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allforchrist10
Guest
How do yoju cope with feelings for 2 diff ex's one recent and one cared for so much for a while? i hate being single want to find my mr right
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U
Ugly
Guest
You don't want to be single, yet you're exhibiting signs you aren't even ready to be in a relationship. How can you give your heart and share your life with someone, when your heart is given to two others as well? Your future husband will be robbed in marriage because your heart is not where it should be until you get past these two other men. And no, getting married is not the way to get over them. Marriage isn't there to fix things. You're only 20 and you sound like you're in a hurry to find someone. Problem is, chances are even if you find someone, it won't end well because your heart and mind are not in the right place.
Far as how to get over these guys, well, if you aren't with them now, then they must not be that great after all. People, especially people eager to marry, tend to focus on the good things of past relationships, and forget the problems that broke them up. Or if they dumped you, then obviously you were not able to be what they needed of you. So why would you want to go back to someone you can't make happy, or who didn't make you happy? I suggest rethinking your perceptions of these two, and bypass looking for a new man until your heart is 100% free to give to ONE person and not being shared among multiple men. I've been in that situation and i can tell you i would not enter into something like that again. If you can't give me all your heart, i don't want any of it, romantically.
Far as how to get over these guys, well, if you aren't with them now, then they must not be that great after all. People, especially people eager to marry, tend to focus on the good things of past relationships, and forget the problems that broke them up. Or if they dumped you, then obviously you were not able to be what they needed of you. So why would you want to go back to someone you can't make happy, or who didn't make you happy? I suggest rethinking your perceptions of these two, and bypass looking for a new man until your heart is 100% free to give to ONE person and not being shared among multiple men. I've been in that situation and i can tell you i would not enter into something like that again. If you can't give me all your heart, i don't want any of it, romantically.
C
Crossfire
Guest
Are you sure that you really care for these guys or could it be that your longing to be with someone keeps bringing these guys to mind? They are called ex's for a reason.
Sis, never settle for less than God's best for your life. Understand that God does sees your heart and cares deeply about those issues which effect us most. If it is in your heart to marry one day then chances are God put that desire there Himself and He knows exactly what kind of person that you should be with in order for you both to be happy.
But here's the thing, God's not going to bring this guy into your life until you desire God more than you desire the love of a man. Why would God introduce you someone who is just going to become an idol to you?
If you truly love God and want His best for your life, then He needs to come first in every area of your life. God is not going to give something to you that is only going to hurt you in the long run.
J
Jullianna
Guest
Past relationships can look better than they actually were when loneliness occasionally strikes, huh? Mistakes are mistakes for a reason. HOWEVER sometimes the reason a relationship doesn't work is that the timing is off. It's important that we move on and trust that God will work it all out if and when the timing is right.
It IS very important to allow healing to take place before we are ready for a new relationship, but love isn't exactly something that we can undo or unfeel. It is, however, something we can learn from.
Mistakes are mistakes for a reason. HOWEVER sometimes the reason a relationship doesn't work is that the timing is off. It's important that we move on and trust that God will work it all out if and when the timing is right.It IS very important to allow healing to take place before we are ready for a new relationship, but love isn't exactly something that we can undo or unfeel. It is, however, something we can learn from.
J
Jullianna
Guest
It's odd that this thread should show up right now. Someone very special from my past left a voicemail on my phone while I was in a meeting just after I posted here. Wondering whether I should call back or not...seems impolite not to.
Past relationships can look better than they actually were when loneliness occasionally strikes, huh?
It IS very important to allow healing to take place before we are ready for a new relationship, but love isn't exactly something that we can undo or unfeel. It is, however, something we can learn from.
I'm curious to know if that is what God thinks. If He in looking at our relationships says, "That looks like bad timing to me."
I feel as if people give up too easily. If Love is all that we claim to believe it is, then why don't we allow it to be used in our lives for the purpose it was made for.
I feel like the answer to that is control. When love takes us beyond the realm of being comfortable and in control we panic because we as humans are pretty much little control freaks and we are blind. We do not trust what we cannot see touch taste or understand. Love supersedes our senses but, in doing so requires much from us.
For some the cost is too great and the loss of control too overwhelming. The shock is too much of a change and the relationship does not survive. Not for the absence of love but for the absence of understanding the purpose of it and our selfish need to control.
J
Jullianna
Guest
Timing doesn't have to be bad to be off, does it?
Maybe an example or two would help...
