Warped perception.

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Chapel

Guest
#1
I recently entered thread in one of the room here, and someone who responded to it made the statement that I have "a misconstrued and warped sense of who God is, and what it means to follow Him". Initially this offended me, but the statement is actually quite true.

I think that all of the negative things that I have experienced in my life has really twisted my perception of God. Growing up, I was taught that God would always care for me, and would never turn His back on me...but the majority of my life I have felt the opposite. Especially during my childhood, where I suffered a ridiculous amount of abuse from my father...who was a Baptist minister.

I have an extremely difficult time putting my total trust in God, I want to love Him...but I am always angry, and it is hard for me to believe He actually cares...at time I feel that He enjoys watching me suffer. I forgave my father long ago for what he did...but I think I may have some resentment toward God for allowing me to suffer such tremendous torture that has effected my life in so many ways.

I guess...the prayer I am asking for...is for God to heal me of whatever hurt inside me, that is preventing me from growing closer to Him. Every time I think I am getting close...I feel so much pain...and it makes me withdraw. Thank you for reading.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
113
#2
I recently entered thread in one of the room here, and someone who responded to it made the statement that I have "a misconstrued and warped sense of who God is, and what it means to follow Him". Initially this offended me, but the statement is actually quite true.

I think that all of the negative things that I have experienced in my life has really twisted my perception of God. Growing up, I was taught that God would always care for me, and would never turn His back on me...but the majority of my life I have felt the opposite. Especially during my childhood, where I suffered a ridiculous amount of abuse from my father...who was a Baptist minister.

I have an extremely difficult time putting my total trust in God, I want to love Him...but I am always angry, and it is hard for me to believe He actually cares...at time I feel that He enjoys watching me suffer. I forgave my father long ago for what he did...but I think I may have some resentment toward God for allowing me to suffer such tremendous torture that has effected my life in so many ways.

I guess...the prayer I am asking for...is for God to heal me of whatever hurt inside me, that is preventing me from growing closer to Him. Every time I think I am getting close...I feel so much pain...and it makes me withdraw. Thank you for reading.
My friend this pain you feel is the problem not God, He cares for you more than you know. The reason you went through all of that was not for god to enjoy you suffer but it was to make you stronger. I too went through severe abuse but I know that it was all to happen so I would be the person I am today. You don't see it yet but you are stronger because of what you went through, trust me I know what pain is so your not alone. The God you want to know is the god you are hesitant to accept, mainly because you blame god for what happened and you never let it go so the pain is like a wall you cannot climb. If you want to know God and have a life you never dreamed of you have to let it go or else you will never be able to have a relationship with him. And trust me that's almost like living as empty inside- oh wait my bad i actually think that is the term used LOL
 
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Dalisa

Guest
#3
Look what God has done for Joyce Meyer. She also had a troubled childhood beeing sexually abused by her father. In one interview she said: God has restored her and gave her double for her trouble. I believe he will do the same for you. Let go of your anger and be filled with love. It will all be okay. God is close to you, just let him work on you, and trust him. Have FAITH !
 
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Chapel

Guest
#4
Can either you give me some good steps toward "letting go"...you mention it so casually as if it were such an easy thing to do.
 
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Dalisa

Guest
#5
Can either you give me some good steps toward "letting go"...you mention it so casually as if it were such an easy thing to do.
I totally understand you. I also had problems with letting things go. And sometimes when im not feeling good i still have troubles with it, but it doesnt go as deep as it once used to be. Its a proces and you should take the time for it. What has been built up in many years, dont expect God to change it in a day (though it would be great if he did that) but at least give him the equal time to work with you.

For me I started reading the book Battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer. It helped me a lot. Pray about it. God will take you step by step. Be transformed by the renewal of your mind. I post a link of an article that helped me, hold on
 
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Dalisa

Guest
#7
Letting the past go, begins with learing to think different. And that can be quite a job, I know. But it's starts with this. Again, be transformed by the renewal of your mind. What are you thinking about? Why can't you let it go? Why does it keep coming back? Ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself.
Hope this helps you
 
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MatthewMichael

Guest
#8
It's definitely not easy for us, but it is infinitely easier with God. Forgiving is the way to letting go, and Jesus is the way to forgiving.

