Well, Christmas at my parents was a flop. The "favorite" family (my sisters) went to see her in-laws at noon, so they didn't get back to my parents until 3. I went to my parents with my husband and son at 12 noon so that we could see my middle 27 yr old son (who had to work at 3:00 that day). We spent 3 hours at my parents - all was good until my mom said to me "you ARE going to Laurens baby shower tomorrow, right?" ..... I admit, I did sound angry when I immediately said back to her "how many times are you going to ask me that? I said NO I am not, I had a commitment with my church tomorrow to do the counting, bank deposit and a meeting right after for the concert we are holding in New Years" ... she knew this. She knew this weeks ago. She just figures that the "favorite family" has a daughter pregnant and all MUST attend or they are forbidden from the family. Nevertheless, when it was time for my middle son to go to work (right after this face off with mom), my husband, other son and I left too ... we told them bye. Mom immediately got up and said to my oldest (going to work), oh, here is your gift, hugged him told him merry christmas and off we went. She never gave my 19 year old son his gift. Her sweet way of getting back at me.
The Favorites Win Again
- Thread starter Cindy12
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I'm really sorry you had to go through that yesterday. I am sure you are right to be angry, but I can't help thinking the power YOU now possess to be a blessed peacemaker. Imagine the impact on your family if you were to show up, even for a brief time, at your sister's shower. I'm not suggesting I could have that strength, but when I think of what Jesus forgave me for it takes my breath away, and what anybody has done to me seems trivial. I pray in Jesus name that you would have that strength sister. Happy New Year to you!
Peace, Grace and Love
Peace, Grace and Love
I would have been going to my nieces shower had they done it Saturday evening as originally planned, but when they had to change it to Sunday, I had already made a commitment to the church that morning to do some tasks that another member who is out of town for the holidays is doing. They knew this. They knew I had this prior commitment. I'm actually more upset at the fact that my mother could do that to one of her grandchildren right in front of his face while give the other something. She did that simply because we didn't stay until 4 when she had planned the perfect family to be there at 4. Everything revolves around them. But the look on my sons face when she gave his brother something and not him was just something unforgettable. He told me, mom, its not a big deal -- and he is right. But she sure showed her true colors to my son. She wants us to "do as she wishes" in order to receive something, that is not how life works. I cannot go to the shower, but I will send my niece a present from us for sure. It was just such a let down, disappointment and true sign of something I never saw I would see.
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Sounds like an easy win on the family's side. If your Mom trying to coax you into going to your niece's shower ruined your Christmas, what were your expectations to begin with?
My expectation was to go to Moms and have an enjoyable family Christmas with everyone. But the conversation (on moms part) suddenly turned into a baby shower conversation ... probably to cause strife. She knew I could not go long before Christmas Day. So my expectation was to go to Christmas day with the family and do what we have the past 20 years .... it didn't happen. Of course, things can change in a second, and they did. Still not sure what you mean though by this.
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Then she only brings up favorite family once every 20 years? Sounds like better odds than "white Christmas" where I live.
Where I live, we have a 10% chance of snow on Christmas. As a kid, I kept hoping for that 10% chance. As an adult, I keep hoping for the 90% chance. lol Hoping has never changed the chances.
Family is going to do what family does. Sometimes they're nice. Sometimes they're not. AND sometimes I'm the cause. (I say what comes to my mind, but it doesn't always come out with the same intent I had in mind, so I mean it to be nice, but others take it as something else. That's me.) That's what everyone has for a family to varying degrees.
We're not responsible for what family does. We are responsible on how we deal with it. Two of my brothers got married, but I couldn't go. I even wanted to go. I don't know if there were hurt feelings at the time, but there are none now. That's family.
To think Christmas is ruined because you couldn't or didn't go to your niece's shower? I don't see how she became the bad guy, even though you don't like your sister and you don't like your Mom for liking your sister more.
I really don't think I'll ever understand how that argument ruined your whole Christmas.
I spent my Christmas with my hubby -- in the cardiac ICU. My father's lawyer sent me a letter asking to speak with me on Christmas Eve eve -- the same day they were replacing hubby's heart valve. She wants to know what we think of my brother becoming my Dad's guardian, now that Dad is unable to mentally or physically take care of himself. Couldn't answer that day, because I was too worried about hubby. Tried calling her Christmas Eve, but she wasn't at work. (Good for her. lol) Will call her this week to see if she's out to help Dad or out to keep the letter of the law.
