Very General; What it Takes to Have a Good Marriage

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ankagirl

ankagirl

Active member
#41
Feb 10, 2021
124
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#41
Williejay1975 said:
It is apparent from what I learned and seen each time that if you notice a person is not talking about what is good all the time (God ... against very bad) then that is the wrong person to be CLOSE with. It also takes two people wanting to have a good relationship; which over here in the USA is rare. And the last thing which is rarer and takes is at least one of the people in the mate partnership working on or knowing how to have a good relationship. Just because two people serve God does not mean they will have a good relationship; they must know how to have a good relationship too.
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It is obviously super important to have God in the marriage. That aside, I believe that it is very important for both husband and wife to give of themselves and to serve the other person. I also think that it is important for the husband and wife to communicate. But, above all, I believe that they key to a great marriage is to follow the roles that God has placed us in. The husband to lead the family, both physically and spiritually, and to love the wife sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25-28). The wife, to submit to her husband and obey him (Ephesians 5:22-24)(1 Peter 3:1-6).
This, I believe, is the key to having a successful marriage.
 
A

Amanuensis

Well-known member
#42
Jun 12, 2021
1,457
460
83
#42
ankagirl said:
It is obviously super important to have God in the marriage. That aside, I believe that it is very important for both husband and wife to give of themselves and to serve the other person. I also think that it is important for the husband and wife to communicate. But, above all, I believe that they key to a great marriage is to follow the roles that God has placed us in. The husband to lead the family, both physically and spiritually, and to love the wife sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25-28). The wife, to submit to her husband and obey him (Ephesians 5:22-24)(1 Peter 3:1-6).
This, I believe, is the key to having a successful marriage.
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ankagirl's inbox is filling up with marriage proposals. :cool:
 
G

Godsgirl83

Guest
#44
#44
GardenofWeeden said:
After those gushy feelings turn into real lives, with kids, jobs and commitments, and runny noses, soccer practice, laundry, dishes, grass to cut and car repairs, if you still understand that the person who you choose to love is the reason you are blessed with all that mess, then you will be able to work through most trials life sends you.
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So blessed reading this!
In fact, I am writing that down so that when all this mess starts feeling overwhelming I will be reminded of what a blessing it is.
 
G

Godsgirl83

Guest
#45
#45
Amanuensis said:
Check out those that have been married for 50 years or more. What is the number one thing you find? They are super nice to each other all the time. 24x7.
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I have to disagree with this statement.
I have known a good handful of people married 50+ precious years.
"Niceness" is NOT what got them through the difficult times.
What nearly everyone shared about how they made it all those years was
COMMITMENT because they knew and understood that they had formed a COVENANT the day they said "I DO".
 
G

Godsgirl83

Guest
#46
#46
GardenofWeeden said:
For a LONG time he didn't understand what I meant when I told him that I believe love is a choice, until one day he came and told me that he understood and when he understood.

We had quarreled, and when he got upset he would go putter around in the garage doing what he did out there when we quarreled (usually organize his tool boxes and work bench). I was in the kitchen furiously scrubbing the sink and counters (I clean or cook when upset). He cut his hand on something, and came inside to clean it off. Without missing a beat, I stopped what I was doing and gently tended his cut, cleaning, making sure it didn't need stitches and bandaging it. Then I went back to my furious scrubbing without saying a word. He said that was when he understood that love was a choice, because even though I was furious with him I still stopped what I was doing to make sure he was okay.

I get what you mean about being nice to him, and I am certain that I was nice to him most of the time, but being nice isn't the exact word I would use. I became love to him even in my anger. It's so much more than being nice.
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It always touches me when you share this story.
 
A

Amanuensis

Well-known member
#47
Jun 12, 2021
1,457
460
83
#47
Godsgirl83 said:
I have to disagree with this statement.
I have known a good handful of people married 50+ precious years.
"Niceness" is NOT what got them through the difficult times.
What nearly everyone shared about how they made it all those years was
COMMITMENT because they knew and understood that they had formed a COVENANT the day they said "I DO".
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Good point, and I guess we have to keep defining what we mean by "Good Marriage."

To me a "Good Marriage" is one that you enjoy. Just enduring each other and not divorcing for 50 years was not my point.

Many have a testimony of how they put up with lots of grief and did not divorce but I have noticed that those who are always nice to each other don't have as much grief and hard times to put up with.

There are long marriages and then there are long GOOD marriages. What makes one GOOD and another a trial of endurance? Being nice to each other and encouraging and positive. Humor helps also. No venting, criticism, caustic berating, or venom spewing toxic immature tantrums. Those things must never surface. No excuses. When we give ourselves excuses for them we will never change.

Staying together for a long time in and of itself can just be living in hell for a long time and a very sad life. Those that are always nice to each other make daily life a joy and that is a good marriage.

If you notice a potential suitor having emotional outbursts more than once after talking about it, then end the relationship and do not marry them. If you do you will be in for a living hell and you are not allowed to divorce over it. You will have made your bed and must lie in it. It will be very sad. Take toxic venting seriously. No excuses. Most people will allow for excuses and think it will change and get married and live in 20 years or more of hell and the toxic person will probably leave them after the kids are grown. This is very common. A wasted life of enduring misery because divorce is not allowed and they did not listen to the advice to run when they noticed the toxic behavior while dating.

