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Before I start talking about this I want to warn you there is sexual information in here and say: Ultimately God is the only one who can judge me.
When I was younger I had to hear my Mom and her boyfriend having sex and that upon a bunch of other things caused me to fall into Depression. I left school and when I returned I met a guy who I really liked. I started going around to his house and playing guitar, studying and playing Halo. One night he cuddled into me and I realised he liked me too. The only thing was he liked two other people more than me. One night some things happened at home and I ran away and ended up at his house. He got his Mom and she let me stay the night (in a different room) and told me she didn't want me involving her son in my stuff. After that night things got really weird between the two of us. In November of that I got baptised.
Eventually we became friends again and he got me to join the local TaeKwonDoe Club.
I never stopped liking him and he didnt stop liking meand in April this year we got a lot closer and found out we still liked each other.
***graphic parts removed***
He is also a baptised christian. He brought up the subject of sex one day and i told him i don't know if I could handle it and explained why it make me sick. I had also been sexuall abused (only touched sexually in an unwanted way) so to me sex was out of the question. I didnt dislike the idea though so i went on the pill and got condoms. I then decided I was ready and we had sex. Afterwards he wouldn't talked to me because he realised what he had done. He then talked to me and made me realise that we had just Defied God. A couple of weeks later we broke up and I became really depressed. He doesn't talk to me and is discusted by me. Not only did I have sex because i thought it was right in my mind but i thought it would stop me from being so discusted about it and it would help me get over hearing my mom do it. The only good thing that came out of it was that i dont think about my mom and her boyfriend and how it made me feel hearing them.
For the record I talked to my church's minister and he helped me pray for confession.
Since then I was stood down from leadership in my church and now I am completely out of leadership in my church because it sets a bad example. My depression is back very strong and I struggle with school. The guy I had sex with doesnt want to know me and neither does the majority of my friends. The whole point in this story is to show you fellow christians that sex before marriage is a mistake. It ruined my life and has left me depressed. Yes God has forgiven me but I can not forgive myself.
When I was younger I had to hear my Mom and her boyfriend having sex and that upon a bunch of other things caused me to fall into Depression. I left school and when I returned I met a guy who I really liked. I started going around to his house and playing guitar, studying and playing Halo. One night he cuddled into me and I realised he liked me too. The only thing was he liked two other people more than me. One night some things happened at home and I ran away and ended up at his house. He got his Mom and she let me stay the night (in a different room) and told me she didn't want me involving her son in my stuff. After that night things got really weird between the two of us. In November of that I got baptised.
Eventually we became friends again and he got me to join the local TaeKwonDoe Club.
I never stopped liking him and he didnt stop liking meand in April this year we got a lot closer and found out we still liked each other.
***graphic parts removed***
He is also a baptised christian. He brought up the subject of sex one day and i told him i don't know if I could handle it and explained why it make me sick. I had also been sexuall abused (only touched sexually in an unwanted way) so to me sex was out of the question. I didnt dislike the idea though so i went on the pill and got condoms. I then decided I was ready and we had sex. Afterwards he wouldn't talked to me because he realised what he had done. He then talked to me and made me realise that we had just Defied God. A couple of weeks later we broke up and I became really depressed. He doesn't talk to me and is discusted by me. Not only did I have sex because i thought it was right in my mind but i thought it would stop me from being so discusted about it and it would help me get over hearing my mom do it. The only good thing that came out of it was that i dont think about my mom and her boyfriend and how it made me feel hearing them.
For the record I talked to my church's minister and he helped me pray for confession.
Since then I was stood down from leadership in my church and now I am completely out of leadership in my church because it sets a bad example. My depression is back very strong and I struggle with school. The guy I had sex with doesnt want to know me and neither does the majority of my friends. The whole point in this story is to show you fellow christians that sex before marriage is a mistake. It ruined my life and has left me depressed. Yes God has forgiven me but I can not forgive myself.
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