I recently came out of a spiritual depression, and it led me to think about what caused me to fall into that state and what helped me get out. I think many other Christians suffer from the same problem, so I've wrote this post to help them. May the Lord bless this to all who read, God bless 
.
So, what caused it ?
After I became a Christian I began to run from sin, but far more importantly, I began to run after God, and daily I would ask for the three most important things, faith, hope, and love. Though at the time I didn't really understand why I should pray for those things, yet I did them anyway; I had a distorted idea of what faith was, and being foolish I thought wisdom (in sense of discretion) as more important than Love; it isn't 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Corinthians 13:13). Regardless I continued to pray for these things, It was only after a year or so that I stopped. After that, my prayers became more and more self centred, I began to pray for wisdom, which would have been fine if the wisdom I sought was that which exalted Christ, and not that which exalted self. So the initial problem came from my prayer life and a distrust in God's word; I thought myself wiser than the scriptures. Part of the reason I changed what I was praying was because I wanted to grow faster as a Christian, and I distrusted the way in which the Lord was working in me, the Lord works In ways which seems slow to us, The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is long suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.(2 Peter 3:9) , even in Genesis, God creates the everything we know in 7 days, when he could have just as easily done it in an instant- let us be patient and wait only on God.
What follows next may be seen as the consequences of a bad prayer life. I fell back into sin which I thought myself free from, and because of this I sought help from videos online. In this process I watched many popular Calvinistic preachers, and I found my self discouraged, many of the preachers constantly made points which were targeted to make you doubt your salvation (not all- I like John Piper). Though It be true we should test ourselves to see if we are in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5), the goal of preachers is to feed the sheep, these people are given to us that we may be built up and strengthened In Christ: Ephesians 4:11-12, Titus 1:9, John 21:17, Ezekiel 34:1-10, 1 Peter 5:1-4. Furthermore Preaching is to be done outside of the church, since it those are the people who need to hear; of course their may be unsaved peoples in the church, yet I believe the church should aimed at the saints and not the world. Note- Even when Paul talks about testing whether your in the faith, he is quick to encourage them, he quick to not destroy them but edify them, also he tells them to continue despite failing the test.
5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified. 6 But I trust that you will know that we are not disqualified.
Paul Prefers Gentleness
7 Now I pray to God that you do no evil, not that we should appear approved, but that you should do what is honorable, though we may seem disqualified. 8 For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth. 9 For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. And this also we pray, that you may be made complete. 10 Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the authority which the Lord has given me for edification and not for destruction.
Because of the many sermons, I was despairing, thinking to myself that I had hadn't truly yielded to Christ, which caused me to sin more and because I sinned more, this caused me to despair more; I wasn't being fruitful anymore and in the sight of these preachers this was the mark of a damned man, a reprobate. So I repented more, I cried and begged for forgiveness because I figured I hadn't done enough to warrant God's mercy, It became about me, and whether or not I had done enough crying and weeping to be accepted by God. Focus had been taken off Christ. I mentioned Tim Conway in the title because he is the chieftain when it comes to discouragement and doubting salvation, I'm sure his sermons may be of use to some of the unsaved, but to the saved, it certainly is not. My close friend also had very similar experiences.
Eventually I reached the point where I was being tempted by something I thought was abhorrent (by far the lowest point of my life), and knowing that it was possible for me to fall into it brought me into despair, mental torment, and anguish; I was like this for about a month. I would cry daily because of it, I hated myself with a passion, I hated my life, and worst of all, part of me thought it would've been better to have never known God (which is sort of ironic). It was extremely unbecoming of a Christian.
What fixed it ?
Jesus. But I'll try to expand it a bit more than that. God led me to: seek help, confess my sins to family and friends, and to trust in him and love him more.
Seeking help: I started talking more to someone from my church, we began doing bible studies together and right now we are reading and praying together daily, both seeking to Love Christ more.
13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:13)
Confessing sins: I now have people who will keep me accountable, and encourage me if I somehow fall.
Trusting Him and Loving him more: My prayer life has changed, I first and foremost always ask that I may love him more, for it is by loving him and trusting in his promises that we turn away from sin. By Gods grace I also have a better understanding of what faith is; I've started to believe his promises more: it is by faith that we are obedient ! Romans 1:5. Let us have faith in his promises, let us believe that we are new creations in him (Romans 6:11-12), because we are; that is faith, to believe his promises, to believe that we are being regenerated and perfected.
The fix is short, and simple; it is very unfortunate that we have to tendency to over complicate that which God made simple.
