Smooth Talk, Flattery, Narcissism and Control

[ForgiveMeGod]

What are your thoughts on boundaries with people with these characteristics? Are they Christian or do they have ulterior motives? As a Christian, how do you handle these people who crave admiration and dominance?

i personally have a habit of attracting these types of people into my life. Both male and female. It’s kinda like being a doormat, and tends to happen when I’m doing really well until I realize what is going on. Then I question the friendship and realize it isn’t serving me and move on.

Like I had a friend Josh, who when we first started hanging out he was really impressed with my talents, like a lot of people are. I was really impressed on his ability to articulate words. It was impressive. We worked on a bunch of website projects together and it just seemed like we were constantly creating things. Then because he couldn’t forgive me for my past life before Jesus, he would constantly condemn me and bring it up all the time, even in front of people, belittling me. Eventually the dynamic of the relationship became where all I was doing was asking him to solve all of my problems. I stopped being independent and became codependent. It just seems like every friendship I get involved in leads me astray from Christ. Not sure if it is a trait of gullibility or thinking people are actually good, but even with people who call themselves Christians, this happens with until they start trying to convince me that Jesus isn’t the answer and that I should stop reading the Bible.

Thoughts? Do narcissists show up in your life? Or do you think everyone has traits of narcissism because of our flesh? Does the enemy use people in your life to try and destroy you?

 

[jacko]

Making friends in general is tough and it get’s ardor as you get older.

 

[shittim]

"If the devil can't get you, he will send a narcissist" is a message this sister in Christ tea chews on her channel, she has been a blessing to me, and I hope to you as well.

 

[Lynx]

"Smooth operatoooooooooooooor
Smooooooooth operatoooooooor"


When our former, now deceased, pastor turned over taking care of the church to our current pastor, he told the young pastor, "people are going to take advantage of you. If you're going to be a servant, you're going to have to get used to that."

Smooth talkers are good at getting their way. But what they care about is not what we care about. Their success only matters to us if we care about the same things they care about.

Always keep in mind that everything they gain by smooth talking will one day burn.

In the meantime they have a pretty empty life. They get their material posessions and their sense of winning, but they don't have much to live for. If you know a smooth talker, pity him and pray for him. It's the best you can do.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

What are your thoughts on boundaries with people with these characteristics? Are they Christian or do they have ulterior motives? As a Christian, how do you handle these people who crave admiration and dominance?

i personally have a habit of attracting these types of people into my life. Both male and female. It’s kinda like being a doormat, and tends to happen when I’m doing really well until I realize what is going on. Then I question the friendship and realize it isn’t serving me and move on.

Like I had a friend Josh, who when we first started hanging out he was really impressed with my talents, like a lot of people are. I was really impressed on his ability to articulate words. It was impressive. We worked on a bunch of website projects together and it just seemed like we were constantly creating things. Then because he couldn’t forgive me for my past life before Jesus, he would constantly condemn me and bring it up all the time, even in front of people, belittling me. Eventually the dynamic of the relationship became where all I was doing was asking him to solve all of my problems. I stopped being independent and became codependent. It just seems like every friendship I get involved in leads me astray from Christ. Not sure if it is a trait of gullibility or thinking people are actually good, but even with people who call themselves Christians, this happens with until they start trying to convince me that Jesus isn’t the answer and that I should stop reading the Bible.

Thoughts? Do narcissists show up in your life? Or do you think everyone has traits of narcissism because of our flesh? Does the enemy use people in your life to try and destroy you?

If I recall correctly there was a lot of abuse in your past. This may be why you attract abusers now. Abuse survivors minds are altered from all the abuse. And that affects things such as body language, how you speak, especially about yourself.
Abusive people can pick up on these signals and recognize that they can probably abuse you now. And they do.
There are ways to help lessen this, but it takes a lot of counseling and retraining yourself in body language and speech. Not to mention learning to be assertive.
The issue isn't naivety but rather comfort. Abuse victims become somewhat comfortable in their being abused, especially if it starts as a child. Or in some cases may seek out abusers because they feel they deserve it. Or may interpret it as being accepted or even loved. Or some just don't know anything different so they repeat what they know.
But people like you, trying to get past that passivity, are still going to struggle because you haven't totally changed. You may be improving, which is great, of course, but it's a journey that takes time.
If I were you I'd seek to learn about what abuse victims go through. It may help you see in yourself some of the traits you never realized you had, or thought were normal.
I find education is one of the most powerful weapons against such things, so start learning is my advice.
I hope things get better for you.

