Share your past

[answers]

What in your past (childhood) contributed to your derail or determination in your God given path?

My past:
I grew up with two partying addict parents. I was the oldest and was forced to care for my siblings, rescue my mom in disbutes, fight off and reason with my drunken abusive father. Try to keep my drunken mom from keeping the problem going. I had to sheild my siblings from the chaos. I had to make sure everyone woke up the next day, ate and got ready for school and work. I had to walk my siblings to school before I walked myself, while my dad laid in bed. I had to help clean the house when I came home and beg my dad to cook something. I had to help everyone do their homework and the process repeated again.

I did all this and more, and did not tell a sole. I would hide my life details from everyone. The only thing I had was God. I kept praying, and praying. Even though as a child it seemed like God couldn't hear me, I kept believing. I think growing up this way taught me what faith was. I didn't have to have the answers I wanted. Jesus had plans for me, he weighed heavy on my heart that I was not to drink. He made me realize I shouldn't hate another human, but dislike wordly things that change the humans.

I am thankful I had God.

 

[Lucy68]

That's an incredible story and you must be an incredible person to turn out as you have

My folks were more stable but we all just basically ignored each other. After hearing what some dads do to their daughters, I guess being ignored isn't so bad.

It's nice to turn to our Heavenly Father for the nuturing that we didn't get as children.

Are your parents still living? How are they doing?

 

[Strong1]

I am the daughter of a penticostal pastor.

Growing up, i truly feared my father, and absolutely adored my mother. but I considered her weak, and promised to never be like her. My father was controlling, and sometimes just abusive, and the reflection I had from him, of who God was....was no good.
I believed for a very long time that if God was anything like my father, (seeing that he was a minister of the faith) I would never please him, and he would always be there with a big stick, ready to beat me over the head for my faults/mistakes.

My oldest brother left home at 16, because of the conflict that forever was in our home between us and our father. He unfortunately would be beaten terribly for what my dad deemed as "unruly' behaviour. Or a lack of "respect" in "his" house. (He just wanted to go out with friends everynow and then as opposed to being in church 3-4 days a week.)

My dad was callosed about his responsibility in how his household was falling apart, while he so attentively, and lovingly dealt with His church members. 24/7!

My siblings and i rebelled horribly, never becoming the hypocritical christians, "acting out" church on Sundays, and being retched in the secrecy of their homes, that we so learned from "Him"
My mom's biggest fault in this was, she couldnt speak up about my fathers ways. She quietly watched him destroy the family God wanted to restore.


this story is wayyyyyyy too long. So long story short.
I struggled for a long time not really knowing God, making crazy life altering decisions, until I hit rock bottom. It was there I found christ. It was He who showed me the true love of a "father", and it was with god that my life change for better, to God be the Glory. My upbringing has shaped me into the very person I am today. Still learning spiritual lessons, and breaking apart the ideals in my life that were shaped as a result of pure hatred and strife. But i've grown tremendously. thank God.
I am the youngest, so the brother above me basically went through the same stuff and is sweetly saved today......but the brother who left home at 16, fell into a horrible lifestyle, and was murdered 3 years ago on Tuesday coming.
It took his death to make our family whole again. But I miss him dearly.
My father and him were able to reconcile before he died, which to me is just another sign of God's graciousness towards his children.

Myself and my living brother are now trying to peice together what my father had gone through in his childhood. He won't discuss this with us, but i believe God can change the hardest heart into something very pliable. we all need to be broken sometimes, in order to be blessed!

 

[jimsun]

Born in the heart of the "Rebel Country" of rural West Cork & of God (or Priest) fearing parents, my God was kind of thrust upon me @ age 7. But not speaking any, intelligible, English until age 17, when I came to the UK, I had a pretty rough @ times & during The Troubles as I was seen as "a Paddy on the mainland".
You have no idea how thankful I was to my God @ that time - a passion that stays within me today.
J+

 

[answers]

That's an incredible story and you must be an incredible person to turn out as you have

My folks were more stable but we all just basically ignored each other. After hearing what some dads do to their daughters, I guess being ignored isn't so bad.

It's nice to turn to our Heavenly Father for the nuturing that we didn't get as children.

Are your parents still living? How are they doing?

Thank you, My dad, sober for the first time, died three years ago, my mom was also sober at the time of his death for the first time, but since has relapsed.
It is nice that we have an alternative around every corner, and how Jesus is there to move us forward.
Was there anything in particular in your childhood that contributed to your walk with the lord, or anything that detoured you? Was it the ignoring? What specifics did that do?