When you find one who is nice under pressure. When they don't get their way or something very stressful occurs and they stay calm, positive, encouraging and seek solutions for every problem, that is a winner and a guaranteed happy marriage partner. Snatch them up as there are fewer and fewer in each generation of young people who are increasingly being trained to be obnoxious. The squeaky wheel gets the grease has become the character to aspire too and it is a tragic shame.

Now, back to my jaded and eternal singlehood. Leave me alone. Blissfully and peacefully alone. :)
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#51
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,777
113
#51
Pureness said:
I never been married yet, but if I had to guess I would say Honesty is the key to a healthy successful marriage.
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It was always "the best policy". At the same time I would say that genuine Christian love is the key. As commonly understood "Love conquers all".
 
Lizzy

Lizzy

Junior Member
#52
Jan 18, 2018
171
139
43
#52
Nehemiah6 said:
It was always "the best policy". At the same time I would say that genuine Christian love is the key. As commonly understood "Love conquers all".
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I agree. Love conquers all. my husband bought me a pendant that said that and after he passed away 7 years ago, I had that saying tattooed on my forearm w a dove of peace. He was a very peace loving man.
 
J

justahumanbeing

Well-known member
#53
Mar 25, 2020
466
257
63
#53
Where I come from, it's money I guess. You all have to forgive me if you think I'm cynical. But that's how people marry these days. I'm saying this out of the experience I've had living life in this world.

It's either money or convenience.

I mean, gone are the days when women married men even if they were not professionally stable, just for being a good human being. I may be wrong again. There will always be exceptions.

This aside,

It takes an understanding life partner with good values. There should be a match of the values each partner has. A lot of patience, sacrifice, tears, etc I don't know. Love???

I've never been married or had anyone love me. So, this isn't my area of expertise.

So, if my answer is crude, it's because that's what I learned living my life so far.

Of course, I have faith in God. I think a good marriage will require God's love, providence and protection. But, I'm just saying all this as I've seen it so far in life.
 
M

Maiafly

New member
#54
Mar 23, 2022
6
3
3
#54
A husband or wife should be able to trust that his or her partner will be honest. A spouse must be honest about who they are, what they're feeling and thinking, and about their successes and failures. There should be no hiding from one another. They should be able to trust each other to tell the truth. They need to take the commitment of marriage seriously
 
M

Maiafly

New member
#55
Mar 23, 2022
6
3
3
#55
I think a good marriage requires mutual trust, sincerity, commitment, tolerance, understanding, respect, and common progress. These are all necessary for a good marriage. Even if there are illnesses and disputes, love will transcend everything, and the Lord will guide us.
 
kinda

kinda

Senior Member
#56
Jun 26, 2013
3,931
1,506
113
#56
Williejay1975 said:
It is apparent from what I learned and seen each time that if you notice a person is not talking about what is good all the time (God ... against very bad) then that is the wrong person to be CLOSE with. It also takes two people wanting to have a good relationship; which over here in the USA is rare. And the last thing which is rarer and takes is at least one of the people in the mate partnership working on or knowing how to have a good relationship. Just because two people serve God does not mean they will have a good relationship; they must know how to have a good relationship too.
Click to expand...

I will be frank today, get it? lol. O.k., never mind. I will say this straight.....

If you want a good marriage, be rich, and do what your wife tells you to do. This is your best chance of a good marriage, not necessarily your best chance of being happy though.

I don't plan on ever getting married, so take this for it's worth. This is a public service message by kinda.

All rights reserved. Results may vary. This is for entertainment purposes only. kinda is not a trained professional and doesn't want to ever be married. User discretion is advised. Not suitable for all audiences. Use this information at your own risk....etc...etc...
 
southernf

southernf

Member
#57
Mar 1, 2021
85
81
18
#57
I highly recommend the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I know it's seems like a cliche and it is dated, but it really helps you understand how differently God made our minds. I think a lot of marriage problems come from just not understanding how your spouse sees the world.
 
kinda

kinda

Senior Member
#58
Jun 26, 2013
3,931
1,506
113
#58
southernf said:
I highly recommend the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I know it's seems like a cliche and it is dated, but it really helps you understand how differently God made our minds. I think a lot of marriage problems come from just not understanding how your spouse sees the world.
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I'm having a hard time believing that men have ever been to Mars, or women to Venus. I need to see NASA photos, before I make my final decision though.

 
G

Godsgirl83

Guest
#59
#59
kinda said:
I'm having a hard time believing that men have ever been to Mars, or women to Venus. I need to see NASA photos, before I make my final decision though.

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that one puzzles me......
I thought males ended up on Jupiter and females on Mars.
because according to the chant my kids and their friends always sing( :unsure: and come to think of it, I remember hearing this when I was a kid too) it's:
Boys go to Jupiter
to get more stupieder.
Girls go to Mars
to get more candy vars.
 
O

Oblio

Guest
#60
#60
You know why men go to Venus...
 
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