 

[daisyseesthesun]

If you have anyone from the dark pyramid of narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathic personality or Machiavellian in your family. Psychologists have proven that you attract and feel comfortable around these types of people because you grew up around them. This creates a victim personally. As Christians, we should never have this because everything is possible with our Father everything. You need to stick up for yourself and get away from such people. Break the chain. Hang out with people you don't feel comfortable around right away. When I was younger, I read this every year. Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them without Stooping to Their Level: Carter, Jay: 9780071410229: Amazon.com: Books

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

Making friends in general is tough and it get’s ardor as you get older.

i tend to be really good at making friends but in the end it all seems like a mirage, cause if I leave a job, it seems like so do those friends in my life. Some hang around for 7 years but one slip up, it’s over. I do have a lot of childhood/high school friends I can contact but almost none of them share my faith in Jesus. I like having real Christ following friends that command respect. People that aren‘t there to validate you for bad behavior, people who will give me hard truths and cut me to the core. Not a whole lot of people like that out there. Too many people that have a progressive mindset like myself, that gets offended easily until that said person comes into my life and really shakes things up. Truly, I can’t help but respect people like that, in a God fearing way, as if Jesus himself embodied that person for a moment to get my attention and correct me. It’s truly out of this world.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

"If the devil can't get you, he will send a narcissist" is a message this sister in Christ tea chews on her channel, she has been a blessing to me, and I hope to you as well.

it sounds like every relationship I’ve ever been in.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

"Smooth operatoooooooooooooor
Smooooooooth operatoooooooor"


When our former, now deceased, pastor turned over taking care of the church to our current pastor, he told the young pastor, "people are going to take advantage of you. If you're going to be a servant, you're going to have to get used to that."

Smooth talkers are good at getting their way. But what they care about is not what we care about. Their success only matters to us if we care about the same things they care about.

Always keep in mind that everything they gain by smooth talking will one day burn.

In the meantime they have a pretty empty life. They get their material posessions and their sense of winning, but they don't have much to live for. If you know a smooth talker, pity him and pray for him. It's the best you can do.

I just identified another one that is in my life right now from child hood. He says he is a believer to me, yet all of his behavior and things he recommends that we do, tells me he is the opposite of a believer. So it’s just nonstop. Glad I’m here though.

 

[shittim]

"teaches"- not "tea chews", sorry, i'm old

 

[shittim]

I just identified another one that is in my life right now from child hood. He says he is a believer to me, yet all of his behavior and things he recommends that we do, tells me he is the opposite of a believer. So it’s just nonstop. Glad I’m here though.

we are too!

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

If I recall correctly there was a lot of abuse in your past. This may be why you attract abusers now. Abuse survivors minds are altered from all the abuse. And that affects things such as body language, how you speak, especially about yourself.
Abusive people can pick up on these signals and recognize that they can probably abuse you now. And they do.
There are ways to help lessen this, but it takes a lot of counseling and retraining yourself in body language and speech. Not to mention learning to be assertive.
The issue isn't naivety but rather comfort. Abuse victims become somewhat comfortable in their being abused, especially if it starts as a child. Or in some cases may seek out abusers because they feel they deserve it. Or may interpret it as being accepted or even loved. Or some just don't know anything different so they repeat what they know.
But people like you, trying to get past that passivity, are still going to struggle because you haven't totally changed. You may be improving, which is great, of course, but it's a journey that takes time.
If I were you I'd seek to learn about what abuse victims go through. It may help you see in yourself some of the traits you never realized you had, or thought were normal.
I find education is one of the most powerful weapons against such things, so start learning is my advice.
I hope things get better for you.

