social torture

[Lanolin]

I was thinking this recently how I dont really like to be invited to social events
Whether its to dinners, potlucks or prizegivings or things were you have to perform or wear uncomfortable outfits. You might know one person but they could be the host and would be too busy to look after you and wont go with you. ANd you have to figure out how to get their on your own and you cant really leave when you want.

People know each other already but then you have to introduce yourself all over again or explain your life story to a stranger. (sometimes people are nosy and want to know all about you) or make small talk. If theres too many people it just gets overwhelming esp if you have a quiet voice or nature.

Church can be kind of like this. It can be like being the new kid at school too.

I dont know if anyone has tips of navigating social life you would think I would just be ok slotting in with strangers by now. but theres probably all these faux pas you end up doing like talking too much or not talking at all, not wearing the right clothes, not being being to excuse yourself if you are bored. Or falling asleep. Eating too much or not enough. Who knows all the rules to these things anyway? I never went to charm school. lol

 

[Lynx]

 

[Lynx]

 

[Lynx]

 

[Lynx]

I was thinking this recently how I dont really like to be invited to social events
Whether its to dinners, potlucks or prizegivings or things were you have to perform or wear uncomfortable outfits. You might know one person but they could be the host and would be too busy to look after you and wont go with you. ANd you have to figure out how to get their on your own and you cant really leave when you want.

People know each other already but then you have to introduce yourself all over again or explain your life story to a stranger. (sometimes people are nosy and want to know all about you) or make small talk. If theres too many people it just gets overwhelming esp if you have a quiet voice or nature.

Church can be kind of like this. It can be like being the new kid at school too.

I dont know if anyone has tips of navigating social life you would think I would just be ok slotting in with strangers by now. but theres probably all these faux pas you end up doing like talking too much or not talking at all, not wearing the right clothes, not being being to excuse yourself if you are bored. Or falling asleep. Eating too much or not enough. Who knows all the rules to these things anyway? I never went to charm school. lol

Are you related to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?

I remember once when Sherlock Holmes looked at a letter and said, "This looks like one of those unwelcome social summonses which call upon a man either to be bored or to lie."

 

[Lanolin]

I invited a friend once out to eat noodles. But she kept scrolling on her phone and I was too polite/shy to say well who are you txting while sitting opposite me?

This annoyed me cos I wouldnt do the same thing. Or the small talk thing after church. Everyone small talks and then you dont know how much small talk is enough or too much when someone says Im going to talk to someone else now and turns away leaving you by yourself. This is often done standing round with a cup of tea and biscuit.

Then how do you interrupt someone to talk with them if they are in an animated discussion with someone do you just butt in a declare loudly Im going to talk with you. Wouldnt that be rude? How do you enter a gap in the conversation with someone you dont know? Does. your church have name tags? (some do, to save people from asking, like at conferences)

Or is there a secret signal or wink or shoulder grab. The theres a whole church thing of NOBODY will talk to me, or a guy will and it turns out hes now chatting me up. arrgh. Chatting now means hes pegged me out to be his new girlfriend and starts feeding me chat up lines and asking me personal questions. But you cant run away cos then he'll follow you around in church.

 

[MsMediator]

I do not really go and introduce myself to brand new people, but trying to improve. I usually stick with people I have spoken with or met before, and sometimes that leads to meeting new people in a larger gathering. However, sometimes even with people I know (like friends of friends or acquaintances), I don't really go forward and talk to them. I was at a friend's wedding recently and I sat at the table by myself for awhile and people watched; I didn't find too many people there to engage in conversation besides pleasantries. With new people, I prefer to engage with a person standing/sitting alone rather than enter a group. I am trying to navigate how to bond with coworkers virtually whom I don't see in person. I try to turn on my camera more, etc. and sometimes ask coworkers how they are doing.

 

[TabinRivCA]

That's a problem in a big church like Harvest. Many have said they sit, listen to the service and walk out alone to their car.
What they've come up with is 'small groups' many still on zoom but every few months there is a koinonia (food, sing & game time) where we're in person. That way no one is left out as we just group together. Even smaller churches could do this, some groups are for couples, singles, mothers, widows etc and as it turns out a super thing.
This is like my seventh yr in sm groups and when I go to church I usually bump😂 into someone I know from groups.

 

[Eli1]

Lanolin, can you open a topic about New Zealand so we can discuss the Pros and Cons of New Zealand?
Thank you.

 

[Lanolin]

That's a problem in a big church like Harvest. Many have said they sit, listen to the service and walk out alone to their car.
What they've come up with is 'small groups' many still on zoom but every few months there is a koinonia (food, sing & game time) where we're in person. That way no one is left out as we just group together. Even smaller churches could do this, some groups are for couples, singles, mothers, widows etc and as it turns out a super thing.
This is like my seventh yr in sm groups and when I go to church I usually bump😂 into someone I know from groups.

yea I prefer the small group fellowship. I think I can handle the big sunday services more if I am also part of a small group (but dont always feel I need to attend the larger fellowships all the time) its just at the moment I havent really got into the small groups regularly, and the church I was in had kind of disbanded their small group after covid.

Small groups are generally not more than 10 people. As two ladies did come and speak with me cos they knew me from that. Its usually a wednesday night thing right?

 

[Lanolin]

Lanolin, can you open a topic about New Zealand so we can discuss the Pros and Cons of New Zealand?
Thank you.

what? um ok I but it wont be in this forum should I put it under...Conspiracy and Corruption or Miscellaneous forum?

