I began at 12 with my studies of the bible I had always believed to be true from my first memory. much study in my life for a few years consumed me really at times though my understanding was growing I still know now, I knew little I soon became a teen and began my life of sin 14 I began with drinking and drug use, lots of lying, sex and violence through my next 10 or so years on to adultery. selfish in my actions, what I wanted was all I really thought about, get high, get drunk party for a week. so many violent fights and so much trouble and injuries, dangerous situations, so many sins I lived with while all along through the drugs and drinking I would study Gods word regularly at times not for a month other times for 3 months straight, spurratic but regular and deep readings.
some time in these studies I read of the "romans road" to salvation and the new creation, crucify the flesh, kingdom of God, pauls revelation of the atonement because of Grace. the bible said " if I have faith in jesus, I have died because of that faith in His death for me, so that the sinner could die, and I me, Jason, this irrelevant human can live in the resurrection with the same Lord who walked out of the tomb. the bible said " you are the righteousness of God" "if you belong to Christ, you are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come." I noticed how the scriptures always addressed the believers as saints, Gods beloved, His children, obedient ect....forgiven, able, strong, righteous......
I realize now, obedience to the principles or teachings of Jesus, wasn't really an issue, paul especially wasn't just calling them obedient when they weren't, They were obedient 1900 years ago the articles of faith for the first few hundred years was basically a summary of the sermon on the mount. all the earliest examples of non biblical Christian writings, articles of faith, or reports of Christians in the world reflect a dedicated church to the principles of Jesus Christ. turning the other cheek, being flogged for publicly spreading the gospel was considered an honor, possessions were sold as fellow believers had needs.
basically I realized in all the knowledge I had gathered in my terrible life of sin, through remaining in the word and asking God for wisdom per james 1:5 , and solomons prayer wisdom and understanding would be my frequent prayer. God will give me any good thing I ask, my heart was made through the knowledge of Gods word to desire the understanding of Gods word. I KNEW I am unworthy of what Jesus suffered for me, I live life for the pleasures I can find, the highs I can get, I feel bad for the poor, but I'm not feeding them, or helping them or praying for them , my pride forbid me from turning the other cheek, caring about others more than myself, I looked very different from what the word said I was supposed to look like.
at this revelation, I knew there was something wrong with the messages out there I heard in churches I had spurratically attended in this part of my life, on television and radio there was " obey or die, period, with no mention of being forgiven and made new, no mention of the atonements value in our daily lives. that was all written and I knew it having studied for years. and then there was the " health and wealth doctrines" that omitted all of the giving to the poor in favor of building megachurches and poreaching financial prosperity. god wants you rich, because your favored. this of corse was the opposite of what Jesus taught and again I knew it was there though didn't fully understand yet.....
then the grace apart from obedience/ eternal salvation/ even such silly things as universalism. all of these forms of doctrine were incomplete and I knew it, I just couldn't understand why if the bible was true, and I knew it so well even at 25, why was I such a sinner with no regard for the needs and service of others. this guy who is drunk on a Friday night preaching jesus in a bar while smoking a joint, later involved in a brawl over a wrong look or spilling a beer. How was Gods word about believers true, yet I was just as sinful as ever still learning new ways to get high and defile myself, ways to enjoy sin, my mind spent on self why were the doctrines incomplete but claiming to be the right doctrine?
what had happened to the church of Jesus Christ who would gladly die before forsaking His name? the church of brotherly Love? why is the message on sunday " give more to the church and you will be blessed" or "God has big plans for you" why is the message never whats written in Gods word? wheres the guy shouting the atonement? you the sinner died with Jesus, you are new now, righteous, a child of God," created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" " you are sanctified or " set apart for Gods own use" " you were bought at a price, you are not your own" who was saying " God is with you by His holy spirit? He lives with you and will be in you as you accept and follow Jesus" He guides you, keeps you, comforts you, pleads for you, strengthens you, the holy spirit is present with us. so how was I living my life like this? I believed in Jesus I knew it was true. I knew Gods word, knew it was true, but it said I was born again, righteous, loved........but, could I honestly say that?
naw, I never have had a problem saying the truth, I was terribly sinful did much harm, wasted my life on me me me really..........I don't know whaich day, one day I read john 14-17 chapters I had read many times over and so clearly in my mind a clarity formed. If you love me you will obey my commands, and my father will love you, we will come and make our home with you."...and if you love me you will keep my teaching and I will send to you another counselor to be with you forever, the world does not know him but you know him for he will be with you and in you.......these spiritually rich chapters, the words of Jesus Christ just hours before His suffering would begin.
it wasn't fire and brimstone or obedience to the stone laws nor was it saying I believe in jesus and living as I pleased..........it was faith. it was having faith in Jesus and as a result I believe that His ways are right in the eyes of God, it was having faith and stepping ionto the water when he says to come. it was laying down my sinful life for Jesus sake, and finding my life in Him. " whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" were all sinners when we come to Jesus, I truly was one of the guiltiest among us. I enjoyed partying, drinking, drugs, women to my shame and honestly, I enjoyed sin it was kind of my life really. all the self, the pleasure it drove my life as if I was a slave to it, " slaves to sin" at this point I only knew, as I believed Gods word " you are now able to live right, the slave to sin has died, the new man has come the child of God able to learn as a child and conform to the likeness and nature taught by our father.
there is freedom in purposely doing the word the more you abstain from the personal sin to each individual ( one is a liar, and a cheat, a gossip still another filled with anger and malice, another driven by lust and sex) our sins are as unique as we are, but all of them make a human a sinner...I was a sinner because i lived a selfish sinful life, i was a sinner who believed Jesus was the truth. he wasn't really my lord, but i knew He was Gods son. I know now so much more, i know the gospel works because I'm not who i was then. I'm not a drug addict don't drink, don't lust after women, I'm truthful, and many other things........not because I'm anything, but because i saw what Jesus said and knew the word of God and finally what changed was doing what i now knew was right and commanded by Jesus the one i Loved.
again just rambling God bless
some time in these studies I read of the "romans road" to salvation and the new creation, crucify the flesh, kingdom of God, pauls revelation of the atonement because of Grace. the bible said " if I have faith in jesus, I have died because of that faith in His death for me, so that the sinner could die, and I me, Jason, this irrelevant human can live in the resurrection with the same Lord who walked out of the tomb. the bible said " you are the righteousness of God" "if you belong to Christ, you are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come." I noticed how the scriptures always addressed the believers as saints, Gods beloved, His children, obedient ect....forgiven, able, strong, righteous......
