A
Ann-childoftheKing
Guest
I've not been on here a couple of weeks...a couple of days after my hubby got out of the hospital, I had surgery. That was two weeks ago. Im still healing very slowly. It's gonna take time. I know this. I still don't like it. I stopped smoking three days ago and I'm mad.....I'm ill....I actually enjoyed smoking....I know it's bad for us and al of that....I know I know.... I don't feel it's a Godly thing to do.....and yet I don't believe it will send anyone to hell.
That all said......I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I have been having crying spells for days. I get to reminising, and hoping, dreaming and wishing, and I just sit and cry. My husband and I have been married for 16 months....not our first marriage....we both have children and grandchildren. We are old enough to know a little about life. We are both christians.....and believe God brought us together. At first, our marriage was amazing!!!!! We walked the walk .....our marriage to each other and to Christ was amazing......
What's happened? He works hard.....he leaves at dark thirty in morning....and gets home at dark thirty at night! We have no social life.....when we first got married we were in church faithfully...and doing devotions....talking about God and all....it was a near perfect life....even though we live in the tinest mobile home EVER..we have nothing extra in our lives other than the internet and tv......both of which we didnt have until we'd been married about 6 months....
Seems the longer we've been married....his work day gets longer and harder at times....and he does NOT even get paid enough for working so long and hard. It isnt fair. But he loves his work.Ive asked him about finding a better paying job....always talking to him with love and respect....and he acts offended..
I get so frustrated because we have such a tiny place....we cant afford to get a bigger place.we never will...we own the land...... ( he does and it's almost paid for) .but we live in a tiny tiny moblie home....he got it back 15 years ago when he divorced....thinking he would never marry again....so this was perfect for JUST him. I dont even have room for my things, that are still stored at my parents home. Ive prayed for something to happen ...We both want a home- not too big.....but big enough to have our kids and grands to come over and stay, and eat. We dont even have a kitchen table. We dont even have a sofa. If people who know us, saw where we lived, they would be shocked. It is somewhat embarrassing. We both know this. He got rather sloppy 15 years single.....and Im paying for it, or so it seems.
I dont wanna seem ungreatful. I am very thankful for the roof over my head. But I cant even begin to clean up the second bedroom we have.....he has his stuff stored in there from floor to ceiling and I cant throw anything of his away....he always finds reason to put cleaning it up, off to another time.....that after 16 months....hasnt happened. I physically cant do all that needs to be done to even attempt to make this place homey...
Well......we argue.....all the time....and when we think we've overcome one.....another one starts. Weve been under stress since we married......his mom passed away a month after we married.....I had back surgery....major surgery.....then neck surgery.....then two nasal surgeries.....all of this in 16 months.
I love him. He is an amazing man.....but he is so hard headed....he is a bit lazy when he is at home and sleeps all the time.....wow......I just sound awful.....but Im so unhappy right now.....and he is too.....but we do love each other.
Seems everytime we get closer and closer to Christ......the devil ALWAYS attacks.........
He has a touch of ADD.....and he can be a hoarder......that Im working on big time....with progress, thank You Jesus!
Im not perfect at all. But God knows I try so hard. I cook for him, clean for him, do his laundry to his specifics....I take care of the pets.....i do NOT shop......ever.....even for groceries.....he insists on going too....and its always on the weekends...when he is off from work....so all of our spare time is at walmart getting groceries at the worst part of the week possible.....that freaks me out!!!!!!! i hate it!
I have no friends. I go no where. I save every penny possible....I never spend money. he knows this.....everyone does......he is not so good with money....I am very responsible and always have been with money....and paying bills.....he is so slack......Oh Lord, this all sounds helpless and hopeless........
I have no clothes....well I have some.....but not like I once did....I use and dress nice and to look nice...I used to have friends....and go places.....Ive never ever been a shopping crazed woman.....
I feel like I have lost myself since we have been married.....it wasnt like this at first.....but now.....I just feel lost down here in the woods.......alone.....sad.....confused.....yet I know what God wants me to do.....i think.....I just feel overwhelmed....and tired......i cant fail at another marriage......i wont......we do love each other dearly....more than we have ever felt love.......but.....things have changed and I have NO one to talk to.......no one.....so I just cry.
I was gonna post this in the ladies forum......but it's too long to post......so I will blog this.....I guess Im saying this all right.......
I feel life passing me by......Im aging fast this past year.....I feel ugly and old and overweight.....I feel alone and poor......
