Stigmas about mental illnesses.
As if they were a sin, or something you should be ashamed of.
After living my life, if people really knew all about it, they'd be amazed I have not yet committed suicide!
Yes, I go to therapy. Yes, I take medication. No, I don't foresee a time when that will ever be able to stop if I am to function.
Most people that see me at church and shake my hand would never believe the things I have been through. And I don't tell them. Because there's a stigma.
If you are depressed, you just must not be trusting in the Lord enough.
Not.
I realize that happiness is a "temporary condition" that comes and goes, but I have trouble finding inner joy my whole life. I have Jesus as my Saviour and I'm glad for that. But I have struggled with depression and anxiety sometimes in my life. Many times God has helped me "keep it together" just long enough to get through like a piano or song performance. Other times, I ran out, off the stage.
I no longer have that many performances in my life, just very few, so driving is the only "performance " anxiety that I ever really get at this time in my life.
But, depression seems to be something that just will not let up on me lately. There are many reasons for this, in my immediate and extended family having problems. But I even tend to worsen after hearing about kids getting killed in school bus wrecks, trouble for refugees and homeless people I see around. Anything that is sad or depressing seems like it's affecting me more and more. I know that we're supposed to trust God with all of these things, but that's the problem.
With more and more people in my family becoming atheist, anti-theist, even Wiccan, etc... and "gay", I don't feel like I can see them as going to Heaven the way the Bible puts it, they have to repent and be saved, and no longer do those sins. This saddens me and I feel like I have failed to be a good example myself in many of these people's lives. (At times).
I keep having to remind myself that I can't make them do anything, or be anything. I can't make them believe anything. Forsake anything. Turn to God, or do one single thing about it.
As I told one of them today, "I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep worrying about you and so-and-so, etc", "I have enough problems with sadness and worry and preoccupation with concern. I have to let you go. I have to just give it to God. Some of them, if not all of them, I don't say things like, "I'm giving you over to God." But I am thinking it. Because they are in so deep in their anti-God life, that I could never dip down deeply enough to affect them for Christ. (Outside of praying for them).
I try not to make the riff worse by alienating myself from them, or telling them they're going to Hell, or other such rash statements, because I know that they know the Bible and what it says without me saying it, and me giving them a lecture will only alienate them more from me, and not affect any change in their lives. I've been told to preach to them and lecture them, and I am sorry, I will NOT be doing so. Part of me, deep inside, feels that if I can just love them and treat them kindly, maybe I can at least get them to not hate God so much, as they see me as a Christian relative. I don't tell them that God is happy with them. I don't tell them that it is okay. It's not me being a sissy, I just feel like I'm not the person whom God has called to whip them for their chosen Godless, current lifestyle. I wish that it is just a temporary thing they are going through, but from everything I see it is permanent.
But, the truth is, I would never tell them this, but I'm having problems myself. That's the last thing they need to hear.
I've gone through the deepest depression before. When I'm like this, it's not "just snap out of it". It can make you doubt your life, yourself, and even God's work in your life. Even His presence in your life and all these situations. If I am doubting how God can keep me from suicide and giving up, how can I have room to worry about others? When I'm full up of self-worry and sometimes, yes, pity.
I'm getting older. My kids are moving out of the house one-by-one. The t.v. is sometimes the only slightly interactive companion I have. I'm practically a shut-in. Going to even the store is a special treat. I get bored easily. I don't have a lot of money to invest in crafts or sewing, or crocheting, or books. I sometimes don't want to even leave my house (agoraphobia). I swing back and forth from needing to get out of the house, to being afraid to leave the house. I go to pschyo-therapy once every week without fail, just to keep holding on day to day and week-to-week. Without proper medication and therapy, I would certainly be back to where I don't want to be. Natural meds have never worked for me. And I appreciate those who have discussed them with me, but they simply aren't powerful enough for this mind. They currently have me on two medications, but they aren't to "make me happy" they are to keep me from delusional sights or sounds. And I really need to eventually find, with the help of my doctor, one that will help me be happy.
People throw around words like, "Let the joy of the LORD be your strength." It sounds beautiful. How does that work? I have asked people that my whole life. They usually have their methodologies and tips, and give me some Bible verses, and pray with me. But, I have lived half my life, and I know enough to know this is a real problem I have, as real as any physical condition. Why is it okay to take medication for physical pain and not emotional pain?
