The question of being unequally yolked...

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greytmari

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I was asked to re-post this here in the hopes that someone who may question why it is important to wait for and pray for a Christian spouse will read and understand God's plan. If one person can be spared the hurt and pain of not following God's plan for marriage, then I hope this helps. It is kind of long, but does indeed answer that question.

Exactly one year ago today, my husband of sixteen years and the father of my kids, ages 14 and 17, decided that he no longer wanted to be married and abandoned the family both physically and emotionally. There was another woman involved and have been several since and to say I was destroyed is an understatement. As I walked this morning in our beautiful North Carolina air, I was recalling how far the Lord has brought me in just one year and just how very very blessed I am.
I grew up in a wonderful Christian family and my parents have been married 35 years. I was blessed to attend Christian school from K-College and was always in church.
I made the mistake of being unequally yoked and married a non believer. For 16 years we shared a wonderful friendship and raised two great kids. My husband was active duty Air Force for 13 years and is now finishing out his 20 years in the NC National Guard. I loved being an Air Force spouse and moving and seeing so much of the world. Our marriage was by no means perfect and honestly we were probably better friends than anything else but last year, my self-esteem, my family and just about everything was destroyed and wiped out like a nuclear bomb had hit us. I went into a severe depression and two months later the Lord, who I had not been living for for well over 20 years, brought me back to him through grace and his mercy. Today I am still healing but with a wonderful church family and amazing Christian friends as well as a daily and personal relationship with the Lord, I have begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Reading Dr. Dobson's book "Love Must Be Tough" has helped so much and I can finally say that peace has broken out and the Lord has taken my anger and depression ad turned it into love and compassion. I pray daily that my husband will turn his heart to Christ and that he will return to our family. The process of forgiveness took me a year but oh how great is the grace of God. Today, I can say that every day is a blessing and an adventure and to anyone out there who may be experiencing terrible, heart wrenching emotional or even physical pain, Jesus is truly the answer. I have learned in my daily walk that perseverance and true dependance on the Lord is the only way I can live. I am sorry to go on like this but I just wanted to share the grace and unending love of Christ in my life and what it took to bring me back to him. I would not wish what I have been through on anyone but I do not know that I would change a thing. I look forward to becoming involved in this forum and I have been so encouraged and learned as well. Thank you all for just being here and sharing your love and faith in Christ, I have been truly blessed.
Marilee, NC
 
Thanks for reposting this, Marilee. I wish all the girls (and guys) could see how wonderful things are when you follow the plan that Jesus has for your life instead of running ahead of Him, and how much pain one puts themselves through when they disobey and go with an unbeliever because "Well, I love him! Isn't that what God wants?" or "I'm sure I'll be able to change him eventually" or even "She's been through a lot, and I just want to take care of her". Even by marrying another Christian who simply isn't the right one for you, you miss the full blessing God has for you! People, you get so attached to the ones you love....please keep witnessing to your unsaved friends, but don't get too involved with them romantically.....to be honest, if you're attached enough to ask them if they also like you (or to tell them that you like them), that's probably too close, and I wouldn't let myself be alone with that person. You'll save yourselves so much heartache! Saying to yourself "I guess they aren't the one; I won't go on that date" is much less painful in the long run than having to say, "Wow....I wish I hadn't gotten involved with that person at all".
 
I have a question about all this.
Is it still considered being unequally yolked if the unbeliever you want to marry is a good person and happens to have all the same Christian morals (doesn't drink, doesn't lie, doesn't steal, never abusive, doesn't cheat on you, he even waits for marriage to lose his virginity, etc). Also what if they happen to be supportive of whatever you believe in and the two of you never fight (even subtly) about your differences. What then?
 
Hey Relina,

In response to your questions the answer is no.. The Lord does not nor would He put us in a marriage with a non believer.
Proverbs 19:14 says houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord..
Doesn't make since for our Daddy to want to put someone in our lives who doesn't put honor Him.. I don't have kids but I know that if I did, I would want the best for them..
We are Royalty in our Fathers eyes, therefore He want's us to marry into Royalty..

Anything less just isn't worthy..
Love you..
 
