Virginity- Keeping it

[Anne_Martin]

So i've been thinking quite a lot about virginity lately. I don't know many Christian people my age, so i'm pretty much a loner in my effort to keep my virginity until marriage. I guess you could say i'm seeking some form of comfort and support by posting this online, as well as some reassurance. My parents have always told me that I must 'save myself' for my husband, and how proud they would be on my wedding day knowing they are giving away a virgin daughter- and i'm sure on that day i would be quite proud of myself also. Trouble is, there is so much time in between, and plenty of chances for me to make a mistake. I'm scared i wont make it, and everyday for the past week or so i've been discussing my doubts, fears, and thoughts with God-Because ultimately i know that he has great plans for my future, and being able to give my future husband such a gift is part of Gods plan for my life.
But the thoughts crossing my mind lately are ones consisting of...

"Is keeping my virginity really necessary? I mean, everyone's 'doing it'​ these days "
"It would be so much easier if I just got it over with, and didn't think twice about it"
"If I'm doing the right thing, why do I feel so alone?"

So basically this concept is driving me to insanity. I've dated before and sometimes it feels like you're expected to eventually 'do it' with your partner after dating for a certain time. And I cant explain to them why I wouldn't be interested... I get too scared to tell guys I'm Christian, mainly because I don't want them to think i'm a freak. Like i said, I don't know many christians; so it's like i'm one in a million for someone my age. (I'm 17 by the way...)
Despite being such a strict christian, I find myself falling into temptation a lot of the time- yet have never done anything worthy of great regret or shame. I can only wonder how long I will last before I give up my virginity. All i can do is just reassure myself of my future, and remind myself of what the Lord has in store for me.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles with this... Are there any other teens out there on a similar page? I'm really keen to meet some girls, and even guys, my age who share the same views.

 

[T_Laurich]

I don't know if you drive, and if you don't this analogy will miss the mark... But if you do, you will love it...

Mark Driscoll~
IF you focus on that line that separates you and the other lane, and all you do is look at that line through your driver side window. You will slowly start to drift across that line...

(I peronally tested that out... And I have to say I was astonished about the results)

Mark Driscoll continued~
The only way to stay in a strait line is to look far ahead, and focus on a point extremely far in front of you..


This is soo true, if you want to abstain from sexual immorality... Don't spend your whole time thinking about it...

Then again if you completely forget that you are on a road, you bound to cross the line... So there is a happy medium... And that is what you should strive for... Not to abolish your sexual drive, for your sexual drive is and can be a very good thing... Praise God for it... But you need to find that line where you don't idolize sexual morality, and your not governed by your fear...

This is a struggle for me personally...

 

[mystdancer50]

I think the reason that many ask the questions you've asked, Anne_Martin, is because of their reason to abstain. We are pounded and pounded and pounded with the "save yourself for your future spouse" logic. So, many shout this reason from the rooftops and though it is a good reason, it should not be THE reason.

The reason to abstain is for you. The Bible says that sexual sin is the one sin that one commits against their own body. We are told to flee sexual immorality. This is the only battle that we are told to flee. Other things we are told to fight with the armor of God and stand firm.

Many fear that marriage will never come and so when presented with the temptation to give in and let go, they do, only to find out that marriage was waiting just around the corner. Now, they are filled with regret and shame and in order to minimize these feelings, they begin to say things like, "It really doesn't matter that I didn't wait. I am a new creation in Christ, it's like I've never had sex." These are all lies of the devil. Christians have begun to minimize sin, rather than acknowledge its deadly consequences and admit that sin is never less as time goes on. Yes, we are redeemed and forgiven and yes that is not who we are, but it doesn't lessen the sin itself.

I had one young lady say that one of her youth leaders had said that waiting for marriage for sex was like getting $1,000, while having sex now is like getting $100. The young lady told me that she considered this and thought, "I would rather have the $100 now if I'm never going to get the $1,000." That is why this logic doesn't work.

I agree with T_Laurich that you must acknowledge that you have these desires, but don't obsess over them. And, the other thing I recommend, is changing your focus. You're not saving yourself for your husband, you're choosing purity because it is the healthiest, safest and best option for YOU and because to do so is honoring Jesus Christ, whom you love.

