What to do next

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Jordache

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Ive avoided the forums for a while because of someone's insensitivity, so I return wary of what may come of my post. I hit rock bottom hard. I'm very ashamed of it, but I don't know quite how to fix it. My husband is going in 4 months in a mental hospital. He told me for the 5th time three weeks ago that he's divorcing me. He didnt bother calling over Christmas. I decided to write letters to him and my dad. His was a last chance letter. My dads was a stop denying the past letter if you want to speak to me letter. Over Christmas I was supposed to talk to 5 of my 8 siblings in case my dad slanders me. It didnt work out. This was the first year that I haven't gone home. A couple of weeks ago my snl told everyone she was pregnant... A slap to the face since I've dreamed of having children since I was one. Then two days later her cousin tell everyone she's pregnant too. This increased the thrust to that slap in the face. Almost two years ago, those two and I all found out we were pregnant on the same day. I lost my baby, and they had theirs. My niece was born on my due date. Now they're both pregnant again. I tried to be happy, but I couldn't be. Christmas day I spent with the worship pastor's family. I almost died when his daughter jumped up on the couch and curled up next to him. I wanted to run away. Then after 3 days no one bothered to check on me. I was alone all day long. Everyone knew it was a hard season, but I felt like I didnt matter. I tried to reach out and got little to no response. Then I had a counseling appt where my counselor triggered me into flashbacks. I left that meeting ready to die. No one cared about me and all I could see was me hiding in a closet crying, "no daddy, don't do it.". As much as ive tried to flashbacks dont go away. They just got worse. I texted a friend who freaked out and wanted to take me to a hospital. Another wanted to take me on her family trip. I talked to my pastor and his wife, but after a bit back and forth they stopped talking also. Everyone was tired of me. I felt like no one REALLY loved me because they all knew how I was feeling this season and not one of them bothered to check on me. I came home and took a paperclip to my arms and legs. I beat my arms and legs against everything I could find. I burned mysel in a scalding tub. It took everything in me not to down every pill I had. I was ready to leave my church because I felt like no one really cared. I was ready to be homeless or move away, check into a hospital and never come out. I couldnt figure out what i wanted. I got really mad at God... Ive never been angry at God. I cussed Him out. And now i dont know what to do next. Btw, i ran out of my medication and it wont be here until the end if next week.
I feel very ashamed. I still feel like im disposable to everyone and i dont really matter. I have no parents to care for me, and i know that if i were caught in a burning building with any of these peoples kids i would burn. Im like the red-headed stepchild.
 
I really hope you find some inner peace, try to forgive others. Build yourself up in God. He is the only foundation that anyone can be everlastingly built up on.
God cares for you, he will not forsake you, you can only forsake him.

Expecting a fellow being, to be a unconditional comfort for you, is always going to lead to heartache.

You are precious, and you can overcome the "I", but only when you trust in God.

God will heal all.

Start with the Lord's prayer xxx

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
The power, and the glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen.
 
Jordache, you are not abandoned, you continue to be in my daily prayers in Jesus.
That He will bring in you all that is His healing and perfect love.
It is when we are stripped bare, that we begin to see this love and healing.
Do not lose the faith, hope and love Jesus is giving you, for the perfect is very close.
I witness to this for you because I was brought to this place as well, and in faith, trusting and recieving His will with praise.
Opened the door to all that is the glory of God in Jesus Christ is Lord!
I continue to pray for you in Jesus, with praise and thanksgiving.

