Something to do before I die

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I've determined that it almost always comes down to something relating to how one sees the father. He is Who the Son came to reveal, after all. God so loved the world, that He gave His Son, so that you could become His Sons through Him, and fathers to the fatherless.
 
Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
It's not God's fault, It's man's fault.
Look at yourself. Look at what you want to be. You want to be good, but others don't.

2 Timothy 3
1 But know this: that in the last days, grievous times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 without natural affection, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, not lovers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding a form of godliness but having denied its power. Turn away from these, also. 6 For some of these are people who creep into houses and take captive gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. 8 Even as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind, who concerning the faith are rejected. 9 But they will proceed no further. For their folly will be evident to all men, as theirs also came to be.

I want you to know that you are very blessed to be in the generation where our Lord and Savior will visit the earth.
I want you to be strong and trust that the Lord will deliver you when you trust in him, even in this very dark hour for you.

Ezekiel 34
1 The LORD’s word came to me, saying, 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel. Prophesy, and tell them, even the shepherds, ‘The Lord GOD says: “Woe to the shepherds of Israel who feed themselves! Shouldn’t the shepherds feed the sheep? 3 You eat the fat. You clothe yourself with the wool. You kill the fatlings, but you don’t feed the sheep. 4 You haven’t strengthened the diseased. You haven’t healed that which was sick. You haven’t bound up that which was broken. You haven’t brought back that which was driven away. You haven’t sought that which was lost, but you have ruled over them with force and with rigor. 5 They were scattered, because there was no shepherd. They became food to all the animals of the field, and were scattered. 6 My sheep wandered through all the mountains and on every high hill. Yes, my sheep were scattered on all the surface of the earth. There was no one who searched or sought.”
7 “ ‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the LORD’s word: 8 “As I live,” says the Lord GOD, “surely because my sheep became a prey, and my sheep became food to all the animals of the field, because there was no shepherd, and my shepherds didn’t search for my sheep, but the shepherds fed themselves, and didn’t feed my sheep, 9 therefore, you shepherds, hear the LORD’s word!” 10 The Lord GOD says: “Behold, I am against the shepherds. I will require my sheep at their hand, and cause them to cease from feeding the sheep. The shepherds won’t feed themselves any more. I will deliver my sheep from their mouth, that they may not be food for them.”
11 “ ‘For the Lord GOD says: “Behold, I myself, even I, will search for my sheep, and will seek them out. 12 As a shepherd seeks out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered abroad, so I will seek out my sheep. I will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. 13 I will bring them out from the peoples, and gather them from the countries, and will bring them into their own land. I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the watercourses, and in all the inhabited places of the country. 14 I will feed them with good pasture, and their fold will be on the mountains of the height of Israel. There they will lie down in a good fold. They will feed on rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. 15 I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I will cause them to lie down,” says the Lord GOD. 16 “I will seek that which was lost, and will bring back that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick; but I will destroy the fat and the strong. I will feed them in justice.” ’
17 “As for you, O my flock, the Lord GOD says: ‘Behold, I judge between sheep and sheep, the rams and the male goats. 18 Does it seem a small thing to you to have fed on the good pasture, but you must tread down with your feet the residue of your pasture? And to have drunk of the clear waters, but must you foul the residue with your feet? 19 As for my sheep, they eat that which you have trodden with your feet, and they drink that which you have fouled with your feet.’
20 “Therefore the Lord GOD says to them: ‘Behold, I, even I, will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. 21 Because you thrust with side and with shoulder, and push all the diseased with your horns, until you have scattered them abroad, 22 therefore I will save my flock, and they will no more be a prey. I will judge between sheep and sheep. 23 I will set up one shepherd over them, and he will feed them, even my servant David. He will feed them, and he will be their shepherd. 24 I, the LORD, will be their God, and my servant David prince among them. I, the LORD, have spoken it.
25 “ ‘I will make with them a covenant of peace, and will cause evil animals to cease out of the land. They will dwell securely in the wilderness and sleep in the woods. 26 I will make them and the places around my hill a blessing. I will cause the shower to come down in its season. There will be showers of blessing. 27 The tree of the field will yield its fruit, and the earth will yield its increase, and they will be secure in their land. Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I have broken the bars of their yoke, and have delivered them out of the hand of those who made slaves of them. 28 They will no more be a prey to the nations, neither will the animals of the earth devour them; but they will dwell securely, and no one will make them afraid. 29 I will raise up to them a plantation for renown, and they will no more be consumed with famine in the land, and not bear the shame of the nations any more. 30 They will know that I, the LORD, their God am with them, and that they, the house of Israel, are my people, says the Lord GOD. 31 You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are men, and I am your God,’ says the Lord GOD.”


God does not hate you. As long as you Believe in Him and are ready to confess him exchanging your life, you are worthy for heaven.