 

[Rachel20]

Hi Anne_Martin. Nice to meet you.


The thing that struck me a lot about your post was that you mentioned that you were a loner and you didn't know many Christians.


Well I am in the same boat. I don't have any Christian friends , but hey , here we are!

I am glad to say that I've made many friends here and received a lot of guidance and counselling.

About your question about sexual immorality, I think the two above posters put it across quite plainly.

Sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. The Bible tells us not to do it.

Good enough reasons to not engage in it.


I understand you're afraid that you would get into a similar situation to which the solution is quite simple.

Don't put yourself in such a situation. And put boundaries in your relationships.

Why don't you want to tell this guy you're dating you're a Christian?

Isn't that a fundamental aspect of who you are? And to be honest, I don't think you should be dating a non Christian in the first place.

The Bible also tells us this

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness


If someone really respected you, they'd respect the fact that you want to keep yourself pure till marriage.

It's not an alien concept. There's nothing freaky about it.

It's probably the best thing you're doing right now, to keep yourself away from all this till you are ready to commit to a person who loves you and promises before God and people to abide by you.

Think about all the possible STDs, unwanted pregnancies and just the unnecessary heartbreaks that people go through.

Do you want to give yourself to some guy who may or may not even be there till the end?

And I just finished my teenagehood , it was just last year. Guys this age are extremely immature and doube minded. And no matter that, why would you want to be a notch in someone's bed post?


I say, study and focus hard on school and whatever you wish to do.

There are lots of better things to do than waste it on some guy who's just fooling around.

And trust me, There is no one else in this world who will ever love you and understand you the way God does.

He will never leave you nor forsake you.

If anything, you're keeping yourself pure for Him. Honour God.


God bless you and much love sis. I hope you'll make many friends here.

xx

 

[starfield]

So i've been thinking quite a lot about virginity lately. I don't know many Christian people my age, so i'm pretty much a loner in my effort to keep my virginity until marriage. I guess you could say i'm seeking some form of comfort and support by posting this online, as well as some reassurance. My parents have always told me that I must 'save myself' for my husband, and how proud they would be on my wedding day knowing they are giving away a virgin daughter- and i'm sure on that day i would be quite proud of myself also. Trouble is, there is so much time in between, and plenty of chances for me to make a mistake. I'm scared i wont make it, and everyday for the past week or so i've been discussing my doubts, fears, and thoughts with God-Because ultimately i know that he has great plans for my future, and being able to give my future husband such a gift is part of Gods plan for my life.
But the thoughts crossing my mind lately are ones consisting of...

"Is keeping my virginity really necessary? I mean, everyone's 'doing it'​ these days "
"It would be so much easier if I just got it over with, and didn't think twice about it"
"If I'm doing the right thing, why do I feel so alone?"

So basically this concept is driving me to insanity. I've dated before and sometimes it feels like you're expected to eventually 'do it' with your partner after dating for a certain time. And I cant explain to them why I wouldn't be interested... I get too scared to tell guys I'm Christian, mainly because I don't want them to think i'm a freak. Like i said, I don't know many christians; so it's like i'm one in a million for someone my age. (I'm 17 by the way...)
Despite being such a strict christian, I find myself falling into temptation a lot of the time- yet have never done anything worthy of great regret or shame. I can only wonder how long I will last before I give up my virginity. All i can do is just reassure myself of my future, and remind myself of what the Lord has in store for me.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles with this... Are there any other teens out there on a similar page? I'm really keen to meet some girls, and even guys, my age who share the same views.

You are not alone, my friend. There are so many Christian girls and guys saving themselves for marriage in obedience to God’s word. It is totally worth it. This is why I don't advocate recreational teen dating to satisfy the lust of the flesh or dating without the intention of marriage. It poses unnecessary temptation for premarital sex. Paul reminded Timothy this: 2 Timothy 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

 

[jurez]

Anne good to know that u have thought on virgnity which
some girls don't have, feel it later and regret it instead repent to god,
also true don't bother much it too

About Rachel I can't believe that u r 20 and lot of information ,
praise the lord for it, even I am following same though
we should be accountable to god not man

 

[Jesusismyrock]

You can do it Anne. Keep going. I've thought about it aswell although I haven't had the chance to lose it. Pray about it.

