Talking vs Dating

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SierraJ

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So I was on intagram the other day and a female aquaintance of my posted a picture of what I would say is her boyfriend and her hugging. I have no problem with the picture, but it is what she said...this guy she is talking to. I am sure we all have our own definition of what dating, talking, courtship...etc. I would like to get your opinion and how would this look in a christian, kingdom impowering relationship. what is talking, dating, courtship and what does it look like.
 
In my eyes, "talking" means that you're interested in each other (both know this) and you're just hanging out more; talking more. You're possibly moving towards a relationship, but you're not exclusive or committed yet.

Dating would be public, exclusive, and committed.

Just my take. :)
 
This is one thing I HATE about being in Christian culture.


If I'm interested in someone and want to be with them, I have to hide it or downplay it. I can't just say it. OR It has to be blown way out of proportion and become facebook official.

The burden of expectations and titles and observations and blah blah blah...



Why can't people just be. Let the relationship work itself out. Why does it need a status?
 
Do you have a problem with her being all huggy-feely with her friend? Once I'm pretty comfortable with a woman I know, and if she's similarly inclined, I can be very huggy-feely with my platonic friends. No romantic intentions whatsoever.

As far as the ol' Dee Tee Are (Define The Relationship) terminology, this is how ol' Shour rolls:
Talking/Hanging Out = getting to know each other, possible romantic inclinations, no affectionate physical contact other than salutory hugs. Often not alone with prospective partner, usually amongst friends.
Dating = primarily alone with respective partner. Romantic inclinations on both sides, early phase may not have additional physical affection, but can advance to handholding, kissing, and beyond.
Courtship/Seeing Each Other = synonymous with dating, but is exclusive. Usually involves the girlfriend or boyfriend label.
Engagement = official, mutual agreement on the intent to wed

Clear as mud for ya?

Of course, I say this is how I roll, but I've had very few relationships compared to most men my age, and the one big relationship I had never made it to the engagement phase simply because I was still paying for the diamond when she broke it off. >_< (That's right, I've a ring and half of a rock still.) But for me, those parameters are pretty clear and allow for easy DTRing.
 
People like labels. Labels provide a sense of security and stability. It also allows someone to claim the other. Do titles matter? Probably not. English is a horrible language to begin with. Our word choices and meanings are often times ambiguous and even a little pointless.
 
Before Facebook we didn't need statuses.


If someone wanted to know about who someone was seeing they simply asked them.
 
I think the question really being asked here is 'Do we actually need to TALK to someone we're dating?'
 
Liamson said:
Before Facebook we didn't need statuses.


If someone wanted to know about who someone was seeing they simply asked them.
Click to expand...

I don't know if this is in reference to the OP or to being "official" in general, but I know that "talking" to someone was something way before Facebook came around.

It's actually a term now, "Facebook official". A dear friend of mine is dating someone and they didn't put it on Facebook. It doesn't make it less real, but I've actually heard some people say they must not be that serious then. But they've been dating for over a year now, so proved them wrong! I think that's ridiculous, Facebook shouldn't determine anything in my real life relationships.
 
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talking to... that's what I am doing to the person on the other side of the counter so that they make my sub correctly. I am in a conversation. This to me does not denote any kind of relationship outside of the transactional exchange. I talk to my friends. I talk to strangers. I talk to people that I have business with or need to convey information to. I talk to people that I like as friends or as family about deeper things than "pass the salt." I think that this is some new fangled label so that the sexting generation can feel better about their instantaneous relationships that come and go with the tides. Maybe I'm just a grumpy old man before his time.
dating... I never got a good handle on this one when i was single, but my functional definition is basically that it means I am romantically involved with someone, that we have acknowledged feelings towards each other that we wish to pursue spending time with each other and potentially grow a deeper relationship.
courtship...this one is cut & dry black & white in my mind. it is actively pursuing marriage with a specific individual.

my $0.02, which is arguably in some foreign currency that is bound to have a fluctuating exchange rate that differs wildly depending on who is on the receiving end of my attempts at communicating.
 
iraasuup said:
I think the question really being asked here is 'Do we actually need to TALK to someone we're dating?'
Click to expand...

oh, tisk... we need to talk to someone at any phase of relating to them. without talking, what is left?
again, grumpy old man here.
 
