True friends receive and give

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HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
Feb 20, 2016
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I decided to do this in relation to my thread about singles and marriage in the church. I think it's pretty obvious for people thirty years old and younger that we're probably the loneliest generation this country has ever seen. And for some if not most, that loneliness can't be alleviated simply by going to church. In fact, for some, it may aggravate it.

I've been noticing that along with commitment being a dying art, it seems being a real friend is a dying art too. For some people, no matter how much they reach out, they always seem to be the one giving and giving and giving yet not getting anything in return.

I think it's time to realize that, among Christians, while there is unconditional love, real friends also give as well as receive. If you're the one constantly inviting someone out and they never do the same for you, you either need to confront that person, no matter how much they may mean to you, or drop the friendship all together. One of the main reasons my generation has a hard time finding and maintaining friendships is because they don't want to put any effort into it.
 
HistoryPrincess said:
I decided to do this in relation to my thread about singles and marriage in the church. I think it's pretty obvious for people thirty years old and younger that we're probably the loneliest generation this country has ever seen. And for some if not most, that loneliness can't be alleviated simply by going to church. In fact, for some, it may aggravate it.

I've been noticing that along with commitment being a dying art, it seems being a real friend is a dying art too. For some people, no matter how much they reach out, they always seem to be the one giving and giving and giving yet not getting anything in return.

I think it's time to realize that, among Christians, while there is unconditional love, real friends also give as well as receive. If you're the one constantly inviting someone out and they never do the same for you, you either need to confront that person, no matter how much they may mean to you, or drop the friendship all together. One of the main reasons my generation has a hard time finding and maintaining friendships is because they don't want to put any effort into it.
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I doubly qualify as someone 30 and older. (I just hit 30 my second time earlier this year. lol)

Nope. This generation isn't the loneliest ever. It equals all the other generations I've run into. (And, I've known generations that were born in the last "beginning of the century." My grandmother was born in 1901, her older brother was born in 1896. When I was young, there were older women in the family than that. One my grandmother called "Grandmother Lee.") My niece just got married. She had eight bridesmaids. All of them were friends. A couple of them were also cousins, but it was the friendships that mattered, not the family connection. Most of my nieces and nephews are out and about in the world with their family and friends.

Friendship is fairly easy -- be a friend. It hasn't changed. Another thing that hasn't changed is if someone is always a downer, always moaning and groaning, and always putting down everyone else, then the only friends to be had are similar people. Which, if you think about it, it's better to be alone than hang out with that kind of person. But they do make it fine in life. My neighbor is about my age and like that, but she is forever talking to someone like her in her kitchen. (We're in rowhomes and she leaves the screen open, so I can hear when out in my garden.)

Your generation is doing fine. You're so busy within yourself, moaning, groaning, and putting everyone else down that you assume everyone else is like that. Big difference.
 
My true friends are the ones who stick with me and do things without ever expecting to be paid back.

I liked your post because it had some worldly wisdom in it, but at the same time I think God calls us to be a better friend by doing things and not expecting them be returned. A true friend receives and gives, but do we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and ask for help when we need it or do we expect our friends to be mind readers?

You mentioned asking friends to do things, but maybe the friend doesn't want to go out, maybe they prefer staying home? Or maybe they are depressed?

A spiritually mature Christian looks for others needs and does things without expecting payment. A mature Christian would also know when to rest and do things that recharges their spiritual batteries....things that give them joy and peace.

I think the reason people have a hard time making friends is because they aren't mature in Christ and don't really know how to love without being either a doormat (not real love to let others use and abuse you) or a salesman (lets trade favors..what can you do for me? Mentality)

It always bugs me the false notion that "this generation" is different from others.

It's not so different...the older generation was not more spiritual...maybe your friends were but if you find fault in your children's generation...remember you helped raise them..there are just as many unsaved souls in nursing homes as in high school.
 
Then why does God give us Biblical grounds for divorce (abuse, adultery, unfaithfulness, etc.)? Am I being a loving spouse if I don't call out my spouse for what he's doing wrong and hold him accountable? If someone chooses to stay with them, they should do it for good reasons and with the mindset of getting help and mending their relationship. They should not stay just because it's the "Christian" thing to do.

If we're going to be completely honest with ourselves, as humans and as Christians, we always do something because of what we can get out of it. Now, doing something for someone else may be noble, but no matter the motivation, there's still a matter of personal gain.
 
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