 

[GISMYS]

SATAN'S FIRST LIE TO EVE,"DID GOD SAY??? YOU WILL BE LIKE GOD!! YOU WILL NOT DIE. ""JUST GO FOR IT""====I'm scared i wont make it, and everyday for the past week or so i've been discussing my doubts, fears, and thoughts with God-Because ultimately i know that he has great plans for my future, and being able to give my future husband such a gift is part of Gods plan for my life. But the thoughts crossing my mind lately are ones consisting of... "Is keeping my virginity really necessary? I mean, everyone's 'doing it'​ these days " "It would be so much easier if I just got it over with, and didn't think twice about it" "If I'm doing the right thing, why do I feel so alone?" BEWARE! WHY LET SATAN PLAY YOU FOR A FOOL,HE IS A LIAR AND THE FATHER OF LIARS THERE IS NO TRUTH IN HIM. SATAN IS HERE ON EARTH TO KILL AND DESTROY. BEST YOU DON'T HELP HIM.

 

[alexis]

Anne I'm waiting too you are not alone!

We can do it, it's worth it and pleases God..

Anyways love you,

Lexi

 

[Ugly]

"Is keeping my virginity really necessary? I mean, everyone's 'doing it'​ these days "
Since when is 'everyones doing it' a good reason to do anything? And just because people do it, does that mean they have no regrets?

"It would be so much easier if I just got it over with, and didn't think twice about it"
'Didn't think twice about it'? That's a pure lie. You don't get over it. I'm 38. Its been 25 years since i lost my virginity and i still regret it. And what would be the point? Go have sex, just to say you've had it? Really? Virginity would have to mean nothing to you. And its not easy to quit sex. God instituted sex in marriage to help keep a couple close, among other reasons. If you think you can just do it and forget about it you're sorely mistaken. The regrets and desires don't go away so easily.

"If I'm doing the right thing, why do I feel so alone?"
Read your bible. When is doing right ever the popular thing? When is it the easy thing? Even the world admits to the fact that often taking the right way of doing things is often the difficult road. If you're seeking an easy life, then following Christ isn't for you. True God can bring us help and comfort, but that doesn't mean things are easy all the time. Look at Christ himself. Betrayed by one of his closest friends and put to a torturous death to stand up for the right thing. As well as many of the apostles. This is why we are to 'take up our cross daily'. A cross isn't a pleasant thing. All through the bible and history people suffer in one form or another for doing right.

The reward for doing right isn't an easy time or easy life, or popularity. Its in the satisfaction in knowing you are a person of integrity and character and living a life outside of regret.

 

[4Hizcall]

I'll be praying that God will give you His strength! you are not alone. lots of us struggle with this issue. especially when the media is shoving it in our faces all the time

 

[thebabygoose]

Yes it happens! God only wants the best for us though...and even if it seems like it's no fun waiting, it's really a good kind of wait. Would you want to lose it with someone who you might just break up with, and have it be meaningless? I was actually thinking about this the other day, and literally that night, I had a dream I was pregnant. I wasn't planning to be, but I had decided to not wait until marriage, and I think that was God telling me I shouldn't go that far with a guy just yet.

 

[EliBeth]

You are right to stand for abstinence. There is such an all-pervading infection of immorality in our day in age that purity of any kind is extremely rare. We are to live to please God, not self.
Also, we need to be staunch on this point. We need to set standards and refuse to go past them. It's so easy just to say, "I'll go a little further." But before you know it you've gone way too far. And you can never go back. Once it's done it's in the past. So let's make a firm point to set standards for ourselves beforehand. Regret and shame are not worth the sensuous high of living in the moment, and they can be black clouds that hang over your head the rest of your days.

 

[GISMYS]

KEEP YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN!! SATAN SETS SO MANY TRAPS FOR ANY AGE YOUNG OR OLD YOU FALL OR STEP INTO SATAN'S TRAPS AND THE RESULT IS A RUINED LIFE YOURS AND THOSE AROUND YOU. BEWARE!

