S
When I was 17 I met my 2nd girlfriend. I didn't have a clear notion of love at that time, but I knew that what I felt for her was the best feeling I had up to that point in my life, and only afterwards did I realize how rare actual love is.
I lost my virginity to her. I was young and naive. After about a year (we were together for two and a half years) I began to see sex as nothing but an object of physical pleasure. So called friends in high school added to the deterioration making me believe that her and I were ignoring our friends because of each other, that we were missing out on the "fun" and life. Hers was college fun andine was high school. In both instances, the "fun" we were missing was nothing more than meaningless parties with cheap laughs of drunkenness. We began to be jealous of each other in the company of others and I broke up with her officially. To this day I remember her words in tears, "Matthew you'll regret this". It wasn't said in terms of revenge, just in fact. And she was right
I did not have enough experience to appreciate the rarity of what we had and she did. I had two girlfriends afterwards, expecting our relationships so naturally turn into the same type of feelings I had prior. I was at first baffled by why they couldn't compare in the slightest. I looked at parties and bars for these girls who would magically turn into the same love I once had. I never found it. I am not ashamed to admit she was the only girl I ever had sex with. There were opportunities to do so later and yet there was this aversion towards the act that I could not place. At one point I actually became sick despit all my attempts to ignore the aversion inside of me. The girl broke up with me afterwards, not that it was going anywhere because there was no real love between us.
I know that gods greatest gift was given to me and wastes by my own ignorance at a young age. Its truly something I've never stopped regretting, and I stopped even looking for it after the age of 24.
Some say its better to have had and lost than to never had at all. I find I don't know if that's true. Its a bittersweet pill to swallow.
There is some part of me that believes the outcome of the situation was designed from the beginning, that it was a necessary experience that would later shape who I was supposed to become later.
Does anyone have similar regrets in their past? And if your proposed plan is like so many to "live life without regrets" please don't respond. For me to live without regrets is to live without conscience. It is not possible for me.
I lost my virginity to her. I was young and naive. After about a year (we were together for two and a half years) I began to see sex as nothing but an object of physical pleasure. So called friends in high school added to the deterioration making me believe that her and I were ignoring our friends because of each other, that we were missing out on the "fun" and life. Hers was college fun andine was high school. In both instances, the "fun" we were missing was nothing more than meaningless parties with cheap laughs of drunkenness. We began to be jealous of each other in the company of others and I broke up with her officially. To this day I remember her words in tears, "Matthew you'll regret this". It wasn't said in terms of revenge, just in fact. And she was right
I did not have enough experience to appreciate the rarity of what we had and she did. I had two girlfriends afterwards, expecting our relationships so naturally turn into the same type of feelings I had prior. I was at first baffled by why they couldn't compare in the slightest. I looked at parties and bars for these girls who would magically turn into the same love I once had. I never found it. I am not ashamed to admit she was the only girl I ever had sex with. There were opportunities to do so later and yet there was this aversion towards the act that I could not place. At one point I actually became sick despit all my attempts to ignore the aversion inside of me. The girl broke up with me afterwards, not that it was going anywhere because there was no real love between us.
I know that gods greatest gift was given to me and wastes by my own ignorance at a young age. Its truly something I've never stopped regretting, and I stopped even looking for it after the age of 24.
Some say its better to have had and lost than to never had at all. I find I don't know if that's true. Its a bittersweet pill to swallow.
There is some part of me that believes the outcome of the situation was designed from the beginning, that it was a necessary experience that would later shape who I was supposed to become later.
Does anyone have similar regrets in their past? And if your proposed plan is like so many to "live life without regrets" please don't respond. For me to live without regrets is to live without conscience. It is not possible for me.