 

[answers]

I am the daughter of a penticostal pastor.

Growing up, i truly feared my father, and absolutely adored my mother. but I considered her weak, and promised to never be like her. My father was controlling, and sometimes just abusive, and the reflection I had from him, of who God was....was no good.
I believed for a very long time that if God was anything like my father, (seeing that he was a minister of the faith) I would never please him, and he would always be there with a big stick, ready to beat me over the head for my faults/mistakes.

My oldest brother left home at 16, because of the conflict that forever was in our home between us and our father. He unfortunately would be beaten terribly for what my dad deemed as "unruly' behaviour. Or a lack of "respect" in "his" house. (He just wanted to go out with friends everynow and then as opposed to being in church 3-4 days a week.)

My dad was callosed about his responsibility in how his household was falling apart, while he so attentively, and lovingly dealt with His church members. 24/7!

My siblings and i rebelled horribly, never becoming the hypocritical christians, "acting out" church on Sundays, and being retched in the secrecy of their homes, that we so learned from "Him"
My mom's biggest fault in this was, she couldnt speak up about my fathers ways. She quietly watched him destroy the family God wanted to restore.


this story is wayyyyyyy too long. So long story short.
I struggled for a long time not really knowing God, making crazy life altering decisions, until I hit rock bottom. It was there I found christ. It was He who showed me the true love of a "father", and it was with god that my life change for better, to God be the Glory. My upbringing has shaped me into the very person I am today. Still learning spiritual lessons, and breaking apart the ideals in my life that were shaped as a result of pure hatred and strife. But i've grown tremendously. thank God.
I am the youngest, so the brother above me basically went through the same stuff and is sweetly saved today......but the brother who left home at 16, fell into a horrible lifestyle, and was murdered 3 years ago on Tuesday coming.
It took his death to make our family whole again. But I miss him dearly.
My father and him were able to reconcile before he died, which to me is just another sign of God's graciousness towards his children.

Myself and my living brother are now trying to peice together what my father had gone through in his childhood. He won't discuss this with us, but i believe God can change the hardest heart into something very pliable. we all need to be broken sometimes, in order to be blessed!

I am sorry to hear about your brother. Does your father blame himself? My dad never excepted resonsibility for my brothers mistakes in life, which were spitting images of my dad's.
How did God reach you when you were your lowest?

Maybe you could recommend your dad joining a site like this and sharing his story. It is sad how so many feel they cannot confide in another human, because of many reasons which usually come back to what they might think. I'll say a prayer for him. Thanks for your story!

 

[answers]

Born in the heart of the "Rebel Country" of rural West Cork & of God (or Priest) fearing parents, my God was kind of thrust upon me @ age 7. But not speaking any, intelligible, English until age 17, when I came to the UK, I had a pretty rough @ times & during The Troubles as I was seen as "a Paddy on the mainland".
You have no idea how thankful I was to my God @ that time - a passion that stays within me today.
J+

Are you Catholic? My parents never led a life of God, but forced us kids to attend as Catholics.

This may be a dumb question, but what do you mean , a paddy on the mainland? Were you bullied because you were different? How did God's grace keep you strong? Were there specific situations where you remember his presence?
Thanks for sharing

 

[Ritter]

I tested retarded on my first IQ test due to learning disabilities. That, an autistic brother and deaths in the family brought me from a boy to a young man really fast.

In situations like that, you either look to God or push Him away. As the seas became more turbulent and the weather more rough, by His grace I had the wisdom to cling to the cross.

 

[Lucy68]

Was there anything in particular in your childhood that contributed to your walk with the lord, or anything that detoured you? Was it the ignoring? What specifics did that do?

I do remember when I was first introduced to Jesus

My mom took us 4 kids to a beautiful baptist church for 2 years when I was 4 and 5 yrs old. I remember sitting in the huge sanctuary with giant white columns and dark red curtains and heavenly singing ...I was just in awe of God.

I remember my Sunday School teachers as very loving and gentle women (though I can't remember their faces!)...and making some neat crafts. I treasured the little picture of Jesus in a white picture frame that they gave me and I still have a cute little bible my aunt gave me when I was 5. But my bratty little brother (4 yrs younger) made my mom miserable every Sunday morning and she gave up trying to dress up 4 children to take to church...my dad never attended with us. Ladies that teach Sunday School are a wonderful blessing to every church

Being ignored made me start thinking about how I was going to do things different with my kids. I homeschooled them and talked to them about EVERYTHING. Sadly, it did not stick. They are very much in love with the world. I just pray for them everyday that there are some hidden seeds in them that will sprout someday. The sower doesn't always see the harvest

.

