Well, I mean
I read one post about what to do if it's abuse. It was sound advice.
To me, it sort of sounds like normal women's hormonal issues that she hasn't learned to cope with.
I mean, it happens to a lot of women (including me when I was younger)
We get put into this shame. That if we admit we have hormonal issues, then we aren't fit to have an opinion therefore, many women deny it. They deny it as though their life depended on it.
We do have hormones that can impact out outlook on life greatly. For me, it makes me literally crazy.
The only reason I see through it better now, is because of the Holy Spirit putting me in my place and I literally had the experience of thinking like a man (hormonally) meaning, that my emotions were in the back seat, and my logic was in the front seat. (This was after child birth so my hormones were all over the place) When women are feelin hormonal, the emotions are in the front seat tryin' to take the wheel. And full on succeed at times. And it's like this all the time. (Unless on birth control which to each their own.)
This might sound weird but maybe invite her to do some hiking or sports with your guy friends or in a place where there's a ton of testosterone. Whenever I go to martial arts, I feel leveled out by all the testosterone. (I imagine it's the sort of the same when a bunch of women come together and their monthly syncs. The testosterones might help her? Don't know it's just scientifically proven. It's just anectodical how I felt.) I also don't know how you guys are with mental commitment. It matters. Like when I was young, impure thoughts were an issue, but after much focus, impure thoughts aren't as much of a concern. Just depends on the individual.
Pray for her a lot. Pray for you a lot.
The only thing that soften my hardened heart and mind was Jesus.
Also, it is possible to see through the cloud of hormones, but it takes practice. A lot of focus.
I still struggle greatly.
It is really weird. Like I understand her. Like it feels like she's not there.
Because it's like you literally think you are correct. And that you're feelings are justified. To add fuel to the fire, no one corrects women and their hormones these days. So, there's nothing but kind words and support. So you really know you're right.
Then you come off that high. Then you start thinking again. Then you start questioning. "Maybe I was wrong. O gosh, what did he say?" Because sometimes you really don't hear what the other person said. Then you are able to start to reason again. Start asking questions again. Then you realize, o gosh, I am wrong. Then you apologize.
That's how it was for me. Like, if you can imagine thinking something is really true, and then realize it's not true. That's how it feels, pretty consistently. Maybe she should
Question.
Being humble was the best thing.
And training the brain.
Like, instead of worshipping with emotion.
Maybe try printing out certain parts of the bible and say "I am going to live this way".
And put a lot of focus on it.
Like focus on it like your life depended on it.
(because scientifically focus changes the neurons in the brain.)
I'm not sure if what I said is biblical.
Also, like, try to also be an example. I know it's extremely difficult. Because I'm going through the same thing. Like do I have to live this way? Emotionally hurt and challenged by my spouse. And, well, once we're married, for the most part we do. (Abuse is different) but this how it is it seems. To carry our cross.
For me, in my trying times the book of James helped me. James Chapter 1. I printed it out and put it in my pocket. My pastor said in church once that we can't rely on our feelings and our experiences and that we need to rely on the word of God. That if your feelings and experiences are going against the word of God, well then, we know what's right. This is still difficult for me. But I agree with him 100%. I still give way into my hurt emotions, my past experiences, my hormones. But I atleast know now, James chapter 1.
I'll really pray for the both of you. These things aren't easy. In fact, it gets right down to who we are at our core, and sometimes, it's depressing to see how foolish we are without Jesus. Thankfully Jesus died for all our sins. And we just gotta keep picking up our cross and the armour of Christ.
It seems never ending, but gotta just keep at it.
If the unbelieving leave, then the believer is not at fault. But if it's the marriage you want, then it's the marriage you want. Jesus lived the punishment of our sins for us. One time when I cried to Jesus "Why?" about my pain, I was meant with the Holy Spirit sayin "The whole world cries out why why, when Jesus on the cross cried out forgive them father, for they know not what they do." I remember this because I was so distraught with my marriage. I was also told "It's okay to not know"
Sometimes it's okay to not be wise, heal and just feel the mercy of Jesus Christ. We all try so hard to be in control, when we gotta not lean on our own understanding and lean on Christ instead.
Constant teachings of being humble. Of letting go of the control. Live and let live. Forgive. Repent. Forever on.
Well, I mean, all I can say is I understand both of ya'll.
It sounds like you area good guy. That you aren't out to try and demean and belittle her and you are simply doing your best to keep your marriage.
I'm glad I read your post because my husband and I are going through similar issues.
Not exactly the same, but similar.
For me my husband is selfish but calls me selfish.
Gets angry, but blames my anger.
Acts out, but points out my iniquity.
Is convinced that I am the source of all his troubles.
That if I would just act in accordance to his wishes
all would be well
regardless how I feel.
I'm still in love with him and will forgive him forever. Even when he tells me he wants divorce.
What's difficult for me, is my husband
who is suppose to be my rock
I can't trust him and so all I trust is Jesus now.
The word of God.
And so here I am reading your post.
Praying for my marriage and praying for yours.
I hope we all find the peace, mercy, wisdom and guidance that is the way, the truth and the life of Jesus Christ. That we humble ourselves to his way to seek out the crown of life. That we are filled with His Spirit in the time of need. And the we humble ourselves and act in accordance with His will. And in doing that, we bless our lives and out families lives.
