what does this mean?

[Jullianna]

What does it mean when people say that someone is dating someone out of their league? I've seen that several times in these threads.

 

[grace]

I wrote that recently in a thread. lol

Someone told me, about the guy I was dating, "Dennise, you are dating WAY below yourself." I was so offended.

I think they were talking about his physical appearance.

Often times when this is said, I think people are talking about the physical appearance of someone.

You see in movies a lot. Two guys are in a club or rest. or something and one notices a very beautiful woman and the other guy will say, "don't bother man, she is WAY out of your legue." (yet they know nothing about her except what she looks like.) Sad.

 

[Forlorn-Hope]

It's when you date someone better than you. If you're dating someone above you're league then you get a pat on the back and you're drinking buddies are like "What a leg" If you're dating someone lower than you can bat, then you're get mocked and ridiculed. The wonders of human nature.

 

[NMsmile]

Out of your league... Someone not in your circle of friends. Ex: If you are dating a non-christian and you are a christian hopefully he is out of your league. Sometimes refers to someone in a different social or economic strata. But remember God is not a respecter of persons. I think it is good to get a godly perspective on the person you are dating but hopefully it isn't about their looks but on their heart and walk with God.

 

[Jullianna]

I guess it's supposed to be an attempt at a compliment at times, but it sure doesn't seem like a very christian thing to say, does it? I've had people say similar things to me about guys I've been interested in as well, grace, and, you're right, it is kind of offensive. Seems like the sort of thing that would make a man or lady feel insecure and hesitant to approach someone.

 

[zeroturbulence]

"She's out of your league."

Me and my friends used to say that to each other all the time, even to ourselves when we see a really pretty girl who looks like she could be a model. It basically means "there's no way a girl who's that hot is going to be interested in a poor geeky guy like you (or me)". We assume that they only date jocks (highly athletic guys with huge egos) or pretty boys (guys who look like models) or rich guys.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Here's a good example of a guy who is dating out of his league lol. She is way too attractive for dumpy looking Jared from the Subway commercials. Of course he's rich, so he's financially not out of her league. (who knows, maybe thats his wife)

 

[Jullianna]

Here's a good example of a guy who is dating out of his league lol. She is way too attractive for dumpy looking Jared from the Subway commercials. Of course he's rich, so he's financially not out of her league. (who knows, maybe thats his wife)

Oddly enough, I just told a pretty, sweet young lady in another thread that there are a LOT of great ladies out there sitting home on Friday night for just this very reason. I used to watch that show 3.5 Men (don't recommend it) and the character Charlie Harper did say one thing that seems to ring true - When you see a great looking lady with an average joe, guess why? Because he ASKED when everyone else was afraid to and he had nothing to lose.

 

[NukePooch]

Oddly enough, I just told a pretty, sweet young lady in another thread that there are a LOT of great ladies out there sitting home on Friday night for just this very reason. I used to watch that show 3.5 Men (don't recommend it) and the character Charlie Harper did say one thing that seems to ring true - When you see a great looking lady with an average joe, guess why? Because he ASKED when everyone else was afraid to and he had nothing to lose.

Or, she's a Subway Sandwich Artist and he wore her down over the years....

 

[thimsrebma]

I agree with others about what "out of your league means" I also know there are pretty good looking men and women out there that are single and still cant find "the one." Maybe they need to try dating someone a little less hot and then they'll meet 'em.

I think when you mature you find beauty in other things about a person and that makes you gravitate towards them. Have you ever felt a strong connection or attraction to someone but it wasnt physical? JusIt feels like something about them stands out, they are different, almost like a spiritual magnetic force.

Okay maybe I'm the only one, cause Im crazy.

 

[GreenNnice]

I feel her breath on my face.
Her body's close to me .
Am I just foolin' myself,
She's out of my league.

Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs.
She's like the wind.

Patrick Swayze, She's like the wind,
--Dirty Dancing

 

[Liamson]

I feel her breath on my face.
Her body's close to me .
Am I just foolin' myself,
She's out of my league.

Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs.
She's like the wind.

Patrick Swayze, She's like the wind,
--Dirty Dancing

Right on! that was the same thing that I was thinking of.


We all know what leagues are, even if we unwilling to admit it. With whatever measure that we find, that is the league we equate people to.

I think it has to do with the way we judge the potential that could come out of a relationship. We see the value in someone else that we do not see in ourselves, or vice versa.

I don't think it has as much to do with any one factor that a person possess e.g. beauty, wealth, intelligence, power, influence, faith, passion or adventure. Rather, it is the sum of all these factors that when measured against that which we the self have to offer, draw a clear distinction. (Note: being that appearance is the first thing people notice, it is the easiest to pick on.)

Sometimes its better to spare disappointing someone, than to be weighed and measured only to be found wanting. Or to have to break someone else's heart eventually because the reality of being so different has outweighed the benefit of staying.

I once met a woman at a Russian Orthodox Church, she spoke half a dozen languages and was a gym rat extraordinaire but, she was also a bartender, tattoo artist, with a strange criminal record and 2 Navy ex-husbands. I knew that in spite of all the places my mind went when allowed to wander, one of us was out of the other person's league. I don't know what would have come from dating her but, I was afraid to find out.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Oddly enough, I just told a pretty, sweet young lady in another thread that there are a LOT of great ladies out there sitting home on Friday night for just this very reason. I used to watch that show 3.5 Men (don't recommend it) and the character Charlie Harper did say one thing that seems to ring true - When you see a great looking lady with an average joe, guess why? Because he ASKED when everyone else was afraid to and he had nothing to lose.