I also have to fight the thought "I'm a complete failure at the most important task given to me". That's my current struggle.

 

[Strong1]

+

I am sorry to hear about your brother. Does your father blame himself? My dad never excepted resonsibility for my brothers mistakes in life, which were spitting images of my dad's.
How did God reach you when you were your lowest?

Maybe you could recommend your dad joining a site like this and sharing his story. It is sad how so many feel they cannot confide in another human, because of many reasons which usually come back to what they might think. I'll say a prayer for him. Thanks for your story!

You know what? My dad takes zero responsibility for anything he has done. I don't know if he's ever sorry about anything, cuz those words I've never heard. I love and pray for him though.

 

[rainacorn]

Of course it's a long story... but here's what's relevant for today:

In my family, we were Christian the same way we were Italian... we inherited it but it meant very little except around holidays and special occasions. But don't you dare say something bad about it. Although we had no connection to the title, it was ours and therefore awesome and above reproach.

When I was in high school, we suddenly started going to church every week (my dad married a woman who was a church goer..not really a Christian though). I liked my youth group and it made me want to be a Christian so we would have more in common. But the more I went, the more I thought it to be just some shallow social clique. We would talk about the Bible, but nobody really cared...myself included. My parents were really only there for appearances, and it seemed most other people were too. But I realized that taking an interest in church made my new step mom happy (she thought it made people at church like her more), so I decided to go to school to study theology. I mean, what else was I gonna do?

At college, I soon learned that most of the other kids there weren't Christians because they believed it... they were Christians because it was all they knew. Like my family, it was a title they were born with. They weren't getting into church work out of some passion to understand God and teach others about Him, they were just trying to hide from the world and avoid getting a 'real job.' They grew up in churches and planned to stay there...hopefully in some small town where everyone is a Christian and you never have to deal with world problems. You get paid to sing songs about Jesus and have Bible studies...something they were already doing for free.

I didn't want to do that, but I realized I was kind of there for the same reason. The academics of religion greatly interested me, but I realized I was seriously lacking in genuine faith. I had no business being there.

I dropped out of school and started seeking out my own answers. I decided that Christianity was probably bunk considering I never met someone that really believed it and lived it. I explored and I read lots of books and talked to a lot of different people. I got to know about various religions and ideologies. After a while, I fancied myself something of an atheist, although I had a difficult time fully making the leap and claiming with certainty that there is no God. Perhaps agnostic...but like an angry agnostic that doesn't have time for your nonsense.

Through my various studies, I was reading Ecclesiastes. "the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body." Too right, Solomon. Too right. All is vanity.

My life was empty and kinda falling apart and while my brain was full of information, none of it had trickled down to my heart. I had no world view. I had no belief system. I just had a series of things I thought were interesting and another series of things I thought may not be true but were also interesting. That's no way to live. Tumbleweeds, man.

I read the Bible more and thought about a lot of things. I eventually decided to become a Christian. It wasn't a spiritual awakening, it was a reasoned logical decision. I decided I wanted to live like a Christian and have that worldview. I was baptized. Again. I invited God into my life and when He showed up, faith hit me like a ton of bricks. Everything started making sense and I felt so foolish for denying it for so long. The journey since then has been really exciting and I can see now more clearly why my walk was what it was. Why I needed to wander the darkness. It was the only way for me to have conviction.

I'm a Christian...in spite of my family, I guess. They aren't against it, but they don't really care.

They taught me how to study, how to be logical and reasonable, but they couldn't teach me things they didn't know- how to be faithful and spiritual...how to walk the walk of religious faith...how to have a relationship with God. That wasn't their culture.

God sent someone to teach me. We've been married for a year

 

[answers]

Rainacorn,

Great story! At the end of your story where you begin to reveal your transformaton, I got the chills (holy spirit)! I am so glad you met a great husband teacher. Thank you for sharing!

 

[rainacorn]

Rainacorn,

Great story! At the end of your story where you begin to reveal your transformaton, I got the chills (holy spirit)! I am so glad you met a great husband teacher. Thank you for sharing!

Thanks for starting the thread! We often give testimony, but we don't always reflect on why things are the way they are or how we really got from Point A to Point B. We don't see how the pieces all fit together.

