Should Christians Date or Court?

[mellybellyjf]

this book has a follow up.... "Boy Meets Girl" you should read it

 

[mellybellyjf]

I say what is in a name? Courtship and Dating- two terms utilized in describing ones quest for a life partner and with varying connotations attached to them depending on who you ask. I say whatever you decide to call your methods just make sure that you are putting God first, setting boundaries, and being honest. Don't stick around for something that is going no where, don't be afraid to be vulnerable and get to know people, protect and guard the person you are with so that in the event you decide that this is not the right relationship for you and or them you haven't taken what is not yours to take and vice versa and just breathe

the link below is for the follow up book to I kissed dating good bye. It uses the term courtship BUT I REALLLLLLY like this book no matter what name it throws out as the method... the message is spot on in many ways.
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship: Joshua Harris: 9781590521670: Amazon.com: Books

 

[alehandra]

Hey, its my Favorite author and favorite book =)
I wish you would continue the book by Joshua harris When the boy meet girl and WHEN GOD WRITE UR LOVE STORY by eric and Leslie ludy ,
U know, when im finish read this book in my 16 years old,
i made a covenant with God in my journal, i write Dear my J i pray that only a from you all it can open the my heart and let when the time came i can see you in his life..And until now im still single, i never have bf, never have kisses or dating..
and i am doing my part to the utmost in God.

Well, I believe that it is an indescribable joy to have best friend turns into lover. Why do I say so? Since I know that feeling is fickle. As the time goes by, you may do not feel the intense thrill as the beginning of relationship. Yet true friendship is the only thing that will last. As we become older, we can realize that we are in need of a bestfriend who accompanies and understands us at the very best rather than for physical pleasure only. Yet how can our man becomes our best friend when friendship stage even wasn't being included in the beginning of our relationship? I found that most of couple begin relationship with a fast-track which cut all the way through friendship stage into romantic phase. We build relationship because there is already attraction from the beginning. It becomes more rare a man is willing to introduce himself to woman with a pure intention of becoming friends. Every body is opening for every chance that could emerge any time, any where, and any how. Then in the end.. we wonder what went wrong when it frustrates or fails us.

So, is there any wrong pattern here. Yes.. impatience. There are many aspects of our lives that should be revealed gradually not all at one time. Being intimate too soon is a great recipe for disaster. Take your time to build friendship and know the man through the good and the bad times very well. I personally doubt my choice when I haven't seen him in bad times. There are many things that cannot be talked, it has to be seen in daily lives. That is why direct communication, togetherness in routine activities, and a strong community are very strong fundamental aspects in building healthy friendship at first. I always feel unease when relationship becomes too exclusive. Surely, the tagline "the world belongs to us" sounds very romantic. Yet true romance for me is when your heart can soar high but your mind can still stand on the ground of truth. The best benchmark that determine whether our relationship is heading to the right or wrong way is by measuring it up to God's word as the absolute truth in our lives. Does our relationship glorify God? Does it pleases Him? Does it bring each of us closer to God? Does my way of doing this relationship brings out my partner's best for his/her future?

I like how Joshua Harris, author of "Boy Meets Girl" described a match made in heaven is when we can combine romance with wisdom. As far as I have seen, there is no wisdom born in a rush. Wisdom is always a result of countless practice in discerning God's will and submitting to His will instead of ours daily. It is only when we truly desire God's will as the best in our lives that we can truly pursue it with all our might. Frankly speaking, there is no wisdom in tossing your hearts here and there before the time you are ready to consider marriage as your goal in certain period of time. This is a common practice which most people do. We do 'trial and error' game in order to gain experience. But a heart should not always need to be broken in order to feel true love in the end. There is another way, a better way. And that way involves patience. It is waiting for God's timing. As Joshua Harris stated, before you are ready on for marriage, wait on romance.




