Shivering inside

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Jakob

Jakob

Senior Member
Jul 15, 2014
298
4
18
For the last couple of weeks I've shivered inside.
It's hard to explain what it is. But I've felt really lonely, from morning to evening.
Lonelyness is just a word here in this text, it does not desribe what i've been feeling, or what I haven't been feeling?..

I'm just so tired of being sad all the time.
I'm a paradox, I keep thinking of sad things, But I wanna be happy. I'm battling my own mind.

I feel so lonely even when I'm social, and I need someone, and I know it's God, to fill my heart and soul.
But I have never felt close to him.
(I was a brainwashed atheist who began to question stuff 2 years ago, then this summer I made this account. Having read parts of the bible, and it made sense. Scary sense.)
Mostly i've read philosophy and other religions, but felt somehow, scared? to read the bible, because it made sense. It may sound foolish or silly, but that's how it is. Everyone here is atheist, and I guess i'm scared to be different. No one in my family is christians. But somehow I'm craving God, and I think a lot about it, (Not cause of emotional support or whatever, like some here would believe I did. I dont know why)
I have to walk the walk, so I dont even know why I'm posting this. My life is my own responsibility.
I'll just have to read the bible from a-z, it's just sometimes, easy to read, but hard to accept or understand the word of God.

The Last couple of months i've been drunk a lot, alone in my room. Just to get away from being lonely. That's the only reason why lol. Sounds hypocritical, cause, well, it is. I don't need to get drunk, and i knew that from the begginning..

It's just easier to deal with reality that way.. But everything good in life dont come easy or free. (Except those small free samples bites in the store they give away when they're trying a new product, yum) :P

Whenever I want to cry out to the Lord, I cant seem to do it. I want to feel loved, I want to feel accepted, I want to feel..

I swear I'm not like my family, I want more in life.
I've had questions like "It doesnt matter to die, cause once you die it'll be peaceful anyway" Where do I get these thoughts from? The enviorment and it's atheist philosophy about death after life?... The devils thoughts?..

I dont want to hide from my responsibility as in life, I dont think "If I leave this situation up to the highway it will work itself out". I know what I have to do, and what I dont, but i'm a prisoner in my own mind constantly. So please, pray. If you want to.
 
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I read you post and I myself in the past have felt lonely and hopeless totally alone where it felt as though no one cared. I have posted below a few verses that are true because God is faithful and He loves you. You are not alone ever. Praying you will find your way and if you feel depressed please reach out to someone for help.

Deuteronomy 31:6

English Standard Version
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Matthew 28:19-20

The Great Commission
…19"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

Isaiah 49:16

GOD'S WORD® Translation
I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Your walls are always in my presence.

Hebrews 13:5 -7

5Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"6so that we confidently say, "THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT WILL MAN DO TO ME?"…

Please just know that God does love you and Jesus died for you and promised to be with you. If you need someone to chat with just personal message me and would be happy to talk with you. You are not alone.
 
Jakob said:
I feel so lonely even when I'm social...
Click to expand...

This is a common paradox. If you've read philosophy, perhaps you've happened upon it, even. As someone who goes through the same thing, I don't have anything to offer in the form of advice or answers on this. All I can say is suffering through it will test your character, and perhaps through such a trial you'll develop strength of heart, to which may one day lead you to overcome the burden.

All the best to you, Jakob, and I will definitely pray (and want to). :)
 
I said this in a previous post, but remember the bibles teaches us that God will leave you nor forsake you no matter what. Look at God's creation and remember that God created this for us.
 
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