I realize now, obedience to the principles or teachings of Jesus, wasn't really an issue, paul especially wasn't just calling them obedient when they weren't, They were obedient 1900 years ago the articles of faith for the first few hundred years was basically a summary of the sermon on the mount. all the earliest examples of non biblical Christian writings, articles of faith, or reports of Christians in the world reflect a dedicated church to the principles of Jesus Christ. turning the other cheek, being flogged for publicly spreading the gospel was considered an honor, possessions were sold as fellow believers had needs.
basically I realized in all the knowledge I had gathered in my terrible life of sin, through remaining in the word and asking God for wisdom per james 1:5 , and solomons prayer wisdom and understanding would be my frequent prayer. God will give me any good thing I ask, my heart was made through the knowledge of Gods word to desire the understanding of Gods word. I KNEW I am unworthy of what Jesus suffered for me, I live life for the pleasures I can find, the highs I can get, I feel bad for the poor, but I'm not feeding them, or helping them or praying for them , my pride forbid me from turning the other cheek, caring about others more than myself, I looked very different from what the word said I was supposed to look like.
at this revelation, I knew there was something wrong with the messages out there I heard in churches I had spurratically attended in this part of my life, on television and radio there was " obey or die, period, with no mention of being forgiven and made new, no mention of the atonements value in our daily lives. that was all written and I knew it having studied for years. and then there was the " health and wealth doctrines" that omitted all of the giving to the poor in favor of building megachurches and poreaching financial prosperity. god wants you rich, because your favored. this of corse was the opposite of what Jesus taught and again I knew it was there though didn't fully understand yet.....
then the grace apart from obedience/ eternal salvation/ even such silly things as universalism. all of these forms of doctrine were incomplete and I knew it, I just couldn't understand why if the bible was true, and I knew it so well even at 25, why was I such a sinner with no regard for the needs and service of others. this guy who is drunk on a Friday night preaching jesus in a bar while smoking a joint, later involved in a brawl over a wrong look or spilling a beer. How was Gods word about believers true, yet I was just as sinful as ever still learning new ways to get high and defile myself, ways to enjoy sin, my mind spent on self why were the doctrines incomplete but claiming to be the right doctrine?
what had happened to the church of Jesus Christ who would gladly die before forsaking His name? the church of brotherly Love? why is the message on sunday " give more to the church and you will be blessed" or "God has big plans for you" why is the message never whats written in Gods word? wheres the guy shouting the atonement? you the sinner died with Jesus, you are new now, righteous, a child of God," created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" " you are sanctified or " set apart for Gods own use" " you were bought at a price, you are not your own" who was saying " God is with you by His holy spirit? He lives with you and will be in you as you accept and follow Jesus" He guides you, keeps you, comforts you, pleads for you, strengthens you, the holy spirit is present with us. so how was I living my life like this? I believed in Jesus I knew it was true. I knew Gods word, knew it was true, but it said I was born again, righteous, loved........but, could I honestly say that?
naw, I never have had a problem saying the truth, I was terribly sinful did much harm, wasted my life on me me me really..........I don't know whaich day, one day I read john 14-17 chapters I had read many times over and so clearly in my mind a clarity formed. If you love me you will obey my commands, and my father will love you, we will come and make our home with you."...and if you love me you will keep my teaching and I will send to you another counselor to be with you forever, the world does not know him but you know him for he will be with you and in you.......these spiritually rich chapters, the words of Jesus Christ just hours before His suffering would begin.
it wasn't fire and brimstone or obedience to the stone laws nor was it saying I believe in jesus and living as I pleased..........it was faith. it was having faith in Jesus and as a result I believe that His ways are right in the eyes of God, it was having faith and stepping ionto the water when he says to come. it was laying down my sinful life for Jesus sake, and finding my life in Him. " whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" were all sinners when we come to Jesus, I truly was one of the guiltiest among us. I enjoyed partying, drinking, drugs, women to my shame and honestly, I enjoyed sin it was kind of my life really. all the self, the pleasure it drove my life as if I was a slave to it, " slaves to sin" at this point I only knew, as I believed Gods word " you are now able to live right, the slave to sin has died, the new man has come the child of God able to learn as a child and conform to the likeness and nature taught by our father.
there is freedom in purposely doing the word the more you abstain from the personal sin to each individual ( one is a liar, and a cheat, a gossip still another filled with anger and malice, another driven by lust and sex) our sins are as unique as we are, but all of them make a human a sinner...I was a sinner because i lived a selfish sinful life, i was a sinner who believed Jesus was the truth. he wasn't really my lord, but i knew He was Gods son. I know now so much more, i know the gospel works because I'm not who i was then. I'm not a drug addict don't drink, don't lust after women, I'm truthful, and many other things........not because I'm anything, but because i saw what Jesus said and knew the word of God and finally what changed was doing what i now knew was right and commanded by Jesus the one i Loved.
again just rambling God bless