i truly appreciate the advice. Took a snapshot.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

If you have anyone from the dark pyramid of narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathic personality or Machiavellian in your family. Psychologists have proven that you attract and feel comfortable around these types of people because you grew up around them. This creates a victim personally. As Christians, we should never have this because everything is possible with our Father everything. You need to stick up for yourself and get away from such people. Break the chain. Hang out with people you don't feel comfortable around right away. When I was younger, I read this every year. Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them without Stooping to Their Level: Carter, Jay: 9780071410229: Amazon.com: Books

i would say my mom, who I live with. My old friend Josh even had an audiobook and studied of Machiavelli.

Well, I don’t feel comfortable in this thread, so maybe that is a good thing.

Purchased book.

Looks like I have a lot of learning to do.

i should probably take a break from Christianchat for some time and get to reading this first book that I got in the mail today.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

we are too!

Thank you Shittim, I’m looking forward to what’s to come of it but for now, I think I got to take a little break, after I get through these notifications.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

If I recall correctly there was a lot of abuse in your past. This may be why you attract abusers now. Abuse survivors minds are altered from all the abuse. And that affects things such as body language, how you speak, especially about yourself.
Abusive people can pick up on these signals and recognize that they can probably abuse you now. And they do.
There are ways to help lessen this, but it takes a lot of counseling and retraining yourself in body language and speech. Not to mention learning to be assertive.
The issue isn't naivety but rather comfort. Abuse victims become somewhat comfortable in their being abused, especially if it starts as a child. Or in some cases may seek out abusers because they feel they deserve it. Or may interpret it as being accepted or even loved. Or some just don't know anything different so they repeat what they know.
But people like you, trying to get past that passivity, are still going to struggle because you haven't totally changed. You may be improving, which is great, of course, but it's a journey that takes time.
If I were you I'd seek to learn about what abuse victims go through. It may help you see in yourself some of the traits you never realized you had, or thought were normal.
I find education is one of the most powerful weapons against such things, so start learning is my advice.
I hope things get better for you.

"Smooth operatoooooooooooooor
Smooooooooth operatoooooooor"


When our former, now deceased, pastor turned over taking care of the church to our current pastor, he told the young pastor, "people are going to take advantage of you. If you're going to be a servant, you're going to have to get used to that."

Smooth talkers are good at getting their way. But what they care about is not what we care about. Their success only matters to us if we care about the same things they care about.

Always keep in mind that everything they gain by smooth talking will one day burn.

In the meantime they have a pretty empty life. They get their material posessions and their sense of winning, but they don't have much to live for. If you know a smooth talker, pity him and pray for him. It's the best you can do.

What if I live with that person and they’ve used so much coercive control on me for the past ten years that I can’t even leave the house any more? She is super nosy and wants to know all of my business so she has more control over me. What if after I was boxed in, and have to walk on egg shells while I’m here because my younger brother has join her in this mission, that I have no idea how to escape this situation without some very drastic action?

I just reached out to my therapist about it cause my moms like really paranoid about me having a therapist cause knows she is guilty and if I say something, things will probably change quick around here.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

What if I live with that person and they’ve used so much coercive control on me for the past ten years that I can’t even leave the house any more? She is super nosy and wants to know all of my business so she has more control over me. What if after I was boxed in, and have to walk on egg shells while I’m here because my younger brother has join her in this mission, that I have no idea how to escape this situation without some very drastic action?

I just reached out to my therapist about it cause my moms like really paranoid about me having a therapist cause knows she is guilty and if I say something, things will probably change quick around here.

I will pray for you that the Lord will strengthen you and help you to overcome the abuses of this person trying to manipulate, as well as help you recognize such people in the future and know how to avoid getting close to such people. At the same time, I pray that God blesses you with truly Godly people that aren't narcissists and these friendships are blessed and long-lasting. Thank you so much Lord, for helping @ForgiveMeGod! in Jesus' name I pray, amen!


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