Two monks were on a pilgrimage. One day, they came to a deep river. At the edge of the river, a young woman sat weeping, because she was afraid to cross the river without help. She begged the two monks to help her. The younger monk turned his back. The members of their order were forbidden to touch a woman.
But the older monk picked up the woman without a word and carried her across the river. He put her down on the far side and continued his journey. The younger monk came after him, scolding him and berating him for breaking his vows. He went on this way for a long time.
Finally, at the end of the day the older monk turned to the younger one. "I only carried her across the river. You have been carrying her all day."
Source: Zen and The Art of Whatever
There are some people who are just like the younger monk, they just choose to live in a state of anger and bitterness.
Living a life of anger is one of the loneliest thing that can happen to a person.
If you are angry about someone, you will easily get irritated and agitated.
People around you will also be affected because there is a tendency for you to cause others to be upset, intimidated or even afraid, since you are always angry. This will also push away the people who are concerned and love you.
This world is too small for you to make enemies.
Why live with a heart of anger and bitterness?
Life is too short to live in hate because it only produces stress.
Don't you know that you are not winning but instead your are losing.
No one wins when you live in a state of war.
Relationships are damaged, feelings are hurt, friendships are broken or partnerships are destroyed.
Come on, you deserve a better life.
Why don't you have a change of mind and have a change of heart.
Start thinking that you need to learn on how to forgive and move on.
It is you who will be carrying the burden not the person who offended you.
Why don't you give peace a chance?
Give the person the benefit of the doubt that the person can still change.
Have you reached out and made an effort to speak to the person privately on a one on one basis?
This is better route to take rather than going around ranting and expressing your anger and frustrations toward others.
Negative Effects of Expressing Your Anger Toward Others
Reason number 1. CHARACTER ISSUE
Your character will be questioned especially by people who have a high level of integrity.
Reason number 2. PEOPLE WILL AVOID YOU
May I ask, would you associate yourself with people who can say bad things behind others back?
If your answer is an emphatic NO!
What is the assurance that the person will not do the same thing when you turn your back.
Do you understand what I mean?
Reason number 3. IRREVERSIBLE CONSEQUENCE
Even if the person made a mistake to offend you but if you never confronted the person privately. When you start to talk about it with others; this is tantamount to backbiting. Now, the person has the right to get back at you for spreading stories against him or her. This plan will eventually backfire.
That is the major reason whenever I am asked of anyone but I do not have any good thing to say. I make it a point to keep quiet and do not make any comment. Even if you want to say it in a nice way, it will just come out wrong.
If you realize staying angry for a long time will not do you good and you are ready to move on.
Allow me to share with you on how you can do it.
Step 1. Know Why Should You Forgive
Holding to anger is not getting even with the person but in reality torturing yourself. You live an unhappy and stressful life, especially when you see his life is better, happier or more successful than yours.
The reason why you should forgive is not to release the person but to release oneself. You are not doing them a favor but you’re doing yourself a BIG favor.
Step 2. How Can You Forgive
Forgiveness is not about feeling and emotions but it is all about a CHOICE & a DECISION you need to make. You do not wait for the feelings to come before you forgive, you make the CHOICE & DECISION to forgive then the feelings will follow.
Step 3. Ask For Help
Talk to someone who can help you to process and walk you out of this painful situation. Talking to someone whom you trust who can give you an objective perspective and is going to be very helpful. Letting the weight off your chest can help you feel better and more lighter.
Talk to God. Ask God to give you the patience and the grace to forgive the unforgivable. God can give you the grace and the strength that you need to forgive.
THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.
What are the things that you have realized in this blog?
If you are affected, are you ready to move on?
But the older monk picked up the woman without a word and carried her across the river. He put her down on the far side and continued his journey. The younger monk came after him, scolding him and berating him for breaking his vows. He went on this way for a long time.
Finally, at the end of the day the older monk turned to the younger one. "I only carried her across the river. You have been carrying her all day."
Source: Zen and The Art of Whatever
There are some people who are just like the younger monk, they just choose to live in a state of anger and bitterness.
Living a life of anger is one of the loneliest thing that can happen to a person.
If you are angry about someone, you will easily get irritated and agitated.
People around you will also be affected because there is a tendency for you to cause others to be upset, intimidated or even afraid, since you are always angry. This will also push away the people who are concerned and love you.
This world is too small for you to make enemies.
Why live with a heart of anger and bitterness?
Life is too short to live in hate because it only produces stress.
Don't you know that you are not winning but instead your are losing.
No one wins when you live in a state of war.
Relationships are damaged, feelings are hurt, friendships are broken or partnerships are destroyed.
Come on, you deserve a better life.
Why don't you have a change of mind and have a change of heart.
Start thinking that you need to learn on how to forgive and move on.
It is you who will be carrying the burden not the person who offended you.
Why don't you give peace a chance?
Give the person the benefit of the doubt that the person can still change.
Have you reached out and made an effort to speak to the person privately on a one on one basis?
This is better route to take rather than going around ranting and expressing your anger and frustrations toward others.
Negative Effects of Expressing Your Anger Toward Others
Reason number 1. CHARACTER ISSUE
Your character will be questioned especially by people who have a high level of integrity.
Reason number 2. PEOPLE WILL AVOID YOU
May I ask, would you associate yourself with people who can say bad things behind others back?
If your answer is an emphatic NO!
What is the assurance that the person will not do the same thing when you turn your back.
Do you understand what I mean?
Reason number 3. IRREVERSIBLE CONSEQUENCE
Even if the person made a mistake to offend you but if you never confronted the person privately. When you start to talk about it with others; this is tantamount to backbiting. Now, the person has the right to get back at you for spreading stories against him or her. This plan will eventually backfire.
That is the major reason whenever I am asked of anyone but I do not have any good thing to say. I make it a point to keep quiet and do not make any comment. Even if you want to say it in a nice way, it will just come out wrong.
If you realize staying angry for a long time will not do you good and you are ready to move on.
Allow me to share with you on how you can do it.
Step 1. Know Why Should You Forgive
Holding to anger is not getting even with the person but in reality torturing yourself. You live an unhappy and stressful life, especially when you see his life is better, happier or more successful than yours.
The reason why you should forgive is not to release the person but to release oneself. You are not doing them a favor but you’re doing yourself a BIG favor.
Step 2. How Can You Forgive
Forgiveness is not about feeling and emotions but it is all about a CHOICE & a DECISION you need to make. You do not wait for the feelings to come before you forgive, you make the CHOICE & DECISION to forgive then the feelings will follow.
Step 3. Ask For Help
Talk to someone who can help you to process and walk you out of this painful situation. Talking to someone whom you trust who can give you an objective perspective and is going to be very helpful. Letting the weight off your chest can help you feel better and more lighter.
Talk to God. Ask God to give you the patience and the grace to forgive the unforgivable. God can give you the grace and the strength that you need to forgive.
THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.
What are the things that you have realized in this blog?
If you are affected, are you ready to move on?