I used to be a hairdresser.......I did look nice.....felt great.....confident....everything good......except i didnt have the love of a Godly man........so whats happeneing to me.......
Lord Jesus help me............I feel like Im sinking...........into a big black hole..........a whole of depression maybe......
That all said......I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I have been having crying spells for days. I get to reminising, and hoping, dreaming and wishing, and I just sit and cry. My husband and I have been married for 16 months....not our first marriage....we both have children and grandchildren. We are old enough to know a little about life. We are both christians.....and believe God brought us together. At first, our marriage was amazing!!!!! We walked the walk .....our marriage to each other and to Christ was amazing......
What's happened? He works hard.....he leaves at dark thirty in morning....and gets home at dark thirty at night! We have no social life.....when we first got married we were in church faithfully...and doing devotions....talking about God and all....it was a near perfect life....even though we live in the tinest mobile home EVER..we have nothing extra in our lives other than the internet and tv......both of which we didnt have until we'd been married about 6 months....
Seems the longer we've been married....his work day gets longer and harder at times....and he does NOT even get paid enough for working so long and hard. It isnt fair. But he loves his work.Ive asked him about finding a better paying job....always talking to him with love and respect....and he acts offended..
I get so frustrated because we have such a tiny place....we cant afford to get a bigger place.we never will...we own the land...... ( he does and it's almost paid for) .but we live in a tiny tiny moblie home....he got it back 15 years ago when he divorced....thinking he would never marry again....so this was perfect for JUST him. I dont even have room for my things, that are still stored at my parents home. Ive prayed for something to happen ...We both want a home- not too big.....but big enough to have our kids and grands to come over and stay, and eat. We dont even have a kitchen table. We dont even have a sofa. If people who know us, saw where we lived, they would be shocked. It is somewhat embarrassing. We both know this. He got rather sloppy 15 years single.....and Im paying for it, or so it seems.
I dont wanna seem ungreatful. I am very thankful for the roof over my head. But I cant even begin to clean up the second bedroom we have.....he has his stuff stored in there from floor to ceiling and I cant throw anything of his away....he always finds reason to put cleaning it up, off to another time.....that after 16 months....hasnt happened. I physically cant do all that needs to be done to even attempt to make this place homey...
Well......we argue.....all the time....and when we think we've overcome one.....another one starts. Weve been under stress since we married......his mom passed away a month after we married.....I had back surgery....major surgery.....then neck surgery.....then two nasal surgeries.....all of this in 16 months.
I love him. He is an amazing man.....but he is so hard headed....he is a bit lazy when he is at home and sleeps all the time.....wow......I just sound awful.....but Im so unhappy right now.....and he is too.....but we do love each other.
Seems everytime we get closer and closer to Christ......the devil ALWAYS attacks.........
He has a touch of ADD.....and he can be a hoarder......that Im working on big time....with progress, thank You Jesus!
Im not perfect at all. But God knows I try so hard. I cook for him, clean for him, do his laundry to his specifics....I take care of the pets.....i do NOT shop......ever.....even for groceries.....he insists on going too....and its always on the weekends...when he is off from work....so all of our spare time is at walmart getting groceries at the worst part of the week possible.....that freaks me out!!!!!!! i hate it!
I have no friends. I go no where. I save every penny possible....I never spend money. he knows this.....everyone does......he is not so good with money....I am very responsible and always have been with money....and paying bills.....he is so slack......Oh Lord, this all sounds helpless and hopeless........
I have no clothes....well I have some.....but not like I once did....I use and dress nice and to look nice...I used to have friends....and go places.....Ive never ever been a shopping crazed woman.....
I feel like I have lost myself since we have been married.....it wasnt like this at first.....but now.....I just feel lost down here in the woods.......alone.....sad.....confused.....yet I know what God wants me to do.....i think.....I just feel overwhelmed....and tired......i cant fail at another marriage......i wont......we do love each other dearly....more than we have ever felt love.......but.....things have changed and I have NO one to talk to.......no one.....so I just cry.
I was gonna post this in the ladies forum......but it's too long to post......so I will blog this.....I guess Im saying this all right.......
I feel life passing me by......Im aging fast this past year.....I feel ugly and old and overweight.....I feel alone and poor......
I used to be a hairdresser.......I did look nice.....felt great.....confident....everything good......except i didnt have the love of a Godly man........so whats happeneing to me.......
Lord Jesus help me............I feel like Im sinking...........into a big black hole..........a whole of depression maybe......