Greetings, fellow CC Singles 
.
This will be my last thread of this series, as I must soon go for the evening, but thank you all so much for bearing with me.
You are probably all wondering what happened in the aftermath of my date from (you know where.)
My friend Kristin called me the next day to check up on me, saying that apparently, X had emailed her and said, "Yeah, not only was Kim hot, but she has a great personality!" (Save it, buddy. No amount of flattery could salvage the meeting at this point.)
I told her, straight up, everything that had happened... and she said, "Kim, I am SO sorry for what happened--he's NEVER been like this around Ryan (her husband) and I--but the night before you were supposed to go out with him, we ran into someone and said we'd said that we set you up with him... and they told us, 'X is a nice guy... but he has issues with a certain subject.'" Oh really... Nothing like a day too late!!
Thank goodness she believed me!! She told me, "Yeah, Ryan (her husband) is really mad... he's going to set up a meeting with X as soon as possible and tell him you just don't behave like that with someone."
Still in a bit of shock, I called my mentor, Marilyn, who happens to be Kristin's aunt (once again, names and identifying details have been altered for reasons of privacy but all the quotes are true-to-life.)
I relayed to Marilyn everything that had happened and while I love Marilyn dearly and respect her as a Christian "Mom", can you guess what she told me?
"Well Kim... I know X... and he's never been like that around me... maybe he was just nervous... Do you think that if you got to know him a little, you might go out with him again? I think everyone deserves a second chance..."
Hello!!! Did you NOT just listen to anything I had to say!!! The guy made me feel like I was in danger of not even making it back to my car unscathed.
And guys, I am NOT trying to accuse you all of anything, but a woman like me who is only 5'2" also has to take things into consideration that could endanger her safety (such as, this guy was a foot taller than me and probably a good 100 pounds heavier, at least.) I AM SORRY to all you guys out there if a woman has treated you badly because she's been a victim of a previous predator, but I also have to be real in that I too was thinking of my safety as the number one factor when this guy kept repeatedly implying how much he'd love to use me as an object...
I was SO upset by Marilyn's "advice" that I was ready to throw something! I told Kristin, "Why doesn't she just declaw me like kitten, take away all my natural defenses, and hand me straight to this guy on a silver platter???"
This has been another hallmark in my experiences with good, well-meaning Christians--they tell you that you must be imagining things, or, "He's such a good person--I know him, he couldn't possibly be like that, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding... maybe if you tried to talk to him about it..."
I just want to say I am so sorry to all of you out there who have been told things like this and were made to think it was somehow your fault. I guess people think they're flattering us when they try to talk "sexy" to us, but for me, it has the opposite effect: I got up the next day and told God, "God, I hate myself. There must be something horribly, horribly wrong with me if I brought that out in a guy. I wore JEANS AND A T-SHIRT!!! What did I possibly do or say or wear to bring this out in him? Was it my fault?" Because, over the years, that is what the good Christian population has always trained me to think--it wasn't the other person, it was because I somehow caused it... because I was being rebellious or stubborn...
I asked God, "God, do you think I did something wrong?" And the first image that came to mind was my best guy friend, who would have been furious to hear someone talk to me like that--he would have dropped this guy with one punch in silence and walked away (no, I'm NOT advocating violence but I know that's how he would have reacted), but I felt like God was saying... If my best guy friend, brothers, or father would disapprove of how a guy spoked or acted towards me... chances are, I'm not provoking them, and it's not my fault.
For any of you who have been hurt, and then have been doubly hurt by those who claim to be living for the Lord but would not believe you and would even blame you for what did or did not happen, please don't give up.
I have often told God, "God, your Christians have often caused me just as much or more damage than the horrible worldly people that all these good Christians warn me about."
I have often been mad at God because I felt that He was always siding with the person(s) who intended to cause me harm.
But something I've come to realize as the years go by is that, while God DOES work through people, God Himself is a completely separate person FROM those people. Like all of you, I am in the process of getting to know who that Person is... and if you are someone who needs to talk or someone to pray with, I would be happy to listen to you.
I am often stupefied (in a very bad way) at the advice of good, Scripture-quoting Christians.
In fact, Marilyn told me that maybe I should tell X that someone on the worship team might want to be a little more careful about what he says and how he acts... but I'm sorry, I didn't feel like being turned into a good Christian babysitter to a grown man.
And, bless her heart, Kristin fully believed me and said, "Kim, I am so upset and so sorry, because yes, I know he would have tried to get you to leave alone with him right then and there."
Hallelujah, at least, someone who believed me!!
By the way, X left me a voice mail saying, "Hey, I'm really looking forward to seeing you again... I'm sorry if I said anything that offended you."
I was hoping to just avoid him, but knew I'd eventually have to explain things to him myself. I was like, "C'mon, Kim, you've sat in prisons... grow yourself a backbone and just tell this guy what you need to say!!"
I finally called him back and said, "I think you're a good person... but you said several things that made me uneasy... and I think it's best that we not see each other again."
Like a TRUE champion... his answer was, "What did I say???"
(To which, I cited several examples, told him I wished him the best, and said goodbye.)
Thank you all so much for letting me vent a bit!!
I would love to hear your thoughts and stories.
G'night and G'bless.
In my younger years, I would have thought... "Well, maybe he needs a Christian woman to talk to him and explain things..." I'd like to think I've gotten a little smarter as the years have passed... I wouldn't get near him again with 20-foot-pole (and even then, I'd have to make sure the pole had a taser on the end.)
