THE +S

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Jullianna

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As those of you who read the weekend after Thanksgiving thread where my brain blew up know, I've had a LOT on my mind. I've been praying and seeking wise counsel (thanks to those of you who've so graciously given it). The revived red flag thread gave me an idea this morning, to do the +/- list regarding the continuation of a possible relationship and see what I came up with.

My question to you: Think of the person you've met with whom you could most see yourself sharing the rest of your life (whether it actually worked out or not). Rather than the red flags you've learned to look for in bad relationships, what are the +s the person who immediately came to mind had that you really haven't found in anyone else yet?

This is my + list (not in order of priority; just as they came to mind):
1. Eyes that talk to me. They are constantly moving and taking everything in.
2. A smile that lights up my heart, not just the entire room.
3. A laugh that sounds like music to me.
4. A wit that is thusfar unmatched.
5. Far more intelligent than I am. Challenges me and keeps me on my toes.
6. If he senses a threat, he's the first to stand against it whether anyone else does or not, and 10 minutes later, he's cuddling a puppy or watching goofy cartoons.
7. When he asks me what I think, he means it and he listens.
8. He can't dance, but he thinks he can and he WILL, so he's still aces in my book. :)
9. He can't sing either, but he does it anyway. Constantly. :)
10. We can talk about things for HOURS.
11. We can quietly read books or flyfish for hours, having an entire conversation with facial expressions alone.
12. If he wants to wear something really ugly, he will. :)
13. If I wear something he likes, he will tell me. I never have to ask or wonder. And if he DOESN'T like it, I'll see it in his face without him saying a word. :)
14. He knows what scents I like and can pick out the most perfect candles, bubblebaths, etc.
15. He's a better shot than I am.
16. He's a better driver than I am, and that's saying a LOT. :)
17. He loves my son.
18. He loves my dogs.
19. He thinks my fish are stupid. :)
20. He loves God.
21. He's extremely protective of his mom and sibs.
22. He's very driven.

There have been guys in and out of my life who did some of those same things, but, as a christian woman, whenever I consider a serious relationship, I make my final decision based upon these things:

1. I respect him without reservation (required by a wife scripturally)
2. I have no problem whatsoever being submissive to him because I know he would give his life to protect me, would NEVER harm me and doesn't take foolish risks.
3. I'm usually asking for HIS advice rather than the other way around. I don't want to be the leader in a relationship. (This one is HUGE).

What are yours?
 
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These are just things that would make me fall quickly for a woman..

1. she loves sad songs and old love songs
2. she likes airshows and airplanes
3. she's a nurse or doctor
4. she'is a teacher
5. she likes to stare into my eyes with a coy smile.
6. she gets my sense of humor
7. she loves amusement parks and zoos
8. she loves kids
9. she plays an instrument
10. she's smart
11. she takes good care of herself
12. she knows a lot about cars
 
zeroturbulence said:
These are just things that would make me fall quickly for a woman..

1. she loves sad songs and old love songs
2. she likes airshows and airplanes
3. she's a nurse or doctor
4. she'is a teacher
5. she likes to stare into my eyes with a coy smile.
6. she gets my sense of humor
7. she loves amusement parks and zoos
8. she loves kids
9. she plays an instrument
10. she's smart
11. she takes good care of herself
12. she knows a lot about cars
Click to expand...

You want to fall in love with superwoman. A nurse or doctor, plus a teacher??? Well, I guess she could teach other med students.
 
Some of these may seem shallow or deep, but I want to be honest...and a sad part of honesty...I'm drawing from like a dozen or more relationships...

1. She really, truly loves God, and is trying her best to be with Him and do His will.
2. She really, truly loves me, and would do almost anything to be with me. (and I her, that was a tough one...)
3. She laughs and can just have fun doing anything really.
4. She can be deep and serious sometimes.
5. She can sing with me, and maybe play/write music with me too. (amazing feeling!)
6. She likes to touch, and we do as often as possible.
7. She can stay awake all night with me, but also has restraint to make sure we don't die from lack if sleep. (lol)
8. She really cares about life and people, with a tender, loving heart/spirit.
9. She'll both talk and listen.
10. even though there are differences and blemishes we have from each other, she can appreciate and love those too.
11. She's patient and very faithful.
12. She's very smart, and can have a witty sense of humor.
13. She messes up, but takes ownership and is okay with not being perfect.
14. She's real and truthful, and we can literally talk about anything.
15. She's willing to face anything life has to dish out, so long as we face it together.

I could keep going, but that is a good start I think.
 
she loves God more than me........a good sense of humour would be nice too :)
 
1. She can drive a stick.
2. She can read. =P
3. She loves to wrestle and push me around.
4. She taught me how to surf.
5. She does care about the stupid "stuff" in life.
6. She always looks like she knows what she's doing, even when she doesn't have a clue.
7. She was seriously Competitive but not critical or overbearing.
8. She loves playing sports, Ultimate Frisbee, Volleyball, touch football or soccer.
9. She sometimes backs me up, even sometimes if I'm wrong because we are a team.
10. She is fiercely independent but, she still asks for random favors.
11. She would follow me anywhere, even if I didn't have a clue where we were going.
12. She kept all of my secrets.
13. She trusted me more than I trusted myself.
14. She wanted to learn something from me, like how to ski or cook random Indian dishes.
15. She was always willing to listen and explore even the craziest of my ideas without shooting me down.
16. She was always eager to show me something new and exciting to her.
17. She likes singing in the car on road trips.
 
Well, to the 2 girls that came to mind that I almost spent the rest of my life with if circumstances were different, here is the minus list:

1. They are married.

Guess that's kinda a prevention.
 
