What inspires you to want to try again?

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allforfun

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In reading some posts, and listening to my friends I have a few questions. First, no one in particular comes to mind with these questions, so this isn't a gossip game in my mind.

I assume we have all been trampled on in life at some point. Either by ill intended people, or just circumstance. People fail and they were not able to give us the love we needed and our hearts got broken. Some of those wounds truly take a long time to heal.

What inspires you to be able look again? We by design, are social creatures. As nice as being a hermit sounds, even being on a site like this proves we are all searching for someone to connect to even in a primitive way. This isn't all about romantic love either.

What inspires you to be able to trust a friendship again?

What inspires you to be able to look for/enjoy/pursue a romantic interest?

Or do you foresee yourself never fully opening up to anyone again because it is just too painful?

I will answer later, I promise.
 
I know this answer isn't what anyone wants to hear, that it isn't inspiring and that it probably isn't considered christian... but it is very truthful. As far as seeking women, if it was all based on logic and wisdom I would just throw in the towel and declare it over. Unfortunately what I suppose can be characterized as hormones causes the endless seeking and subsequent failure with women that characterizes my life. Yup, would like to stop but hormones won't let me.
 
allforfun said:
What inspires you to be able to trust a friendship again?

What inspires you to be able to look for/enjoy/pursue a romantic interest?
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If a friend violated my trust it would take their heartfelt apology for me to trust them again, but if you are talking about cheating, I think that for most people there would be no turning back, but in my case I would be willing to forgive if she apologizes sincerely. Even if she does it again I would still forgive if she truly still loves me. I would be more thankful for a woman who loves me than bitter for a mistake that she made and is sorry for.

Pursuing a romantic interest is important to me because I know that until we have a loving partner in this life, we are missing out on a whole dimension of life that God meant for us to experience. It is why God said it is not good for man to be alone.
 
I suppose what helps the most is realizing the mistakes I've made myself. I've hurt people too, but not intentionally. Most of us are just doing the best we can. And I think we've all seen how God can turn someone's life around. Even as we read these forums we see people from all walks of life who may have an issue or two, but have many redeeming qualities.

Sometimes relationships work out and sometimes they don't. It's not always because one person or the other is an awful person. Sometimes whatever "IT" is simply isn't there, but there's still something special about them. Then again, there are those people who will come into our lives who speak nothing but negative things into it and drag us down. When that happens, we just have to shake ourselves loose, pray for them and move on.

For all I've said, I'm just a hopeless romantic. Probably always will be. We really don't lose anything by loving even if someone doesn't love us back.
 
persecuted said:
I know this answer isn't what anyone wants to hear, that it isn't inspiring and that it probably isn't considered christian... but it is very truthful. As far as seeking women, if it was all based on logic and wisdom I would just throw in the towel and declare it over. Unfortunately what I suppose can be characterized as hormones causes the endless seeking and subsequent failure with women that characterizes my life. Yup, would like to stop but hormones won't let me.
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Precisely which is why I can and did give up.
 
zeroturbulence said:
If a friend violated my trust it would take their heartfelt apology for me to trust them again, but if you are talking about cheating, I think that for most people there would be no turning back, but in my case I would be willing to forgive if she apologizes sincerely. Even if she does it again I would still forgive if she truly still loves me. I would be more thankful for a woman who loves me than bitter for a mistake that she made and is sorry for.

Pursuing a romantic interest is important to me because I know that until we have a loving partner in this life, we are missing out on a whole dimension of life that God meant for us to experience. It is why God said it is not good for man to be alone.
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I think I worded it wrong last night, but I'm glad you answered it like that anyway. I have forgiven friends many time over. Sometimes the friendships still end, but I know I did all I could on my part.

In my 20's, I thought that cheating was the end all to a relationship. In my 30's, I believe i could extend more mercy to that mistake.
 
I believe for all my rough and tough exterior, I am like Jullianna. I am a hopeless romantic even while thinking of the past hurts.

What inspires me to keep from becoming a recluse are many things. If I find myself down, I will listen to old Chicago songs till I've cried out all the ugly and am ready for new again. When I think about playing Scrabble with the new letter Cheeze Itz with some one special, I chuckle. All of the fun things that a friendship can do, but truly lacks a certain intimacy, that is what makes me smile inside. Then I realize trying again isn't bad.

I love the idea of some seeing my good characteristics and finding them enough to override the bad.
 
allforfun said:
In reading some posts, and listening to my friends I have a few questions. First, no one in particular comes to mind with these questions, so this isn't a gossip game in my mind.

I assume we have all been trampled on in life at some point. Either by ill intended people, or just circumstance. People fail and they were not able to give us the love we needed and our hearts got broken. Some of those wounds truly take a long time to heal.

What inspires you to be able look again? We by design, are social creatures. As nice as being a hermit sounds, even being on a site like this proves we are all searching for someone to connect to even in a primitive way. This isn't all about romantic love either.

What inspires you to be able to trust a friendship again?

What inspires you to be able to look for/enjoy/pursue a romantic interest?

Or do you foresee yourself never fully opening up to anyone again because it is just too painful?

I will answer later, I promise.
Click to expand...