sending huge hugs.
God bless
pickles
 
Jordache said:
Ive avoided the forums for a while because of someone's insensitivity, so I return wary of what may come of my post. I hit rock bottom hard. I'm very ashamed of it, but I don't know quite how to fix it. My husband is going in 4 months in a mental hospital. He told me for the 5th time three weeks ago that he's divorcing me. He didnt bother calling over Christmas. I decided to write letters to him and my dad. His was a last chance letter. My dads was a stop denying the past letter if you want to speak to me letter. Over Christmas I was supposed to talk to 5 of my 8 siblings in case my dad slanders me. It didnt work out. This was the first year that I haven't gone home. A couple of weeks ago my snl told everyone she was pregnant... A slap to the face since I've dreamed of having children since I was one. Then two days later her cousin tell everyone she's pregnant too. This increased the thrust to that slap in the face. Almost two years ago, those two and I all found out we were pregnant on the same day. I lost my baby, and they had theirs. My niece was born on my due date. Now they're both pregnant again. I tried to be happy, but I couldn't be. Christmas day I spent with the worship pastor's family. I almost died when his daughter jumped up on the couch and curled up next to him. I wanted to run away. Then after 3 days no one bothered to check on me. I was alone all day long. Everyone knew it was a hard season, but I felt like I didnt matter. I tried to reach out and got little to no response. Then I had a counseling appt where my counselor triggered me into flashbacks. I left that meeting ready to die. No one cared about me and all I could see was me hiding in a closet crying, "no daddy, don't do it.". As much as ive tried to flashbacks dont go away. They just got worse. I texted a friend who freaked out and wanted to take me to a hospital. Another wanted to take me on her family trip. I talked to my pastor and his wife, but after a bit back and forth they stopped talking also. Everyone was tired of me. I felt like no one REALLY loved me because they all knew how I was feeling this season and not one of them bothered to check on me. I came home and took a paperclip to my arms and legs. I beat my arms and legs against everything I could find. I burned mysel in a scalding tub. It took everything in me not to down every pill I had. I was ready to leave my church because I felt like no one really cared. I was ready to be homeless or move away, check into a hospital and never come out. I couldnt figure out what i wanted. I got really mad at God... Ive never been angry at God. I cussed Him out. And now i dont know what to do next. Btw, i ran out of my medication and it wont be here until the end if next week.
I feel very ashamed. I still feel like im disposable to everyone and i dont really matter. I have no parents to care for me, and i know that if i were caught in a burning building with any of these peoples kids i would burn. Im like the red-headed stepchild.
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Jordache, you got to let go of the world and put your total trust in the Lord. He is the only one that will see you through. If you put your trust in man then man will fail you. No matter what happens just keep your sight on Jesus. Read the word of God daily and he will talk to you through the lines. You can't out give God and you can't out love God. I'm praying for you to find peace with God.
 
Jordache said:
Ive avoided the forums for a while because of someone's insensitivity, so I return wary of what may come of my post. I hit rock bottom hard. I'm very ashamed of it, but I don't know quite how to fix it. My husband is going in 4 months in a mental hospital. He told me for the 5th time three weeks ago that he's divorcing me. He didnt bother calling over Christmas. I decided to write letters to him and my dad. His was a last chance letter. My dads was a stop denying the past letter if you want to speak to me letter. Over Christmas I was supposed to talk to 5 of my 8 siblings in case my dad slanders me. It didnt work out. This was the first year that I haven't gone home. A couple of weeks ago my snl told everyone she was pregnant... A slap to the face since I've dreamed of having children since I was one. Then two days later her cousin tell everyone she's pregnant too. This increased the thrust to that slap in the face. Almost two years ago, those two and I all found out we were pregnant on the same day. I lost my baby, and they had theirs. My niece was born on my due date. Now they're both pregnant again. I tried to be happy, but I couldn't be. Christmas day I spent with the worship pastor's family. I almost died when his daughter jumped up on the couch and curled up next to him. I wanted to run away. Then after 3 days no one bothered to check on me. I was alone all day long. Everyone knew it was a hard season, but I felt like I didnt matter. I tried to reach out and got little to no response. Then I had a counseling appt where my counselor triggered me into flashbacks. I left that meeting ready to die. No one cared about me and all I could see was me hiding in a closet crying, "no daddy, don't do it.". As much as ive tried to flashbacks dont go away. They just got worse. I texted a friend who freaked out and wanted to take me to a hospital. Another wanted to take me on her family trip. I talked to my pastor and his wife, but after a bit back and forth they stopped talking also. Everyone was tired of me. I felt like no one REALLY loved me because they all knew how I was feeling this season and not one of them bothered to check on me. I came home and took a paperclip to my arms and legs. I beat my arms and legs against everything I could find. I burned mysel in a scalding tub. It took everything in me not to down every pill I had. I was ready to leave my church because I felt like no one really cared. I was ready to be homeless or move away, check into a hospital and never come out. I couldnt figure out what i wanted. I got really mad at God... Ive never been angry at God. I cussed Him out. And now i dont know what to do next. Btw, i ran out of my medication and it wont be here until the end if next week.
I feel very ashamed. I still feel like im disposable to everyone and i dont really matter. I have no parents to care for me, and i know that if i were caught in a burning building with any of these peoples kids i would burn. Im like the red-headed stepchild.
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(Jordache, you got to let go of the world and put your total trust in the Lord. He is the only one that will see you through. If you put your trust in man then man will fail you. No matter what happens just keep your sight on Jesus. Read the word of God daily and he will talk to you through the lines. You can't out give God and you can't out love God. I'm praying for you to find peace with God. )