I read one post about what to do if it's abuse. It was sound advice.
To me, it sort of sounds like normal women's hormonal issues that she hasn't learned to cope with.
I mean, it happens to a lot of women (including me when I was younger)
We get put into this shame. That if we admit we have hormonal issues, then we aren't fit to have an opinion therefore, many women deny it. They deny it as though their life depended on it.
We do have hormones that can impact out outlook on life greatly. For me, it makes me literally crazy.
The only reason I see through it better now, is because of the Holy Spirit putting me in my place and I literally had the experience of thinking like a man (hormonally) meaning, that my emotions were in the back seat, and my logic was in the front seat. (This was after child birth so my hormones were all over the place) When women are feelin hormonal, the emotions are in the front seat tryin' to take the wheel. And full on succeed at times. And it's like this all the time. (Unless on birth control which to each their own.)
This might sound weird but maybe invite her to do some hiking or sports with your guy friends or in a place where there's a ton of testosterone. Whenever I go to martial arts, I feel leveled out by all the testosterone. (I imagine it's the sort of the same when a bunch of women come together and their monthly syncs. The testosterones might help her? Don't know it's just scientifically proven. It's just anectodical how I felt.) I also don't know how you guys are with mental commitment. It matters. Like when I was young, impure thoughts were an issue, but after much focus, impure thoughts aren't as much of a concern. Just depends on the individual.
Pray for her a lot. Pray for you a lot.
The only thing that soften my hardened heart and mind was Jesus.
Also, it is possible to see through the cloud of hormones, but it takes practice. A lot of focus.
I still struggle greatly.
It is really weird. Like I understand her. Like it feels like she's not there.
Because it's like you literally think you are correct. And that you're feelings are justified. To add fuel to the fire, no one corrects women and their hormones these days. So, there's nothing but kind words and support. So you really know you're right.
Then you come off that high. Then you start thinking again. Then you start questioning. "Maybe I was wrong. O gosh, what did he say?" Because sometimes you really don't hear what the other person said. Then you are able to start to reason again. Start asking questions again. Then you realize, o gosh, I am wrong. Then you apologize.
That's how it was for me. Like, if you can imagine thinking something is really true, and then realize it's not true. That's how it feels, pretty consistently. Maybe she should
Question.
Being humble was the best thing.
And training the brain.
Like, instead of worshipping with emotion.
Maybe try printing out certain parts of the bible and say "I am going to live this way".
And put a lot of focus on it.
Like focus on it like your life depended on it.
(because scientifically focus changes the neurons in the brain.)
I'm not sure if what I said is biblical.
Also, like, try to also be an example. I know it's extremely difficult. Because I'm going through the same thing. Like do I have to live this way? Emotionally hurt and challenged by my spouse. And, well, once we're married, for the most part we do. (Abuse is different) but this how it is it seems. To carry our cross.
For me, in my trying times the book of James helped me. James Chapter 1. I printed it out and put it in my pocket. My pastor said in church once that we can't rely on our feelings and our experiences and that we need to rely on the word of God. That if your feelings and experiences are going against the word of God, well then, we know what's right. This is still difficult for me. But I agree with him 100%. I still give way into my hurt emotions, my past experiences, my hormones. But I atleast know now, James chapter 1.
I'll really pray for the both of you. These things aren't easy. In fact, it gets right down to who we are at our core, and sometimes, it's depressing to see how foolish we are without Jesus. Thankfully Jesus died for all our sins. And we just gotta keep picking up our cross and the armour of Christ.
It seems never ending, but gotta just keep at it.
If the unbelieving leave, then the believer is not at fault. But if it's the marriage you want, then it's the marriage you want. Jesus lived the punishment of our sins for us. One time when I cried to Jesus "Why?" about my pain, I was meant with the Holy Spirit sayin "The whole world cries out why why, when Jesus on the cross cried out forgive them father, for they know not what they do." I remember this because I was so distraught with my marriage. I was also told "It's okay to not know"
Sometimes it's okay to not be wise, heal and just feel the mercy of Jesus Christ. We all try so hard to be in control, when we gotta not lean on our own understanding and lean on Christ instead.
Constant teachings of being humble. Of letting go of the control. Live and let live. Forgive. Repent. Forever on.
Well, I mean, all I can say is I understand both of ya'll.
It sounds like you area good guy. That you aren't out to try and demean and belittle her and you are simply doing your best to keep your marriage.
I'm glad I read your post because my husband and I are going through similar issues.
Not exactly the same, but similar.
For me my husband is selfish but calls me selfish.
Gets angry, but blames my anger.
Acts out, but points out my iniquity.
Is convinced that I am the source of all his troubles.
That if I would just act in accordance to his wishes
all would be well
regardless how I feel.
I'm still in love with him and will forgive him forever. Even when he tells me he wants divorce.
What's difficult for me, is my husband
who is suppose to be my rock
I can't trust him and so all I trust is Jesus now.
The word of God.
And so here I am reading your post.
Praying for my marriage and praying for yours.
I hope we all find the peace, mercy, wisdom and guidance that is the way, the truth and the life of Jesus Christ. That we humble ourselves to his way to seek out the crown of life. That we are filled with His Spirit in the time of need. And the we humble ourselves and act in accordance with His will. And in doing that, we bless our lives and out families lives.
