Sports Illustrated for my husband, Insecurity for me, or is this ok?

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sammylove

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Ok.
Perhaps this is a bit silly. I have always had a bit of a jealous streak in me, and maybe this is bringing it out.
What are your opinions on men's magazine's such as Maxim and Sports Illustrated?

I feel very uncomfortable with them, but my husband likes them. He kind of laughs it off, turns it into a silly joke when I try to say I don't like his magazines with the "bimbos".

We are young, in our early twenties. We have been married four years.

Another reason why I feel so insecure, is because very very early in our marriage, we had a situation where he was daily speaking to an ex-girlfriend of his who was not married at the time. I had no idea about it, because a) i didn't check his phone and b) when i finally got a wierd feeling, i checked out phone bill, and he had been texting this girl everyday, first thing in the morning (even before he talked to me, like 6am....he went to work after me, and I left at 8..) and every night. This had been going on for months. I was broken hearted when I found out. We mended this part of our relationship and moved on. Or perhaps the girl's upcoming marriage broke this, I still don't know what went on with them. He won't tell me. He just says let bygone be bygones.

Two years later, he begins to facebook chat girls. Some of which are mutual acquaintances, some are his previous friends...First about nothing, then little things that made me uncomfortable. Talking about their improvements to their body after exercising....about the "best bra color". He would send bikini pictures to the girls and ask for their "opinion"...brazilian bikinis. One of them got upset, and told me. I was broken hearted again. Nothing fully sexual, but not things i felt comfortable with. I feel terrible because I do not trust him. Because of these things, these magazines make me really uncomfortable. He also visits a brazilian bikini site daily, and subscribes to updates of certain sports illustrated models on facebook/tumblr, etc. He is very active in "liking" and such in these social media updates.

Am I holding on to things I shouldn't and being insecure? He loves me, I know. But I also know he really enjoys this aspect of his life. I am in pretty good shape and pretty normal looking, but I know i'll never be like them. I know he would like it, but even though I eat very healthy (too healthy according to some) and workout, i dont know if i'm just appeasing him.

I don't know what to do. It really bothers me and I have nobody I can share this with that I would feel comfortable doing so. This is my last resort. What is your opinion on this situation? Please and thank you. God bless.
 
as far as sports illustrated whichis just sports except for februarys swimsuit issue and the facebbok stuff of celebrities i think your within your rights. But getting jealous he follows kate upton on twitter or one out of all the SI issues has bikinis is a bit far.
 
Well, he doesn't care about sports. He specifically buys the February issues. I think the problem is that the people he subscribes to, are the same models he visits daily on the bikini site. It's still a small, not so well known company, so I guess it's exciting to him, because they respond to his comments and request, and have even posted photos just for him. So it's not just random people here and there. It's the same ones. I don't know. :-(
 
You are NOT being insecure...I see this as highly disrespectful. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your husband, have you ever done the same to him? l have you ever looked at barely clothed guys in magazines, talked to several guys on FB and talked about their underwear? How would he feel? Ask him this. I think you should have a serious conversation with him and make him see that it's not just disrespectful, but he is also opening the door for occasions to commit adultery, if he is not doing so in his mind already. But again....you're not being insecure at all. I pray God opens his eyes.
 
I'll be the judgmental firebrand and say he needs to critically evaluate what he consumes and how he acts.

These actions are not becoming of a man.
 
Thanks you guys for your responses. All opinions are welcome, and I'm happy to be able to share this with someone.

We have spoken about this situation seriously a few times. However, it all ends in apologies, which he seems sincere about, and then we move on seemingly. Then, perhaps he changes, but often times, he just gets better at hiding things, which makes me highly suspicious and starts a vicious cycle of distrust. I cannot seem to rebuild my trust and get rid of my jealousy. Perhaps there are ways I can do that on my end? Because they just build up, and I'm afraid I will blow up one day unexpectedly, just making the situation worse instead of working on it.
 
sammylove said:
Well, he doesn't care about sports. He specifically buys the February issues. I think the problem is that the people he subscribes to, are the same models he visits daily on the bikini site. It's still a small, not so well known company, so I guess it's exciting to him, because they respond to his comments and request, and have even posted photos just for him. So it's not just random people here and there. It's the same ones. I don't know. :-(
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oh in that case, i think youre totally justified, i was confused at first because i have a subscription to SI so the swimsuit issue is just delivered and its like surprise flip through it and throw it with the rest of the issues.
 
A far as I tell tell, his interests in these things are fueled by lust. And it is very disrespectful to you as his mate.
 