Guess what! I had a wonderful Christmas. For the first time in my life, (and for the last time, because people have to be nuts to want to do that more than once on their own lol), I made a full Christmas dinner all by myself. I even filled and then emptied my stocking. The tree was lit, the nativity was lit, and I watched Avatar. (One of my favorite movies.) Most of all I spent a good chunk of the day with hubby listening to his two favorite albums, and really seeing him. AND he saw me back! First time, since this all happened, he knew I was there most of the time I stayed.
Ever go out to a hospital on Christmas? Pretty cool. They made me pay for parking anyway. (Was hoping for a freebie. lol) The lobby to that hospital was full of patients and family listening to the Halleluah choir from Mendel's Messiah three days earlier, but on Christmas only the Information desk person was there. Just as quiet in the halls, but someone left a small, but nice, plastic poinsettia plant for my hubby. (A group that does that for all hospital patients, and also does something for Easter, although I hope not to find out what they do for Easter.) To get home, I have to drive onto the left side of one of the busiest highways in the country with a Yield sign. So, I don't merge, I have to blend. That was the only day it was easy.
Christmas. The day we celebrate that the perfect God came to earth in human form to suffer for 33 very long years and then to die for those whom he will save.
So, seriously? You had a minor fight with your Mom about a niece who has done you no harm and that ruined your Christmas? I really, really don't get it, and I'm the nutty sister who sticks who foot in her mouth the most out of six siblings.
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It's okay to be angry. God gave us anger so that we know when a boundary has been crossed or a core value has been violated.
I am sorry for your anger. If you had made a little prayer to God after the tart retort, it may have helped you to calm down a little. As it was I see that you and your family left early as a result of your feeling hurt and probably not wanting to be hurt more or possibly not wanting to get "into it" with other family members. The leaving early part will only exacerbate the ill will between you and your mother and likely your sister's family. Glad that you bubbled over here where it's understood for what it is, Satan feeling good about himself for goading you into anger. Happens a lot with most of us. Better fight, with Satan, next time.
You might not like to hear this, but your wrong. I do love my sister and my mother, even when they tick me off. So, your wrong that I don't like them. (sorry). And yes, I have spent Christmas day at the hospital. As a matter of fact, last year I spent 3 months running mom back and forth to the hospital every single day because my dad was in the hospital from October until January. I didn't pay the daily parking fee on Christmas day you mention, I had to buy a monthly parking pass because we were there 3 months. The favorite sister was not around (she lives in Florida) to drive mom back and forth every single day and still work a full time job like I did. I used up 4 weeks of my vacation time to be there for mom and give her a break so she could go home for a day and I would spend the night to give her some rest without leaving dad alone. He went through 7 surgeries in that 3 months time, so yes ... I DO and HAVE been through that circumstance. I asked my boss if I could come in late for 3 months to go by moms at 5:30 in the morning, pick her up, take her to the hospital; and I left my home several nights to go spend the night there, take mom home so she could rest. Yeah, I have been there.
Thank you for your understanding. The praying did help substantially! And no, we didn't leave early as a result of the argument. We told mom we were coming at 12 with my son who had to work and leaving at 3. We did exactly as we told her for the last 2 weeks. She just wanted us to stay until her plan was fulfilled. That was never our plan. I am going to see my sisters family (her kids and babies are here for 4 days) tomorrow before they go home so I can visit and spend time with them. And this morning, I found out that mom sent home my sons gift (the one she didn't give to him that day) via my sister to her house -- so that he could go to her house and get it instead of mom giving it to him Christmas Day. Obviously, she felt crappy about her decision that day to take it out on him.
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Hey. I love my brother, but I don't like him. The two feelings aren't mutually exclusive. I never said you don't love your family, but it's obvious at one particular moment, at least, you didn't like them. From what you say about your sister, I suspect you and I have similar feelings about one of our siblings.
And it wasn't about how a Christmas is spent. It was about expectations. To me, no big day goes by without some kind of darn-it moment. (Darn-it. Was hoping for free parking. lol) I actually keep track of darn-its for weddings. (I lost my grandmother and brother for my wedding. No, really lost them between where I got dressed and the church. Told them to follow us, forgot, and they weren't from around there, so, I lost them. Fortunately, my matron-of-honor had a nine year old daughter who went with them to find the church. My SIL had her name spelled wrong on her wedding cake. One of my brothers was late for his own wedding by two hours. So, I honestly keep track of darn-its for big days.) I just don't expect everything to go perfectly, and, because of that, I'm never disappointed. (I'd be surprised if everything did go perfect, but haven't been surprised yet.)
I just don't get why this ruined your whole Christmas. Tick you off? Sure. I get that. I even get simmering over it for a while. But a whole day and, now, then some? Nope. Don't get it.