John 14
1 “Don’t let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many homes. If it weren’t so, I would have told you. I am going to prepare a place for you. 3 If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will receive you to myself; that where I am, you may be there also. 4 You know where I go, and you know the way.”
9 Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you such a long time, and do you not know me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father. How do you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? The words that I tell you, I speak not from myself; but the Father who lives in me does his works. 11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me; or else believe me for the very works’ sake. 12 Most certainly I tell you, he who believes in me, the works that I do, he will do also; and he will do greater works than these, because I am going to my Father. 13 Whatever you will ask in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you will ask anything in my name, I will do it. 15 If you love me, keep my commandments. 16 I will pray to the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, * that he may be with you forever: 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world can’t receive, for it doesn’t see him and doesn’t know him. You know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you. 19 Yet a little while, and the world will see me no more; but you will see me. Because I live, you will live also. 20 In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21 One who has my commandments and keeps them, that person is one who loves me. One who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him, and will reveal myself to him.”


Just hang in there, friend, and keep praying, keep seeking, and keep asking God for His love and revelations. You will find Him.
You're going to have the best joy that those evildoers will never have, if you don't forsake hope.
 
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You said you believed in Jesus. What is it about Jesus that you believed?
You didn’t answer that question. It’s
I believe he really existed and actually did appear to people after he died. I do not believe he cares at all whether I go to heaven or to hell though or about anything in between or is present here. As far as I can tell I'm just supposed to magically be something good, but not good enough, and lovable, but kot lovable enough to be fixed, healed, saved or even instructed, from reading a book about a dead man who was brutally murdered. I don't care about the kingdom coming, I care about the absolute hell of now.
You said you believed in Jesus. What is it about Jesus that you believed?
You didn’t answer that question. It’s very important.
 
I believe he really existed and actually did appear to people after he died. I do not believe he cares at all whether I go to heaven or to hell though or about anything in between or is present here. As far as I can tell I'm just supposed to magically be something good, but not good enough, and lovable, but kot lovable enough to be fixed, healed, saved or even instructed, from reading a book about a dead man who was brutally murdered. I don't care about the kingdom coming, I care about the absolute hell of now.
So I’m hearing you believe Jesus existed and even in His resurrection, but don’t want or believe His Sacrificial death paid your sin debt.

God became human, in the form of Jesus, was tortured in front of his mom and people, suffered more than any other man ever has, so that you could spend eternity with Him, in such an incredible place and condition, and He doesn’t love you?

You would rather blame Him for our condition, caused by OUR disobedience, in this VERY temporary moment of time in comparison to forever, reject His insanely beautiful and incalculably expensive gift, through His death and resurrection for YOU, so you can instead spend FOREVER apart from Him, in eternal darkness and unspeakable pain, knowing all the while you could have simply accepted His free gift?

Wow

Dude, I pray the Holy Spirit will soften your heart and see the Love He has for you and accept Him.
 
Luke 24
New International Version
On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2 They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5 In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7 ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” 8 Then they remembered his words.
9 When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. 10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. 11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. 12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.

Luke 24:36-53
New International Version
36 While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
37 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. 38 He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? 39 Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”40 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. 41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” 42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish, 43 and he took it and ate it in their presence. 44 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”
45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. 46 He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, 47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. 48 You are witnesses of these things. 49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”
The Ascension of Jesus 50 When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. 51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. 52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. 53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.
 
So I’m hearing you believe Jesus existed and even in His resurrection, but don’t want or believe His Sacrificial death paid your sin debt.

God became human, in the form of Jesus, was tortured in front of his mom and people, suffered more than any other man ever has, so that you could spend eternity with Him, in such an incredible place and condition, and He doesn’t love you?

You would rather blame Him for our condition, caused by OUR disobedience, in this VERY temporary moment of time in comparison to forever, reject His insanely beautiful and incalculably expensive gift, through His death and resurrection for YOU, so you can instead spend FOREVER apart from Him, in eternal darkness and unspeakable pain, knowing all the while you could have simply accepted His free gift?

Wow

Dude, I pray the Holy Spirit will soften your heart and see the Love He has for you and accept Him.
If He wants to love me after this hell, that's fine, whatever. I need something that is real and present NOW, HERE, IN MY REAL LIFE THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OR WHAT JESUS WANTS ME TO DO WITH IT EITHER. I don't know what my sin was except to be born of sad scared mammals in a sad scary world that doesn't make much sense and certainly isn't just, kind or loving
 
So I’m hearing you believe Jesus existed and even in His resurrection, but don’t want or believe His Sacrificial death paid your sin debt.

God became human, in the form of Jesus, was tortured in front of his mom and people, suffered more than any other man ever has, so that you could spend eternity with Him, in such an incredible place and condition, and He doesn’t love you?

You would rather blame Him for our condition, caused by OUR disobedience, in this VERY temporary moment of time in comparison to forever, reject His insanely beautiful and incalculably expensive gift, through His death and resurrection for YOU, so you can instead spend FOREVER apart from Him, in eternal darkness and unspeakable pain, knowing all the while you could have simply accepted His free gift?

Wow

Dude, I pray the Holy Spirit will soften your heart and see the Love He has for you and accept Him.
If He wants to love me after this hell, that's fine, whatever, but if his sacrifice really released us, why do we ALL still suffer and die? I could never love anyone while the threat or fear of punishment existed though. If there is one soul in a real hell, there I'll be too.

