What is a "friend" to you?

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Belka

Belka

Junior Member
Aug 24, 2017
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Hey beautiful souls,

I'm curious to see what a "friend" is to you.

Do you have several categories, like "1st level friend", "good friend", "close friend", "best friend", etc.?

What are the "requirements" or criteria for each category, and what makes you feel like you are truly friends with someone?​

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For me personally, friendship has always been a very difficult area in life and it's extremely rare for me to truly feel like I have a close friend. I have many friends but none of them have the "best friend" status (or even "close friend") to where I feel like I could share my whole inner world with them. However I know that a few of them do consider me to be a very close friend and even "best friend".

I'd love to have a "best friend" that I'd feel comfortable sharing everything with, but I often wonder if my "criteria" for such a friendship are too high. It's like I really want / expect to have this 100% transparency with them and an authenticity that I have honestly almost never experienced except for a few rare moments where I felt truly connected to the other person on a soul level.

I'm an idealist at heart and it hurts to feel like my real-life relationships never live up to my ideals (that I believe aren't impossible to attain; but maybe they are?).

Maybe I long for something transcendental that's not quite physically possible, but that thought really bums me out. Because I really long for a soul connection with another person and for them to see me for who I truly am, and vice versa. But maybe that's only God's place to fill...?

Thoughts?

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I feel like I make friends easily and to me I sometimes consider people that most would call acquaintances as friends.

Ive never noticed that I catagorize my friends but I do . I have some that Im very close with that I consider like family, I have some that I really enjoy our interactions and then some that really are just friendly acquaintances.

Interesting thread ♡
 
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True friendship has something to do with responsibility. True friends help each other selflessly. These friendships are rare. Some friends stay for life, some for a season, some for a while.
 
My friendships are structured hierarchically. This isn't the norm for my sex. Women usually prefer flat structures where everyone is equal. But I’ve found that’s rarely the case in matters of the heart. While we may care for them and desire God’s best. Our comfort and experiences are influenced by other factors. Namely character, similarities, and life season.

I’m very discriminating about the people I let in my circle. I’m polite and friendly and willingly engage light discourse without a problem. But intimacy is another matter. I look for common denominators in lifestyle, background, and values. I’m seeking mutual enrichment. Both must benefit. It can’t be one-sided.

I prefer temperate women whose kindheartedness is evident. I abhor snark, complainers, and misogyny and misandry. I have no interest in lending my ears to their nonsense. I sift their conversation and beliefs. I don’t eat from every tree and it’s important I know the root of their disposition and advice.

As a rule, they are self-aware and willing to say hard truths when necessary. They’re courageous, family oriented, supportive, and champion the causes of loved ones and friends. The majority are extroverts. But there’s a couple of introverts for good measure. They esteem their sex but aren’t feminists and are wholly feminine and poised.

My primary criteria is fit. We must fit the other well and be at ease in our respective worlds. The circle is divided into rungs. The lowest level is comprised of people who’ve proven themselves through time and effort. Their loyalty is clear and we remain connected. We don’t speak as frequently as the rest. But the bond is fixed. We’ve known the other for 25 years or more.

The next rung is more intimate. They’re privy to concerns and general matters of spirit. They know most of my experiences and understand me far better than most. I share aspects of my calling and relationships. The latter is limited to one. I don’t believe in undressing a man to strangers and I limit my conversation to general issues where that’s concerned. This group compels greater measures of loyalty, sharing, and resources.

The final step is my inner sanctum. It is occupied by one and she’s the lone one to enter. She is my Jonathan in every sense of the word. Beloved to my soul and irreplaceable. Her capacity for love is otherworldly. We vowed to remain as one no matter what life throws our way.

She sees me as I am and loves me fearlessly, fiercely, without restraint. That’s what drew us together. The ferocity of our hearts and recognition of beauty and loveliness in one another other. I have loved, counseled, supported, and helped her heal. Seeing the person she’s become fills me with pride. There will never be another like her or one who exceeds her position.

We are wholly transparent and vulnerable. No situation is too grave to admit and shame is not a factor. She is my sole confidant about my partners and the one I present and seek agreement to share my burdens with when I engage. He knows his secrets are safe and she’s providing feedback that’s godly and beneficial. The same holds true for her spouse. I was there from the beginning and nudged her towards him. He knows my goal is their continued success and mutual growth. They needn’t worry about agendas or bad influences from either. God’s best is our aim.

Our connection extends beyond the realm of friendship. We support each other’s professional endeavors and share liberally. Provision is an outgrowth of that concept. Money is not an impediment. We are sisters, friends, and divinely knit. God gave us to the other and we treasure the gift immensely.

These days, I’m content with my connections and make few additions. The nucleus is set and I have little need to add more. I welcome the opportunity to meet likeminded entrepreneurs. But otherwise, I nurture what I’ve built. It’s more than enough.
 
That's amazing! :O Thank you for sharing! @Princesse *picks up jaw from floor* lol


And thanks to everyone else for your contributions so far!
 
I actually don't have any friends, other than a 75 year old woman I speak to on the phone occasionally and who lives 1800km north of here. The other is the person I share this house with. Other than that, no friends whatsoever and have no need for them. Perfectly capable of living life alone, which I have done many times in this life. Every thing you need to can be found within and with Jesus.
 
Belka said:
That's amazing! :O Thank you for sharing! @Princesse *picks up jaw from floor* lol


And thanks to everyone else for your contributions so far!
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You’re welcome. :)

I neglected to include two things that deserve mention since I’ve addressed them on other posts. The women I mentor are an exception to my standard in respect to tenure. Some are friends but others aren’t. The key in these connections is something I observe in their person. An exemplary quality or challenge I can help them improve. Their humility and teachable spirits compel my interest.