Hey Relina,

In response to your questions the answer is no.. The Lord does not nor would He put us in a marriage with a non believer.
Proverbs 19:14 says houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord..
Doesn't make since for our Daddy to want to put someone in our lives who doesn't put honor Him.. I don't have kids but I know that if I did, I would want the best for them..
We are Royalty in our Fathers eyes, therefore He want's us to marry into Royalty..

Anything less just isn't worthy..
Love you..
 
Thanks for sharing your testimony greytmari, it was very inspiring :). I'm glad that you found your way back to the Lord, it's really amazing to walk by his side isn't it? He never forsakes us...and that I've discovered by myself too.
God bless you!
 
Friends,

This thread does raise another question, which is, "What if one or the other spouse is saved after the marriage has occurred? We can see how much strain "unequal yoking" puts on a relationship. Do any of you have any experience, or suggestions, for those people who found Christ after they were already married to a non-beliver?

I am looking forward to any input.

Thank you and God bless.
 
Relena7 said:
I have a question about all this.
Is it still considered being unequally yolked if the unbeliever you want to marry is a good person and happens to have all the same Christian morals (doesn't drink, doesn't lie, doesn't steal, never abusive, doesn't cheat on you, he even waits for marriage to lose his virginity, etc). Also what if they happen to be supportive of whatever you believe in and the two of you never fight (even subtly) about your differences. What then?
Click to expand...

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

I think this would answer your question...
1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1Co 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
1Co 7:17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
 
bgrayz1 said:
Hey Relina,

In response to your questions the answer is no.. The Lord does not nor would He put us in a marriage with a non believer.
Proverbs 19:14 says houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord..
Doesn't make since for our Daddy to want to put someone in our lives who doesn't put honor Him.. I don't have kids but I know that if I did, I would want the best for them..
We are Royalty in our Fathers eyes, therefore He want's us to marry into Royalty..

Anything less just isn't worthy..
Love you..
Click to expand...

Careful...one never KNOW what God's plan is until its revelation. And what your plan is, is not necessarily God's plan. For you it might be that you have a Christian wife, but it is not necessarily for all the case.
1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1Co 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
1Co 7:17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
 
Wordguardian, those verses are talking about people who get saved AFTER they got married. If you get saved, you aren't supposed to THEN marry an unbeliever; though if you go against the Bible, marry an unbeliever and then repent, you shouldn't leave them. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?" second Corinthians 6:14a. We are only made righteous through the blood of Christ; it isn't our own. We all sin, and we have to let Him remove our sin; it isn't that unbelievers are worse than we are, Relena, but if they haven't received the forgiveness of Jesus, they need to ask for it first and accept the Salvation that He is offering them before entering a marriage with a Christian....you avoid so much heartache that way....I've heard so many women tell me, "I wish I could share my faith with my husband; I love him so much, but he's not interested, and it hurts so bad". Sadly, I've also met a lot of women who cared so little about what Jesus had done for them when He died on the cross, that they didn't give their Lord's sacrifice (or their spouse's salvation) much thought.
 
I have a friend.

Her husband prayed for her since they were married, but she did not believe.
He decided on a divorce.
Two months after her husband divorced her...she got saved.
One of his reasons for divorcing her was that she was not saved.
Today he is married to another woman.
Tell me... who committed the worse sin?


If you love someone, and that person truly love you. And you prayed about it and God said yes.
What more do you need?

Marriage is about love. Unequally yolked??!?? Where in the bible does it say those words...
Marriage is about truth and honesty. If your husband to be knows you are a Christian. And say he is an atheist. How do you know, your exampe is not going to convince him of the truth.
I'm not saying you must marry somebody that is a drunkard and hits woman and abuses them and sleep around and then he says he loves you. That is not love.
I'm saying a man that truly loves you, that would do everything and anything for you. That does good as far as he can. Yet he hasn't accepted Christ yet. Sure you will have disagreements. But that is true of most couples. It might not be easy or is not for everyone. But it is definately not wrong. And If you truly love someone like that. Then I believe one could get married with such a one. Knowing the facts before you enter.
One that praying for him is important. Nagging him to be something he doesn't understand will not work.
It is through example and a gentle spirit and prayer that a husband will be saved. Not nagging. Understanding that you must show your relationship with God as being important and valid....not your relationship with the church. Your husband will not get convince of God if you go to church more, but if you have a personal relationship with God. Going to church is not wrong. But that is not what is going to convince him.
For he would respect you in going to your ("club"). But that doesn't proove anything.
But if you have a living relationship with God. You pray for your sick children and they get healed. You give him a prophecy on the decision he has to make at his job in the following day. That will convince him that it is more than a mere social gathering. You show with your life you are humble and act respectfully and revere him as your husband and respect his descisions. That will proove to him that YOU believe the Bible. Talking to other people about other people will not convince him. For your life must be a testament of your faith. You must live your faith. Not just read it and go to church, but live it out daily. Giving to the poor. Helping those in need. For even he will see the benefits in charity, even if he doesn't believe in God. Don't expect him to believe you based on an argument. For then you have already lost the argument. Your argument should be in the way you address him. The way you take care of him and the kids. The way you take care of those around you. The way you pray for him and the children. To way you truly portray love by devotion and a kind spirit.

