Virginity

[zaoman32]

No, we must instruct those that come after us.

You ever wonder why sexual sin is not brought up frequently in the bible? Or when why it is brought up it's typically compiled in the middle of other sins and the most in depth discussion on it is when Jesus says lusting for someone in our heart is considered adultery? As a friend of mine once said, issues that the bible keeps silent on, we would do good to be silent on. Did you know along with Alcoholics Anonymous there is also a Sex Addicts Anonymous? I spoke with someone who regularly went to SAA meetings, eventually he had to quite going because the more he went there the more he realized that these people were solving nothing for themselves, they were talking about sex, recounting their slip ups from the past week, and rather than anyone recovering, they were getting off by hearing each other recount their stories and it would propel them into action later in the week.

The more time we spend thinking and hearing and reading up on these matters, the more our mind is fixed on sexual matters. Good or bad intentions, whether to get free of a sexual addiction, or abstain, dwelling on it keeps it on our mind, and becomes our focus and the longer it's on our mind, the more the temptation is there. The longer it stays, the longer it has the ability to attach itself and feed.

I don't typically comment on something like this without having any personal experience. Don't call me wrong, and don't call me a fool. I am not an idiot, and I am well aware of what is biblically sound in this matter, and what isn't. The people reading this I'm sure are also very well aware of what the bible has to say on this matter.

 

[resurrection33]

I always wonder how single Christian men view women who are no longer virgins. Do they seek and/or value these women more?

I've never dated a Christian man before, so this is all new to me.

I would think a virgin man would seek out a virgin woman, if he was looking for someone.

 

[AliaJ]

I would think a virgin man would seek out a virgin woman, if he was looking for someone.

I should have proofread. I meant do they value virgins more? Virginity is important and sex is an intimate and Godly gift, but I don't think virginity should be valued over character when seeking a mate.

 

[resurrection33]

I should have proofread. I meant do they value virgins more? Virginity is important and sex is an intimate and Godly gift, but I don't think virginity should be valued over character when seeking a mate.

The Lord told us not to fornicate (Mark 7:20-23). Obedience to the Lord's commands defines our character.

 

[AliaJ]

The Lord told us not to fornicate (Mark 7:20-23). Obedience to the Lord's commands defines our character.

The Bible is very clear on fornication, but it is also very clear about God's grace and mercy. We are not defined by our past, but who we are in Christ.

You may never be completely free of your sin (mentally, at least) but there is always a new beginning in Christ.

I know, for example, that I am a woman of worth, integrity, and character and that has nothing to do with any mistakes I might have made in the past. I would not want to be judged or labeled because of past mistakes, but by what I do now that I am child of God.

It troubles me that more Christians do not see their brothers and sisters in that light.

 

[resurrection33]

It is not a question of judging each other. It is a question of setting the right example for those who look up to us.

 

[AliaJ]

And what better message do we send when we are a living example of God's ultimate grace and forgiveness? When we can show the world how he has redeemed us and made us whole?

Again, saving yourself for marriage in a very honorable thing, and I would encourage people to do so, but Christians who have made mistakes and are not virgins should not be made to feel like they are less valuable than those who are.
John 8

 

[resurrection33]

And what better message do we send when we are a living example of God's ultimate grace and forgiveness? When we can show the world how he has redeemed us and made us whole?

Again, saving yourself for marriage in a very honorable thing, and I would encourage people to do so, but Christians who have made mistakes and are not virgins should not be made to feel like they are less valuable than those who are.
John 8

But we want those who follow us to know that they should remain virgin till they marry.

 

[AliaJ]

But we want those who follow us to know that they should remain virgin till they marry.

They totally should. I regret not coming to Christ earlier in life because I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and regret.

I was just bothered by some of the language in a few of the posts, and in the church in general, where we almost worship virginity (and in my church, things like clothing), and we don't consider the person as a whole.

Being a virgin does not automatically mean you are a good person or will be a partner of worth.

 

[resurrection33]

They totally should. I regret not coming to Christ earlier in life because I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and regret.

I was just bothered by some of the language in a few of the posts, and in the church in general, where we almost worship virginity (and in my church, things like clothing), and we don't consider the person as a whole.

Being a virgin does not automatically mean you are a good person or will be a partner of worth.

We cause ourselves a lot of trouble if we don't hold on to our virginity till we marry. Therefore, if you encourage those who follow you to hold on to their virginity till they marry, you have done a good thing.

 

[MissCris]

Virginity. Yes, it's wonderful to remain a virgin until married. I understand what the Bible says on the subject.

