I started a weight-loss program this weekend, and I'm sure I'm not alone since the new year only recently began.
I knew before I started this that my relationship with food was unhealthy. But now it's really hitting me in the face, and I feel like sharing part of my journey (including how I got here) with you all.
Beyond just needing to physically lose a lot of weight, I had allowed food to become a major source of pleasure in my life. And, right now, there's really nothing in my life that I'm excited about, so it filled a void.
Now with the diet, eating is regimented, the food is healthy, and I eat much less but more often.
I eat enough to be satisfied instead of feeling full -- I really like feeling full, by the way. It's comforting to me.
As my body weans off comfort food, it is reacting.
Today I dealt with anger, and I realized part of it is that the rich food is no longer there to drown out the cares of the world that I'm dealing with -- and it also doesn't drown out the boredom and emptiness I feel.
But it will be worth it.
I can't risk going on like I have been.
I don't want to.
For years and years like many women and men I've struggled with my weight.
I think it started when I was a kid and I discovered how much I liked the taste of certain foods and how much I liked to eat.
Food was a reward, and snacks were a regular thing at home.
I was a chubby young girl who became a chubby young woman.
Then I hit about 16 years old and started playing tennis.
Fueled in part by having been teased about my weight, I launched into weight loss.
I dramatically cut calories and began to exercise a lot.
I lost a lot of weight. But even at 140 pounds at 5"7,' I still felt fat.
I still felt "not good enough."
Man, I wish I had been saved back then!
It was about that time I experienced some abuse that I won't go into here.
Over the years, though, after going through college and a boyfriend and a job where I sat a lot, and a long period of singleness and loneliness, I gained it all back and much more.
I won't go into all the hurts and baggage that influence my decision to turn to food, but it has been like a drug for me.
It would numb me when I hurt. It would comfort me when I was afraid. It was something to look forward to and something to fall back on.
Now that God is prying that idol from my heart, I definitely need prayer.
The numbness is gone, and I'm finally having to face painful heart issues.
But I know if Jesus wants me to do it, I can.
God bless you all.
I knew before I started this that my relationship with food was unhealthy. But now it's really hitting me in the face, and I feel like sharing part of my journey (including how I got here) with you all.
Beyond just needing to physically lose a lot of weight, I had allowed food to become a major source of pleasure in my life. And, right now, there's really nothing in my life that I'm excited about, so it filled a void.
Now with the diet, eating is regimented, the food is healthy, and I eat much less but more often.
I eat enough to be satisfied instead of feeling full -- I really like feeling full, by the way. It's comforting to me.
As my body weans off comfort food, it is reacting.
Today I dealt with anger, and I realized part of it is that the rich food is no longer there to drown out the cares of the world that I'm dealing with -- and it also doesn't drown out the boredom and emptiness I feel.
But it will be worth it.
I can't risk going on like I have been.
I don't want to.
For years and years like many women and men I've struggled with my weight.
I think it started when I was a kid and I discovered how much I liked the taste of certain foods and how much I liked to eat.
Food was a reward, and snacks were a regular thing at home.
I was a chubby young girl who became a chubby young woman.
Then I hit about 16 years old and started playing tennis.
Fueled in part by having been teased about my weight, I launched into weight loss.
I dramatically cut calories and began to exercise a lot.
I lost a lot of weight. But even at 140 pounds at 5"7,' I still felt fat.
I still felt "not good enough."
Man, I wish I had been saved back then!
It was about that time I experienced some abuse that I won't go into here.
Over the years, though, after going through college and a boyfriend and a job where I sat a lot, and a long period of singleness and loneliness, I gained it all back and much more.
I won't go into all the hurts and baggage that influence my decision to turn to food, but it has been like a drug for me.
It would numb me when I hurt. It would comfort me when I was afraid. It was something to look forward to and something to fall back on.
Now that God is prying that idol from my heart, I definitely need prayer.
The numbness is gone, and I'm finally having to face painful heart issues.
But I know if Jesus wants me to do it, I can.
God bless you all.
