What should I do.

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Detbhac

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I have been with my husband since I was 14, am now 32, we have 6 beautiful children. I have recently found out that my marriage is lie. My husband has done some very inexcusable things, which I don't really want to get into. He wants to stay with us, but our marriage is nothing now. We are no longer together intimately and I don't think He ever wants to work things out. I am a Christian and I pray for help all the time. I really don't want to break my family apart, but feel that it is really hard to stay happy in front of my children, because we have been together for so long, I find it hard to even think about life without him. What should I do, Every time I try to talk to him, I feel stupid. He seems happy to live as he is. What advice does everyone have. I know I haven't been altogether clear, but it hurts too much to discuss everything. I have no one else I can talk to.
Thanks in advance.
 
Sister, this is heart wrenching. It is so sad to see beautiful families having problems as such. First and foremost i am going to tell you the most important thing to do, hang on to God and his Holy Spirit through it all, don't forget that he is our first love ever. He loves you more than anyone else in this world can, and it is better for us if we love him more than anything else in this world. Now concerning the problem with your spouse, i am not as mature or experienced in this topic as you are since i have never been married or had children, but I can safely say that if adultery happened on the behalf of your spouse than it is ok for you to leave him. This is really something that you have to pray to God and ask guidance about because his ways are wiser than ours, there are children in the middle of this and a whole life of being together with him so i understand this might hurt too much, but God has the final decision of our destiny sister :( Pray and ask, he understands what your going through he sees the feelings of our hearts, sister i might sound shallow in telling you to just pray to God, but i am sure that he has the right answer for you.

I sincerely hope your problems are solved,
God bless you!
 
This is hard. But first of all God is first. Second your Children. Are they in a safe environment? Are they living acceptably? that is the main thing.
Second you need to see if this can be fixed. Jesus can fix everything if both are willing. If he is unwilling to change his ways and such then I would say this.
'
Matthew 5:32
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.


If this happened you have grounds to divorce. It is always better to fix something but if it can't be fixed then something has to be done.
Kids can sense falseness and eventually they will know if nothing changes. I know this must be one of the most difficult things but sadly something has to be done. You need to confront him deeply and see if he's going to fix this problem. If he refuses then you need to make a choice.
 
First of all my sister, I can tell that you are someone who put God's ways first. If it was adultery, that is a biblical reason for divorce. But don't be so quick to get out of the marriage even then because God can heal any marriage. Your marriage can be a testimony for others that God can restore the love and life in your marriage. Now if it is some type of abuse, pray to God on what to do. He doesn't expect you to stay in harm's way just to keep a marriage together. Now you said that you and him been together since you were 14. Not to get personal or preachy, but make sure your job skills are up to par just in case this marriage is not meant to go on any further. We females need to "tend to our well being", with God's help.
 
I'm so sorry, I've been through a few hard times with my husband, too. Currently, I JUST found out I'm expecting #4 and I home school my kids. Without a spouse, I don't think I could raise my kids the way I want. So, I have CHOSEN to continue in this marriage and love him anyway. It doesn't do my kids any good if we are a house divided, and my husband and I not get along... so I pray and seek God, and we've improved enough that I feel I can be joyful in this life anyway.

I pray that God heals your pain and that He take the place of lover in your life. May you know how beautiful and wonderful you are that Jesus, Messiah... ruler of the nations, loves you!
 
Dear Detbhac,

I have been on both sides of your issue at various times in my life. I know that it is soul crushing, no matter what decision you eventually make. My advice to you would be to come to a decision in your own mind. With much praying, decide whether you want to make your marriage work. If so, do what you can to reconcile with your husband. Treat him with as much love and respect as you can, and let him know that you are willing to take him back if he repents and renounces his ways. Then the final outcome is totally up to him.

If you decide that the marriage is not worth saving, then tell him that you can no longer tolerate his behavior. Based on your description, I believe that this will prompt him to make a decision in his own mind, and that decision will be to leave. Again, the onus is on him.

In any case, make certain your children are provided for. There is no excuse for fathers not to support children that they have brought into this world. Finally, pray for him. His behavior may be caused by deep-seated feelings of inferiority and low self esteem. There is no doubt that he needs God's help just as much as you do.

God be with you in whatever course of action you choose to take.
 
Whatever you decide to do please make sure you get whatever support you need! There are so many ways to find a Godly counselor and do not feel slightly bad about needing someone to talk to. I pray that you do not let your husband's sin cause you to doubt your worth to God, or the fact that you are a beautiful woman! I will keep you in my prayers and am here for you if you need to talk more privately!

Please use the resources God has provided. Much love to you!
 
First of all, if you don't know what to do right now, then make no rash decision. Slow down, take a deep breath, go somewhere quiet, get on your knees and talk to Jesus. You really don't have to say a word, your tears will do the talking. Let the Lord make the decision for you, if it is His will for this man to get out of your life He will move him out. Remember as long as you are in God's will , He will make a way for you, and He will show you how to get through each day. Just one day, take each day give it to God, stand back and watch God's hand move for you. God Bless you , I will pray for you, I have walked in your shoes, they may have been a little different, but the same style.
 
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. God has the answer you need. People should be very careful to not advize you to divorce your husband. May it lead to that, certainly. But God will need to confirm that with you. He has you in the palm of his hand. First you need to pray over the long term for direction for your marriage. God WILL answer. Second, you need to seek counsel. This may be a pastor, a counselor, or both. But you need to be brutally honest about the issues you are facing. Talkin to people here is not enough. You need eyes to stare into, a hand to hold, and a shoulder to cry on. If you need help finding a person to talk to let me know and I have resources.
 
Guys....

First, this thread is from Feb 2011. Over a year and a half old.

Second, the person who made the thread is no longer a member of the site.
 
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