We had a rocky beginning. Her sister, less than two years older, was so sick I had to neglect her just to keep her sister alive. She told me once that she couldn’t remember when she first knew she could depend on no one, she must take care of herself.
Still we drew very close after she grew up. We backpacked together, we took on big projects together like redoing the plumbing in her old house, or wiring a new house. Then I grew old.
It came on slowly. I couldn’t manage my heavy backpack across a swift stream, she had to help. I taught her the computer, and within weeks she was the leader, teaching me. She built me a new kitchen, I was to be her helper, but it fast became a time to scold me for not supporting her work well, and then my body broke down from it all and she was stretched to her limit. I was confined to my bed to get well, and lost more strength and became older.
Our projects we had so enjoyed doing together weren’t fun anymore, they only showed my inability to keep up.
Then our interests changed. Her interests centered on keeping up with new demands her life made on her. My interests went to studies rather than doing. She said I didn’t understand her problems, and she also said I was never to speak to her of my interests, as she didn’t share them. Time together became my listening, without being able to speak.
Then I couldn’t walk nearly as fast as she did. I went almost blind, I needed help to find my way in strange places. She didn’t have time for such inefficiency. As she moved about efficiently, my body became cumbersome and to her, always seemed to be in her way holding her back. She found only irritation in me. I found her irritation heart breaking, and needed to be away from it.
So, for me, I have a daughter still I dearly love, but I lost a friend I shared everything with.
At the beginning of life, mothers are the leaders, the ones who need to do the giving. At the end of life, daughters are put in the mother position, it is hard for them. For mother's, too.
Still we drew very close after she grew up. We backpacked together, we took on big projects together like redoing the plumbing in her old house, or wiring a new house. Then I grew old.
It came on slowly. I couldn’t manage my heavy backpack across a swift stream, she had to help. I taught her the computer, and within weeks she was the leader, teaching me. She built me a new kitchen, I was to be her helper, but it fast became a time to scold me for not supporting her work well, and then my body broke down from it all and she was stretched to her limit. I was confined to my bed to get well, and lost more strength and became older.
Our projects we had so enjoyed doing together weren’t fun anymore, they only showed my inability to keep up.
Then our interests changed. Her interests centered on keeping up with new demands her life made on her. My interests went to studies rather than doing. She said I didn’t understand her problems, and she also said I was never to speak to her of my interests, as she didn’t share them. Time together became my listening, without being able to speak.
Then I couldn’t walk nearly as fast as she did. I went almost blind, I needed help to find my way in strange places. She didn’t have time for such inefficiency. As she moved about efficiently, my body became cumbersome and to her, always seemed to be in her way holding her back. She found only irritation in me. I found her irritation heart breaking, and needed to be away from it.
So, for me, I have a daughter still I dearly love, but I lost a friend I shared everything with.
At the beginning of life, mothers are the leaders, the ones who need to do the giving. At the end of life, daughters are put in the mother position, it is hard for them. For mother's, too.
