what should i do?

  • Thread starter Thread starter gilybea09
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
G

gilybea09

Guest
I am so confused! I don't even know where to start. i'm filing for divorce. back in 2001 my daughter went to the police at the age of 14 and told them my husband had been molesting her since she was 7. I of course left him.....so much happened after that. the point i am at now is that i'm ready for a divorce.....his family, mostly christians keep telling me that God will not allow a divorce! and that if ever i try to get married again it will be cursed! I know some things from the bible but what am i supposed to do?
please pray for me!
 
may i ask y u waited so long to file for divorce?.....ida kicked him to the curb day one!!!
 
God's not gonna hold that against you. Sometimes, us Christians can give such horrible advice. Plainly, if your husband is a threat to you or your family members, then sometimes it's a necessary evil. It's so easy to say, 'Stay with him' when your friends are not in your shoes, especially if kids are in danger....and besides, on the grounds of sexual immorality/adultery the very Bible his 'christian' family thinks they are clinging too....allows for divorce in such cases. Get out and I pray for healing for your daughter, for you and even for your husband, but get out and be blessed by God despite the warnings from his family. This is gonna be way easier said than done, but what is impossible with man, it is possible with God.....don't allow hatred to fester and always be willing to forgive, but that doesn't have to include staying married to him.
 
I'm not going to give you any opinions, simply verses. The bible is clear on divorce.

Luke 16:18 "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Matthew 19:3-11 3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." 11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage[c]because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

1 corinthians 7:10-11 "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife."

1 corinthians 7:39 "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."

romans 7:2-3 "2For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. 3So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man."

You get the point.
 
I totally agree with Cako53. Of course, it sounds so difficult for you and your family. In my opinion, you should both separate and take a long 'break'. However, during this break what you can do is PRAY. This is what Lord has wanted us to do. Pray that your husband goes back to his sense. And let someone talk to him like a priest.
 
Hi gilybea09, When such perversness overtakes a person, there tends to be a string of undiscovered occurences. This problem did not initiate with your daughter's situation. Your husband brought undisclosed 'baggage' into the relationship. Had the behavior stopped before you were married or if your husband had chosen to address these issues prior to your marriage, he might have experienced victory over these compulsions.

The advice you may be receiving from your husband's family, may not be particularly relevant in this situation, primarily because this is the family that may have been instrumental in creating his present behavior. Their concern, as well as yours, should be the safety of your daughter. Incestuous behavior is also adulterous behavior, so if you're concerned about satisfying the 'letter of the law', I believe you're justified in whatever you decide to do. Seven years is a long time to go without recognizing signs of pedophilic tendencies or perverse behavior, which I suppose makes your husband somewhat clever, or extremely threatening to your daughter.

Finding a safe place for your daughter is the priority, and beginning counseling as soon as possible to begin the healing process and to provide the best chance for your daughter to live a healthy life, and to build trusting relationships. The choice to reconcile, or divorce is yours alone, but I do not believe that you are in violation of God's word, if you choose to divorce, following a separation.

Years from now, when your daughter is better able to process what has transpired, she may come to a time when she has decided to express forgiveness and wants to initiate a safe relationship with her father. Regardless of what you decide to do, I would continue to present your husband's problem as a condition from which he can be delivered/healed. In spite of circumstances such as this, children continue to love both of their parents and don't necessarily perceive the situation the way onlookers might, and so I encourage you to move toward forgiveness and reaffirming that her Father loves her.

Many experience tragedies in their lives, but God is able to heal all parties involved, even though the family itself changes considerably from what it was. I lost my mother at 4 years of age. She died at the hands of her abuser, my father. Nothing is unforgivable. I will pray that God gives you wisdom.
 
Last edited:
Some christians separate permanently and plan not to remarry.

You must decide what you believe.

But keeping your daughter under the same roof as him is out of the question.
 
In Matthew 19 I think it is, Jesus says it is ok to divorce if the husband or wife commits fornication with anyone except their bride or groom. Molestation is fornication. therfore it is not sin to divorce and nor to remarry. also in the book of JOhn Jesus told the woman caught in adultry that he did not condemn her.
 
My Mother divorced my father for this and for being unfaithful. She even recieved aproval from the church on this.
Although she never remarried, raising all of us on her own. The bible does speak of this saying by her honoring her vows my dad was blessed.
But I also agree that what your husband did falls under fornication.
The final choice is yours and what you believe before Jesus.
You are in my prayers.
God bless, pickles
 
jjkg said:
God's not gonna hold that against you. Sometimes, us Christians can give such horrible advice. Plainly, if your husband is a threat to you or your family members, then sometimes it's a necessary evil. It's so easy to say, 'Stay with him' when your friends are not in your shoes, especially if kids are in danger....and besides, on the grounds of sexual immorality/adultery the very Bible his 'christian' family thinks they are clinging too....allows for divorce in such cases. Get out and I pray for healing for your daughter, for you and even for your husband, but get out and be blessed by God despite the warnings from his family. This is gonna be way easier said than done, but what is impossible with man, it is possible with God.....don't allow hatred to fester and always be willing to forgive, but that doesn't have to include staying married to him.
Click to expand...


i agree.......
 
thank you all for the advice and for the verses.....I really do appreciate the help......this world is so hard! but I thank God each and every day for giving me 4 children to keep moving forward for......I love them so much!


Thank you all
 
gilybea09 said:
I am so confused! I don't even know where to start. i'm filing for divorce. back in 2001 my daughter went to the police at the age of 14 and told them my husband had been molesting her since she was 7. I of course left him.....so much happened after that. the point i am at now is that i'm ready for a divorce.....his family, mostly christians keep telling me that God will not allow a divorce! and that if ever i try to get married again it will be cursed! I know some things from the bible but what am i supposed to do?
please pray for me!
Click to expand...


obvious troll is obvious.
 
To divorce a person like this is justifiable!! He committed adultry. Enough Said. Get those divorce papers today!!!
 
gilybea09 said:
I am so confused! I don't even know where to start. i'm filing for divorce. back in 2001 my daughter went to the police at the age of 14 and told them my husband had been molesting her since she was 7. I of course left him.....so much happened after that. the point i am at now is that i'm ready for a divorce.....his family, mostly christians keep telling me that God will not allow a divorce! and that if ever i try to get married again it will be cursed! I know some things from the bible but what am i supposed to do?
please pray for me!
Click to expand...

Don't listen to his family. Christ wants you to live an abundant life and with you man you won't be able to. The Bible clearly says if you have a really good reason (which this is) you can have a divorce.
 
tryingtofindhim said:
Don't listen to his family. Christ wants you to live an abundant life and with you man you won't be able to. The Bible clearly says if you have a really good reason (which this is) you can have a divorce.
Click to expand...
I'm not trying to argue, but doesn't the bible give you reasons as to why you can divorce? Like martial unfaithfulness. I don't think saying "good" reasons really clears it up to be honest. What is "good" in God's eyes. Although I personally think this is a good reason, I am just trying to give biblical response.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back