A heart that has been preserved for its very best will be the most beautiful diamond a man can ever give to his woman. He is free to love her with all his heart, without fear that she will break it. His heart can lean on her safely for he knows God who hold their relationship from the very beginning til the end. He doesn't rely on his own wisdom nor experience to find her, yet rely on God's guidance. He doesn't step forward before even God asks him to. It may seem weird to the world, but does it matter? As long as he seeks
to please God, it is just a matter of time that God will bring his Eve to his trust. Wait patiently in Him, and in its due time you will reap a bountiful of harvest. He is always give the best for you. Will you be a woman's best friend?

I just finished reading "I kissed dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris and it got me thinking that dating isn't such a good idea. It is kinda worldly and it makes it appear as if you have to dress up and look your best and act a certain way while you date. Whereas courting is something more serious where you get to know the person on a more personal level and get to know their family as well. You go into it with the intention of marrying, not just "having fun". What do you all think?

 

[kricky517]

I would love a man who would court me. Definitely better than dating.

 

[wisebeardman]

what is this I don't even...

 

[Loveneverfails]

Haha, this topic is one I've come to terms with.

I believe as God's children we all need to seek to glorify God in whatever we do, and that includes our path to marriage. I don't really care so much anymore about which word is used, "dating" or "courtship", but occasionally I specifically choose to use the word courtship if I feel it could be a springboard into a productive discussion about the difference between dating with the goal of marriage in mind and dating just for fun.

I do believe that purely recreational dating relationships, with absolutely no intent to determine whether or not a certain person would make a good spouse, are not beneficial for Christians nor glorifying to God. That said, I do recognize there is a difference between a dating relationship and a singular "date".

Anyway, I haven't read Joshua Harris' books, but I've read up on most of his key points and some of his principles carry plenty of wisdom.

My choice is to be intentional and reasonably cautious in any premarital relationship, and to continually ask God for His guidance every step of the way.

 

[resurrection33]

I just finished reading "I kissed dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris and it got me thinking that dating isn't such a good idea. It is kinda worldly and it makes it appear as if you have to dress up and look your best and act a certain way while you date. Whereas courting is something more serious where you get to know the person on a more personal level and get to know their family as well. You go into it with the intention of marrying, not just "having fun". What do you all think?

One object, of course, is to resist fornication. That would be much easier if you didn't date, perhaps.

 

[Shouryu]

One object, of course, is to resist fornication. That would be much easier if you didn't date, perhaps.

Because, as we all know, it is completely impossible to date someone and not fornicate. There has never been anyone in the history of mankind who has dated without having sex before marriage.

Guess my old roommate and his now-wife (Christians) are baldface liars for having dated for two and a half years before marrying and never had sex until the wedding night. Guess that also makes me the world's most gullible schmuck for believing them. Because it's totally impossible. Yup.

 

[Shine4Jesus]

Personally, I am against dating, as the world defines it. I am all about letting God arrange my marriage, should He have marriage for me at all. I haven't read that book yet, but I plan to. Most of the books I've read, however, advocate dating until you find the right fit...date and date and date...and they consider the books Christian books. Yup.

Here is what I think: If you feel that God is telling you that dating isn't what He wants for you, embrace the call to wait on Him and to only enter into courtship. I advocate this idea completely, however, I refuse to force this way of thinking on everyone else. Too frustrating. All one can do is seek God and hear what He says on the matter, remembering that it will never go against His word.

Go to this website it has interesting articles about Dating/Courting

How to Receive the Mate of Your Dreams--finding God's Will for Your Relationship

 

[resurrection33]

Because, as we all know, it is completely impossible to date someone and not fornicate. There has never been anyone in the history of mankind who has dated without having sex before marriage.

Guess my old roommate and his now-wife (Christians) are baldface liars for having dated for two and a half years before marrying and never had sex until the wedding night. Guess that also makes me the world's most gullible schmuck for believing them. Because it's totally impossible. Yup.

If you don't fornicate, then I suppose you are okay, whether you date or not.

