VULNERABLE

[strawberryfizz]

I wish I didnt have to get hurt easily. Because I do. Especially by people I let into my life. Worse, I dont bounce back easily. Thorns seem to get stuck for a while, wounds dont heal easily. I remember, compared to my siblings, the words of my parents hurt me so deeply while they can just laugh, casually talk back, or put it off. It's so hard, I wish I were stronger or more numb. A friend told me thats part of being such a passionate person - I do things and relate to people with so much heart and that makes me vulnerable as well. I do realize that I am also able to empathize and care about people because of the kind of person I am and stuff I've been through. But mostly, I wish I were tougher.
Please pray for me... I dont want to have to hurt too much, too often, too long.

 

[spirit]

Hi, I am a sensitive person just like you, having been raised by negative mother, unavailable father and a Bipolar brother does not help. . Do you have a strong family environment ? or did you have weak parents /members? That makes a difference as you may not be getting the right support you need.

 

[strawberryfizz]

Hi, I am a sensitive person just like you, having been raised by negative mother, unavailable father and a Bipolar brother does not help. . Do you have a strong family environment ? or did you have weak parents /members? That makes a difference as you may not be getting the right support you need.

Im married now. But mostly alone. Physically because my husband is constantly busy with many things. And emotionally because, mostly he doesnt understand me.
I used to live with verbal and physical abuse. Ive gone thru having been prayed over, deliverance and freedom conferences, etc. Some days Im happier and stronger. Some days im down in the dumps. I do pray.

 

[spirit]

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that pain. I pray that you will get better and stronger everyday
( and you will). My mother can be abusive and emotionally unstable when we were growing up and no-one could help and therefore my siblings and I were deprived in a lot of ways so therefore I try really hard to not look at the past and push myself forward. If i think of the past unfortunaltley it only brings tears and resentment. I found the following things helpful to me in my lives, going to church, talking to friends , assisting sunday school and looking after my kids distract me and makes my life enjoyable. Perhaps talk to a therapist first to get some relief ( lots of Government ones are free) , then make some small goals to do outside the home. and you Even if you have kids , do something outside of that. If you don't work just find something you like to do and if you do but don't like your job that would make you miserable too. Whatever you decide, don't forget you are special as God created you and you deserve happiness and never give up on yourself. God Bless always....x

 

[strawberryfizz]

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that pain. I pray that you will get better and stronger everyday
( and you will). My mother can be abusive and emotionally unstable when we were growing up and no-one could help and therefore my siblings and I were deprived in a lot of ways so therefore I try really hard to not look at the past and push myself forward. If i think of the past unfortunaltley it only brings tears and resentment. I found the following things helpful to me in my lives, going to church, talking to friends , assisting sunday school and looking after my kids distract me and makes my life enjoyable. Perhaps talk to a therapist first to get some relief ( lots of Government ones are free) , then make some small goals to do outside the home. and you Even if you have kids , do something outside of that. If you don't work just find something you like to do and if you do but don't like your job that would make you miserable too. Whatever you decide, don't forget you are special as God created you and you deserve happiness and never give up on yourself. God Bless always....x

Thank you, God bless you too

 

[psychomom]

I wish I didnt have to get hurt easily. Because I do. Especially by people I let into my life. Worse, I dont bounce back easily. Thorns seem to get stuck for a while, wounds dont heal easily. I remember, compared to my siblings, the words of my parents hurt me so deeply while they can just laugh, casually talk back, or put it off. It's so hard, I wish I were stronger or more numb. A friend told me thats part of being such a passionate person - I do things and relate to people with so much heart and that makes me vulnerable as well. I do realize that I am also able to empathize and care about people because of the kind of person I am and stuff I've been through. But mostly, I wish I were tougher.
Please pray for me... I dont want to have to hurt too much, too often, too long.

