Should I give my husband his divorce?

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Btrfly70

Guest
#1
#1
My husband and I have been married 15 years. We've had our problems but most of the time we are very happy or we have been so I thought. He wants a divorce because he says he's unhappy. I think he may be cheating or going through a midlife crisis. Our marriage has not been good for at least two years but I still love him. He is unwilling to go to counseling or church. I truly believe he doesn't want to be with me. Should I get on with my life and sign the divorce papers? Help!
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
41,392
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Tennessee
#2
Ask him why he is unhappy and what could you do that can make him happy. Are there any kids involved? In the end there might not be much that you can do that will make him want to stay with you. If that day comes you might want to sign the papers so that at least you might have a chance for happiness somewhere down the road.

You are not alone with these types of marital difficulties.

Welcome to CC.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#3
Apr 18, 2013
9,442
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#3
Btrfly70 said:
My husband and I have been married 15 years. We've had our problems but most of the time we are very happy or we have been so I thought. He wants a divorce because he says he's unhappy. I think he may be cheating or going through a midlife crisis. Our marriage has not been good for at least two years but I still love him. He is unwilling to go to counseling or church. I truly believe he doesn't want to be with me. Should I get on with my life and sign the divorce papers? Help!
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If he's already seen an attorney, and drawn up divorce papers... things are pretty far gone.

I'd recommend you go talk to your pastor.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#4
May 29, 2013
9,093
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#4
Btrfly70 said:
My husband and I have been married 15 years. We've had our problems but most of the time we are very happy or we have been so I thought. He wants a divorce because he says he's unhappy. I think he may be cheating or going through a midlife crisis. Our marriage has not been good for at least two years but I still love him. He is unwilling to go to counseling or church. I truly believe he doesn't want to be with me. Should I get on with my life and sign the divorce papers? Help!
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I wouldn't sign them. I can't know for sure from what you said, but in a lot of cases, in this scenario, the one wanting a divorce has another love interest.

If it's really a matter of him not being happy, I suppose you could ask him if there is something to do to make him happier? Does he have depression? Maybe the two of you could exercise together. That may be good for depression, and maybe either you or him losing weight might make him happier. You could offer to sleep with him more. That makes some guys happy. You could suggest moving or a career change. "I'm not happy" can be a cop out though, or just something vague to say when he doesn't want to tell you the real reason for fear of hurting you or out of shame.

Ultimately, though, joy is found in the Lord. He needs to strengthen His relationship with the Lord.
 
student

student

Senior Member
#5
Jul 20, 2010
1,031
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#5
"Man cannot serve two masters...he will love one and hate the other" If you love God, search out His answer for YOU. He doesn't like divorce, but He does understand it is sometimes needed. The verse I quoted, was offered to a friend from her studies when she was faced with the same problems. Being born-again, she heard what the Lord said, got divorced, and her children followed her eventually into the church and witnessed to her ex-husband. "You meant it for evil, God used it for good." (Joseph to his brothers). The only way to know what is right for you is to know God's will for you. A personal relationship is possible with Him. The only way to have that is to be in the Word. It's His love letter to you. Blessings!
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#6
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#6
maxwel said:
If he's already seen an attorney, and drawn up divorce papers... things are pretty far gone.

I'd recommend you go talk to your pastor.
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I agree with Maxwel. He's told you he's unhappy, refuses to go to counseling and has already seen an attorney and had papers drawn up. There's really not much worth saving in your marriage, because he left it long ago. Sign the papers and move on.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#7
May 3, 2013
8,719
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0
#7
Maybe I´m wrong, as usual...

What if a person doesn´t like to be your friend?

What would you do to insist being his friends when he already unfriended you, unilaterally?

Let´s say he tells you everything he doesn´t like, will you adjust yourself to please him while, you yourself are deprived and disliking a bunch of things HE IS UNWILLING TO CHANGE or modify to please you, a bit?

Let´s say you don´t sign those papers. How would you stop him from doing or longing whatever he thinks best?

There are two things that aren´t to be begged: Love or friendship.
 