These are fixed relationships with the shared purpose for improvement. Most have struggled in their partnerships due to personal impediments. That’s what I address. And through our engagement they encounter faith and its impact on my life. I help them and plant a seed. And another will water it and continue the process.

The next relates to the opposite sex. I don’t form close connections with men. We are acquaintances. But I see little need to share the interior of my heart with a man I’m not called to walk beside. It’s my consensus that my innards are the domain of my beloved alone.

This alleviates impropriety or possibilities of emotional attachments or place holding. Loneliness can foster a desire for the other’s presence for their essence. And when someone presents themselves as a friend, it’s my expectation we’ll function from that stance. I’ve had my share of late-term revelations of interest which compelled me to make the switch.

If a gentleman desires to make my acquaintance for the possibility of something more; he must enter as a prospect. Not in the guise of friendship. They’re not the same. My reluctance to sanction intimations as fellowship and sharing is disconcerting for some. But I think it’s more important to honor my principles and minimize ambiguity.

More importantly, we must check our motives in our connections. Are we edifying God in our relating or filling a void? I’m not suggesting it’s inappropriate to develop bonds with the opposite sex. But in my experience, few are seeking companions where frequent contact and intimacy are the norm with people they’re not attracted to.

Limiting private engagement to mutual interest alleviates confusion and uncertainty. He knows I welcome his company and approach and needn’t worry about my connections or their intentions. Much like my best friend, I crown one man king and he stands alone. His position is understood and never threatened.

While I engage with my friend’s companions; I have a place that doesn’t transgress boundaries or cause suspicion. It’s important to honor God and my partner in my friendships. It fosters trust and mutual esteem. Oneness is impossible if he questions my heart and character. He needs to know I am safe and wholly his. :)
 
One of the things that has most influenced my thinking about friendship is CS Lewis' book the Four Loves (friendship being one of them). So to quote Lewis:

Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest of even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."
 
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I consider my dogs as my best friends - they are loyal, loving, funny, and bring me joy ❤️
 
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A true friend is always there for you, makes time for you and is able to carry you intimes of hardships,weaknesses and pain.You can laugh together, cry together and invite each other over for tea and chat.Its lovely when you get together after church and talk about what the Lord has done for you. You share the same differences, visit each other while ill in hospital, go for a picnic together and share holidays with each other. I like helping my friends and will do the shopping for them when they cannot get out.
 
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Greetings Belca! I'm a new member just read what you wrote about finding a friendship that seems impossible to find. A friend who understands the inner longings of your soul. I have come to understand that we have to find a little bit of this in all our friends. I've not found this in one person. God has made all our friends unique, so we have to find a little satisfaction in each of them. Sadly that is not always satisfying and so I try reach out to others and be the best friend I can be to them. My example is Jesus who reached out to his Father is heaven because he did not find the deep friendship he needed on earth. I realize that that inner feeling of friendship we need can only come from God, which is sadly lacking in our earthly friends. The are human and also searching just as we are. We can only keep working on developing friends and touching hearts with the love God has given to us. It is an ongoing daily connecting with God and with those God puts in our lives. Reaching out to you as like you as I have similar thoughts and feelings. Feel blessed!
 
Glorybell said:
Greetings Belca! I'm a new member just read what you wrote about finding a friendship that seems impossible to find. A friend who understands the inner longings of your soul. I have come to understand that we have to find a little bit of this in all our friends. I've not found this in one person. God has made all our friends unique, so we have to find a little satisfaction in each of them. Sadly that is not always satisfying and so I try reach out to others and be the best friend I can be to them. My example is Jesus who reached out to his Father is heaven because he did not find the deep friendship he needed on earth. I realize that that inner feeling of friendship we need can only come from God, which is sadly lacking in our earthly friends. The are human and also searching just as we are. We can only keep working on developing friends and touching hearts with the love God has given to us. It is an ongoing daily connecting with God and with those God puts in our lives. Reaching out to you as like you as I have similar thoughts and feelings. Feel blessed!
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Hello Glorybell, welcome to Christian Chat. I hope you'll enjoy your stay here. You should start a new introduction thread in the "New Members" Forum. Then everyone will see you are new and welcome you.

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If you talk to me or smile at me you are my friend already 😅 but like other relationships friendships require time and effort...just be kind,be real. We don't need a lot of friends we only need one real one 😊

I have two amazing friends one is we are friends for 20 years now If I counted it right... 🤔 and my other friend I met her 18 years ago... Two beautiful friends inside and out...


We don't talk everyday sometimes once a month sometimes every two months but when we talk we spend hours on the phone 😍

Way back 2006 I was trying to find work abroad...with a little money in my pocket...I felt hopeless that time because I could not find a good paying work and going outside my country was the best option in my mind...In my 20's no stable job,no money and alone I felt broken, hopeless, and didnt know where to start...No one in my family could loan me a huge amount of money to use for my placement fee and for my other expenses while processing my papers.


These two beautiful souls loaned me the money I needed 😭 without second thoughts. They extended their hands without asking when or if can pay them back...😭 their kindness pulled me through and put me where I am right now 😊 hard times revealed to me who are my friends 😊 it is so true real friends are hard to find because you'll only know them in hard times.


The two souls who've been there and witnessed the times when I was in my absolute low...they cried with me...they believed in me and pushed me when I could not absolutely believe myself and see nothing on my way . 😊For me they are not only my best friends but my sisters too 😍 I am so thankful !beyond grateful to both of them and most especially to God 😇 God has blessed me with two amazing friends 🙏🏼 They are the best and I love my two best friends so much ❤
 
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