However-

A lot of times, when our young ones are taught that virginity is the most precious thing, that it makes them special or set apart/above others who are not virgins, I think one of two things tends to happen:

1. They then set extremely high, impossible standards for a potential spouse to meet, at the same time setting themselves up on a pedestal- "I'm a virgin, therefore I deserve perfection from my future spouse" sort of thing. Being a virgin often becomes a major source of pride; and that's also a sin, is it not? So they may be sexually pure, but who wants an arrogant man/prideful woman? What good has their remaining a virgin done them at that point? Not that I'm saying fornication is fine- absolutely not. I just think that emphasizing the whole virginity thing like some people do isn't helping matters.

2. Unmarried couples will often take things as far they can without *actually* having sex, thereby remaining virgins. This is not sexual purity. Their hearts and minds are in the wrong place (and probably their hands, too). People can be promiscuous without ever "going all the way", and then still turn around and say, "But I'm still a virgin" to their future spouse. That's misleading. Yes, they've never had intercourse. But no, they are not sexually pure, as they imply by using the term 'virgin'.

So, it's all well and good to teach youngsters that it is best to remain a virgin until they marry, but wouldn't it be even better to teach them to remain pure of heart and mind? If they are both of those things, the physical/sexual purity naturally follows.

 

[resurrection33]

Virginity. Yes, it's wonderful to remain a virgin until married. I understand what the Bible says on the subject.

However-

A lot of times, when our young ones are taught that virginity is the most precious thing, that it makes them special or set apart/above others who are not virgins, I think one of two things tends to happen:

1. They then set extremely high, impossible standards for a potential spouse to meet, at the same time setting themselves up on a pedestal- "I'm a virgin, therefore I deserve perfection from my future spouse" sort of thing. Being a virgin often becomes a major source of pride; and that's also a sin, is it not? So they may be sexually pure, but who wants an arrogant man/prideful woman? What good has their remaining a virgin done them at that point? Not that I'm saying fornication is fine- absolutely not. I just think that emphasizing the whole virginity thing like some people do isn't helping matters.

2. Unmarried couples will often take things as far they can without *actually* having sex, thereby remaining virgins. This is not sexual purity. Their hearts and minds are in the wrong place (and probably their hands, too). People can be promiscuous without ever "going all the way", and then still turn around and say, "But I'm still a virgin" to their future spouse. That's misleading. Yes, they've never had intercourse. But no, they are not sexually pure, as they imply by using the term 'virgin'.

So, it's all well and good to teach youngsters that it is best to remain a virgin until they marry, but wouldn't it be even better to teach them to remain pure of heart and mind? If they are both of those things, the physical/sexual purity naturally follows.

An important part of having a pure heart and mind, for an unmarried person, is not thinking lustful thoughts, which includes remaining virgin.

I never said a virgin is more special than someone else. What I AM saying is that people who remain virgin till they marry save themselves a WHOLE lot of trouble in their lives.

 

[Chainhand]

But we want those who follow us to know that they should remain virgin till they marry.

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.

I would think a virgin man would seek out a virgin woman, if he was looking for someone.

I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.

Part of our relationship with Jesus is obeying his commandments. He told us not to fornicate (Mark 7:20-23). He told us to not even look lustfully at people (Matt 5:28).

True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

 

[resurrection33]

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.



I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.



True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

It is our responsibility to obey the Lord's commandments.

 

[resurrection33]

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.



I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.



True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

None of us is perfect. We all have to make an effort to resist temptation.

 

[resurrection33]

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.



I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.



True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

But people WILL follow you. It's best to set a good example for them.

 

[resurrection33]

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.



I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.



True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

By the way, when I say "follow us," I am referring to "people that come after us." It is our responsibility to set a good example for them.

 

[resurrection33]

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.



I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.



True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

I suspect the Lord usually has virgins marry each other.

 

[resurrection33]

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.



I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.



True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

If you had a daughter, would you try to exert some influence over her, and if so, would you encourage her to date virgins or would you encourage her to date non-virgins?

 

[resurrection33]

I don't want anyone following me. I'm a ball of filth sinner, unworthy of being followed, like everybody else on the planet. I want people to follow Jesus.



I would hope they would seek out the person God has set aside for them, no matter what that person's past is like. I have certainly done my share of seeking some ideal I had set aside though.



True. But since this was in reference to my post about seeking Jesus first and the other matters falling into place, I would ask:

If you were married, and were concerned about committing adultery, would you spend your time trying to not commit adultery, or trying to love your wife? The latter solves the former.

It is your responsibility to raise your kids in a way consistent with the teachings of Jesus.