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microscoped

Guest
#8
#8
If you sign and there is no adultery you are in sin. Marriage has its bumps and bruises. If he has not cheated stay the storm, and praise God in it.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#9
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
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#9
Sign the papers and move on.. It takes 2 to make a marriage, but one to ruin it. He filed for divorce, not you. If a man is determined to put away his wife, there ain't much you can do about it. Imo, its better to be alone than to live with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#10
#10
Btrfly70 said:
My husband and I have been married 15 years. We've had our problems but most of the time we are very happy or we have been so I thought. He wants a divorce because he says he's unhappy. I think he may be cheating or going through a midlife crisis. Our marriage has not been good for at least two years but I still love him. He is unwilling to go to counseling or church. I truly believe he doesn't want to be with me. Should I get on with my life and sign the divorce papers? Help!
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My wife is divorcing me and also refused counseling or doing anything to try to work it out. It can be hard enough already to work on saving a marriage in trouble, but when your partner refuses to try, well, there is not much you can do, and although God may fight for you, he will not circumvent someones free will, in the end it is their decision.

What i have experienced in my situation is that it is a very toxic experience to live in hope they will change their mind, it is liberating to accept it is over and move on.... but also in my situation, the thought of divorce had crossed my mind on more than one occasion in the years/months before my ex ended it, but i had resigned myself to my responsibility as a husband and father and put those thoughts out of my mind. This is an important difference, and explains why it is much easier for me to let go but for other people, i don't know?
 
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Btrfly70

Guest
#11
#11
Yes that's true. I've decided to just let him go. God must have a better plan for me. This is so hard though. But I'll be ok in time.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#12
#12
Btrfly70 said:
Yes that's true. I've decided to just let him go. God must have a better plan for me. This is so hard though. But I'll be ok in time.
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what actually helped me let go and get over the pain more than anything else was forgiveness, forgiveness for her and also forgiveness for myself. And it helps to remember that we are commanded to love our enemies, therefore how much easier it should be to love those who hurt us but are not our enemy.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#13
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#13
Btrfly70 said:
Yes that's true. I've decided to just let him go. God must have a better plan for me. This is so hard though. But I'll be ok in time.
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God DOES have something better planned for you. You need to just trush him right now. :)
 
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Sirk

Guest
#14
#14
Sometimes loving our enemy is not accepting their behavior and standing up and saying that you will not allow them to treat you that way or be a party to their sin. Sometimes all that needs to be or can be said is "I don't like that, it is not good for me"....
 
E

ember

Guest
#15
#15
microscoped said:
If you sign and there is no adultery you are in sin. Marriage has its bumps and bruises. If he has not cheated stay the storm, and praise God in it.
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How so? How is someone who does not want a divorce in sin if they let the sinner go?

This is what the Bible says:

But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. I cor. 7:15

If a 'Christian' husband wants a divorce and refuses any type of reconciliation, has he not cast his lot with unbelievers?

Lets' not blame or cast doubt or more heartache on the innocent party


 
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microscoped

Guest
#16
#16
ember said:
How so? How is someone who does not want a divorce in sin if they let the sinner go?

This is what the Bible says:

But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. I cor. 7:15

If a 'Christian' husband wants a divorce and refuses any type of reconciliation, has he not cast his lot with unbelievers?

Lets' not blame or cast doubt or more heartache on the innocent party
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I usually never lose a debate and can go on and on. But i concede you are right. He has cast his lot with the unbeliever. Great point.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#17
#17
Sirk said:
Sometimes loving our enemy is not accepting their behavior and standing up and saying that you will not allow them to treat you that way or be a party to their sin. Sometimes all that needs to be or can be said is "I don't like that, it is not good for me"....
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Actually i think loving your enemy is much more about how it benefits and uplifts and frees your own heart than how it benefits them. What you are talking about is being assertive with love, and there is nothing wrong with that.
 
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gerlie

Guest
#18
#18
My husband said that he will devorce me,he said im not believer of Christ,God know i dont want divorce its been twice that he left me and he dont want reconcilation.im really tired of living with out assurance that my husband wilp love and and be with me,he deny me as her wife
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#19
#19
gerlie said:
My husband said that he will devorce me,he said im not believer of Christ,God know i dont want divorce its been twice that he left me and he dont want reconcilation.im really tired of living with out assurance that my husband wilp love and and be with me,he deny me as her wife
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I have heard of Christians ending marriages because of they think their partner lacks faith. I don't know, it doesn't feel rite,,, it, it, makes me feel sick in my heart, i almost feel like i want to vomit to think of it.
 
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gerlie

Guest
#20
#20
mystikmind said:
I have heard of Christians ending marriages because of they think their partner lacks faith. I don't know, it doesn't feel rite,,, it, it, makes me feel sick in my heart, i almost feel like i want to vomit to think of it.
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why you said that
 
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