I have issues myself, and I have trouble letting go too. Be diligent in seeking God's help with this. Anytime you catch your mind in anger or resentment, "reprimand" it. Repent, and ask for forgiveness in that moment. Don't think with your feelings. People that tell you that your feelings cannot be controlled are lying to you and basically telling you that you're no better than an animal. With discipline and the help of God, your thoughts can control your feelings. It requires hard work. Hard... Work.

Proverbs 12:1 makes it simple:
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.

Life is hard. We all suffer, and as a Christian you should expect to suffer more in a world where you will never fit in and shouldn't fit in. Remember that satan is called the prince of this world in the Bible. This isn't heaven. Use your past to witness to others. God will teach you how to do that, but not while you resent him.

II Corinthians 4:4
[SUP]4 [/SUP]The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
 

pickles

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#9
Chapel, I understand compleatly.
I battled the same as my father was abusive also, so putting trust in God Our Father was difficult for me.
You have already taken the first step, forgiving your dad, God bless you for this. :)
The next step is to simply to forgive God as well, not that God did anything wrong, but one's heart can hold such things and it is important to say this.
Then each day in prayer, say"I will trust in You , God Our Father, and know you will help me."
Also, asking Jesus to help you, for Jesus said, no one comes to the Father except through me.
Faith that Jesus will bring this healing is important, for this is done through faith, and the work is done in you through Jesus by God Our Father. :)
He will draw you with His love, and bring you to know Him and delight in His love and presance.
Jesus has brought me to God Our Father, and knowing Him, as my Father, has been the most healing, loving and perfect Father that one can ever desire, hope for and more. :)
Dont let the pain steal from you this perfect Father, the sorrow is nessesary and must be morned, but joy comes in the morning. :)
For Jesus took the damaged and scarred heart of my past, and gave me a new one, one filled with His healing love.
He will do this for you also! :)
You are in my daily prayers in Jesus's name for all that is the healing love and delight of God Our Father as your Father. :)

God bless
pickles
 
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onlinebuddy

Senior Member
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#10
Chapel,
Your feelings are very real, and not warped. God understands you more than the chat members, and he is not offended by your opinion of him. He is a true father, unlike your earthly dad. This very post of yours shows that you love God. He will intervene. How and when, I do not know. However, this I know that he will restore what is broken, and will recompense what has been robbed from you, in this lifetime. He will heal you and remove the pain. It is important for you to understand that he is different from your earthly dad. Please continue to trust God so that you may see his hand. His plan is already in action! Please wait for his timing, and you will experience the healing.

Spend some time in prayer, and pour your heart out to God. You will experience that inner peace.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.(1 Peter 5:7, NIV)

Praying for you.
 
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Duckies

Guest
#11
Hello there Chapel,

Everyone has covered really good points and share encouraging thoughts. Keep those comments with you throughout your day, and use them to fight off what loves to torture you, some times it is the enemy looking for ways to discourage you, sometimes it is our selves carrying the weight of life in our shoulders. Keep talking to our Lord and place this weight in his hands, he will make everything easier for you to walk through.

This walk will try to hurt, tempt you and attempt to cause you to slip, but once you reach the other side of this path, you will have let go of what first put you on that path. God Bless friend!!

If i may, id like to leave this below for you...
[h=3]Matthew 11:28-30[/h]New International Version (NIV)

[SUP]28 [/SUP]“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. [SUP]29 [/SUP]Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [SUP]30 [/SUP]For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
 
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hattiebod

Guest
#12
What lovely encouraging words, which i support totally but i would add just one other thought...i too have had my own share of pain, i think there is few who have not. I am sure though that God does not give us hurt, pain and loss, he does not single us out so we will be stronger by us enduring it. Some may disagree with me, but i simply think, and understand through the Word that we live in a fallen, decaying and hurting world. Some of us may seem to endure so much, too much...but then some write of their traumas others do not. Many choose to speak of their sexual abuse, their rape and their abandonment. How awful? Yes indeed, how much pain...but although this is so true, many others here do not speak of what has gone, instead they focus on what is now. Easy? no. No matter how life un ravels...it is never easy, eventually. I know a woman who still, at the age of 59 has her mother by her, not with dementia but active and fun. How much pain will this 'daughter' endure compared to me, who lost her mother at 23? so you see, life is always, no matter how its goes, is very hard...and it is to be endured. But, with Christ it can be endured with hope.
Yes, you, we... hurt, yes you feel singled out...but we are fortunate indeed because we are not alone, we are so loved and we know where we are going. So lets endure? with the knowledge that no matter what happens here on this decaying, broken and corrupted earth, all will be restored....just as we will be, totally. All thats asked of us? Believe. Faith. <><
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
113
#13
Can either you give me some good steps toward "letting go"...you mention it so casually as if it were such an easy thing to do.
LOL I never once said it was easy to do, but is important in order for you to finally be free of the pain and anger. In order to actually let it go you need to find out why you blame god in the first place and if it was really gods fault at all. God doesn't make bad things happen to us the devil does, but god brings good out of it. second you need to pray to god and tell him all these feelings and why you feel like this. God loves honesty even if it is feelings against him. ask him to take away the pain and anger after you vent and ask for peace of mind and peace inside. if you truly mean it he will do it.
 