Not all of these are necessary, but like zeroturbulence said, these are some things that would make me fall for someone extra fast. ;)


Natural honesty and openness
A strong drive to find out the truth
In tune with his spiritual side
Curious
Loyal
Grounded
Handsome (to me), and has a strong-looking chin
Not afraid to grow his hair long once in a while :D hehehe
Tall (nice, but not necessary)
Respectful
Open-minded to the complexities of the variety of peoples minds
Accepting of people who are sensitive and have special emotional needs
Is rebellious of the mainstream norms in a healthy way
Sensitive
Humble
Passionate
Funny
He's mature, but doesn't take life so seriously that he can't be silly =D
Gets my odd sense of humor ;)
Playful
Affectionate - likes to snuggle as much as me
Loving
Doesn't smoke
Doesn't want children, or try to make me want them
He's a cat person & isn't allergic
Eats healthy and takes good care of self (again not necessary, but nice)
Caring nature
He likes to go for walks with me =)
He knows how to do his own laundry and cook
He's supportive of whatever I want to do or whoever I want to be
He's understanding of my shortcomings and acknowledges my invisible struggles, and doesn't expect me to magically be "normal" (I would say this is one of the most necessary)
Likes to have deep conversations


That's all for now. :D
 
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Jullianna said:
They had NO +s????? Surely there were some :)
Click to expand...

Hey you had a + only list! In fact most people are posting + only! So the - are coming out! Yes they had positives! And btw it was mutual, as in, im not in 'if only' land.

+ do I really have to share such personal info with strangers on a public forum accessible by key words through Internet web search!!!?
 
Wellllllllllllll...this IS the + thread. :) The red flag (minus) thread is elsewhere.

And you don't HAVE to post, but that's pretty much the purpose of a forum discussion, but that's also why we usually don't use our real names or anyone else's. :) I can't imagine anyone being upset with you for saying nice things about them even if they do search it. :)
 
I have never met a woman that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with, but if I did meet her the list would go something like this:

Loves God
Loves others
Loves herself
Loves (ALL) animals
She's funny
She thinks I'm funny
She's consistant
Witty
Sarcastic, but not overly sarcastic
Honest
Loyal
Selfless
Confident, but not cocky...well, I guess that can be cute at times...
Humble, not haughty
Meek
Patient....that may be asking too much there lol
Does not gossip or backbite
Being a vegetarian would be a HUGE plus
 
Jullianna said:
Wellllllllllllll...this IS the + thread. :) The red flag (minus) thread is elsewhere.

And you don't HAVE to post, but that's pretty much the purpose of a forum discussion, but that's also why we usually don't use our real names or anyone else's. :) I can't imagine anyone being upset with you for saying nice things about them even if they do search it. :)
Click to expand...

Ya my lack of reading the original post messed up my first reply - I skim a lot lol, maybe I will take my time and actually read for once lol. Maybe I should have stuck with the minus thread but I like how you asked about the +s relating to actual people. People know me by pic though oh well.

+ the only thing that comes to mind is how good looking they were (not saying they changed lol I haven't seen them)
+ I can't think of too much else and don't feel like thinking about it lol

I love honesty. And I love not trying to be liked by other people which is the number one priority I see in people and it's mostly blind to them. That's why I don't mind posting something that makes me look shallow. So you can put the word 'her' in front of those sentences to apply to this post.
 
*Loves God more than he could ever love me.
*Isnt afraid to smile.
*Kind hearted.
*Non-judgemental.
*Happily takes pictures with me/will be the subject in my photography on occasion. ;)
*Knows how to have his own life aside from me, without forgetting me.
*Makes me laugh... A lot.
*Will take long walks with me in the snow.
*Lets me teach him something.
*Honest.
*Trustworthy/Trusting.
*Accepts that I have a male best friend. (Which isn't going to change).
*Loves even my flaws.
*Is a fun geek!--Will watch Star Trek with me, but will also take me snowboarding and to social gatherings on occasion.
*Isnt awkward around my friends.
*Is affectionate.
*A communicator. Blunt, even!
*Wins over my grandmother. (A near impossible task! Haha)
*A handyman.
*A leader.
*Musically talented. (*sigh*)
*Spontaneous--I hate predictability.
*Loves kids.
*Supportive of my dreams.
*A dreamer, himself.
*Will ride a horse.
*Includes me. (Even when fixing a car or building something. I like to just watch.)
*Scrapes my windows on frigid days without me asking. ;)

This could literally go on and on. Hahaha
 
This was not someone i dated, he was my best friend though, we grew up together, we were neighbors as well, which is how we met in the first place. Anyway He is married now and has been for quite sometime.

When i got all my hair cut off and it looked horrible, he told me i was still pretty, and that he liked it.
He would stand up for me
When my nana was dying, i would go stand outside at night in my backyard to just process being sad without anyone around, he would see me out there and just stand there with me. He never pressured me to talk.
When i would feel like a total failure he was always the one to encourage me.
He was really funny
Great hair to :D
We would always race, and he would always let me win.
He would pray for me.


His name is Jonas and there arent many like him.
 
Lets see, she..
Made me feel good, not by her words, but her actions and attitude toward me.
Made me want to change and improve, not because she asked me too, she accepted me as i am, but because i wanted to be better for her.
Made me feel the most loved and cared about above almost anyone else i've ever met.
An amazing laugh.
She was more talented and had a wider range of interests than i originally would have expected.
Though she didn't see it, she was strong.
Very sweet and compassionate toward others.
A loving friend, not only to me, but to all her friends. Always quick to listen or offer advice.
Beautiful, inside and out, but the eyes, those mesmerizing eyes.
Though by looking at her you may think she was a snob, or stuck on herself (think model beautiful) she is actually quite shy, but still very warm and friendly.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
 
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