 

[maxwel]

Courting, Courtship, Court...

Ya know, if I'm chatting with a girl, and the first thing she says is something about
"talking to her father", and "court"...

that just makes me really nervous.

: )

 

[Shine4Jesus]

Christians shouldn't have to court or date. They should just win over a spouse with their sweet dance skills.

That is hilarious. This movie was funny.

 

[resurrection33]

Because, as we all know, it is completely impossible to date someone and not fornicate. There has never been anyone in the history of mankind who has dated without having sex before marriage.

Guess my old roommate and his now-wife (Christians) are baldface liars for having dated for two and a half years before marrying and never had sex until the wedding night. Guess that also makes me the world's most gullible schmuck for believing them. Because it's totally impossible. Yup.

How many people wait till they marry to have sex?

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Christian dating/courting is so ridiculous.

Hi i know we just met, but I'm Holly let's see if were compatible to get married. Now take me to your father i wana see what your gonna look like in 30 years!!!!

I don't like dating christian men honestly.. It's so intense.... so serious! I just want to get to know him and see if i even like the guy before i even THINK about marriage. On the first date or whatever you courting people call it
Instead of asking what's your favorite movie? Or where did you grow up?
It's more like. How many kids do you want? What kind of wedding do you want to have?


Courting is all.. marriage, marriage and parents....... marriage and parents and people!! Marriage parents and people following you around making sure you don't grope each other under the dinner table..

I read those two Joshua smoshua books... wasn't impressed.

I think some of you single people are livin in la la land. God is just going to drop my husband or wife in my lap if he wants me to get married... ... What if he desires for you to get married, but your to busy thinking God is a magical genie and put no work or effort into it.

Maybe i should quit work, because if God wanted me to have money he would just give it to me.

 

[Shouryu]

How many people wait till they marry to have sex?

My point is that words and labels are meaningless in the end. People have sex without dating. People date without sex. Most people today consider courtship and dating synonymous, because words change in meaning as society changes. (Don't believe me? Back when you were 10, you could tell people you were a gay lad, and the assumption would be totally different than it would 50 years later.)

Whether or not sex and dating are mutual activities is in the hands of the two people involved. Dating/courting/WHATEVER without having sex can be done - it's one of the reasons we're told to yoke with believers. It's an incredibly simple concept that to me, it's mind-boggling that so many people don't get it. Kind of tragic, really, how difficult this is to grasp:

If you want to date, but don't want to have pre-marital sex because you know it's a sin...

...then you should date someone who is a Christian and also doesn't want to have pre-marital sex because they know it's a sin!

It took billions of dollars of government-funded research, seventeen labs staffed with the highest-trained crack scientists, forty-two separate scientific trials involving NASA engineers and world-renowned brain surgeons to come up with that game plan.

Oh wait, no, it was a Pharisee back in the first century who was kind of a big jerk until Yahweh literally knocked him onto his butt and blinded him with scie...er, light.

Dating, courtship, whatever. If you're gonna do it (not the sexing, the court-dating), do it with someone of a like mind.

 

[rachelsedge]

I think some of you single people are livin in la la land. God is just going to drop my husband or wife in my lap if he wants me to get married... ... What if he desires for you to get married, but your to busy thinking God is a magical genie and put no work or effort into it.

Yes, this!!

Here is a quote from a book. I don't actually have the book...my friend just took a picture of a page and sent it to me. I thought it was really insightful:
--------------------------------------------------------------

"When it comes to choosing a mate, God will bring the right person to me at the right time. I'll just sit back and wait."
That sounds so spiritual, so trusting, so...holy.
But consider this attitude to virtually any other aspect of life. For instance, how "holy" and wise does this sound: "I don't plan to apply to any college. I figure if I'm supposed to go to college, God will make sure the University of Texas sends me a letter, complete with a dorm key. That'll be my sign."
Or this: "Why should I fill out any job applications? If God wants me to work at Microsoft, he can have the CEO give me a call."
If someone spoke like that, you'd think that person was a verifiable religious fanatic. But we put the language of dating and finding a mate into similar "Christianese", and it sounds so noble: "Don't worry about finding someone to marry. If you just focus on God, He'll bring someone along at the right time."

