Suicidle, Scared and Angry

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JamieU

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I do not know what to do anymore, i am getting tired of having suicidal thoughts, i keep having thoughts of stabbing my wrists, thoughts of my previous failed attempt of suicide and all the times i sat on the edge of a tall building. Plus i keep having irritations, I know that i could never show these irritations as i am not the one to hurt other people. But keeping them inside makes me scared. Having the suicidle thoughts, i am so scared i cant talk to no one because when i have, people have realised that i am weak, so they have took advantage of me and left me in the gutter. I have no friends at the moment, I have some friends at college but it is hard for me because i am so used to letting my emotions out, but i know it will mess things up and i cant afford three years with people i have messed up with. I feel that these crys for help inside me aren't able to get out. I mainly feel depressed scared and lonely with some mild irritations throughout the week, i rarely feel happy.

P.S This year i started drugs to try and ease it all, but that got cut off and now im drug free, but rare uses now and again. Last year i was a major alcoholic drinking before school and after, bunking off school so i could drink the thoughts away.

I am struggling now because i do not want to turn to drink or drugs, i want to turn to someone but i know im scared because the times i have done that i have been rejected. People do not understand how i feel. they think i am all fine when i leave to go home, but in my home, its bad. I cant go out because of the rough area i am living in. I have lost interest in my hobbies because i am too scared because people have interfered with me trying to have fun
 
Because we are both, and all of us are born in a Hostile Spiritual World were Satan Rules and is walking up and down in the earth to Destroy, these thoughts that we are having a Normal, there are Believers and noneBelievers who are being taken advantage of, if Satan sees a chance to put these thoughts, emotions and the promise of "Peace in Death" in our Heads.

The world "Mainly" Believes that in Death you willl find peace, your still aware of yourself, or not...depends on the Believe in Man...but never the less in Spirit, Satan "talks" and "decieve" you in a great manner and promises all these things in death that are not true.

The Truth about Death, if you die in your Sins is explained in the Bible, talked about being Asleep, and other description it points out that its the "First Stop" and the Last one will end in Torment and Destruction. Again, these awaits man who dont believe in Jesus Christ and die in there Sins "Criminal Activities".

I say this because i had, still have these thoughts, but i compare my thoughts and believes about Death with what the Scripture says, and then make a choice if i believe "Satan" or "really my thoughts" or Jesus Christ, who has Died and knows whats going on in Death and Hell.

You should first change your Believe about Death, compare your Believes about Death with what is written about Death in the Bible, or you can Just Google -What does Bible say about Death-. If you see that your believe about Death is Contrary to the Truth then you are being told a lie.

Also, Satan did this to me, but wich i found out later on was actually not just a lie on his part but also a revelation on my Faith towards Jesus Christ. We or people who seek death are looking for Rest.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. <-- words of Jesus Christ

"Come to me who want Rest and Salvation" are the words of Satan about his offer wich is totaly untruthfull....it clearly showed me though that i didnt believe or hunted down the rest of Jesus Christ as much as i Believed or Hunted down the Rest in Death.

Unbelievers and Believers alike are born in the same World, same Conditions, thats why things that happend to Unbelievers happen to Believers, i took Drugs and Alcohol, even Prescription Drugs because of my Depressions. What happend to me although im a Believer in the Goodness of God, happens to Unbelievers.

Till this day although i know the Pros of being a Very Weak or even Broken Person, i dont enjoy being weak. You are Weak?...that means Jesus Christ would have to be with your 24/7 to strenght your Weaknesses....wich is Good, there you can become Stronger then you can imagine, not your Strenght but Jesus Christ strenght.

I have a mind, a heart and soul...all these parts according to the Situations will collapse together depending on what causes the Hurt, Pain ect...wich then Causes the Depression. This is from my own account, the Closer you are to him that was Crucified and Rose from the Dead on the 3rd Day the more you are filled by him, especially in parts were you are weak, because there is no resistance but a "welcome or help" sign in those areas, for example your Heart is truely crying Help or your Mind is crying Help...thats were Man really Opens up to Jesus Christ and he will then Support them, if there Close enough.

You can see the Differences once Jesus Christ supports your Weaknesses..., lets say your Heart Sinks in Darkness everytime in the Same Situation, and causes Depressions, wenn your full of Jesus Christ, you can actually witness the Power that is trying to Pull you down but it CANNOT HAPPEN, you sense that the Power even your Own thoughts are putting Pressure on the Power and Strenght of Jesus Christ, But it cannot happen, then you are truely leaning on Jesus Christ and can Rest.