what woodl said is right on (Jordache)excellent advise my sister,but if you are at that level,then you need prayer.

Father in the name of JESUS,who had no sin, and took our sin,and laid down his life so that his atoning blood would truly ministerto you father and through faith in our lord JESUS(the WORD of GOD).the rightousness of Jesus is given to us and now father you see us the way you see JESUS.i pray that Jordache is healed in her spirit as this post is being read,and the love you have for her is realized,and she becomes fill with joy,life,peace,and let the HOLY SPIRIT fill her on a continuing bases.i pray father she has a greater and greater desire to read your word and give her immediate understanding of the WORD.in JESUS name amen.

John 6:63It is THE SPIRIT that quickeneth; THE flesh profiteth nothing: THE words that I speak unto you, [they] are spirit, and [they] are life.
 
Trust is a process I am in that doesnt come so easily. When youce never had anyone you can fully trust then its hard to even know what trust looks like. However, regardless of who I trust the pain is still there. You cannot trust pain away. God can only take you through the depth of it. I've spent my whole life learning how to not feel because it wasn't safe to feel. Now I have to learn to feel. I'm trying to hold on, but please don't give me trite answer. I've been a Christian long enough to know what to do when I can even identify what's wrong. I know to fight With truth, but the problem is sometimes there's is nothing in me that can identify something as a lie. My whole life was a lie and I'm just now seeing it. But that doesn't mean that every lie is exposed at once.
The problem isn't that I don't feel loved. The problem is the message that ive gotten my whole life: I'm a burden and I'm disposable. This is all Ive known. While I do "know" at this point that its not true, at those moments there was absolutely nothing in me that could say it was false.
I understand your concern an advice, but please know it is and it's not as simple as "honey, just trust Jesus". It takes time. It take paradigm shifts. It takes people to step in and speak up.
I don't know what I need. But I did get called by two of three pastors. They do care just maybe not in the way I want them to. But it all still hurts... Its like spiritual open heart surgery.
 