For me? I guess it's loyalty and being optimistic. I want to see the best in everyone. No matter how hard they fail or hurt me, I will forgive them and let them try again to make it up to me. But when I know it's not going to work any more and they don't obviously care about whether they hurt me or not... then I have to let them go... and it takes me a while to heal... and it takes me a little longer to open up to the next person.
 
persecuted said:
I know this answer isn't what anyone wants to hear, that it isn't inspiring and that it probably isn't considered christian... but it is very truthful. As far as seeking women, if it was all based on logic and wisdom I would just throw in the towel and declare it over. Unfortunately what I suppose can be characterized as hormones causes the endless seeking and subsequent failure with women that characterizes my life. Yup, would like to stop but hormones won't let me.
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LOL--I love your honesty Pers! And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that motivation, in my opinion--it's the way we're wired....

My only hope (prayer) for you and myself is that we will be able to see past the hurt and realize the possible good that came (or will come someday...) of our experiences. Everything happens for a reason, I strongly believe, and miraculously, God can turn ALL our hurts, failures, sorrows, head-bashing into GOOD!

Romans 8:28

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. "
 
FireWire said:
Precisely which is why I can and did give up.
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Congrats. I don't know how you did it because like the next quote says I feel its how we're wired and I can't really stop.

Suzie2family said:
LOL--I love your honesty Pers! And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that motivation, in my opinion--it's the way we're wired....

My only hope (prayer) for you and myself is that we will be able to see past the hurt and realize the possible good that came (or will come someday...) of our experiences. Everything happens for a reason, I strongly believe, and miraculously, God can turn ALL our hurts, failures, sorrows, head-bashing into GOOD!

Romans 8:28

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose. "
Click to expand...

Yeah, well I just get sick of myself because my pattern is so unique and stupid. I start conversations with women all the time and never close the deal. Even if I think she is super hot and the conversation is going well I always bail in the end. Don't really know why exactly. Perhaps that's the million dollar question which is only partially answerable. But it has become too easy knowing when I bail that I never truly regret it because the same pattern will just continue throughout the day, week, month, year, decades with this woman and that. Sometimes I even forget that I'm always single because when I go somewhere and blab with some chick for 2 hours it doesn't exactly feel like I went stag. Yup, the unique unhelpable stupdities of Persecuted.
 
I was in love once. A long time ago, with a perfect woman. (I know I know they don't exist) But Our relationship was fatally flawed, but the truth still remains that for a brief period in my life I was made undeservingly, irreparably, undeniably happy just my merely being.
 
Liamson said:
I was in love once. A long time ago, with a perfect woman. (I know I know they don't exist) But Our relationship was fatally flawed, but the truth still remains that for a brief period in my life I was made undeservingly, irreparably, undeniably happy just my merely being.
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Liamson, your stories so fascinate me. I came on here originally and you seemed so young and spry with that youthful enthusiasm, now like I said about your pictures your posts ALSO seem much older and pessimistic. This comment of yours seems so much like the movie "Airplane" with the main character's story telling.

You have me doing a 180, I think you SHOULD go buy some girl flowers and see where it all leads. People say its wrong to lead someone on but the flipside is that we all live mundane lives and really it could be a thrill for her and maybe even you. Do it and tell me how it goes, I've been considering doing something similar to break my patterns.
 
What inspired me to be open to back up after a disastrous relationship was simple...forgiveness. I became bitter towards all women because of the actions of one woman. I knew this was not justified, but it took me a year or more to figure out why I could not let those ill feelings go.

I had come to the conclusion that I had not totally forgiven her and I was holding on to hatred because of what had been done to me. I had only said that I forgave her and had never truthfully done so. Once I sincerely found the forgiveness in my heart, it was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders.
 
What inspires you to be able look again? We by design, are social creatures. As nice as being a hermit sounds, even being on a site like this proves we are all searching for someone to connect to even in a primitive way. This isn't all about romantic love either.--- allforfun


'Primitive.' Interesting choice of a word .
 
GreenNnice said:
What inspires you to be able look again? We by design, are social creatures. As nice as being a hermit sounds, even being on a site like this proves we are all searching for someone to connect to even in a primitive way. This isn't all about romantic love either.--- allforfun


'Primitive.' Interesting choice of a word .
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:) I like using a plethora of adjectives. Wouldn't you say this is a primitive beginning of communication? Someone poses a question, someone answers from their perspective and it either goes from there or ends.

I'm a psychology major, I could write a whole post, just on this topic alone. But I will spare you. :o
 
When I fall for someone, I fall hard, and I've never regretted it. I have no reservations about falling in love again, but not with the wrong person.
 
What inspires me to try again is knowing that your soul mate is out there somewhere. As a human you have to be loved and give love. Everyone deep inside desires love and affection. I feel that the purest form of love is when two people that are God loving and fearing both love each other. Most people of the world have a tainted image of what love really is.
 
This may sound a bit stoic and dreadfully UNROMANTIC! None the less here is the result I have come to.
"Romantic" love is a disease of youth which leads many into committing them selves into relationships based on the ludicrous notion that this madness will and SHOULD continue for a lifetime. IF you are so afflicted? RUN AWAY QUICKLY!
As we mature, we hopefully wise up. If we then are led by bitterness to throw in the towel on Gods intention this bitterness will eventually destroy our capacity to love in any meaningful way at all. If instead we come to realize that the real deal is categorically described in detail in the following:
1Co 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1Co 13:5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1Co 13:6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
1Co 13:7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
These are the directions.
Why do I want to try again?
Gen 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
I seek to obey.
 
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