Anyway, I need something that is real and present NOW, HERE, IN MY REAL LIFE THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OR WHAT JESUS WANTS ME TO DO WITH IT EITHER. I don't know what my sin was except to be born of sad scared mammals in a sad scary world that doesn't make much sense and certainly isn't just, kind or loving
 
Jesus is not dead.

Invisible, unfeelable, unhearable, untrustable, NOT HERE FOR ME, if not dead and gone home... anyway, Holy Spirit says sell everything, renounce all title and claim, even to my name, and go wander off into the wilderness. That's what I'll do if nothing else makes sense soon. It just looks like a death sentence from this perspective, but if Holy Spirit has a purpose for me, it makes sense I have to completely stop trying to find it on my own by mortal methods
 
If He wants to love me after this hell, that's fine, whatever, but if his sacrifice really released us, why do we ALL still suffer and die? I could never love anyone while the threat or fear of punishment existed though. If there is one soul in a real hell, there I'll be too.

Anyway, I need something that is real and present NOW, HERE, IN MY REAL LIFE THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OR WHAT JESUS WANTS ME TO DO WITH IT EITHER. I don't know what my sin was except to be born of sad scared mammals in a sad scary world that doesn't make much sense and certainly isn't just, What sin exactly is skydaddy punishing me for anyway? What did I, an innocent helpless baby thrust involuntarily into this awful wretched deceptive world, do to deserve inevitable suffering and eventual murder
 
Invisible, unfeelable, unhearable, untrustable, NOT HERE FOR ME, if not dead and gone home... anyway, Holy Spirit says sell everything, renounce all title and claim, even to my name, and go wander off into the wilderness. That's what I'll do if nothing else makes sense soon. It just looks like a death sentence from this perspective, but if Holy Spirit has a purpose for me, it makes sense I have to completely stop trying to find it on my own by mortal methods
John10-27-28es.png

John 10 verses 27-28 My sheep hear My voice, I know them and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand.
:)
 
If He wants to love me after this hell,
Dude, I promise you THIS is not hell. Your VERY worst day here will seem like an unimaginable joy next to your best day in real hell.

I need something that is real and present NOW, HERE, IN MY REAL LIFE
Go out and help in any way you can, and focus ON OTHERS> It is difficult to feel bad while helping others.

I don't know what my sin was
You need to watch this:

 
John10-27-28es.png

John 10 verses 27-28 My sheep hear My voice, I know them and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand.
:)
I must just not be a sheep... I got baptized voluntarily, though. I asked, I knocked. I keep asking and knocking. Not really any alternatives
 
Dude, I promise you THIS is not hell. Your VERY worst day here will seem like an unimaginable joy next to your best day in real hell.


Go out and help in any way you can, and focus ON OTHERS> It is difficult to feel bad while helping others.


You need to watch this:

I promise you that this is hell, and reincarnation is just how they keep it fresh. I am not scared of judgmental sky daddy, cuz I know how much I love my own children, and how much more god loves me. My problem is about what to do right now, for God, but the myth of individual salvation is rationally errant on at least two levels, those being: 1. God, being the only creator of anything, for him to punish himself through his creation or something so stupid as to defy the only goodness in all of creation is just insane, and 2. the idea that some people could be truly at peace while knowing that others are burning eternally.is truly psychotic and as insane as you can get spiritually from the idea of love or brotherhood
 
I promise you that this is hell, and reincarnation is just how they keep it fresh. I am not scared of judgmental sky daddy, cuz I know how much I love my own children, and how much more god loves me. My problem is about what to do right now, for God, but the myth of individual salvation is rationally errant on at least two levels, those being: 1. God, being the only creator of anything, for him to punish himself through his creation or something so stupid as to defy the only goodness in all of creation is just insane, and 2. the idea that some people could be truly at peace while knowing that others are burning eternally.is truly psychotic and as insane as you can get spiritually from the idea of love or brotherhood
Ok.

Thank you for clarifying that you aren’t really a Christian, nor have any desire or intent to become one.

Have a good day.
 
2 Peter 3:9
New International Version
9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

John 11:38-44
New International Version
38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”
40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

1 Corinthians 15:12-28
New International Version
12 But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
20 But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 23 But each in turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. 24 Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For he “has put everything under his feet.”[a] Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. 28 When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all.

John 11:25-26
New International Version
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
 
2 Peter 3:9
New International Version
9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

John 11:38-44
New International Version
38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”
40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

1 Corinthians 15:12-28
New International Version
12 But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
20 But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 23 But each in turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. 24 Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For he “has put everything under his feet.”[a] Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. 28 When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all.

John 11:25-26
New International Version
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
Yes, enough to voluntarily lay down my life for good.
 
Matthew 22:37-40
New International Version
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Colossians 3:13
New International Version
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
 
Try getting a hobby to keep you distracted.

That's what I did, and it's helped me.
I don't know if you have some wounds from the past but I was very low and I almost kill myself in the past and the only think that work for me after trying almost everything, like consulting, praying all the time for asking God to help me with my problems, fellowships, accountable Christians and Pastors. His Unchained Leaders you should try that it change my life. But you have to be committed.
 
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