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
I tend to be aware of the feelings of everyone in every room I walk into. I've been like that since I was a little girl, so I don't think it's anything that came after redemption...
But it tends to be uncomfortable. And often, in times past, I've made myself too accessible to others (not speaking of my husband or children, but people I met at church or work, etc.) and after reading through the book of Proverbs I saw that what I was doing wasn't wise. (Prov. 29:11) I also saw there, for the first time probably 20 years ago, that the Lord tells me to "guard [my] heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Prov. 4:23) Jesus told us to be wise as serpents, innocent of doves. These are difficult things for compassionate people like you to do, and can't be done by might or power, but by His Spirit. (Zech. 4:6)
I do know (believe) the Lord gave you compassion for others, and He will teach you how to use it, and not be hurt quite so easily or so often. I don't think there's any way to never be hurt at all, since even the least compassionate person still has feelings.
Go ahead and confidently bring specifically "how to deal with this" to the Throne of Grace. Your God waits to give you wisdom on this...only He can give it, too, since each of us is different, and only He truly knows you. ♥
Remember, too, how often the Lord Jesus must have been hurt...I honestly can't imagine how many times a day He, with pure love and compassion for all he saw, yet so rejected, must have hurt. Isaiah tells us He's a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
I think you realize it can't never happen, and that's good. Any time we step out to show the love of God, we run a risk. In my own life that's been different than when I was being foolish and giving too much of myself and my personal life to strangers and acquaintances...I hope that makes sense?

I have certainly spoken to God about you, dear one. I will continue to do that. If He sees fit to give me any scripture pertaining to this, I'll happily let you know.
I hope you will go to Him for healing of these emotional wounds, in case there may be some that He hasn't been allowed to get to yet. Oh--and remember to forgive! (not to imply there is any charge to bring against you in this at all!!) I have too often found, speaking only personally, that when I have a hurt that just won't heal, it's due to the fact I'm holding unforgiveness. It's downright embarrassing to say that, especially on a Christian forum. And that's pride! See how much work the Lord has yet to do in my heart? I know I'm a full time job for Him, that's for sure, and praise Him, I know He'll finish that work! ♥
~ellie

 

[strawberryfizz]

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
I tend to be aware of the feelings of everyone in every room I walk into. I've been like that since I was a little girl, so I don't think it's anything that came after redemption...
But it tends to be uncomfortable. And often, in times past, I've made myself too accessible to others (not speaking of my husband or children, but people I met at church or work, etc.) and after reading through the book of Proverbs I saw that what I was doing wasn't wise. (Prov. 29:11) I also saw there, for the first time probably 20 years ago, that the Lord tells me to "guard [my] heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Prov. 4:23) Jesus told us to be wise as serpents, innocent of doves. These are difficult things for compassionate people like you to do, and can't be done by might or power, but by His Spirit. (Zech. 4:6)
I do know (believe) the Lord gave you compassion for others, and He will teach you how to use it, and not be hurt quite so easily or so often. I don't think there's any way to never be hurt at all, since even the least compassionate person still has feelings.
Go ahead and confidently bring specifically "how to deal with this" to the Throne of Grace. Your God waits to give you wisdom on this...only He can give it, too, since each of us is different, and only He truly knows you. ♥
Remember, too, how often the Lord Jesus must have been hurt...I honestly can't imagine how many times a day He, with pure love and compassion for all he saw, yet so rejected, must have hurt. Isaiah tells us He's a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
I think you realize it can't never happen, and that's good. Any time we step out to show the love of God, we run a risk. In my own life that's been different than when I was being foolish and giving too much of myself and my personal life to strangers and acquaintances...I hope that makes sense?

I have certainly spoken to God about you, dear one. I will continue to do that. If He sees fit to give me any scripture pertaining to this, I'll happily let you know.
I hope you will go to Him for healing of these emotional wounds, in case there may be some that He hasn't been allowed to get to yet. Oh--and remember to forgive! (not to imply there is any charge to bring against you in this at all!!) I have too often found, speaking only personally, that when I have a hurt that just won't heal, it's due to the fact I'm holding unforgiveness. It's downright embarrassing to say that, especially on a Christian forum. And that's pride! See how much work the Lord has yet to do in my heart? I know I'm a full time job for Him, that's for sure, and praise Him, I know He'll finish that work! ♥
~ellie

Thanks for sharing. Most of all, thank you for such kind, uplifting words. Choosing what and to whom I share my life to makes sense. I should be careful.
God bless your kind heart.