But if you are going to argue with him everyday about your faith. You would simply become an irritation. Something he wish to avoid. He wouldn't want to come home because then he has to face the ARGUMENTS.
NO. Then you will loose him.

Rather your lifestyle must be so that he could respect you in it. And in the respect will come understanding. And in understanding would come love.

Example:
Usually he would let you go to church or sometimes go with you, even though he disagree with the idea.
One day on a Saturday, he asks you to go the following day with him to a game. His got tickets and everything. Go with him. Enjoy the game. Yes, you could have made a fight and gone to church...but perhaps this is his time to inspect whether you can live up to your Gospel outside a church. For the church is but a building. And the people in it, even though important is not as important as your relationship with God.
And if your relationship with God is true, you can go with him to the game without feeling out of sort.
For you upheld the value of your family which God has given you. And you gave to him something he thought was important without making a fight.
 
2Co 6:12 Ye are not straitened in us, but ye are straitened in your own bowels.
2Co 6:13 Now for a recompence in the same, (I speak as unto my children,) be ye also enlarged.
2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2Co 6:15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
2Co 6:16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
2Co 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,

This in NO WAY says you cannot marry an unbeliever. OR be friends with them for that matter.
It is about IDOL WORSHIP. Worshipping idols with unbelievers.
For you cannot drink from two fountains. You are either of God or NOT.

That is why he needed to talk to them as if they were children... as if they were totally new in Christianity. AS if they have NEVER BEEN SAVED!

It doesn't say you cannot go and sit and talk to a sinner or a person of a different religion or have fellowship with them. But your communion is that of the light, and those that wish to come to your table you must invite so that they too may receive the light, but more than that you need to take your light to their table. But it doesn't mean that you are going to become unrightious or it is allowed for you to swear and treat people unfairly. You still need to be rightious. It doesn't mean you are not going to talk to the unsaved...HOW else are they going to GET SAVED! For whose advise are you going to take, a stranger whom you have just met... or a friend. A friend of course. Someone that I know what he says he don't just say but live to and I can actively see it day by day in his life. Then my curiosity will get involved and ask out about what he believes and why?

The same with marriage and talking to people having fellowship with them. You need to become friends with people so you can influence their lives. But you yourself must NOT become unrightious.
 
Wordguardian, this is getting ridiculous. Of course the guy shouldn't have divorced his wife; I already said that if you are ALREADY MARRIED to an unbeliever, you should stay married, unless the unbeliever wants to depart, as the verses you quoted are referring to. I'm not going to respond to anything else that you might put later; I don't appreciate the way you're trying to change around what I say (such as mentioning the bit about being friends with unbelievers, which I already said to do ["keep witnessing to your unsaved friends"]). And concerning the verse in second Corinthians 6:14, it most certainly is not only referring to idol worshippers; there is no stronger earthly "yoke" than the bonds of marriage.
 
You're only making yourself look unlearned, Wordguardian. I said to "keep witnessing to your unsaved friends" and that if you are already married to an unbeliever, you should stay married. I'm not going to waste any more time trying to make you see what I'm talking about; it's apparent that you aren't paying much attention to what everyone else is saying, since you tried to change around what I said. Also, concerning the verse about being unequally yoked, there is no stronger earthly yoke than the bonds of matrimony. If you disagree, then I'm not surprised that you wouldn't be opposed to marrying an unbeliever.
 
Oops, I thought that the first message didn't post; that's why I wrote the second one.
 
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