I (thankfully) cannot relate to the stories people tell about faith being all they had and it's what got them through tough times. That wasn't my personal experience... the toughest times for me were when I had no faith at all. But I understand it and I'm so thankful that my God who loves me sooo much loves you just as much. He was there for you just as He has been there for me. He has given you what you need and He's given me what I need.

I love hearing about other people's experiences and seeing how God has had providence in their lives, even through unimaginable difficulties. Jesus died for everyone and hearing all these different stories helps illustrate just how true that is. Regardless of where you come from or what your walk has been so far, brighter days are ahead. He is before all things and by Him all things come together. Sometimes we need hindsight to really get that.

 

[jimsun]

Are you Catholic? My parents never led a life of God, but forced us kids to attend as Catholics.

This may be a dumb question, but what do you mean , a paddy on the mainland? Were you bullied because you were different? How did God's grace keep you strong? Were there specific situations where you remember his presence?
Thanks for sharing

Morning answers & I hope this finds you well. Thanx so much for your MSG. It's always good to hear from you. I'm High Church of Ireland but, oddly, have a very close connection to the Catholic church. This comes from growing up in a small village where, despite there being 3 churches, everyone knew everyone else. So if you were unable to get to your own church for service you were always welcomed into another, whatever it's denomination. This is the situation where we now live, outside a small town/farming community & is why I always refer to my/your God as I'm aware that each of us has our own perception of our Higher Power. I was fortunate to be educated @ a Cathedral school & so my God found me @ age 7.
Dads work brought us to UK @ age 17 & I spoke exclusively Munster Gaeilgh due to my education/birth/breeding.
Encountered much bigotry, bullying, threat & intimidation as, like many of us, I was in UK @ time of the IRA/other Paramilitaies bombing campaign on the mainland. Some occasions really brought me under my God's wing & I found much solace, comfort & peace of mind there.
@ 20 I went back to Belfast, taking my degree @ Queens & now live close to Scottish border. Whilst my work bounces me all over, I envisage us returning to Ireland or Germany in a couple of years when our kids hit 18 & Uni. You would be surprised at attitude/behaviour of "Anglos" towards a "Paddy on the mainland", in many cases for merely possessing an Irish accent, even now making morals, ideology, sense of right & justice questionnable @ least.
I truly believe even now, it was my God who saw me through.
God Bless; J+

 

[meld27]

My story is, I was born in Zimbabwe and we moved to England when I was 8. Everything was going well for many years and I went to church, however, I wasn't really saved, I just went because my mom told me to. It wasn't until I was 14 that everthing changed, both my prarents lost their jobs and had to look for new jobs which did not pay as much money. They both worked 7 days a week, and were in a lof of debt, I would often miss school to look after my little sisters, and almost everyday we had bailiffs coming to the house to collect money. All my parents could afford was to pay the rent, and there were days when we had no food in the house and would have to go to our relatives to ask for food and even clothing. I got really depressed and angry at God, and as a consequence started a relationship with a guy who was 6 years older than me. At that time I didn't care about life, I would often wish I was dead, but I never had the guts to actually end my life. I started drinking and hanging around with bad people. It was a really hard 3 years, however, my mother never stopped praying and praising God, because of that I decided to give God a chance and truly give my life to him. That's when I began to put my hope and faith in him, and I can say it was God who helped us through that time.

 

[violakat]

I struggled for a long time not really knowing God, making crazy life altering decisions, until I hit rock bottom. It was there I found Christ.

I think we all have to hit rock bottom before we accept Christ as Savior. For some rock bottom is further.

 

[TyphaniNichole]

at age 8 i was beat up & raped everyday until i was 11 by my uncle, when i was 11 when i thought the abuse was all over, my step dad molested me from 11 to 21 years of age & told me if i told my mom i will ruin their marriage, & how pathetic of me wanting to ruin anyones marriage. i lived as a prisoner for many years, always angry, very bitter & yet suicidal, i even slit my wrist & ended up with 9 staples. Me being brought up in a sexual abuse home, i became addicted to sex, was a part time stripper, & even almost selling myself to the porn industry. Alcohol & drugs were my friend, i can lean on them anytime because i thought God didnt care. I struggle many years not knowing who i was, i called myself little Wh*** because thats what my uncle use to call me so i believe him. I hated who i was, hated the person who stared back at me. until that one night i heard God's voice i poured my heart out & just cried & cried. i manage to get the strength to tell my mom about her now ex husband, to find out hes been cheating on her the whole time with mumerous of ladies my mom knew of. I can say I AM FREE! im happy cant stop smiling, never do i revert to my past its my future i am excited about, even though i am a single mommy, i am strong, focused, driven & blessed! I am not exactly where i want to be, but thank God i am not where i use to be. God has turned my ashes into beauty, he's comfort me in so many ways i never thought i can be & thats all i ever wanted was to be comfort by the people i loved most & to be loved. Even for the littlest thing it can be an ant i thanx God for that little ant lol because i would have ended my life & not seeing Gods blessings again. I cannot thank him enough i just feel like going outside & screaming at the top HALLELUJIAH!!! i know who i am & thats a child of God. Like i always say get thee behind me satan i belong to the blood of jesus