 

[Lucy68]

My dad used to always tell me I was too sensitive....well, I thought, 'you're too callous' (though I would never say that out loud; a spanking or belting would certainly have followed!).

Praise God for your sensitivity....it's a blessing. But also ask for a strong heart that isn't easily bruised. Ellie made a good point about Christ's suffering harmful attacks and how we are to look to His example as a way of being stronger ourselves. Even as they were hammering nails into his wrists, He forgave them. We need to be like that too, or at least as close as we can get to it .

Spirit mentioned doing something outside of the home when possible. Are you stay-at-home mom? If so, it is helpful to our mental states to have outside activities. Even just a playgroup gives you an opportunity for adult conversation.

Praying for you sweetie....a fragile heart is a teachable heart and God will not disappoint you

 

[simplyme_bekah]

I am a lot like you Strawberryfizz (nice name by the way lol I love it) and honestly sometimes some hearts just take a beating because we have honest hearts and souls that are wide open to the world. It does get better. I am 38 now and he turns that vulnerability into the wisdom of a snake but manages to still keep your heart tender and open and loving because the Holy Spirit lives inside of us and helps us every minute of every day. You learn that life is pain and growth along with happiness and joy. That is balance. The pain teaches you and stretches you and you grow from it. Its ok to feel pain. If you think and accept that pain is a part of life you learn to deal with pain and you come to expect the lesson behind it that you learn from. Where you see a weakness inside of yourself God could turn around and make it your greatest strength. He prunes the soul. Sometimes it hurts. I will pray for ya. Have a beautiful blessed day!

 

[strawberryfizz]

My dad used to always tell me I was too sensitive....well, I thought, 'you're too callous' (though I would never say that out loud; a spanking or belting would certainly have followed!).

Praise God for your sensitivity....it's a blessing. But also ask for a strong heart that isn't easily bruised. Ellie made a good point about Christ's suffering harmful attacks and how we are to look to His example as a way of being stronger ourselves. Even as they were hammering nails into his wrists, He forgave them. We need to be like that too, or at least as close as we can get to it .

Spirit mentioned doing something outside of the home when possible. Are you stay-at-home mom? If so, it is helpful to our mental states to have outside activities. Even just a playgroup gives you an opportunity for adult conversation.

Praying for you sweetie....a fragile heart is a teachable heart and God will not disappoint you

Thank you, Lucy, my Dad told me that too when I was little. In fact when I cried from being scolded, I would get even more scolding.
I used to have a job at the gym but because of Doctor's advise, I am on leave so Im home most of the time. I have friends over once in a while and I go to our spa a few times each week.

 

[strawberryfizz]

I am a lot like you Strawberryfizz (nice name by the way lol I love it) and honestly sometimes some hearts just take a beating because we have honest hearts and souls that are wide open to the world. It does get better. I am 38 now and he turns that vulnerability into the wisdom of a snake but manages to still keep your heart tender and open and loving because the Holy Spirit lives inside of us and helps us every minute of every day. You learn that life is pain and growth along with happiness and joy. That is balance. The pain teaches you and stretches you and you grow from it. Its ok to feel pain. If you think and accept that pain is a part of life you learn to deal with pain and you come to expect the lesson behind it that you learn from. Where you see a weakness inside of yourself God could turn around and make it your greatest strength. He prunes the soul. Sometimes it hurts. I will pray for ya. Have a beautiful blessed day!

Thank you.
It is just difficult to find the light when your amidst the dark of pain. I am holding on to the hope that God is present, specially in our difficulties. Yet human as we are, we feel. We get hurt.
Thank you for your prayers.