Jordache said:
Trust is a process I am in that doesnt come so easily. When youce never had anyone you can fully trust then its hard to even know what trust looks like. However, regardless of who I trust the pain is still there. You cannot trust pain away. God can only take you through the depth of it. I've spent my whole life learning how to not feel because it wasn't safe to feel. Now I have to learn to feel. I'm trying to hold on, but please don't give me trite answer. I've been a Christian long enough to know what to do when I can even identify what's wrong. I know to fight With truth, but the problem is sometimes there's is nothing in me that can identify something as a lie. My whole life was a lie and I'm just now seeing it. But that doesn't mean that every lie is exposed at once.
The problem isn't that I don't feel loved. The problem is the message that ive gotten my whole life: I'm a burden and I'm disposable. This is all Ive known. While I do "know" at this point that its not true, at those moments there was absolutely nothing in me that could say it was false.
I understand your concern an advice, but please know it is and it's not as simple as "honey, just trust Jesus". It takes time. It take paradigm shifts. It takes people to step in and speak up.
I don't know what I need. But I did get called by two of three pastors. They do care just maybe not in the way I want them to. But it all still hurts... Its like spiritual open heart surgery.
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Jordache, I know it must be bad to feel like your whole family has abanded you and I hope that that's not the case. It maybe that they just want you to do better and have a better life but they don't know just how to point you in that direction so they're always hitting you on your bad points hopeing that you will take the higher road. Don't give up on them because the love that you need to get from your family is so videl and importance. I pray that you won't lose it. But most of all don't give up on the Lord. If you ever understand and feel the beauty of Hollyness then you'll know that no matter what happens, you'll get through it because you'll know that there somebody there for you. And he'll never leave you. I pray that you'll mend the gap that is there between you and your family. God bless you.

Omighty God I don't know what is wrong here in this family but I know that you do and that you have the cure. I pray that you will remove the shackles from there eyes and that they will see clearly how your yoke is easy and your burdom is light. I pray that your ever loving peace will fall on this family and that they will understand how to love as you love them. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen.
 
Still praying for you...don't let what other people say hurt you...put your faith and trust in God.
Don't forget to put on your armor and claim who you are in Jesus.
 
Jordache said:
I beat my arms and legs against everything I could find. I burned mysel in a scalding tub. It took everything in me not to down every pill I had. I was ready to leave my church because I felt like no one really cared. I was ready to be homeless or move away, check into a hospital and never come out. I couldnt figure out what i wanted. I got really mad at God... Ive never been angry at God. I cussed Him out. And now i dont know what to do next. Btw, i ran out of my medication and it wont be here until the end if next week.
I feel very ashamed. I still feel like im disposable to everyone and i dont really matter. I have no parents to care for me, and i know that if i were caught in a burning building with any of these peoples kids i would burn. Im like the red-headed stepchild.
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Heavenly Father, I witness Jordache bringing these things into the light. I declare this fruit forgiven, in Jesus Name.

Joh 20:23 Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.

1Jn 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

Jas 5:15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The LORD said:
Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.


Isa 54:11 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
Isa 54:12 And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
Isa 54:13 And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
Isa 54:14 In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee.
Isa 54:15 Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake.
Isa 54:16 Behold, I have created the smith that bloweth the coals in the fire, and that bringeth forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the waster to destroy.
Isa 54:17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

Isa 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isa 41:11 Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded: they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with thee shall perish.
Isa 41:12 Thou shalt seek them, and shalt not find them, even them that contended with thee: they that war against thee shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought.
Isa 41:13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
Isa 41:14 Fear not... [Jordi] ...I will help thee, saith the LORD, and thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.
Isa 41:15 Behold, I will make thee a new sharp threshing instrument having teeth: thou shalt thresh the mountains, and beat them small, and shalt make the hills as chaff.
Isa 41:16 Thou shalt fan them, and the wind shall carry them away, and the whirlwind shall scatter them: and thou shalt rejoice in the LORD, and shalt glory in the Holy One of Israel.
Isa 41:17 When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
Isa 41:18 I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.
Isa 41:19 I will plant trees in the barren desert--cedar, acacia, myrtle, olive, cypress, fir, and pine:
Isa 41:20 That they may see, and know, and consider, and understand together, that the hand of the LORD hath done this, and the Holy One of Israel hath created it.

Isa 43:2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

Joh 14:6 ...I am the way, the truth, and the life...
​
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Go through this next portion and use it next time the storms rage. Also, next time you send letters and stand up for truth and justice and mercy... be prepared for the storms that come shortly after. Use these words below and others the LORD gives you to stand strong in the storm.


