not Hell...Hell is much, much, much worse!

Are you wanting an answer to your plight? It is here for the taking..... It is not many particulars concerning your needs, it is in giving up your life to the person of the Triune God, thru Jesus Christ. He, then, can lift you up in Himself. Although He will distribute many blessings, He wants your devotion to Him in love.Do you want results? "Here is the day, O Lord, Thy day, cause it to shine for ever in Fubar's individual life like a jewel." Are you ready to claim His promises? Then claim them absolutely resolutely!

Never limit God by remembering what you have done in the past. When you come into relation with the reality of Redemption God creates something in you that was never there before; if you wait for His blessings to show up before knowing Him in full dependency walking with Him spiritually in Christ; you will never know the active working of the life of God in you; consequently you will not be able to do, now, what you could not do before. But make a choice to let go into His arms fully, and you will experience this miracle of a transformed life. You have His Word on it!

There is no more glorious opportunity than the day in which we live for proving in personal life and in every way that we are confident in God. I encourage you to place all the confidence you own thus far in Him, and know He loves you as you are; and ask Him expectantly without doubt to grace you up! As you surrender all.. He will go from there to lift you up in Him - spiritually, mentally, and physically.

The question you must answer today is do you believe Him?, and do you therefore trust Him? And will you decide to place yourself at His feet, even this day, to allow Him to be your life in acceptance of His grace deciding to obey Him as your New Creation as the Lord finishes His work in completing you in Christ thru maturing?

I encourage you - make that choice! Experience His fruit. And let go of the problem and claim now the hope of Himself as to being the answer!
 
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I've been trying for so long. I must be doing something wrong. I believe in Him and I trust in Him.
 
Fubar said:
I've been trying for so long. I must be doing something wrong. I believe in Him and I trust in Him.
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What do you mean by trying? Do you obey Him? And do you hear Him to know what to obey intuitively by way of your spirit, and not the minds thoughts first?
 
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Sounds like you've done all but surrender:).. Getting in the word causes a transformation to happen.. it's not by your power or ability to make it happen..
Fubar said:
I've been trying for so long. I must be doing something wrong. I believe in Him and I trust in Him.
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Fubar said:
Ok. I'm back. More messed up than ever. The pain doesn't go away. The hurt doesn't go away. The self loathing is at such an incredible level. I pray for help. I pray for understanding. I pray for escape. It's crazy that I was able (with God's help) to make myself better physically, but mentally I'm a total disaster. Getting worse all the time. Getting harder to hide it from people too. That's bad. Once it gets out how screwed up I am, I'm really done. Maybe that's what I need. To get pushed over the edge. This really sucks.
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***(praying)***continue to pray until God gives you a breakthrough***
 
I think maybe you are still beating yourself over the head so to speak. I would start by not being hard on yourself.
 
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