 

[pickles]

Hugs strawberry,
Like you, I also was broken hearted all the time, to the point where all I wanted to do was hide.
Then Jesus showed me this scripture:
Do all things unto the Lord.:
At first I was a bit confused, as I felt chastised as well, but thankfully, Jesus helped me to see the importance of His word .
You see, Jesus showed me that alot of my hurt was based in pride, not the Im better than you kind, but the simple, its not supposed to be about me kind.
then the scripture given opened my eyes even more, as I saw that I was hurt because I wasnt giving everything to Jesus.
I saw that when some one hurt me, it was because they rejected or didnt care about the help, heart, care or love I had given them.
I saw that Jesus wanted me to do all things unto Him.
The gift in doing all unto Jesus in all that one does for others, was Jesus was my sheild, the streangth, the help and most importantly the one to whom all was given.
So when the person I gave to, or loved, rejected what was given, it was not my gift rejected, but Jesus's gift, simply because I gave to Him first, and Jesus perfected the gift as He gave it to the person.
Jesus always loves our gifts and love, so one's gift is never rejected by Him.
The amaziing thing is, I found myself able to love others, in Jesus even more, and give even more, simply because all was given in and through Jesus.
Jesus knows our heart, and how easly it can be injured, that is why He calls us to give through His love, in this, He sheilds ones heart.
One still will care and be saddend, but one's heart is no longer crushed, simply because, Jesus always keeps ones heart held in His own.

Praying for you in Jesus's name for all comfort and streangth given .

God bless
pickles

 

[strawberryfizz]

Hugs strawberry,
Like you, I also was broken hearted all the time, to the point where all I wanted to do was hide.
Then Jesus showed me this scripture:
Do all things unto the Lord.:
At first I was a bit confused, as I felt chastised as well, but thankfully, Jesus helped me to see the importance of His word .
You see, Jesus showed me that alot of my hurt was based in pride, not the Im better than you kind, but the simple, its not supposed to be about me kind.
then the scripture given opened my eyes even more, as I saw that I was hurt because I wasnt giving everything to Jesus.
I saw that when some one hurt me, it was because they rejected or didnt care about the help, heart, care or love I had given them.
I saw that Jesus wanted me to do all things unto Him.
The gift in doing all unto Jesus in all that one does for others, was Jesus was my sheild, the streangth, the help and most importantly the one to whom all was given.
So when the person I gave to, or loved, rejected what was given, it was not my gift rejected, but Jesus's gift, simply because I gave to Him first, and Jesus perfected the gift as He gave it to the person.
Jesus always loves our gifts and love, so one's gift is never rejected by Him.
The amaziing thing is, I found myself able to love others, in Jesus even more, and give even more, simply because all was given in and through Jesus.
Jesus knows our heart, and how easly it can be injured, that is why He calls us to give through His love, in this, He sheilds ones heart.
One still will care and be saddend, but one's heart is no longer crushed, simply because, Jesus always keeps ones heart held in His own.

Praying for you in Jesus's name for all comfort and streangth given .

God bless
pickles

Thank you pickles, that was so profound. Everything you wrote was like ointment to my scarred heart and it is filled with wisdom. I pray that I'll always be reminded of that each time I face such situations where getting hurt seem inevitable. God bless you too.

 

[simplyme_bekah]

Thank you.
It is just difficult to find the light when your amidst the dark of pain. I am holding on to the hope that God is present, specially in our difficulties. Yet human as we are, we feel. We get hurt.
Thank you for your prayers.

ya know when my daughter was 9 her father and I split up and she made the choice to stay and live with her dad. Me I had been a stay at home mom from the time she was born til 9 except for the occasional job to pay for vacations, birthday parties, ect. I tell you what, it about destroyed me when she made that choice. I have never hurt as badly as I did then. All of me was broken into a million pieces. The adult part of me understood that her dad had the school, the dogs, the yard, safety and stability but the mom in me did NOT understand. I felt so rejected and so so broken in so many ways that it had me running (another bad choice) 3000 miles away which did lots more damage to me and my daughters relationship. God really picked up my life then. I remember having a dream where I was lost in the darkness and from above came this bright light that chased away the darkness and there stood God above me reaching down his hand pulling me out of the darkness into his light. That was a turning point in my life when my Jesus started his healing on my soul and on my heart and on my mind. So don't give up reaching for him because he will never ever give up on you. From that moment that he picked up my life he has been changing me and molding me into someone he wants me to be. He has become my best friend ever. My mind constantly seeks to touch his. He is the first one I talk to and think about when my eyes pop open. He has healed me several times. I once had a tooth infection and had no insurance or money to go to the doctor so I started begging God like begging him to please heal the infection and to take the pain away. He took the infection and pain away and I still have the same bad tooth and it hasnt bothered me since that moment I begged like the biggest of beggers 2 years ago.
He blesses your faith. He tries your faith. He helps your faith grow. He eventually gifts you with a untouchable faith that nothing can shake. If you keep reaching for him I promise you that he will bring so much clarity and healing to your life. He will become your everything. Simply put simply said but the honest to goodness truth. If you are his child let the thought of being a child of God fill you up with Hope like nothing else. Because you my friend are never alone.

