Totally confused and hel[less!

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minky123

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I am totally new to tis site and the only reason im posting this is because i have no-one else i could turn to.

I am currently studying away form home, ive been away for the past one and a half years. The hardest part of being away from home is the fact that i have to also maintain a long distance relationship. My boy friend and i have been goign out for 9 years (we basically grew up with each other) he is an amazing guy and a god fearing one too. Out of the 9 years we have been doing long distance for four and a half years it started off when he had to go to college to Australia. It was hard but we got through it, however once i left home the new environment a work stress was getting to me and i missed home and my boyfriend way more than i usually do. Not having someone around really got to me (especially since all my friends here have their special someones here as well).

From my first semester here i got close to this other guy named X. He was having relationship issues with his girlfriend n he turned to me n we clicked instantly. 8 months later he tells me that he really likes me n he has been liking me ever since the first time we spoke. I started flirting around (innocent flirting) and then finally i developed a liking towards him. I love my boyfriend however X is the one here with me and it jus felt nice to finally after four and a half years to have someone with me physically, We made out a couple of times n i had to tell my boyfriend. He was devastated, however he is willing to out things behind. But im just not feeling that chemistry anymore. the sad part is that our families are really really close and this is going to break their hearts. i dotn know what to do Mr. X says he will stand by me no matter what that he loves me n he will be ok as long as im happy.

I know what i did was wrong and i cannot justify my self but this is the first time in 9 years that something like this happened.

:(
 
is it just a phase? i do love my boyfriend n il always care for him, but the chemistry is quite questionable. i only see him once in 10 months and that too is just not enough for me.
 
Right now, honestly, neither relationship is healthy for you. Neither in its current condition is going to fulfill you or satisfy your desires. And that's not because of the other men, that's because of your condition.

I pray that you do not take this offensively, because I do not mean it in an affronting manner. I was in a 3 year relationship and at the end of it I really wasn't feeling it anymore and I had no idea why since we had been talking about marriage. I prayed over it all and sought the Lord through it and He led me to end my relationship because it was no glorifying to Him, so I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to "losing chemistry".

However, you mentioned "innocent flirting" in your post. There is no such thing. If you are in a committed relationship with another man, you have no right to flirt with anyone else. It is not innocent. The only intent in flirting is to gain attention that you are not receiving otherwise. I spent my entire adolescence "innocently flirting" because I had a terrible long-distance relationship with my father and I enjoyed the attention. So even though "Mr. X" feels good, he is not what you need right now.

What you need is Christ. Christ is the only thing that will ever satisfy your heart. One great way the Christ shows his love for us is through other people, and unfortunately we put those people on pedestals and they become our gods. That guy I dated for 3 years? That's what happened. I made an idol out of him. He showed me affection and my heart was set on Christ. But over the years, my heart became set on this man and no longer felt fulfilled from the Lord. Since humans fail and are not perfect, my heart became less satisfied by this man and eventually I felt no emotion for him anymore. He was like dead weight and we got in nit-picky fights all of the time.

My encouragement to you is to take time away from both men. Seek the Lord first: He should be the desire of your heart. Seek Him daily through prayer and reading His word and let His judgment guide you. Let His Spirit show you His plan for your life, which could very well include one of these men. But don't let your emotions declare that decision. The horrible thing about sin is that it feels good.
 
OP: There is no such thing as 'innocent flirting'. Period.

You are young. Have you asked GOD what His take on the matter is? Right now, you are proving to yourself that you cannot be faithful over along peroid of time and it seems that some maturity, emotional and spiritual, would be something to strive for. Doing things God's way will not bring the strife and emotional havoc that doing things out of the flesh will. Keep your eyes on Jesus first, then your studies, THEN your human relationships. IF you do this, in that order, Jesus will help you keep everything else in order.
Maggie
 
I agree. Get God's view on the matter. Commitment always meet its challenges and feelings a fickle. You're in love today and in hate tomorrow. So something greater has to govern your life....Your reasons so far are based on feelings, and though feelings are great to have, they should not be your primary reason for making a decision.

I pray that through repentance you would receive God's peace and clarity and plan for your life. Give it all to HIM...
 
I agree, there's no such thing as 'innocent flirting' :)

I can understand your attraction for Mr. X. I think it's time for you to honestly examine your relationship with your 9 yr boyfriend. Is your relationship with him really going toward husband/wife or is it more just friendship? Your family's friendship is nice but it shouldn't influence who you want to choose for a husband.

Go slow and be honest and gentle with everyone :)
 
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