​

Psa 18:16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
Psa 18:17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
Psa 18:18 They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
Psa 18:19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

Psa 18:28 For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
Psa 18:29 For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.
Psa 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
Psa 18:31 For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God?
Psa 18:32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
Psa 18:33 He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places.
Psa 18:34 He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.
Psa 18:35 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.
Psa 18:36 Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.
Psa 18:37 I have pursued mine enemies, and overtaken them: neither did I turn again till they were consumed.
Psa 18:38 I have wounded them that they were not able to rise: they are fallen under my feet.
Psa 18:39 For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle: thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me.
Psa 18:40 Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies; that I might destroy them that hate me.
Psa 18:41 They cried, but there was none to save them: even unto the LORD, but he answered them not.
Psa 18:42 Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind: I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Psa 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.
Psa 68:35 O God, thou art terrible out of thy holy places: the God of Israel is he that giveth strength and power unto his people. Blessed be God.



Lev 26:3 If ye walk in my statutes, and keep my commandments, and do them;
Lev 26:4 Then I will give you rain in due season, and the land shall yield her increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit.
Lev 26:5 And your threshing shall reach unto the vintage, and the vintage shall reach unto the sowing time: and ye shall eat your bread to the full, and dwell in your land safely.
Lev 26:6 And I will give peace in the land, and ye shall lie down, and none shall make you afraid: and I will rid evil beasts out of the land, neither shall the sword go through your land.
Lev 26:7 And ye shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword.
Lev 26:8 And five of you shall chase an hundred, and an hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight: and your enemies shall fall before you by the sword.
Lev 26:9 For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you.


Stand on Christ against the waves of those words in Lev 26:3 and keep bringing corrupt fruit into the light. You are doing great; and the LORD is separating you unto Him.

The LORD is my righteousness.
I am the righteousness of GOD in Christ
The LORD will perfect everything that concerns me.
He is my Way through the waters.
He is my passage through the sea.
He is the Author and Finisher of my faith.
He will complete the good work He has started in me.
He has fulfilled the Law and the Prophets.
I will establish the Law by LOVE.
I will live and declare the works of the Lord.
I will get to my destination, led by the Bright and Morning Star.
I will not be dismayed, I will not be confused.
Those who believe in Christ shall not be ashamed.
Those who believe in Christ shall not be confounded.
I am the apple of the Lord's eye.
I am His bride and everything works together for my good.
I release any fleshly judgement upon any people that I am holding.
Let them be judged by their own works.
I forgive those in 'debt' to me.
Let them be judged by their own works.
I bless those who have cursed me and I pray for those who have despitefully used me. I pray that they would be reborn; and that the old 'man' would die.
Let my enemies (Eph 6:12) fall into their own traps.
Let their own tongue be their undoing.
Let the angels of the LORD chase them and persecute them.
Let their ways be dark and slippery.
No evil shall befall me.
No plague shall come near my dwelling.
I will live and declare the works of the LORD.
The LORD rebuke Satan.
The LORD rain down His arrows upon the heads of my enemies.
The LORD break Rahab (the proud boaster) into pieces.
The LORD discomfit my enemies with His lightnings.
The LORD fight against my enemies.
Take up Your spear and shield LORD.
You are my house of defense.
Come to my aid.
Send help quickly.
Hasten Your Word.
Break the teeth of the young lions.
Rebuke the multitude of bulls and the companies of spear-men.
Fight for me.
Plead my cause.
Consider my enemies.
Your love and mercy endures forever.
Break the heads of Leviathan into pieces.
Smash the oppressor.
Rebuke the winds and the waves.
Let Your hails stones and coals of fire fall upon my enemies, in Jesus Name.
I magnify Your Name O God.
Jesus Name.
Jesus Name.
Jesus Name.
Jesus Name.
Jesus Name.
Jesus Name.
I will live and declare the works of the LORD.
I am the righteousness of Christ.
I raise my shield against the fiery darts of the wicked (people included - ....)