One of my nieces was in her teens when she first met her husband, who was/is her pastor's son, but she was still in high school and had a lot of growing up to do. He is 6 years older than she is, so a relationship between the two of them at that time would most certainly not have been appropriate. She had a huge crush on him, but at the time he thought she was a brat and he wisely went on about his life. Several years later their paths cross again. She was back at the same church worshipping in the front row, not even realizing he was back as well, and that he was actually now a youth leader there. He said the day he saw her from where he was on the platform he told his mom that she was the one God had told him to wait for and that he was going to marry her. And he did. They now have two beautiful children and travel the US as evangelists.
A member of my family left her husband, the father of her children, because he was extremely immature and abusive (due to the nature of this post, I don't want to say how they were related to protect their family). They were apart for almost two years. During that time he matured, got right with God and pulled himself together. They remarried, raised their kids together in a godly home and have been married for nearly 30 years now, without incident. The first time was too soon. The second time they got it right.
These folks didn't give up on one another, they were simply patient
Maybe an example or two would help...
One of my nieces was in her teens when she first met her husband, who was/is her pastor's son, but she was still in high school and had a lot of growing up to do. He is 6 years older than she is, so a relationship between the two of them at that time would most certainly not have been appropriate. She had a huge crush on him, but at the time he thought she was a brat and he wisely went on about his life.
Several years later their paths cross again. She was back at the same church worshipping in the front row, not even realizing he was back as well, and that he was actually now a youth leader there. He said the day he saw her from where he was on the platform he told his mom that she was the one God had told him to wait for and that he was going to marry her. And he did. They now have two beautiful children and travel the US as evangelists.A member of my family left her husband, the father of her children, because he was extremely immature and abusive (due to the nature of this post, I don't want to say how they were related to protect their family). They were apart for almost two years. During that time he matured, got right with God and pulled himself together. They remarried, raised their kids together in a godly home and have been married for nearly 30 years now, without incident. The first time was too soon. The second time they got it right.
These folks didn't give up on one another, they were simply patient
Please try not to be impatient, for we all hate standing in line...
God's timing is extraordinary. Look at King Saul, he was so impatient all the time. He did his own sacrifices because he would not wait for Samuel. He went to seers because he himself was distant from God. It kind of cost him everything.
I guess this also begs to examine Obedience which may need to go into another thread. But pretty much all of the things God did using Elisha were executed with perfect obedience. Naaman was washed clean by obedience and faith. In your second illustration the man who was 6 years older than his wife, heard and knew. BUT it was his faithful obedience that was a testimony to God's plan and purpose with his life. He did not seize control and hesitate to follow God, like Jonah. Wah wah wah....
I've been digging into the realization that Obedience comes from hearing God and not hesitating or questioning but obeying. David when Nathan told him of his sin IMMEDIATE fell before his God admitted his sin. He was obedient to God even when the firstborn of Bathsheba was taken by God. He did not give up.
The prime example of the kind of obedience I get really excited about is with Peter. Peter was human and struggles with all the same stuff we do.
Matthew 14:27-32
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
For me one of the biggest keys to this is that Peter asked to be commanded by Jesus. He asked to given the opportunity to be obedient. But even in this he stumbles sees the storm and doubts. As he is sinking he cries out to Jesus to save him and Jesus does.
PRAISE GOD!!!
God's timing is extraordinary. Look at King Saul, he was so impatient all the time. He did his own sacrifices because he would not wait for Samuel. He went to seers because he himself was distant from God. It kind of cost him everything.
I guess this also begs to examine Obedience which may need to go into another thread. But pretty much all of the things God did using Elisha were executed with perfect obedience. Naaman was washed clean by obedience and faith. In your second illustration the man who was 6 years older than his wife, heard and knew. BUT it was his faithful obedience that was a testimony to God's plan and purpose with his life. He did not seize control and hesitate to follow God, like Jonah. Wah wah wah....
I've been digging into the realization that Obedience comes from hearing God and not hesitating or questioning but obeying. David when Nathan told him of his sin IMMEDIATE fell before his God admitted his sin. He was obedient to God even when the firstborn of Bathsheba was taken by God. He did not give up.
The prime example of the kind of obedience I get really excited about is with Peter. Peter was human and struggles with all the same stuff we do.
Matthew 14:27-32
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
For me one of the biggest keys to this is that Peter asked to be commanded by Jesus. He asked to given the opportunity to be obedient. But even in this he stumbles sees the storm and doubts. As he is sinking he cries out to Jesus to save him and Jesus does.
PRAISE GOD!!!
J
Jullianna
Guest
If we think about it our very relationship with Christ teaches us that very same patience. We are all waiting for the day when the Bride is present with Him. If we didn't have that patience and faith, where would we be?
J
Jullianna
Guest
Amen
Impatience in Esther's case could have cost her life, as well as the lives of a nation, huh?
Impatience in Esther's case could have cost her life, as well as the lives of a nation, huh?