. This will be my last thread of this series, as I must soon go for the evening, but thank you all so much for bearing with me.
You are probably all wondering what happened in the aftermath of my date from (you know where.)
My friend Kristin called me the next day to check up on me, saying that apparently, X had emailed her and said, "Yeah, not only was Kim hot, but she has a great personality!" (Save it, buddy. No amount of flattery could salvage the meeting at this point.)
I told her, straight up, everything that had happened... and she said, "Kim, I am SO sorry for what happened--he's NEVER been like this around Ryan (her husband) and I--but the night before you were supposed to go out with him, we ran into someone and said we'd said that we set you up with him... and they told us, 'X is a nice guy... but he has issues with a certain subject.'" Oh really... Nothing like a day too late!!
Thank goodness she believed me!! She told me, "Yeah, Ryan (her husband) is really mad... he's going to set up a meeting with X as soon as possible and tell him you just don't behave like that with someone."
Still in a bit of shock, I called my mentor, Marilyn, who happens to be Kristin's aunt (once again, names and identifying details have been altered for reasons of privacy but all the quotes are true-to-life.)
I relayed to Marilyn everything that had happened and while I love Marilyn dearly and respect her as a Christian "Mom", can you guess what she told me?
"Well Kim... I know X... and he's never been like that around me... maybe he was just nervous... Do you think that if you got to know him a little, you might go out with him again? I think everyone deserves a second chance..."
Hello!!! Did you NOT just listen to anything I had to say!!! The guy made me feel like I was in danger of not even making it back to my car unscathed.
And guys, I am NOT trying to accuse you all of anything, but a woman like me who is only 5'2" also has to take things into consideration that could endanger her safety (such as, this guy was a foot taller than me and probably a good 100 pounds heavier, at least.) I AM SORRY to all you guys out there if a woman has treated you badly because she's been a victim of a previous predator, but I also have to be real in that I too was thinking of my safety as the number one factor when this guy kept repeatedly implying how much he'd love to use me as an object...
I was SO upset by Marilyn's "advice" that I was ready to throw something! I told Kristin, "Why doesn't she just declaw me like kitten, take away all my natural defenses, and hand me straight to this guy on a silver platter???"
This has been another hallmark in my experiences with good, well-meaning Christians--they tell you that you must be imagining things, or, "He's such a good person--I know him, he couldn't possibly be like that, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding... maybe if you tried to talk to him about it..."
I just want to say I am so sorry to all of you out there who have been told things like this and were made to think it was somehow your fault. I guess people think they're flattering us when they try to talk "sexy" to us, but for me, it has the opposite effect: I got up the next day and told God, "God, I hate myself. There must be something horribly, horribly wrong with me if I brought that out in a guy. I wore JEANS AND A T-SHIRT!!! What did I possibly do or say or wear to bring this out in him? Was it my fault?" Because, over the years, that is what the good Christian population has always trained me to think--it wasn't the other person, it was because I somehow caused it... because I was being rebellious or stubborn...
I asked God, "God, do you think I did something wrong?" And the first image that came to mind was my best guy friend, who would have been furious to hear someone talk to me like that--he would have dropped this guy with one punch in silence and walked away (no, I'm NOT advocating violence but I know that's how he would have reacted), but I felt like God was saying... If my best guy friend, brothers, or father would disapprove of how a guy spoked or acted towards me... chances are, I'm not provoking them, and it's not my fault.
For any of you who have been hurt, and then have been doubly hurt by those who claim to be living for the Lord but would not believe you and would even blame you for what did or did not happen, please don't give up.
I have often told God, "God, your Christians have often caused me just as much or more damage than the horrible worldly people that all these good Christians warn me about."
I have often been mad at God because I felt that He was always siding with the person(s) who intended to cause me harm.
But something I've come to realize as the years go by is that, while God DOES work through people, God Himself is a completely separate person FROM those people. Like all of you, I am in the process of getting to know who that Person is... and if you are someone who needs to talk or someone to pray with, I would be happy to listen to you.
I am often stupefied (in a very bad way) at the advice of good, Scripture-quoting Christians.
In fact, Marilyn told me that maybe I should tell X that someone on the worship team might want to be a little more careful about what he says and how he acts... but I'm sorry, I didn't feel like being turned into a good Christian babysitter to a grown man.
And, bless her heart, Kristin fully believed me and said, "Kim, I am so upset and so sorry, because yes, I know he would have tried to get you to leave alone with him right then and there."
Hallelujah, at least, someone who believed me!!
By the way, X left me a voice mail saying, "Hey, I'm really looking forward to seeing you again... I'm sorry if I said anything that offended you."
I was hoping to just avoid him, but knew I'd eventually have to explain things to him myself. I was like, "C'mon, Kim, you've sat in prisons... grow yourself a backbone and just tell this guy what you need to say!!"
I finally called him back and said, "I think you're a good person... but you said several things that made me uneasy... and I think it's best that we not see each other again."
Like a TRUE champion... his answer was, "What did I say???"
(To which, I cited several examples, told him I wished him the best, and said goodbye.)
Thank you all so much for letting me vent a bit!!
I would love to hear your thoughts and stories.
G'night and G'bless.
In my younger years, I would have thought... "Well, maybe he needs a Christian woman to talk to him and explain things..." I'd like to think I've gotten a little smarter as the years have passed... I wouldn't get near him again with 20-foot-pole (and even then, I'd have to make sure the pole had a taser on the end.)