2Pe 2:7 ...delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked:
2Pe 2:8 (For that righteous man dwelling among them,
in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from
day to day with their unlawful deeds)
​


Life and death are in the power of the tongue.
But, the waves will not consume me. The rivers will not overflow me.
The LORD raises a standard up against the flood of the enemy.
My enemies flee from me seven ways.
I am the righteousness of Christ. He is my Way through the storm.
Peace, be still to the winds and the waves.
My enemies are fallen under my feet.
I cast them out like dirt in the streets.
The LORD subdues them under me.
He has given me power over all of the enemy.
Nothing by any means shall hurt me.
Let the Word of the LORD be magnified above His Name.
Thank You Lord for helping me.
Thank You for magnifying Yourself in Your strength.
Let all of my enemies be blind, deaf, mute, lame, and bound. In Jesus Name.
Let the arrows of the LORD suddenly wound them.
Let the whirlwind scatter my enemies, in Jesus Name.
I will condemn any tongue that rises up against me in judgement.
My righteousness is of the LORD.
I bind my enemies up in Jesus Name. Cast them into the depth of the sea.
No weapon formed against me will prosper.
No evil shall befall me.
This body belongs to the LORD.
It was bought with a price.
It does not belong to Satan.
For who will save Satan from the damnation of hell?
He will call, but, the LORD will not answer him.
I call upon the Name of the LORD.
So shall I be saved from my enemies.
He hears my cry, my voice goes into His temple, even into the LORD's ears.
He answers me and honors me.
He is for me and not against me.
The LORD rebuke Satan.
I speak to this land; my sphere of influence.
Let worship and praise unto the LORD fill this land.
Let thanks giving fill this land.
I take the land of my enemies and I claim it for the LORD, in the Name of Jesus Christ.
Let thanksgiving and praise fill this land.
Let the fruit of the Holy Spirit grow abundantly here in this land.
I speak for the mountains that hinder me to be moved in Jesus Name.
Move in Jesus Name.
Move in Jesus Name.
Move in Jesus Name.
Move in Jesus Name.
Move in Jesus Name.
Move in Jesus Name.
This land belongs to the LORD.



In Jesus Name, Amen.


A good prayer to pray:

Lord, count me worthy of the kingdom of heaven. Let me not be deceived. Lead me not into temptation. Deliver me from evil. Bless me. Enlarge my boarders. Let me love what You love and hate what You hate. Give me Love, Wisdom, and Understanding above all. Increase and multiply peace and grace unto me. In Jesus Name, Amen.


.
 
Wow Jordanache...you know, Im about your age too and if there's one thing I've learnt; it doesnt really matter if your christan or not, life on earth can be hard, really hard. (But admittedly being christian does help if only a little). To be honest, rejection is a horrible thing and unfortunately its everywhere...it really is.

And I've learnt its a bitter pill to swallow when you discover someone you love, doesnt love you back.

If I can share one thing, its that God created us to have close relationships with others. We were designed that way. My recommendation might be to see you can form some bonds with good friends. No matter whether you're introverted or extraverted, God designed us to be loved by others.

Can i also recommend a prayer to God, He's like that friend that doesnt mind if you blame him if you need to...but it really is an easier journey with him than without.

I too have said a prayer for you, I really hope your situation improves...really soon.

May God Bless you.
 