What to do? Learn the Truth about Death, and Find Jesus Christ through Meditation and gain Knoweldge of him in the Bible. This might sound wierd, but give yourself some more time befor heading to these thoughts about Death.
 
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Sounds to me like you're suffering from some depression. What you need to do is talk to your parents, or a school counselor, pastor.. someone in authority like that, Not to other kids. Other kids cannot provide the help for you that you need. You may benefit from a psychologist. A few other things you can try to start doing is eating healthier, getting on a regular night time sleep schedule and exercising. All of those things actual aid in overcoming depression. I suggest avoiding antidepressants except as a last resort.
Also, i've dealt with depression since i was 14, among other problems. I can tell you now, you aren't weak for how you feel. People tell me regularly that i am a strong person. The reason i'm strong is i faced my problems, i read about how to deal with things, i learned. I didn't use drugs or alcohol. THAT is weak. Don't run from your problems because you will never stop running if you do. Face them head on. Its hard, its scary at times. But at least that way you stand a chance of learning to cope with, or overcome them. If you hide behind drugs and alcohol all that will do is make things worse as you'll then have addiction to deal with. And you never learn to handle anything and you will grow up to be a weak person. Be strong, stand up and fight. I did not think of myself as a strong person when i was your age, but after years of struggles and battles i have become strong. The same can be true of you.
 
JamieU said:
I do not know what to do anymore, i am getting tired of having suicidal thoughts, i keep having thoughts of stabbing my wrists, thoughts of my previous failed attempt of suicide and all the times i sat on the edge of a tall building. Plus i keep having irritations, I know that i could never show these irritations as i am not the one to hurt other people. But keeping them inside makes me scared. Having the suicidle thoughts, i am so scared i cant talk to no one because when i have, people have realised that i am weak, so they have took advantage of me and left me in the gutter. I have no friends at the moment, I have some friends at college but it is hard for me because i am so used to letting my emotions out, but i know it will mess things up and i cant afford three years with people i have messed up with. I feel that these crys for help inside me aren't able to get out. I mainly feel depressed scared and lonely with some mild irritations throughout the week, i rarely feel happy.

P.S This year i started drugs to try and ease it all, but that got cut off and now im drug free, but rare uses now and again. Last year i was a major alcoholic drinking before school and after, bunking off school so i could drink the thoughts away.

I am struggling now because i do not want to turn to drink or drugs, i want to turn to someone but i know im scared because the times i have done that i have been rejected. People do not understand how i feel. they think i am all fine when i leave to go home, but in my home, its bad. I cant go out because of the rough area i am living in. I have lost interest in my hobbies because i am too scared because people have interfered with me trying to have fun
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Have you thought about going to a doctor about antidepressants? I know someone who used to be a big alcoholic for decades, but they started taking a mild antidepressant and have not had much of a desire to drink any more. Something is definitely wrong in your life. I don't know if it's just that your body is going through changes at 16 or if it's because of your environment or both. But this might be something to look into?
 
Jamie, sweetie do you see your signature? It says BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
You also need to BELIEVE IN GOD. Understand that the devil is attacking
and he has NO POWER NO CONTROL. Jesus died for YOU!
He didnt do all He did for you in vain. He desires for you to have freedom.
The same power that rose from the dead lives in YOU.
Call out His Name, He will deliver you.
Let your tests be a testimony for others.
Be that person to say look how far I have come,
I was <----------------------------there and now look at me!
I was on drugs, i was suicidal, i was depressed, angry, hurt, confused...
But God healed me! Say it! IN THE NAME OF JESUS I AM FREE!
You have been redeemed from the curse of the law. Its done!!!
Dont accept the lies that Satan tells you, tell him, you have no place in my life!
I belong to the Lord!!
I will be praying for you! Reach out to God, cry to Him, He will lead you!
Reach out to a youth pastor, dont hide all you are feeling, thats EXACTLY what Satan wants!
Dont forget he comes to kill, steal and destroy. He will do it ANYWAY you let him.
DON LET HIM. KNOW THAT YOU HAVE THE VICTORY!! IN THE NAME OF JESUS, SATAN WILL HAVE TO FLEE!
LOVE, GWENDOLYN
 
thanks for all the support guys, i think i am over the phase now, but i know ill be back into it pretty soon and i will have everything you have all said in my mind. God bless all
 
JamieU said:
thanks for all the support guys, i think i am over the phase now, but i know ill be back into it pretty soon and i will have everything you have all said in my mind. God bless all
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You, too, Jamie. Take care of yourself.
 
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