I've also been told to write out my testimony. But some of it is very personal. And sometimes those I share it with, have me reinerate things that happened to me, and say them over again. Like they couldn't believe it the first time. I don't know what to tell you, my life has been a tragedy for most of it. And I have tried herbs, they help you sleep, that's about all they do for me. (Valerian root, hops, 5-HTP etc)
Ginseng is helpful, and some others, but I have tried ALOT! In my life, and so I know all about it.
I still try to help others in the chats, but mainly I'm here just to hear your Christian voices and see that people are alive and real and out there. I need to see that there's life "out there". I don't even care if you are talking about silly things. I just am a very lonely person most days, and have literally nothing to do beside chores and watching t.v. And I bet I'm not alone in this.
Why do I need to hear your Christian voices? Because I went for a long time without going to church, being rejected by a certain church, (many would call a cult), and being alienated by all those people I thought cared about me. Until me and my husband got a divorce, then it was "She's out, he's in." And he's still there. And quickly remarried someone I sang with. Why I had to get the divorce is a sad story that I would only share with precious few.
My whole life has been a pattern of loss and sadness, and today I feel like no one understands. But, everybody is busy with their own problems and the nicest of them will give me some time, but unfortunately, it's like a bandaid on a severed body.
I hurt. I hurt for me, and I hurt for my lost loved ones. I don't even know if I'd want to go to a Heaven where they weren't there, but burning in Hell. That's how much I love them. I feel like if God cuts their name out of the Book of Life, then He should do the same to me. And I have no hope that they will ever come back to Him. No hope at all.
How I feel about it is, I'm just being honest. I am stuck in a depression, I need prayer, my loved ones need prayer.
And real Christians, solid and true, should be able to handle that. And there shouldn't be any shame on me, because it must be guilt, etc.
If I were standing before you, all you would see is a middle-aged, sweet woman who is kind to everyone, and loves her kids. And that would be 100% true. But I still have this disease of heart and mind and emotions that gets the best of me now and then.
My wish is that people would think twice before they judge the divorced, the depressed, the schizophrenic, the lost, the homosexual, the drunk, the addict, the prostitute, and even the devil worshipper. "Your kind ain't welcome here", doesn't help anybody.
If we don't show the love of God to them, who will?
That's all I have to say for today.
As if they were a sin, or something you should be ashamed of.
After living my life, if people really knew all about it, they'd be amazed I have not yet committed suicide!
Yes, I go to therapy. Yes, I take medication. No, I don't foresee a time when that will ever be able to stop if I am to function.
Most people that see me at church and shake my hand would never believe the things I have been through. And I don't tell them. Because there's a stigma.
If you are depressed, you just must not be trusting in the Lord enough.
Not.
I realize that happiness is a "temporary condition" that comes and goes, but I have trouble finding inner joy my whole life. I have Jesus as my Saviour and I'm glad for that. But I have struggled with depression and anxiety sometimes in my life. Many times God has helped me "keep it together" just long enough to get through like a piano or song performance. Other times, I ran out, off the stage.
I no longer have that many performances in my life, just very few, so driving is the only "performance " anxiety that I ever really get at this time in my life.
But, depression seems to be something that just will not let up on me lately. There are many reasons for this, in my immediate and extended family having problems. But I even tend to worsen after hearing about kids getting killed in school bus wrecks, trouble for refugees and homeless people I see around. Anything that is sad or depressing seems like it's affecting me more and more. I know that we're supposed to trust God with all of these things, but that's the problem.
With more and more people in my family becoming atheist, anti-theist, even Wiccan, etc... and "gay", I don't feel like I can see them as going to Heaven the way the Bible puts it, they have to repent and be saved, and no longer do those sins. This saddens me and I feel like I have failed to be a good example myself in many of these people's lives. (At times).
I keep having to remind myself that I can't make them do anything, or be anything. I can't make them believe anything. Forsake anything. Turn to God, or do one single thing about it.
As I told one of them today, "I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep worrying about you and so-and-so, etc", "I have enough problems with sadness and worry and preoccupation with concern. I have to let you go. I have to just give it to God. Some of them, if not all of them, I don't say things like, "I'm giving you over to God." But I am thinking it. Because they are in so deep in their anti-God life, that I could never dip down deeply enough to affect them for Christ. (Outside of praying for them).