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Thank you for all of your prayers. I feel like I need to separate emotionally from my family, mostly my brothers and my parents. I have felt that way for a long time. I do love them, and I want to be in their lives, but I've always hoped that one day they will the brothers and the parents they should have been. It won't ever happen. For the New Years Eve communion service at my church I took communion with my pastor and his wife, and they prayed for me. They are very aware of my life and what's been going on, including the most recent developments. But the pastor spoke a word of knowledge that I've felt for a long time, but I don't really know how to accomplish it. He said that I keep looking to connections with people that I don't need to have, and I'm not connecting with the people that I need to connect with. It's true. I call my mother, like many daughter would, in hopes that she'll have some good motherly advice or say something wise. Most of the time, that doesn't happen. I have called my dad hopinh that he'll be loving and protective and comforting someday, but it's hasn't happened... and it never will... So the very people I'm supposed to connect with, I can't. This year has been the first year in my life that I have trully connected with people. But I'm really bad at it. This is the first year that I've ever started a sentence with, "I feel". It's completely foreign to me. I don't know how to reach out when things get really bad, or before they get really bad. Because at those times I feel like the burden my parents always told me I was, and the last thing I want to do it burden someone else. And my pastor says, "Well, most people will just say now's not a good time." But I'm terrified of even bringing people to the point where they have to say no to me.
I got invited on a trip with my friend, the pastors daughter, and I didn't go because I was afraid she only invited me out of obligation and I didn't want to ruin their holiday.
I do have people who love me, but I'm leaky. I do not contain love. I did take some steps that I've never taken. I've never been one to speak to people in person. Talking terrifies me. I've always texted, emailed, written letters, etc. I've NEVER said to anyone, "I need to talk to you." But I did. I went to dinner with one pastor and I did talk. It was good. Then on New Years Eve I watched a movie with the main pastor and his wife. Yesterday my sister in law had a tea party as a Christmas present. We dressed up, had beef wellington, drank teas, and watched my 7 months old niece blow raspberries and roll around the floor. On New Years Day I went back over to the other pastors house. I started hyperventilating when my dad called. He's called about 5 times in the last week and I've ignored every call. But it sends me into a panic everytime I see his number on my phone. I went outside and sat on a bench in their backyard, but after a few minutes the pastor followed me. I talked about my abuse. I've never SPOKEN about it in a situation where I didn't feel obligated to.
At this point my identity is crazy girl. It may not be true, but that's how I feel. I feel like who would want to talk to me.
But still I look toward a very difficult year of valentines days, fathers days, and birthdays; confused and angry siblings, losing two of the most important men in my life, and trying not to feel like a burden. It doesn't look hopeful.
 
My prayers for you Jordache, are that this year, you will come to see and know just how valuable and prescious you trully are.
That you will find those that love you as you are, not who some might expect you to be.
That in Jesus, you will know as well that you are not alone in the pain, abuse and abandonment you have gone through, and see, though the eyes and witness of others, that Jesus has already overcome anything that has or may come your way.
That you will not only know great healing in Jesus, but the greatness, of even the simplest words witnessed to you.
That Jesus will delight you with His presance and love , without mesure and never ending. :)
I contiue to pray for all that is the healing love and glory of Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh.

Huge hugs
God bless
pickles
 
pickles said:
My prayers for you Jordache, are that this year, you will come to see and know just how valuable and prescious you trully are.
That you will find those that love you as you are, not who some might expect you to be.
That in Jesus, you will know as well that you are not alone in the pain, abuse and abandonment you have gone through, and see, though the eyes and witness of others, that Jesus has already overcome anything that has or may come your way.
That you will not only know great healing in Jesus, but the greatness, of even the simplest words witnessed to you.
That Jesus will delight you with His presance and love , without mesure and never ending. :)
I contiue to pray for all that is the healing love and glory of Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh.

Huge hugs
God bless
pickles
Click to expand...

Agreed in prayer. In Jesus Name, Amen and Amen.
 
pickles said:
My prayers for you Jordache, are that this year, you will come to see and know just how valuable and prescious you trully are.
That you will find those that love you as you are, not who some might expect you to be.
That in Jesus, you will know as well that you are not alone in the pain, abuse and abandonment you have gone through, and see, though the eyes and witness of others, that Jesus has already overcome anything that has or may come your way.
That you will not only know great healing in Jesus, but the greatness, of even the simplest words witnessed to you.
That Jesus will delight you with His presance and love , without mesure and never ending. :)
I contiue to pray for all that is the healing love and glory of Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh.

Huge hugs
God bless
pickles
Click to expand...

Agreeing in prayer, in Jesus Name, Amen
 
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