I agree with everyone who says it is disrespect. I am the same as you. I don't tolerate the magazines, online viewing etc. Before we got married I said its cool if you do those things, I just won't be here with you while you do it. I let him know I'm not telling you to stop, but I'm telling you that I won't deal with it. Some may call it an ultimatum but it was more of me expressing my views on it. My husband said "its definitely not that serious to lose you" and we haven't had an issue with it since... Also we pray to strengthen our marriage every night together. God works miracles. Pray for him. Don't do what I did because that was before we were married so since you are now married, my advice is pray for him and watch God move....
 
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If I were in your shoes, I would be brokenhearted. As spouses, your sensual/sexual delight should come from one another. He is visually delighting in the lovely physical forms of other women, so naturally you feel hurt. I would, too. :(

I'm sorry you are in this situation, and I will be praying for you. As previously mentioned, lift up this situation in prayer to our God. Only He can change men's hearts.
 
Please know you are not alone in this. I have been dealing with VERY similar situations with my husband, also of 4 years, except he also has a problem with porn. Pray for him, and yourself. I hope you will find some peace in being able to talk and knowing you're not alone. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
 
sammylove said:
Ok.
Perhaps this is a bit silly. I have always had a bit of a jealous streak in me, and maybe this is bringing it out.
What are your opinions on men's magazine's such as Maxim and Sports Illustrated?

I feel very uncomfortable with them, but my husband likes them. He kind of laughs it off, turns it into a silly joke when I try to say I don't like his magazines with the "bimbos".

We are young, in our early twenties. We have been married four years.

Another reason why I feel so insecure, is because very very early in our marriage, we had a situation where he was daily speaking to an ex-girlfriend of his who was not married at the time. I had no idea about it, because a) i didn't check his phone and b) when i finally got a wierd feeling, i checked out phone bill, and he had been texting this girl everyday, first thing in the morning (even before he talked to me, like 6am....he went to work after me, and I left at 8..) and every night. This had been going on for months. I was broken hearted when I found out. We mended this part of our relationship and moved on. Or perhaps the girl's upcoming marriage broke this, I still don't know what went on with them. He won't tell me. He just says let bygone be bygones.

Two years later, he begins to facebook chat girls. Some of which are mutual acquaintances, some are his previous friends...First about nothing, then little things that made me uncomfortable. Talking about their improvements to their body after exercising....about the "best bra color". He would send bikini pictures to the girls and ask for their "opinion"...brazilian bikinis. One of them got upset, and told me. I was broken hearted again. Nothing fully sexual, but not things i felt comfortable with. I feel terrible because I do not trust him. Because of these things, these magazines make me really uncomfortable. He also visits a brazilian bikini site daily, and subscribes to updates of certain sports illustrated models on facebook/tumblr, etc. He is very active in "liking" and such in these social media updates.

Am I holding on to things I shouldn't and being insecure? He loves me, I know. But I also know he really enjoys this aspect of his life. I am in pretty good shape and pretty normal looking, but I know i'll never be like them. I know he would like it, but even though I eat very healthy (too healthy according to some) and workout, i dont know if i'm just appeasing him.

I don't know what to do. It really bothers me and I have nobody I can share this with that I would feel comfortable doing so. This is my last resort. What is your opinion on this situation? Please and thank you. God bless.
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Your husband is not a true follower of Christ, and his priorities are way off! He is still carnal in his mind, and will stay that way until he truly repents, and comes clean before God.

Your story is typical though, as this is the sad situations coming out of the apostate church, and you both need a wake up call!

I know this may sound harsh to you both, but your life and marriage is not honoring to God, and your husband is dishonoring God and you, especially if he reads those worldly, lustful magazines, and the other things you mentioned, he is worshiping self and not God, he is dishonoring your marriage vows, and is in big trouble with God!

As for advice!

What really matters!

Eph 4:18 Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart.
This verse alone truly summarizes the bleak condition of the modern church today! They would rather spend their time in total ignorance and darkness, where their understanding of any truth that than can transform their soul from the darkness to the light is lost in a myriad of false teachings, that promise them liberty while they are still a slave to sin!
Now having a darkened understanding or a wrong concept of God is a very serious matter, because if you are under the strong delusion God promised to send to those who do not love the truth, then you are being alienated (separated) from the life of God, which is your only lifeline to eternal life.
Claiming ignorance is no excuse on judgment day, as you have been given the truth by a few who love you enough to give it to you, and also brave enough to suffer the hate and false accusations coming against them as they stand in the gap for God!
2Co 4:4 In whom the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving ones, so that the light of the glorious gospel of Christ (who is the image of God) should not dawn on them.

The god of this world has indeed blinded the minds of the unbelieving and also those who say they believe (obey, and follow Jesus on the narrow path) but just give Him lip service while they remain blind, unable and unwilling to see through the lies, so that the light of the glorious gospel of Christ could shine on them, and open their eyes so they can see to turn from the darkness to the light!
Tommy
 
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