My whole life i have tried to be the best Christian i can be, but seems as if to this day, i have failed.
I am so worn out, it is like i no longer desire to be a "christian" but i do love God very much and am grateful for all he has done in my life. My father surrounds himself with christian tv, books, music & people, but yells at his wife like she is trash and talks to his daughters like we are worthless... but he says tells me that I am not a christian because i don't attend church and i watch worldy movies. WHAT IS IT TO BE A CHRISTIAN? Is it forcing myself to pray even though my heart isn't into it any more? Is it forcing myself to church when i just never want to go? Is it making the right choices that would please God? Is it watching and listening to only christian stuff? Is it wrong that i have themed my home as superhero characters instead of Jesus Christ and etc...? Is it wrong that i rather sit and talk to my mother instead of forcing myself to watch a boring christian movie on tv because "it's what God wants me to do"???
According to the Hebrew the word Christian literally means "follower of Chirst"
1. No you have not failed as a Christian...not yet. For if you have failed as a Christian you wouldn't be asking all these questions.
2. Christianity has nothing to do with how many books you read, tv shows you watch, Internet Knowledge you gather, or even how much you read your Bible. Yup. You can memorise the entire Bible and still don't know a thing about being a follower of Christ.
3. Being a Christian is all about your personal real life day to day relationship with God. It is not about force but about love. True love is when you will do what you do for God because you love Him. Not because you must. However love is also about protection. A mother would make sure her kids do the right things so that they can grow up correctly and a father the same.
So what do you need to do now?
You need to first understand that God loves you. Every part of you. He adores you. He cares about you. And yes, He doesn't want you to get hurt. But for that you are also not always going to get your way.
You need to start building a foundation and start to learn how to hear the voice of God. For if you can hear His voice, you can ask Him advice on everything on a day to day basis. And it might not seem super HOLY to everyone. But trust me, it is the most incredible journey you'll ever discover. You need to daily pray. Not because you need to pray. No, because you pray to communicate with God. And then you need to listen. Listen for His voice for an answer. For the Holy Spirit will answer you on your questions. Now in the beginning it might take a lot of faith to do this... so here is an easier way to start off with.
Go into your room or where you are private. Take your Bible and ask God that He should give you a verse.
A verse like in Book Name, Chapter and verse would come into your head. Open up and read. Repeat the process. You will notice that which you read is directly speaking into your life. However understand that God is not mocked. For example... if it says in the Bible, the verse which you get not to steal. Then be sure to investigate into your OWN life and see where do you do that and then take it away. As per example of course. If there are sins you struggle with, pray against it and keep on trying to stop. Eventually you'll succeed. Some sins are harder to stop. God doesn't expect you to be perfect in a second. But He does expect you to ernestly try. And then He will aid you.
If your Dad seems to be harsh and unkind to you. Go to your private place... and pray for him. He is still your father. And God would rather help keeping your family together then proove that you are right on an argument. But God can touch every person no matter what they do or who they are. But here is a tip. If an argument does occur. Keep your voice soft. Do not raise your voice. Especially if they in argument with you raise theirs. Try and keep calm, and inside yourself pray. And then there is a very difficult thing that you can pray. It will help, and I'll explain. Ask God that He would change the wrong inside you and give you wisdom in the argument. Understand that in 95% of all arguments both parties have some sort of thing that they did wrong. If you ask God to first aid you, seeing that you are willing, the process of aiding the situation will go a lot quicker.
So let's start with that. It isn't instant coffee. But you must build your relationship with God. After which when you can hear His voice and obey His commands. Then you'll often find yourself in situations where God which you to aid and pray for other people. Give messages, etc. And then after usually miracles follow and you experience the love of God more and more each day. I hope this answers your questions.
PS Superheroes are not wrong as long as they are not vulgar. As long as you see them merely as figments of the imagination there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It is the same as a little girl would put flowers and butterflies in her book, and boys read about motorcycles and cars. As per example.
Your love of God is not defined what is on the walls of your room, but on the walls of your heart. And your actions would show that day by day.