SeatBelt said:
oh, tisk... we need to talk to someone at any phase of relating to them. without talking, what is left?
again, grumpy old man here.
Click to expand...

I was being facetious, or at least attempting to be so. Obviously, a poor effort on my part ;)
 
You know, I thought maybe with the advancements in modern technology and all, 'talking' to someone you date would no longer be required. I kid of course!
 
Personally, I don't care if people are "facebook official". It doesn't make a difference to me one way or the other. If it makes you happy, great. :) Whatevs man.
 
If I spend every day with a girl, I'm in a relationship. If I'm with her I'm not with anyone else, nor does anyone else have my attention.


I'm not going to say we are dating. Because I hate labels. If people can't figure out that we are together then its their problem not mine.
 
On the flipside of this argument is the common school of thought in Christian circles that if a girl and guy spend time together they 'MUST' be dating. This irks me. Can I not spend time with males who are just FRIENDS, simply because we enjoy each others company and have things in common? Why must everyone assume there that there is more to a guy/girl close friendship than there actually is, and if you say otherwise they start to try to convince you to change your mind with quips like 'but he's such a nice guy'. Yes, I know that, that's why he's my FRIEND!!!! *end rant*
 
Cool feedback, thanks. As I stated in my starting post I don’t have a problem with her closeness to her boyfriend and I know for a fact that she is dating him, but the terminology she use I was having a misunderstanding with. By all means if you have friends of the opposite sex that you like hanging out with I understand that you can still be friends.
If you have an interest in a person I don’t see why you have to hide or down play it...waning to be in a relationship is normal...God given in fact. Now the reason why you want to be with that person is another story.
Labels I am not so much a fan of, but I do use them from time to time. Most times I like to call it what it is and I don’t understand the concept of “talking” as it refers to dating or being in romantic relationship...if you like someone you go tell them (this would be the talking stage...making it know your feelings for that person, not some drawn out period of going out and seeing how they are...to me that is dating) and go from there. I was thinking if I read other peoples feedback I could possible wrap my mind around this idea. I could care less about what social media has to say about you being an official couple or not.
 
I'm with you, Ira.
throughout my 35 revolutions around that mass of incandescent gas (Everyone sing now, "A gigantic nuclear furnace, Where hydrogen is built into helium, At a temperature of millions of degrees...") the vast majority of my friends have not been other guys. It stands to reason that I did not date all the girls/women/what term do I use here? that I spent time with. conversely, when my closest Guy friend and I talk, over the phone or in person, he ALWAYS tells me At Least Once that he loves me. We are not dating. Or attracted to guys in anyway. We are Christians who have the love of Christ in us and who can admit that we genuinely care for each other. It's gotta be a little odd, though to see my 5'6" self getting crushed in a bear hug by a man whose shoulder is taller than me, as he greets me with, "I love you. Its been too long. How you been?"
 
SeatBelt said:
I'm with you, Ira.
throughout my 35 revolutions around that mass of incandescent gas (Everyone sing now, "A gigantic nuclear furnace, Where hydrogen is built into helium, At a temperature of millions of degrees...") the vast majority of my friends have not been other guys. It stands to reason that I did not date all the girls/women/what term do I use here? that I spent time with. conversely, when my closest Guy friend and I talk, over the phone or in person, he ALWAYS tells me At Least Once that he loves me. We are not dating. Or attracted to guys in anyway. We are Christians who have the love of Christ in us and who can admit that we genuinely care for each other. It's gotta be a little odd, though to see my 5'6" self getting crushed in a bear hug by a man whose shoulder is taller than me, as he greets me with, "I love you. Its been too long. How you been?"
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I am glad to hear I'm not alone in feeling this way. That being said, as a result of past experiences I must admit, I'm a bit jaded about men. I tend to put up a wall and 'friend zone' everyone.
 
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