 

[OFM]

sisters i is praying
your bro in Christ,
jeffrey mark.

 

[strawberryfizz]

ya know when my daughter was 9 her father and I split up and she made the choice to stay and live with her dad. Me I had been a stay at home mom from the time she was born til 9 except for the occasional job to pay for vacations, birthday parties, ect. I tell you what, it about destroyed me when she made that choice. I have never hurt as badly as I did then. All of me was broken into a million pieces. The adult part of me understood that her dad had the school, the dogs, the yard, safety and stability but the mom in me did NOT understand. I felt so rejected and so so broken in so many ways that it had me running (another bad choice) 3000 miles away which did lots more damage to me and my daughters relationship. God really picked up my life then. I remember having a dream where I was lost in the darkness and from above came this bright light that chased away the darkness and there stood God above me reaching down his hand pulling me out of the darkness into his light. That was a turning point in my life when my Jesus started his healing on my soul and on my heart and on my mind. So don't give up reaching for him because he will never ever give up on you. From that moment that he picked up my life he has been changing me and molding me into someone he wants me to be. He has become my best friend ever. My mind constantly seeks to touch his. He is the first one I talk to and think about when my eyes pop open. He has healed me several times. I once had a tooth infection and had no insurance or money to go to the doctor so I started begging God like begging him to please heal the infection and to take the pain away. He took the infection and pain away and I still have the same bad tooth and it hasnt bothered me since that moment I begged like the biggest of beggers 2 years ago.
He blesses your faith. He tries your faith. He helps your faith grow. He eventually gifts you with a untouchable faith that nothing can shake. If you keep reaching for him I promise you that he will bring so much clarity and healing to your life. He will become your everything. Simply put simply said but the honest to goodness truth. If you are his child let the thought of being a child of God fill you up with Hope like nothing else. Because you my friend are never alone.

Thank you, i am inspired by your testimony and all the more strengthened even as i am seeing glimpses of hope today. And even though we're thousands of miles apart and practically invisible to each other, I feel your love and support and with that, I am stronger.

 

[chip]

i strongly beieive that "emotional sucker" is stamped somewhere on my body....

 

[Lucy68]

Thank you, Lucy, my Dad told me that too when I was little. In fact when I cried from being scolded, I would get even more scolding.



My dad would just look at me a certain way and I'd burst out in tears . When he spanked us if we cried he'd say "stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about ". That never made any sense to me .

But he had a rough childhood so I can see where he got some of his bad ideas.

 

[simplyme_bekah]

Thank you, Lucy, my Dad told me that too when I was little. In fact when I cried from being scolded, I would get even more scolding.



My dad would just look at me a certain way and I'd burst out in tears . When he spanked us if we cried he'd say "stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about ". That never made any sense to me .

But he had a rough childhood so I can see where he got some of his bad ideas.

we use to try and pad our butts which would make dad laugh which means he would never hit in anger haha. It was mom that wanted to beat us half to death cause we drove her nuts hahaha so she would refuse to and give us the scary words of "you just wait til your dad gets home" which put hours of terror in our little misbehaving butts lol.

 

[simplyme_bekah]

Thank you, i am inspired by your testimony and all the more strengthened even as i am seeing glimpses of hope today. And even though we're thousands of miles apart and practically invisible to each other, I feel your love and support and with that, I am stronger.

So glad that it could inspire you and fill you up with our Lords Hope. You will be ok.