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Powemm

Guest
#14
Hi friend,
what got me through was looking at the one who went through the very same type of abuse but to the point of death because of it .. "Jesus" unlike myself, went through it "on purpose" to save me .. when I began looking at things from Jesus perspective a whole other approach to what happened to me came into view.. I mean think about it .. Everything any if us have ever gone through was gone through already by Him... none of is want to go through it on purpose .. Jesus did to the point of death because of it .. When I began to focus on that .. my troubles? Seemed so far from being able to complain about it .. I became thankful instead for what I did go through as weird as that sounds ... why? because I gained a new insight , a new depth into what Christ went through to save me ..
he was abused and even put on the cross by his own people to the point of death .. when I began to put myself in His shoes .. WOW!! just wow!! I thought " jesus did all that ON PURPOSE" and here I am whining about my troubles .. I felt like putting a gag over my mouth complaining about it when I finally related and came into a connection with him about it .. It humbled me into a state of appreciation because I caught only a "glimpse" of what He took to a point of death .. a man who had no sin even ...
It really turned my years of foster care abuse , broken bones , hair ripped out , left out in storms and shattered them into ashes .. A miracle of new views of what Christ went through and How He "really knows" that kind of suffering and pain ... I don't know.. it bonded me to him like cement .. Almost like warriors in an army as silly as that may sound .. my Brither died so o could be saved and now? I'm dying so he can live .. Something very deep occurs within us when we can see things from a different point of view .. I count all my suffering as gain now .. Because of the insight into his life it gave me .. I don't know if this helps .. I will certainly pray for you
 
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Dalisa

Guest
#15
Hi friend,
what got me through was looking at the one who went through the very same type of abuse but to the point of death because of it .. "Jesus" unlike myself, went through it "on purpose" to save me .. when I began looking at things from Jesus perspective a whole other approach to what happened to me came into view.. I mean think about it .. Everything any if us have ever gone through was gone through already by Him... none of is want to go through it on purpose .. Jesus did to the point of death because of it .. When I began to focus on that .. my troubles? Seemed so far from being able to complain about it .. I became thankful instead for what I did go through as weird as that sounds ... why? because I gained a new insight , a new depth into what Christ went through to save me ..
he was abused and even put on the cross by his own people to the point of death .. when I began to put myself in His shoes .. WOW!! just wow!! I thought " jesus did all that ON PURPOSE" and here I am whining about my troubles .. I felt like putting a gag over my mouth complaining about it when I finally related and came into a connection with him about it .. It humbled me into a state of appreciation because I caught only a "glimpse" of what He took to a point of death .. a man who had no sin even ...
It really turned my years of foster care abuse , broken bones , hair ripped out , left out in storms and shattered them into ashes .. A miracle of new views of what Christ went through and How He "really knows" that kind of suffering and pain ... I don't know.. it bonded me to him like cement .. Almost like warriors in an army as silly as that may sound .. my Brither died so o could be saved and now? I'm dying so he can live .. Something very deep occurs within us when we can see things from a different point of view .. I count all my suffering as gain now .. Because of the insight into his life it gave me .. I don't know if this helps .. I will certainly pray for you
Wow! Never thought of it this way. This is helping me too, thanks
 
C

Chapel

Guest
#16
Thank you all so very much for your kind words, advice, and prayers.
 