I try not to make the riff worse by alienating myself from them, or telling them they're going to Hell, or other such rash statements, because I know that they know the Bible and what it says without me saying it, and me giving them a lecture will only alienate them more from me, and not affect any change in their lives. I've been told to preach to them and lecture them, and I am sorry, I will NOT be doing so. Part of me, deep inside, feels that if I can just love them and treat them kindly, maybe I can at least get them to not hate God so much, as they see me as a Christian relative. I don't tell them that God is happy with them. I don't tell them that it is okay. It's not me being a sissy, I just feel like I'm not the person whom God has called to whip them for their chosen Godless, current lifestyle. I wish that it is just a temporary thing they are going through, but from everything I see it is permanent.
But, the truth is, I would never tell them this, but I'm having problems myself. That's the last thing they need to hear.
I've gone through the deepest depression before. When I'm like this, it's not "just snap out of it". It can make you doubt your life, yourself, and even God's work in your life. Even His presence in your life and all these situations. If I am doubting how God can keep me from suicide and giving up, how can I have room to worry about others? When I'm full up of self-worry and sometimes, yes, pity.
I'm getting older. My kids are moving out of the house one-by-one. The t.v. is sometimes the only slightly interactive companion I have. I'm practically a shut-in. Going to even the store is a special treat. I get bored easily. I don't have a lot of money to invest in crafts or sewing, or crocheting, or books. I sometimes don't want to even leave my house (agoraphobia). I swing back and forth from needing to get out of the house, to being afraid to leave the house. I go to pschyo-therapy once every week without fail, just to keep holding on day to day and week-to-week. Without proper medication and therapy, I would certainly be back to where I don't want to be. Natural meds have never worked for me. And I appreciate those who have discussed them with me, but they simply aren't powerful enough for this mind. They currently have me on two medications, but they aren't to "make me happy" they are to keep me from delusional sights or sounds. And I really need to eventually find, with the help of my doctor, one that will help me be happy.
People throw around words like, "Let the joy of the LORD be your strength." It sounds beautiful. How does that work? I have asked people that my whole life. They usually have their methodologies and tips, and give me some Bible verses, and pray with me. But, I have lived half my life, and I know enough to know this is a real problem I have, as real as any physical condition. Why is it okay to take medication for physical pain and not emotional pain?
I've also been told to write out my testimony. But some of it is very personal. And sometimes those I share it with, have me reinerate things that happened to me, and say them over again. Like they couldn't believe it the first time. I don't know what to tell you, my life has been a tragedy for most of it. And I have tried herbs, they help you sleep, that's about all they do for me. (Valerian root, hops, 5-HTP etc)
Ginseng is helpful, and some others, but I have tried ALOT! In my life, and so I know all about it.
I still try to help others in the chats, but mainly I'm here just to hear your Christian voices and see that people are alive and real and out there. I need to see that there's life "out there". I don't even care if you are talking about silly things. I just am a very lonely person most days, and have literally nothing to do beside chores and watching t.v. And I bet I'm not alone in this.
Why do I need to hear your Christian voices? Because I went for a long time without going to church, being rejected by a certain church, (many would call a cult), and being alienated by all those people I thought cared about me. Until me and my husband got a divorce, then it was "She's out, he's in." And he's still there. And quickly remarried someone I sang with. Why I had to get the divorce is a sad story that I would only share with precious few.
My whole life has been a pattern of loss and sadness, and today I feel like no one understands. But, everybody is busy with their own problems and the nicest of them will give me some time, but unfortunately, it's like a bandaid on a severed body.
I hurt. I hurt for me, and I hurt for my lost loved ones. I don't even know if I'd want to go to a Heaven where they weren't there, but burning in Hell. That's how much I love them. I feel like if God cuts their name out of the Book of Life, then He should do the same to me. And I have no hope that they will ever come back to Him. No hope at all.
How I feel about it is, I'm just being honest. I am stuck in a depression, I need prayer, my loved ones need prayer.
And real Christians, solid and true, should be able to handle that. And there shouldn't be any shame on me, because it must be guilt, etc.
If I were standing before you, all you would see is a middle-aged, sweet woman who is kind to everyone, and loves her kids. And that would be 100% true. But I still have this disease of heart and mind and emotions that gets the best of me now and then.
My wish is that people would think twice before they judge the divorced, the depressed, the schizophrenic, the lost, the homosexual, the drunk, the addict, the prostitute, and even the devil worshipper. "Your kind ain't welcome here", doesn't help anybody.
If we don't show the love of God to them, who will?
That's all I have to say for today.