No way! You used to watch 2 and a Half Men?? Thats my favorite show I know its bad, but I think i'm old enough to handle it. Where do people even meet these days though. When I was younger people went to clubs. I don't think people even go out these days unless they already have a date.

 

[Jullianna]

Beats me, Gabe. That's why I'm here. haha I will go to a club from time to time with friends or even with a date, usually at their insistance or because I like the music, but wouldn't want to go alone because I have never dated a stranger I met at a club. I'm wierd like that. Not much for crowds either.

 

[Jullianna]

Maybe I just have a wierd way of looking at the world. I've dated guys who were cops, lawyers, dancers, statesmen, a carpenter, a concrete finisher, medics, firefighters, military guys, a doctor (though when a guy's sister hits on you, you know that can't be a good thing *rolling eyes*), professional students and even a blacksmith (which was actually pretty cool). There was something amazing about each of them and I learned a lot.

 

[Matthew]

I think in a lot of cases 'out of your league' generally translates into 'you don't have the courage', but it's a way of justifying giving into fear of rejection, which is easy to justify if you've been rejected in a cruel or public way by someone not very considerate.

In reality there are plenty of people with above average looks who were raised well and while beautiful are not vein or buried under the weigfht of their own ego and so happily date average looking people for the heart and personality over the looks, and the guy or girl who asks the question often gets the date, problem is the beautiful people who do have the ego-mania turned on make many people gun shy and thus people tell themsleves they've got no chance because they're 'out of their league'.

 

[Jaynee]

What does it mean when people say that someone is dating someone out of their league? I've seen that several times in these threads.

Hi Jullianna,

You've come up with a real thought-provoker.

One meaning is that the person you are dating might be - shall we say - intellectually, socially, or culturally challenged (compared to your own personal reference datum). But in spite of this disparity, the seemingly disadvantaged (out-of-league) person is still a delight to be with - by virtue of their other admirable traits: sincerity, honesty, lack of pretense, etc. - which is why you happen to be dating that person in the first place.

 

[Jullianna]

I think in a lot of cases 'out of your league' generally translates into 'you don't have the courage', but it's a way of justifying giving into fear of rejection, which is easy to justify if you've been rejected in a cruel or public way by someone not very considerate.

In reality there are plenty of people with above average looks who were raised well and while beautiful are not vein or buried under the weigfht of their own ego and so happily date average looking people for the heart and personality over the looks, and the guy or girl who asks the question often gets the date, problem is the beautiful people who do have the ego-mania turned on make many people gun shy and thus people tell themsleves they've got no chance because they're 'out of their league'.

Thank you for not making me feel like a freak for feeling as I do.

I've been thinking about it and maybe how you look at it depends upon what you want from being with someone. We're all different in that regard obviously. If you are a lady who wants a big family/to be a stay at home mom, I can certainly understand that this won't happen unless the man you are with is in a position to support everyone and your "leagues" will have more to do with jobs/provision potential. If you are someone for whom looks is highly important, then there are probably levels of attractiveness that form your "leagues". If you are a brainiac, intelligence levels are probably higher on your list.

Maybe I do have a "league" - people who are easy to talk with, interesting and are interested in being active/fit. When I looked at the list I typed above, these 3 things are what all of those guys had in common, regardless of looks/income/profession/etc.

And maybe the way I look at it comes down to the fact that my dad always told me that true class was the abililty to make everyone in your presence at ease and welcome. Military life exposes you to people of all nationalities, personalities, income levels, education, etc. Adaptability is KEY.

I love this song:

We all bleed red, all taste rain, all fall down, lose our way,
We all say words we regret, we all cry tears, we all bleed red,
Sometimes we’re strong, sometimes we’re weak; sometimes we’re hurt
It cuts deep;
we live this life breath to breath; we’re all the same
We all bleed red

And we are certainly all equal at the foot of the cross.

Having said all of that, if people have been hurt by jerks who thought they were more attractive or superior in some way, I guess I can understand their hesitation...

 

[Jullianna]

Hi Jullianna,

You've come up with a real thought-provoker.

One meaning is that the person you are dating might be - shall we say - intellectually, socially, or culturally challenged (compared to your own personal reference datum). But in spite of this disparity, the seemingly disadvantaged (out-of-league) person is still a delight to be with - by virtue of their other admirable traits: sincerity, honesty, lack of pretense, etc. - which is why you happen to be dating that person in the first place.

Exactly. Sometimes the disparity is simply the result of a lack of opportunity. I know a lot of wealthy people who are far less generous than those with nothing. I know snooty people no one will speak with and poor people who are dearly loved by all who know them. I know people who are educated beyond their capacity for comprehension due to the fact that their folks were wealthy, and I know brilliant people who've never been to college, but soak up everything around them on a daily basis. Bet y'all do too.

 

[Matthew]

Thank you for not making me feel like a freak for feeling as I do.

No chance I think it's brave to even ask these questions, let alone hold onto an enlightened position on the issue .

For me this idea of 'leagues' goes back to the idea of dating with criteria in mind for the subject of your interest, it can sometimes be a fundamental failing to look across a room at someone and say or think that they are out of your league, it's like assuming so much about that person and how they would react to you that it is basically passing judgement on them without even speaking to them, which is crazy.

People attract eachother for all sorts of reasons and the idea being 'out of someone's league' on a glance is really based on nothing logical, I guess on a basic level we expect people to be with someone who is 'at their level' in terms of physical beauty so when we see a model type beautiful person with someone........well like me it does provoke that thought, but honestly I don't get it, you go a little deeper into a person I don't see how anyone can be out of anyone's league, as long as they are hitting the basic levels of personal hygiene and civilised conduct.