 

[jonaki]

You are not alone. Jesus will always be at your side to sustain you and help you. So, don't give up.You are in a very large family, the family of god

 

[JesusFreek]

Anne_Martin is it possible you're reading my mind?!?! I have been thinking about this for quite a while to! Like legitimately word for word. I thought I was alone too. I've been in a relationship for the past 9 months and we're both Christians, so the we shouldn't have to worry about temptation right? I wish it were true but we both do. Like you I've never done anything "worthy of great regret or shame". But I do have moments I wish I could take back. I'm kind of a loner too. But more so in the sense that I don't have any Christian couples close to my age to look up to. The ones I used to look up to became pregnant before marriage and while I don't love them any less I wish they hadn't because now I feel like there's no hope for me. With the movies and magazines and books we see today and the way they portray sex it makes us want it. At the same time though, we know that God wants us to save ourselves for our future husband- that one day all of the waiting will be worth it. I've never faced a harder struggle in my life. I'm constantly scared that I'll mess up and lose my virginity before marriage. And I constantly doubt my faith because a Christian shouldn't be feeling this temptation right? We should put our faith in God and forget the temptation. The first part is true. But forgetting the temptation isn't something that comes easily. I try to remind myself that feeling temptation doesn't mean you aren't a Christian. Heck, giving into temptation doesn't mean it either because God will always be there to forgive us. My friend told me this once and surprisingly it didn't help me because then I thought "Well can I just have sex then and ask for forgiveness later?" And while my heart told me that's not what God wants, my mind told me "who cares what God wants?! You want sex!" I really hope this doesn't make me sound like a slut or anything because I'm honestly not. The guy I'm with now is my first and only boyfriend and we haven't even kissed yet because I want to wait until marriage for that too. The teenage mind naturally is "turned on" by the thought of sex. Most people think it's just guys and that guys are awful for feeling that way, but girls want it to. I never realized a relationship would be this hard. I'm so glad I've found someone else who is feeling the same way! The only way we can fight this is to trust God, trust our partner, and unite with those like us for support.

Hope this helped

 

[Chainhand]

I think if you bring yourself to witness to the guys you run across about Christ, the split in the roads will be more obvious, and your choice to abstain will be more valuable to you. No matter their reaction, you won't regret it or miss them more than you will gain.

 

[ServantStrike]

Okay two jokes for you and then some observations from back in the day. There are two very proven methods to keep your virginity.

One - wear a bear trap under your outfit.

Two - your dates must all use asprin. Let me elaborate. They must balance an asprin between both of their legs. If at any point during the date the asprin drops to the floor, the date is over, and they must leave.


All joking aside, its normal to feel like you are different because you are a Christian, but God is not ashamed of you, and there is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Do not let some boy who thinks putting another notch in his belt will prove his manhood rob you of the gifts God has given you. People may look at you funny, and they may even mock you at times, but just remember, your being different is a witness to them. Deep down, they may even fear you, as they lack the level of self control you have in Christ.

1 Corinthians 10 is a powerful verse about resisting temptation:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Remember that. God has promised to never leave you nor forsake you. And He has promised that he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. As long as you do not intentionally put yourself in the way of temptation, you are safe in His arms.

My one piece of advice is just to get to know the boys you date carefully before spending time alone with them. Beyond that, planning in advance what you will do before a date occurs is another good strategy. Have a plan made up for what you will do or say if you find a boy pushing the boundaries and making you uncomfortable. Sex is not his choice to make, and you have no obligation to give it to him.

 

[Erekson714]

Im 20 & a virgin you can do it ! Just dont think about it lol.

 

[colalella2891]

Like a lot of others have said, you are most definitely not alone. I have struggled with this, and I still do. Although i'm still a virgin, I still struggle with sexual sin. I think I masturbated for the first time when I was 19, and I still haven't completely stopped... So I couldn't imagine how hard actual sex would be to quit.

Waiting for your husband is important, but the main thing is it's pleasing to God. Waiting until marriage is what God intended. Keep those values.