 

[TabinRivCA]

yea I prefer the small group fellowship. I think I can handle the big sunday services more if I am also part of a small group (but dont always feel I need to attend the larger fellowships all the time) its just at the moment I havent really got into the small groups regularly, and the church I was in had kind of disbanded their small group after covid.

Small groups are generally not more than 10 people. As two ladies did come and speak with me cos they knew me from that. Its usually a wednesday night thing right?

It can be any night or day at our church because they don't have a Wednesday night service and actually since covid, many groups still meet on zoom. It is really a great idea and we even have coed groups😂 socializing while learning.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont do the big zoom thing anymore actually havent had one all year lol
The novelty wore off a bit but its great some churches got into it.

I had this idea that all of us who attend church esp a sunday service write our names on bits of paper and when its time for worship or a group sing everyone gets out of their seats hat gets passed around we all draw names out of a hat and we are in that group of 2 or 3 or have to find that person and get to know them and have just one thing they want prayer about. Rule being it cant be someone youve met or known before.

Or maybe thats just what everyone already does at other churches I dont know.

 

[Lynx]

I dont do the big zoom thing anymore actually havent had one all year lol
The novelty wore off a bit but its great some churches got into it.

I had this idea that all of us who attend church esp a sunday service write our names on bits of paper and when its time for worship or a group sing everyone gets out of their seats hat gets passed around we all draw names out of a hat and we are in that group of 2 or 3 or have to find that person and get to know them and have just one thing they want prayer about. Rule being it cant be someone youve met or known before.

Or maybe thats just what everyone already does at other churches I dont know.

Hmm, yes, well... My church is probably smaller than yours and I already know everyone there, but I've been doing something similar.

I make it my custom to have no customary seat. I sit in a different random place in the sanctuary every service. I get stale and old sitting in the same place in the same pew time after time.

 

[17Bees]

Lanolin, can you open a topic about New Zealand so we can discuss the Pros and Cons of New Zealand?
Thank you.

what? um ok I but it wont be in this forum should I put it under...Conspiracy and Corruption or Miscellaneous forum?

First thing to do is get a motorcycle license.

 

[17Bees]

Hmm, yes, well... My church is probably smaller than yours and I already know everyone there, but I've been doing something similar.

I make it my custom to have no customary seat. I sit in a different random place in the sanctuary every service. I get stale and old sitting in the same place in the same pew time after time.

I remember one time I went to this church I'd never been to. I was a little early and set down somewhere in the middle but on the outside aisle. So just sitting there, I felt like someone was staring at me and I look behind and there's an older couple standing in the aisle looking at me. I looked at them a second and turned back around, but they didn't budge and pulled up beside me looking at me. I finally asked them if they needed to get by and stook up and they said "you're sitting in our seats". I said I wasn't aware of that and stepped in the aisle and they seated themselves. Then the man said "you're welcome to sit down from us", but I told them I'd go them one better and sit in one of the other empty rows. "More hymals", I said "I need two to sing in stereo" but they didn't get it.

 

[17Bees]

I remember one time I went to this church I'd never been to. I was a little early and set down somewhere in the middle but on the outside aisle. So just sitting there, I felt like someone was staring at me and I look behind and there's an older couple standing in the aisle looking at me. I looked at them a second and turned back around, but they didn't budge and pulled up beside me looking at me. I finally asked them if they needed to get by and stook up and they said "you're sitting in our seats". I said I wasn't aware of that and stepped in the aisle and they seated themselves. Then the man said "you're welcome to sit down from us", but I told them I'd go them one better and sit in one of the other empty rows. "More hymals", I said "I need two to sing in stereo" but they didn't get it.

@seoulsearch - please don't think of that as sad! It wasn't sad to me at all. It was a conflict for the poor people. They didn't know what to do. It was like they was merrily crossing a little creek and there's a cotton mouth in the middle of it. Their reaction was thick with crisis. I could almost smell it! It was a threat even though I was trying to be as disarming as I could. To me, I love interaction like that. The kind that tells a story. Leaves a little gif in my head.

 

[Lynx]

I remember one time I went to this church I'd never been to. I was a little early and set down somewhere in the middle but on the outside aisle. So just sitting there, I felt like someone was staring at me and I look behind and there's an older couple standing in the aisle looking at me. I looked at them a second and turned back around, but they didn't budge and pulled up beside me looking at me. I finally asked them if they needed to get by and stook up and they said "you're sitting in our seats". I said I wasn't aware of that and stepped in the aisle and they seated themselves. Then the man said "you're welcome to sit down from us", but I told them I'd go them one better and sit in one of the other empty rows. "More hymals", I said "I need two to sing in stereo" but they didn't get it.

That was the secondary reason I decided to RNG my pew. I didn't want to become one of those. Sit in their seat and it just breaks their minds.

 

[Lanolin]

why do we even have seats in church I think the orthodox just stand there are no seats/chairs
or sit on the floor with cushions

Or why arent there sofas? Sitting just makes ppl fight to get a place. lol

When Jesus had his last supper he wasnt sitting he was reclining on the floor. It was like a picnic.

 

[Lanolin]

@Eli1 I have made a thread for you on miscellaneous

Living in NZ could be social torture for some which is why lots of people leave to go to other countries which they think are better, but just as many leave theirs to go to NZ so its a bit of a global trade and exchange thing happening.