J

jkalyna

Guest
#17
Take it to the Lord in prayer. Taking someones words can be diluted, but if you have that one on one connection, it will strengten you, for the Joy of the Lord is our strenght. Forgive and be at peace, forgiveness is the antidote to getting hurt.
 

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GreenNnice

Guest
#18
Forgiveness is key. Forgiving someone does not mean we go back into their life, we just forgive them , and, in the case of abuse, God can work through that abuse, you have to pray that your Baptist dad can have miracles go through Him , that Christ can find a way to have Him understand the abuse done to you. I am not sure what it was but I just encourage you, like JK just said, to offer forgiveness. Remember...


God forgave us when we were Enemies of Him, His Son was the propitiation for our sins, to bring us back to right relationship with Him :) So, IF God can forgive us, who are ALL wretched sinners, all of us, not one of us good, but, God, brought His Son to the cross, and, His BLOOD covers us--past, present, future--sins. So, I pray, that God can talk to you about your dad and what to do and to realize that God is the only one who will NEVER EVER NEVER leave you or forsake you. Man kind will ALL let you down, but NEVER EVER NEVER God. All God does to us is for our good and His glory. Embrace His 'goodness' for you, for it will be good. God bless you, chapel, milady :)
 
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Lightitbe

Guest
#19
Dear Chapel,

It is extremely difficult to learn to trust anyone, including God, when a person who is suppose to protect, guide, love, and nurture you, such as a parent, did not. The fact that your father was also a minister would add to your challenges of having faith because we hold individuals who do God's work at a higher level of expectations than the rest-for good or naught.

God knows you since He was the one who created you before you were even born. Chapel, you were not part of an assembly line in heaven. God took his time, as He does with each living creature, in molding you to be who you are with all the wonderful talents, quirks, and characteristics that make you unique and special.

Your pain is real, your experiences painful yet you are a testament of faith. If you did not have faith, you would not ask for your fellowmen(women) to pray for you and with you. It takes faith and courage to do this.

I am a strong believer in positive affirmations for how you think will affect how you feel, and how you feel will affect outcomes and perceptions.

While I can list a bunch of positive affirmations, I will not do that because you need to find what will work for you. You are here on this planet and at this time for a special reason and it is not to suffer. There is nothing wrong will telling God exactly how you feel; He created you and gets it. The most important part is to not stop talking to Him. While you drive, with your cup of tea/coffee in the morning, etc. He is not only your creator but also to one who will always love you more than life itself. I get mad and stomp my feet and say "why me" a lot and then I tell Him my fears, concerns, and also tell Him that I don't know if He cares or is listening, or on vacation, but that I am really scared, hurt, or whatever is going on. You are never alone, ever. God has not only guides and angels around us all the time but He is all seeing and He knows your heart. It is also important to acknowledge His greatness when you get His feedback. He likes that. :)

I will tell you a story that truly happened to me many years ago that may help you take heart.

I was sick with the flu, was lonely, had few reliable friends, and was emotionally beaten down. I was living alone, worked long hours and felt completely abandoned. I had purchased a plant which was suppose to be a flowering plant but it had no buds on it. I was crying, sniffling, feverish, and told God that I would really like flowers and that it would make me feel better. I sobbed myself to sleep. The next morning, I woke up and my plant had beautiful pink blooms. True story. That was God telling me "there, there, little one, I love you, and you will be okay". Take heart Chapel; just like I matter to God so do you.

I am praying that God's love will bloom in your life and that you will be shown how much you are loved and matter. Sometimes things happen to us so that we can help others through their own pain because we have the empathy and gentleness to understand and be a living testament of faith. Healing is a growth process and unique to each individual. I know that you are starting to heal and I have the faith that you will turn the hurt (crap) into something beautiful. I hope that you can trust that even though you have had a lot of crap (=fertilizer) it is the very thing that farmers and gardeners use to make things grow. Perhaps you can ask God what you are meant to do with your fertilizer at this time.

I wish you well and know that you will be blessed because that is your destiny as a child of God.
 
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Lightitbe

Guest
#20
To anti Muslim ranter.

What has this got to do with someone in emotional pain may I ask? Muslims, Jews, Hindus, are all my living brothers and sisters and are no less in God's eyes than you or I.

Fear is not of God, neither is judging others who have a different belief system. Go study some history on Christianity and prove to me that no atrocities where committed by Christians in the name of God...I rest my case.

Go in peace and have a nice day.
 
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