M
Mybrokenlessthenthree
Guest
Today I've sinned, I chose to it though. I didn't seek God, I don't know why... And the thing is I'll sin, and I won't feel different just worse, because I chose to go against God. I don't know if I'm christian right now, I "love God" but it's a choice everyday, and last night I was attacked a lot with things. It's like my life is a war, and it's stupid because I thought I'd be over all this sin. I know it's meaningless, it can never satisfy. But I run to it sometimes... it's like I'm outside and the rains coming down. The thing that gets me is that I don't feel bad anymore. I'm a sinner I don't deserve God anyways. Sure he loves me, but I don't deserve your love, God. I'm a sinner, I chose this over you. I want to follow but I'm a sinner, my life is sin. I feel horrible for just existing, because I'm an enemy of God, so I follow him.. Then i fall short and just start grasping for sin, and things that will never satisfy. Then when I've realized what I've done I just, stop caring about everything. "run back to God' but I'll just fall short, or sin, or not follow him or something... And I want to, that's the part that hurts that kills me! Because he died for this!! But my flesh.... my mind is so weak because I'm torn all day between my flesh and my heart and I forget to pray or worship and I fall...
