Aww thanks guys.
Ive only told that dream to my husband and never to others even christians because its been mocked before. Others have told me, it must be a spiritual gift but Im highly in doubt of that since I believe gifts should be regular (and this has only happened to me twice in my life) and the bible says gifts are for the edification for others and my dreams have been for me only.
My second dream had a completely different tone, so instead of being encouraged I was rebuked and convicted. But really it was God forcing me to look at the sin I had committed against him then over and over put it under the rug so to speak. All my life, discipline involved being kicked, slapped, whipped, emotional abuse.. This was the first time I had ever been lovingly disciplined but by my true Father who loved me. And this discipline was so effective of convicting me that I went completely cold turkey with my sin.
After my first dream, I moved in with my non christian boyfriend. He and his mother were the only people to figure out what was happening to me since the family member was incredibly clever in appearing charming and family orientated to strangers. Since my then boyfriend was a kung fu black belt and loved me and whose family kind of adopted me, I felt safe and protected and loved for the first time in my life. Unfortunantely, I then started a snow balling step by step process of worshipping this boyfriend and having sex with him. I developed an enormously strong and idolising loyalty to him, convincing myself that if it weren't for him Id still be in an abusive home, or dead from suicide. Prettymuch treating him like I should have treated Jesus. Even though he wasn't a christian, I already called him my husband (which I used to blindly convince myself I wasn't in sin since we were "married") and I gave him all the benefits of a wife.
I think God totally knew the mistakes I was making and where this would lead me, and he intervened early. I got into my college of choice which was a 6 hour drive away, and while in this long distance relationship, God placed me in a strong Christian community. Fortunately, my roommate who was our pastors daughter found out I had a non christian boyfriend who I was very proud of verbally exclaiming our love life, told her Dad who then preached a rebuking "Don't date non christians" sermon. Andregrettably in anger and defiance I left that church and joined another.
Even more unfortunante, was at this new church because I was so confident and charismatic and treated like a dating guru that I encouraged other young women my age with continuing to date and sleep with their non christian boyfriends. Thinking back now, I was a total heretic.
So I had this routine of being the goody good non drinking Christian educated woman at college who deliberately avoided Pauls Letters whenever I read my bible calling him a sexist pig who didnt understand women, to going home and sleeping with my boyfriend and cleaning his house and cooking him food every night and paying homage to his mother who I also admired and and was close to.
Every now and then Id get little hints and nudges from God that this wasn't his plan for me. But I was so enveloped in my worship of this guy that considering a life that didnt include him sounded absurd and stupid and I started to call God stupid.
Things started rearing its ugly head when I had a nervous breakdown during my second year at college after walking home from studying at the library (the night before a paper was due), I slipped on black ice and hurt my hip and couldnt get up for an hour (in the middle of winter), then staggering home in pain, handing my paper in late and failing said paper with the worst mark they had ever given a student. Because of how awful the grade was, the staff made me take an entire year off to redo the paper. This was devastating since I also worshipped my education, and next to my boyfriend I believed it was thinking of my future career that gave me hope during those years of abuse, and working my butt off to get into that school was pure motivation to me. I I was also humiliated because I was prideful and considered myself more intelligent than most girls in my year and they were now going to graduate and do the job I loved a year ahead of me.
Because I had only one paper to do in an entire year. I had a lot of time to myself. I had to get a job at McDonalds since I wasn't able to get a proper govt allowance, which was even more humilating since I hated McDonalds and I hated seeing old classmates at the drive through I worked at. I spent a lot of time yelling and crying and literally shaking my fist at God. Unbelievably I still went to church. This time though I shut up a lot more. Volunteered more at church. Became a bit more of a reclusive hermit. Started spending about 3 hours a day reading my bible, which slowly helped me to realise I was a twat and I stopped being angry at God. I also slowly became more discontent with my relationship with my boyfriend and for the first time in my life I envied single people. While feeling more pressure from our families to get engaged since we had been together for four years and represented all that was "perfect" in the world. What I wanted I couldnt explain. To me, a perfect relationship was one where I wasn't beaten or emotionally manipulated or touched privately against my will. Which is so messed up, and explains why abused girls often date and marry passive dead beat guys because thats all they ever know and aspire to. Theres no picture of an alternative. So I continued to sleep with him out of guilt. Because I felt like I was emotionally cheating on him by not thinking he was my whole world.
Soo..
If I haven't killed anyone mentally, by forcing people to read all of that. Do you guys want to hear what my second dream was?