24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.” ’
I pray that this would be a blessing to you all. God bless you, Amen.
.So, what caused it ?
After I became a Christian I began to run from sin, but far more importantly, I began to run after God, and daily I would ask for the three most important things, faith, hope, and love. Though at the time I didn't really understand why I should pray for those things, yet I did them anyway; I had a distorted idea of what faith was, and being foolish I thought wisdom (in sense of discretion) as more important than Love; it isn't 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Corinthians 13:13). Regardless I continued to pray for these things, It was only after a year or so that I stopped. After that, my prayers became more and more self centred, I began to pray for wisdom, which would have been fine if the wisdom I sought was that which exalted Christ, and not that which exalted self. So the initial problem came from my prayer life and a distrust in God's word; I thought myself wiser than the scriptures. Part of the reason I changed what I was praying was because I wanted to grow faster as a Christian, and I distrusted the way in which the Lord was working in me, the Lord works In ways which seems slow to us, The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is long suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.(2 Peter 3:9) , even in Genesis, God creates the everything we know in 7 days, when he could have just as easily done it in an instant- let us be patient and wait only on God.
What follows next may be seen as the consequences of a bad prayer life. I fell back into sin which I thought myself free from, and because of this I sought help from videos online. In this process I watched many popular Calvinistic preachers, and I found my self discouraged, many of the preachers constantly made points which were targeted to make you doubt your salvation (not all- I like John Piper). Though It be true we should test ourselves to see if we are in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5), the goal of preachers is to feed the sheep, these people are given to us that we may be built up and strengthened In Christ: Ephesians 4:11-12, Titus 1:9, John 21:17, Ezekiel 34:1-10, 1 Peter 5:1-4. Furthermore Preaching is to be done outside of the church, since it those are the people who need to hear; of course their may be unsaved peoples in the church, yet I believe the church should aimed at the saints and not the world. Note- Even when Paul talks about testing whether your in the faith, he is quick to encourage them, he quick to not destroy them but edify them, also he tells them to continue despite failing the test.
5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified. 6 But I trust that you will know that we are not disqualified.
Paul Prefers Gentleness
7 Now I pray to God that you do no evil, not that we should appear approved, but that you should do what is honorable, though we may seem disqualified. 8 For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth. 9 For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. And this also we pray, that you may be made complete. 10 Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the authority which the Lord has given me for edification and not for destruction.
Because of the many sermons, I was despairing, thinking to myself that I had hadn't truly yielded to Christ, which caused me to sin more and because I sinned more, this caused me to despair more; I wasn't being fruitful anymore and in the sight of these preachers this was the mark of a damned man, a reprobate. So I repented more, I cried and begged for forgiveness because I figured I hadn't done enough to warrant God's mercy, It became about me, and whether or not I had done enough crying and weeping to be accepted by God. Focus had been taken off Christ. I mentioned Tim Conway in the title because he is the chieftain when it comes to discouragement and doubting salvation, I'm sure his sermons may be of use to some of the unsaved, but to the saved, it certainly is not. My close friend also had very similar experiences.
Eventually I reached the point where I was being tempted by something I thought was abhorrent (by far the lowest point of my life), and knowing that it was possible for me to fall into it brought me into despair, mental torment, and anguish; I was like this for about a month. I would cry daily because of it, I hated myself with a passion, I hated my life, and worst of all, part of me thought it would've been better to have never known God (which is sort of ironic). It was extremely unbecoming of a Christian.
What fixed it ?
Jesus. But I'll try to expand it a bit more than that. God led me to: seek help, confess my sins to family and friends, and to trust in him and love him more.
Seeking help: I started talking more to someone from my church, we began doing bible studies together and right now we are reading and praying together daily, both seeking to Love Christ more.
13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:13)
Confessing sins: I now have people who will keep me accountable, and encourage me if I somehow fall.
Trusting Him and Loving him more: My prayer life has changed, I first and foremost always ask that I may love him more, for it is by loving him and trusting in his promises that we turn away from sin. By Gods grace I also have a better understanding of what faith is; I've started to believe his promises more: it is by faith that we are obedient ! Romans 1:5. Let us have faith in his promises, let us believe that we are new creations in him (Romans 6:11-12), because we are; that is faith, to believe his promises, to believe that we are being regenerated and perfected.
The fix is short, and simple; it is very unfortunate that we have to tendency to over complicate that which God made simple.
24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.” ’
I pray that this would be a blessing to you all. God bless you, Amen.
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