 

[answers]

I can relate to the no food and clothes, my parents lived this way because of their addictions. That was hard for me as a child because I thought of those things (clothes, oddley enough, more than food)as valuable and must haves. This made me wordly and materalistic for a long time. I am no longer this way, but that is thanks to God. I am so glad you shared your story, it is nice to hear that a mother's faith and love guided you to the lord!!!

My story is, I was born in Zimbabwe and we moved to England when I was 8. Everything was going well for many years and I went to church, however, I wasn't really saved, I just went because my mom told me to. It wasn't until I was 14 that everthing changed, both my prarents lost their jobs and had to look for new jobs which did not pay as much money. They both worked 7 days a week, and were in a lof of debt, I would often miss school to look after my little sisters, and almost everyday we had bailiffs coming to the house to collect money. All my parents could afford was to pay the rent, and there were days when we had no food in the house and would have to go to our relatives to ask for food and even clothing. I got really depressed and angry at God, and as a consequence started a relationship with a guy who was 6 years older than me. At that time I didn't care about life, I would often wish I was dead, but I never had the guts to actually end my life. I started drinking and hanging around with bad people. It was a really hard 3 years, however, my mother never stopped praying and praising God, because of that I decided to give God a chance and truly give my life to him. That's when I began to put my hope and faith in him, and I can say it was God who helped us through that time.

 

[answers]

I am thankful you have overcome your abuse. I am so sorry there wasn't a human there to rescue you. I guess maybe the Lord needed to be your savior! You should speak to victims and help them take their lives back and give it to Jesus. I really enjoyed your saying, "get thee behind me satan i belong to the blood of jesus". Thank you for sharing your past which made your present. God is great!

at age 8 i was beat up & raped everyday until i was 11 by my uncle, when i was 11 when i thought the abuse was all over, my step dad molested me from 11 to 21 years of age & told me if i told my mom i will ruin their marriage, & how pathetic of me wanting to ruin anyones marriage. i lived as a prisoner for many years, always angry, very bitter & yet suicidal, i even slit my wrist & ended up with 9 staples. Me being brought up in a sexual abuse home, i became addicted to sex, was a part time stripper, & even almost selling myself to the porn industry. Alcohol & drugs were my friend, i can lean on them anytime because i thought God didnt care. I struggle many years not knowing who i was, i called myself little Wh*** because thats what my uncle use to call me so i believe him. I hated who i was, hated the person who stared back at me. until that one night i heard God's voice i poured my heart out & just cried & cried. i manage to get the strength to tell my mom about her now ex husband, to find out hes been cheating on her the whole time with mumerous of ladies my mom knew of. I can say I AM FREE! im happy cant stop smiling, never do i revert to my past its my future i am excited about, even though i am a single mommy, i am strong, focused, driven & blessed! I am not exactly where i want to be, but thank God i am not where i use to be. God has turned my ashes into beauty, he's comfort me in so many ways i never thought i can be & thats all i ever wanted was to be comfort by the people i loved most & to be loved. Even for the littlest thing it can be an ant i thanx God for that little ant lol because i would have ended my life & not seeing Gods blessings again. I cannot thank him enough i just feel like going outside & screaming at the top HALLELUJIAH!!! i know who i am & thats a child of God. Like i always say get thee behind me satan i belong to the blood of jesus

 

[meld27]

I can relate to the no food and clothes, my parents lived this way because of their addictions. That was hard for me as a child because I thought of those things (clothes, oddley enough, more than food)as valuable and must haves. This made me wordly and materalistic for a long time. I am no longer this way, but that is thanks to God. I am so glad you shared your story, it is nice to hear that a mother's faith and love guided you to the lord!!!

At that time I was so angry and bitter, and made many bad decisions. But God works in wonderful ways, and yes my mother just stayed faithful in the Lord, and it helped me to believe in him that it would all be over and also repent and seek him as my Lord and saviour.