---------------------------------------------------

NOW. This isn't to say that we aren't to wait on God's timing. Sometimes He tells us no, sometimes wait, sometimes yes. It doesn't mean rush into anything. Yes, sometimes people come into your life that you'd never expect, and God "brought them along at the right time". I have friends like that. But God isn't going to just drop off my perfect man at my doorstep. Sometimes it takes action and effort. It takes saying hi. Maybe to someone you've looked over and passed before.

There's tons of examples in the Bible where people had to work for what God told them would happen. God told Moses He'd show him His wonders if he took the staff, but Moses had to confront Pharaoh. God told Noah it would rain, something Noah had never even seen before, but he had to build a boat, first.

Does it mean going after every single person? No. But don't expect God to do all the work for you, either.

 

[resurrection33]

My point is that words and labels are meaningless in the end. People have sex without dating. People date without sex. Most people today consider courtship and dating synonymous, because words change in meaning as society changes. (Don't believe me? Back when you were 10, you could tell people you were a gay lad, and the assumption would be totally different than it would 50 years later.)

Whether or not sex and dating are mutual activities is in the hands of the two people involved. Dating/courting/WHATEVER without having sex can be done - it's one of the reasons we're told to yoke with believers. It's an incredibly simple concept that to me, it's mind-boggling that so many people don't get it. Kind of tragic, really, how difficult this is to grasp:

If you want to date, but don't want to have pre-marital sex because you know it's a sin...

...then you should date someone who is a Christian and also doesn't want to have pre-marital sex because they know it's a sin!

It took billions of dollars of government-funded research, seventeen labs staffed with the highest-trained crack scientists, forty-two separate scientific trials involving NASA engineers and world-renowned brain surgeons to come up with that game plan.

Oh wait, no, it was a Pharisee back in the first century who was kind of a big jerk until Yahweh literally knocked him onto his butt and blinded him with scie...er, light.

Dating, courtship, whatever. If you're gonna do it (not the sexing, the court-dating), do it with someone of a like mind.

My point is that we save ourselves a WHOLE lot of trouble when we resist temptation.

 

[PowerPuffGirl]

It is very clear that some of you are quite bitter towards the idea of a courtship. I guess I shouldn't have asked the question in the first place because I love the idea of a courtship. I understand it as where you put Christ first and the relationship second. Courting is about getting to know each other as friends first. Eventually you meet each other's parents and see how that goes and take it from there.

It doesn't necessarily mean it's super serious. It's just a little more formal than casual dating (which nowadays revolves around sex instead of God). I mean what's the point in dating someone if you are not going to marry them? You're just going to develop feelings for this person that you don't plan on marrying. To me, courting is sweet because you go into the relationship with the mentality of "OK Lord is he/she the one?" and not "yeah let's have some fun!"

But to each their own. I didn't mean to get anyone upset, I was just wondering thanks for answering.

 

[mystdancer50]

It is pretty interesting how people can get upset over something like this. I, personally, prefer the term courtship.

I have read a few books regarding "Christian Dating" and, basically, it is the same as worldly dating...with a "Christian" spin. One book said that as long as you agree on the semantics of dating, nothing else matters, not even religion. And this is sold as a Christian book! Madness. The one I'm reading now says that once you've reached the place where you want to take the dating relationship to a more serious level, you may want to stop seeing other people. May? Really? Sigh. Yeah.

Plus, I like the fact that court is a verb whereas date is a noun.

 

[maxwel]

I don't believe in courting or dating.
I hope to be more biblical than that.

When I'm ready to settle down,
I'll just send my servant into the desert with a camel train loaded with jewelry...

and tell him to bring me back a wife.

: )